
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4383827.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Eren_Yeager, Ereri_-_Relationship, riren, rivaere, Levi_&_Eren
      Yeager, Eren_Yeager_x_Corporal_Levi, Eren_Jeager_X_Levi, Eren_Jaeger_X
      Levi, Eren_Jeager_x_Levi_Ackerman, Eren_Jaeger_x_Levi_Ackerman
  Character:
      Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Levi, Special_Operations_Squad_|_Squad_Levi,
      Eren_Yeager, Eren_Jaeger, Eren_Jeager, Eren_Yaeger, Levi_ackerman,
      Rivaille, Heichou, Levi_Rivaille, Levi_Heichou_-_Character, rivaille
      heichou, levixeren_-_Character, erenxlevi_-_Character, levi_x_eren_-
      Character, eren_x_levi_-_Character, LeviAckerman_-_Character, Heicho_-
      Character, Captain_levi_-_Character, Corporal_Levi
  Additional Tags:
      extrapepperoni, Extra_Pepperoni, hikari_mitsuko, hikarimitsuko, Pizza,
      Yaoi, ereri, riren_-_Freeform, rivaere_-_Freeform, Gay, BoyxBoy,
      levixeren_-_Freeform, erenxlevi_-_Freeform, MalexMale, Sex, Levi_-
      Freeform, Eren_-_Freeform, First_Time, Firstime, shingeki_no_kyojin_-
      Freeform, shingekinokyojin, attackontitan, attack_on_titan_-_Freeform,
      Levi/Eren_Yeager-centric, arminxannie_-_Freeform, yaoilove, yaoisex, yaoi
      love, yaoi_sex, Ereri_sex
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-07-20 Completed: 2015-12-07 Chapters: 21/21 Words: 89223
****** Extra Pepperoni ******
by hikarimitsuko
Summary
     Eren, 17, student. Not gay, definitely not gay (at least that’s what
     he says). Known as “The fuck-up” has to work every night of his god
     damn life to deliver pizza in an attempt to make enough money for him
     and Mikasa to get by on their own since their dad abandoned them. The
     shitty tiny apartment is what he calls his hell hole. He hates
     school, he hates work, he hates his life but he wants to make it
     better some day. One particular night, a customer calls a couple of
     minutes before the Pizzeria closes to place an order. Eren is pissed
     off, to say the least. Until that stranger opens the door of his
     house and grabs him by the shirt.
     Tumblr: Hikarimitsuko
***** Extra Pepperoni *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Hello you guys! For those of you who are new to my works, well
     Hi! Those who came back after reading the But since we're going to
     die here series, well thanks for sticking with me. As I'm posting
     this, i'm almost done with "But since we're going to live here" and
     crying...I'm such a sap. ANYWAYS, moving on to a brand new fic, brand
     new possibilities *wink wink nudge nudge*. This fic will be updated
     on mondays or tuesdays once I start to regularly update (when the
     other fic is over, so soon). Also it should have around 15-20
     chapters tops, unless Levi decides on doing whatever he wants...cause
     this happens...
     As you read in the summary...Eren isn't gay. At least that's what he
     says ;)
     Enjoy.
     Tumblr: Hikarimitsuko.tumblr.com
     I track: #fic:extrapepperoni
See the end of the chapter for more notes
I let my shirt fall on the floor in front of my locker, not caring one bit
about the eyes on me as people make their way out of school. They know better
than to say a word. I take my running clothes and shoes out of my backpack and
get changed in the middle of the hallway. Who fucking cares. I hate this place.
I hate that I have to leave my car parked at the apartment because I can’t
afford the gas for it, at least not to go to school.
I step outside and it looks like it’s going to be pouring rain soon enough. I
start running immediately. The sooner I reach the apartment, the better. The
5km trip doesn’t take that long, I have gotten used to it by now. I arrive home
and slide my key into the lock. I walk to the fridge right away and chug down a
whole bottle of water.
“You could at least take off your shoes.” Mikasa says.
“It’s not like it takes long cleaning a two bedroom apartment.” I say,
regretting my words instantly.
She glares at me.
“It’s not like you clean it either… Have some fucking respect, Eren. I’m trying
my best here.”
“I know.” I mutter, reaching for her.
“Ewe! No, go shower, you stink.”
“Yes mom.”
I turn around and then glance back at her.
“You’re already doing a much better job than dad was… just so you know. I’m
lucky to have you as a sister.”
She turns her head, hiding whatever emotion just almost filtered through her
impassive face.
“Whatever. Go shower or you’ll be late to work.”
I wouldn’t mind, but I’m not going to say that. I need to be responsible. She
already had to drop out of school in order to pay for the both of us after dad
left. She made so many sacrifices and if delivering pizza is the only thing I
can do to help, I will do it the best I can. The shower isn’t long enough to my
taste but we always run out of hot water after 2 minutes. Inconvenient of
living in this hell hole. One day I’ll find a good place for her and then I’ll
try to find one for me. We’ll make it because we stick together, we are strong.
I push open the door of my bedroom, my foot instinctively clinging to the
corner of my bedside table, as usual. I curse, letting myself fall on the bed
as I hold my toes tightly. God dammit. I roll on my back, not even bothering
about my brown mop of hair almost flooding my bed sheets. I stare at the fan
that turns slowly above me. It’s a very tiny room. There’s a bed, a closet, a
bedside table and piles of clothes on the floor. My broken laptop sits in the
corner of the room, on the floor. I reach for my cellphone and glance at the
time. Shit. I’m going to be late. I sit up straight, reach for a pair of dark
jeans that doesn’t seem too dirty and put on a neatly folded t-shirt that still
has a hint of lavender smell to it. It’s green, my favorite color. Why? Green
to me, means freedom, probably as much as blue and white. It’s what I’m
starving for. Freedom from these walls. Freedom from the pressure of being very
close to living in the streets. Freedom of having clean laundry a bit more
often. I sigh as I grab my phone and keys and walk out the door. Mikasa is
already gone to her second job. I close the one shitty light that barely lights
up the living room and kitchen (which are pretty much the same room because the
couch is actually touching the kitchen table.)
I walk in 5 minutes late.
“Eren, you’re late again.” Mr. Smith says.
“I know, I’m sorry, my car took a long time to start.”
“You’ll have to learn to get to work on time.” He says.
“Enough.” Another voice interjects.
I turn around and see Mr. Pixis, the owner, sitting at one of the pizzeria’s
tables.
“Erwin, let the kid breathe. 5 minutes is not that bad at all. He’ll just have
to make one extra delivery to make up for the time.”
“Yes sir, I will.” I nod.
The door opens, letting the wind blow in and I barely have time to turn around
that two blond heads pass beside me and head straight to the back. Armin and
Annie. Long time best friends who happen to both work here. Most of my shifts
are with them. I’m glad for Armin but Annie has one hell of a shitty attitude.
We have a love/hate relationship.
“So? Anything for me?” I ask to Erwin.
“Yeah two deliveries on main and you’re already 15 minutes late.” He says as he
hands me the pizzas and the addresses.
“Thanks.” I mutter, making my way out as I wave to Mr. Pixis.
The evening goes fast. I even have time to chat with Armin for a couple of
minutes around 8 when we reach that boring time of the night. It’s almost 9 and
I can’t wait to go home. I start to walk towards the door when the phone rings.
Please. No. God…
Of fucking course, it’s a customer and of course it’s a delivery. Armin looks
at me with a guilty smile. He mouths “I’m sorry” before he answers the customer
that his order will be ready soon. 15 minutes later I’m out the door with the
pizza. It’s 9:01 and I should already be heading home. I am pissed, to say the
least.
I make my way into the more wealthy districts of town to eventually find myself
in front of a big Victorian house. I walk between two huge columns and climb
the stairs to the door. I knock but I hear loud music inside so I opt for the
bell instead. It takes some time but eventually I see a small figure show up
behind the frosted glass. At first I think it’s a child but the door opens and
I suck in a breath, almost dropping my pizza. It is definitely not a child.
The guys leans down to the left, not even glancing at me, and reaches for a
remote to point it at what I assume to be, the living room. As he looks away,
my gaze falls down to his open black button up shirt. My eyes shoot up when I
see the muscles move again. He turns to me as he presses the button. The wrong
button apparently because the music happens to be louder now.
“Tch. Shitty remote.” He mutters before he actually stares at me.
He barely even blinks, he stares up and down at me and then his gaze meets
mine. A shiver goes down my spine and so I just hand him the box of pizza.
“Extra pepperoni?” I ask with a sheepish smile.
It takes a moment before his hand closes on the box but right away he throws it
across the room in the direction of the music, to my biggest surprise and grabs
the collar of my shirt instead. The surprisingly strong arms pull me close as
the music changes. For a second I’m sure he’s going to hit me for being late or
something. Was I? I didn’t think I was. I close my eyes and all I feel is the
back of my head softly hitting a wall and an arm pressing on my chest. I open
my eyes just fast enough to realize that the guy’s lips are pressed on mine. I
try to pull away but-but…I end up kissing him back for long enough than I want
to admit. I feel like a flame thrower just got aimed at me. He cups my butt
cheeks and picks me up to shove me back against the wall. He presses his hips
against mine and starts grinding, making me gasp. The shock makes me realize
what’s going on. I turn my head and the black-haired guy pulls his face away
from me.
“You have one hell of a gaze, kid.” He says as he gently wipes his mouth and
then runs a thumb on my bottom lip.
I snap out of whatever reverie I was in.
“W-What the fuck is wrong with you?” I shout, balancing my legs hard enough for
him to let go of me. “Are you completely insane, just suddenly grabbing people
and…”
He chuckles.
“Kid, calm down. I’m not a nymphomaniac or anything like that. Well…maybe a
little but what I mean to say is that I’m not usually doing these sort of
things. You just happened to be the hottest little shit I’ve ever seen and I
couldn’t pass up the offer.”
“There was no offer.” I snap.
“You seem pretty pissed for someone who took at least 5 minutes to stop me from
pinning him to the wall.”
“What are you trying to say?” I ask, fixing my pants and trying to hide the
very obvious boner I have.
“That you wanted it too.” He says with a shit eating grin.
I let out a loud laugh.
“I’m not gay. And also, you kind of forced me.” I say, walking back to the
door.
“Oh you’re gay. Your little soldier is already begging for me” He smirks,
looking down between my legs and then back up to my eyes.
“No. I am not.”
“Yes you are and I’ll prove it to you.” He says taking a step towards me and
grabbing my wrists playfully.
“Whatever.” I say, shoving his hand away and grabbing the door handle.
I walk out, not even glancing behind me as I make my way to my car. I sit and
then realize he didn’t pay me. Not only that, my wallet fucking fell off my
pocket. Or he took it… What a fucking shitty night.
***
It’s approximately 23hours later, when Armin raises his gaze at me with the
same word – sorry – in them, that I know it’s the same guy. I don’t even need
to ask for the address when Armin hands me the extra pepperoni pizza. I sigh
but walk out to sit in my car, ready to go and get my money from yesterday and
make him pay for today. Nothing more. Oh and my wallet if he indeed has it.
Which I’m sure he does.
School was hard today, I got called to the principal’s office for falling
asleep in my English class. I almost destroyed the lab in science and sent
Connie to the nurse after burning his finger. The idiot was laughing all the
way there, which got me in trouble with Shadis – The gym class teacher – and I
ended up having to run in the rain as I came back home. It couldn’t get worse,
except that it did when Armin picked up that freaking phone.
I pull the car over in the guy’s driveway and let the engine roll a bit longer
as I let the song finish. The next one that comes up, surprisingly, is the one
on which he pinned me to the wall, Celebrity Skin – Hole. I loved that song,
but that was before. Before it sent these images back in my head and suddenly I
was nervous that he’d try that again. I’m not gay, I never was. Hell I fucked
two girls and I was way too please with how that felt to say I was gay. Indeed,
it was in the dark. Indeed I wanted to fill more than one hole but that idea
got shut down both times, whether it was mouth or ass. Indeed, we didn’t talk
and I pretty much ditched both of them after because I’m just that kind of an
asshole… No really, I just didn’t know how to act so I ran. My reputation
suffered a lot from that. Not that it was very good in first place. Everyone
refers to me as “the fuck up”. You know…the guy who lives alone with his sister
because his dad abandoned them. The guy who fucks girls and doesn’t call them
after. The guy who fails most of his classes with the exception of History. The
guy who can beat the shit out of anyone who even tries to mess with him – I.E.
most of the time, Jean Kirschtein. I roll my eyes and take out my keys,
shutting the music at the same time.
I ring the bell, not surprised to hear loud music again as I wait with that
stupid pizza box in my hands. As if that wasn’t enough, they were forcing us to
wear a fucking ugly hat with the company’s logo on it. I grab it and try to
tame my rat’s nest before the door slams open.
“About fucking time.” He says.
“Well fuck you too.” I reply, glaring at him.
“Cocky little shit, come in.”
He steps away from the door and gestures to the interior.
“I’d rather not. Pay me for yesterday and today so I can just go back to my
fucking bed already.”
“Bed eh? I have one of those too.”
“Wow, cheesy pick up lines… what are you, 90?” I ask, not really wanting an
actual answer.
“28, in fact.”
“Whatever.”
I hold my hand out, waiting for the money.
“Get inside or I won’t fucking pay you.” He orders, no longer smiling. I still
find the strength to answer to him though.
“Dude, whatever it is you want, you’re not getting it from me, I have a
girlfriend. Plus, I don’t know you, who knows if you aren’t some crazy bastard
waiting for 17year old boys knocking at his door to shove them against the wall
and kiss them against their will. Oh wait……”
He smirks, grabbing my wrist and pulling me forcefully inside the house as he
closes the door behind me.
“First of all, I know you want to possess me the same way I want to possess
you. Your mind says no but your body screams yes. I have all the time in the
world to wait for you to change your mind. Second, you do not have a
girlfriend, Jaeger. Thank you Facebook for that. Third I might have been a
little intense the last time I saw you, but your body reacted to mine and
therefore I am not sorry that I did.”
So he stalked me…he even knows my name. I am so fucked. Should I tell Pixis?
Armin? Mikasa? Maybe he’s dangerous.
“A little intense is the understatement of the year.” I smirk. “Are you going
to pay me or what?”
“Stay for a while and I will.”
“Dude, I’m not a whore…” I start but he cuts me off.
“I meant to eat pizza or whatever, calm the fuck down, I’m not going to jump on
you every occasion I have, at least for now.”
“Excuse me?”
“Shut up and sit.”
I obey, not really sure of what else to do and my stomach is yelling for me to
accept the offer. He comes back and shoves a plate in my hands. Three slices,
that’s almost more than I eat in an entire day. I bite into it, letting my gaze
explore the living room. A giant TV on the wall, a fireplace underneath it. The
couch looks like a giant L and I sit at the very end of it. I look beside me
just to see the guy not so far away. Not far enough. And he doesn’t have a
plate.
“You’re not eating?” I ask with a mouthful.
“First, EWE! Second, no. I already had pizza yesterday, I don’t want it.”
“But…why did you order it then?” I ask, frowning.
“Well to see you, idiot. I was considering calling the number on your health
card but I knew you would only come back here if you were forced to. And here
we are.” He smiles, handing me back my wallet.
I grab it angrily from him and shove it back in my pocket.
“So, if I understand you well, you stalked me on Facebook, you now know my
address and name, and you’ll be forcing me to come back here by ordering pizza
and not eating it?”
“Almost there… I’ll let you eat it all, or whatever you want from this shitty
place you work at. And one day, when you’re no longer a little shit, I’ll show
you what a real meal is.”
I sigh.
“I don’t have a choice, do I?”
“If you want to keep your job, no.” He grins, leaning closer to me.
I lean back.
“Hey! That doesn’t mean I’m gay. It doesn’t mean I want anything to do with
you. I just want the fucking food.” I admit shyly.
“What, are you poor or something?” He asks.
My lack of answer is enough for him to understand. He simply nods and moves on.
“Well, we can just hang out, I’ll keep on paying for the pizza.”
“Don’t you have friends?” I blurt out nervously.
“Do you?” He replies.
“Not really, only a couple of people.” I sigh.
“Same here.”
I shove another piece of pizza in my mouth and the silence drags on forever.
“But I don’t get it, why do you want to hang out with me?”
“You’re cute and you’re cocky, I like that.” He sighs. “That’s besides that
fact that I’d really like to see your beautiful pleading eyes and hot body
squirming under mine but we’re not there yet, are we?”
He looks at me for confirmation and I can’t help but let a laugh escape me.
“In your dreams, old man.”
“28 isn’t old, come on. I have just the right amount of experience, if you
catch my drift.”
“No, shut up.” I warn. “Oh by the way, what’s your name, Mr. Extra Pepperoni?”
He crosses his legs, making his button up fall open at the same time and
somehow, my eyes can’t keep on glancing that way. It’s only because I want it
buttoned back up. Right? Right. He smirks before his lips curl and a name comes
out.
“It’s Levi.”
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): I hope you enjoyed that first chapter. It'll be funny for the
     most part. Of course there'll be some feels at some point...Come on,
     you know me now... Mostly prepare to laugh and read a lot of smut....
     But oops...Eren isn't gay. Right? ;) *whispers* For now...
     PS: Sorry for any atrocious typos... I should probably mention that I
     speak french so I have a bit of trouble to figure things out some
     time (Like man vs men...... or gray vs grey..... fk this, honestly
     lol)
     Comments are always much much much appreciated and since this is the
     first chapter, I'd like feedback? ^_^
***** Extra fries *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Surprise!!! ^_^ Yes, I had some time to finish writing But
     since we're going to live here and even after all those feels, I felt
     really inspired. I guess it's SNK chapter 72 that made me want to add
     fluff everywhere (i'm nervous)...lol ANYWAYS. Here you go. For those
     of you who are not familiar to my writing. I use a lot of music in my
     fics. So either there will be a song in the chapter or there will be
     mood songs for every chapters. This chapter has Jason Derulo - Talk
     Dirty in it. I hope you'll like it, I'm starting to find a much
     clearer path for this now that I wrote the whole plot down. I could
     actually write all day non stop but some of us have to work XD...
     *Sobs* ... Anyways, comments are always appreciated so please leave
     some, especially since this is still at the early stages so if you
     have suggestions or things you'd like to see, I might consider those
     things too. I didn't fix a weekday to post this fic yet but next week
     is my last posting of But since we're going to live here, which means
     i'll be telling you more on the next chapter of Extra Pepperoni.
     Enjoy!!
     I track: fic:extrapepperoni on tumblr (or any variations of the tag
     lol). Username: Hikarimitsuko (that weird cosplayer)
     PS: Sorry for any atrocious typos. Remember that I speak french. Be
     kind.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
The next evening, when Armin’s about to ask why I’m not leaving, since it’s
8h58, the phone rings. I can’t help but smirk. Couldn’t he just call at 8h45 so
that no one else than me had to endure this? Armin frowns at me when he hands
me the box.
“Aren’t you pissed off?” Armin asks. “It’s not like you to smile randomly like
that.”
“I’m just in a good mood. I won’t let this stubborn asshole ruin it by his late
orders of pizza.”
“Extra fries.” Armin says, placing the tiny box on the larger one.
Ah…So he remembers what I told him last night. Maybe this was going to work out
after all. Maybe for once I wouldn’t go to bed on an half empty stomach. Maybe
for once I would actually be able to go through a whole day at school and feel
rested. Yeah…No. Not if he forces me to stay there until midnight again. The
dude was creepy. I don’t mean physically but just…the way he stares at me
is…weird. He’s been nice, polite and surprisingly distant all evening
yesterday. Which felt great because it made me realize that he’s not that much
of an asshole after all. When he doesn’t try to get his tongue inside my mouth,
that is.
I could always find another job, another place to work at but I love the people
there. With Smith being the exception to that. I really don’t get it, how you
can be so obnoxious after failing so bad at life that you end up working as a
cashier in a pizza shop. Not that it’s anything bad, it’s better than no job at
all, but he just seems like he got lazy and settled for this. Maybe it’s his
hobby of being fucking annoying to me that he likes so much. We can’t stand
each other and while he may act all nice and kind in front of Mr Pixis, he is a
fucking vulture when the boss’s not there. Yeah I could definitely find another
job but I would miss my late night chats with Armin. I could call the police,
perhaps, and explain what this guy, Levi, makes me do. He wouldn’t go to jail
but maybe he’d get a restrictive order. Well, in fact, he could go to jail,
since I’m only 17. I wonder if a make out session is enough to send him there.
Then again, for some reason I really don’t want him in jail. I guess my stomach
really really likes him, especially now that I can smell the food on the
backseat of my car.
There’s an accident and I have to make a huge detour around the block, which,
will certainly piss him off even more. He told me last night that I had to be
on time or else… He left it at that and I have to admit I’m scared of the
threat. He may be short, but the way he lifted me up, as if I was lighter than
a fucking feather, makes me think that I wouldn’t stand much of a chance
against him. I’m lean, toned and tall but I could never imagine lifting someone
almost twice my size without flinching. I guess I should also keep this to
myself. He doesn’t seem to like when people talk about his height. Again, why
do I even care? Do I have to shut my mouth and do as he says? The deal is I go
there whenever he orders something to eat and hang out for a while. Doesn’t
mean I have to be friendly, or even polite.
My tires screech on the asphalt as I park in front of the big doors. I ring the
bell and wait. He slams the door open and grabs the collar of my shirt, glaring
into my eyes, his face about an inch from mine. I would close my eyes because
I’m scared as fuck right now but if I do, he’ll use the distraction to kiss me
and I don’t want that.
“You’re late.” He says through gritted teeth.
“Accident.” I whisper sheepishly.
Come on Eren, man up. What the fuck? He lets go of my shirt and I just stay
there, leaning like a moron as if I was actually waiting for more. I snap out
of whatever this is under Levi’s playful gaze.
“I’ll forgive you this time, since your body seems to be answering to me better
than you ever will with that stupid head of yours.”
“If you think I’ll ever surrender…” I start but he cuts me off
“Oh you will, it’s only a matter of time.” He smirks, closing the door after
roughly pulling me inside by my wrist. “Sit, I’ll bring a plate.”
I walk to the couch and sit at the same spot as yesterday. I glance back
towards the kitchen and see him trying to reach a plate on the tip of his toes.
I press a hand to my mouth, trying to cover my laughter. After a while I can
hear a chair being pulled and I just laugh out loud without noticing.
“Shut up.” He yells from across the big room.
I get up and shake my head as I make my way to him. I raise a hand and take the
plate before he even has a chance to stand on the chair. He glares at me and
this time it’s not a playful glare.
“You know what? I was going to be nice and let it go for tonight.” He says,
looking down at my stomach, or even lower I would say. “But…since you insist on
being a little shit…”
It takes less than a second that he somehow has me pinned on the chair. What
magic, what force he used to get me there? I didn’t even have time to realize.
He hits my knee with his own, spreading my legs apart. I quickly slap them back
together. He sighs and looks up to the ceiling as if he was beyond exasperated.
In fact, I think he is.
“Fine…” He says, quickly grabbing my shoulder to force me to stay put as he
roughly lets himself fall on me.
He’s straddling me. God fucking dammit, not this again.
“Do you want the food, Eren?” He asks.
“Yes.” I reply, staring straight into his eyes in a daring way.
I don’t want him to think I’m such an easy prey, especially since I’m so not
interested. Even if my dick starts to say otherwise. Body, why do you fail me
now that I am trying to prove a point?
“Are you still ok with this deal?” Levi asks.
“Yes, as long as you don’t do…this.” I say.
He laughs and brings his mouth close to my ear. I can feel his lips brush
against my earlobe and it sends a shiver down my spine.
“This was the one and only time you’ll ever be late.” He asks but it’s more of
an affirmation than anything else.
“Yes.” I whisper, my breath catching in my throat as I kick my head back and
feel the blood rush down my stomach.
He rolls his hips gently and slowly as if he knew how lost I had become. I
gasp.
“Do you want me Eren?” He asks.
“Yes.” I say, not realizing what word came out of my mouth.
The silence makes it easier to gather my thoughts and I quickly raise my head
back up when I catch on.
“No!!” I shout. “I mean no, not like this.”
Levi sighs.
“Aww…so close.” He mutters as he gets up and hands out a hand to me. “Now, if
you disobey me again…this’ll keep happening.”
“What?” I scoff. “I have to do everything you say otherwise you’ll force me to
suck your face off?”
“Among other things.” He smirks.
“You do realize that this is illegal and that even I, am not legal.” I say.
“Age is just a number.” He says, grabbing the plate and walking back to the
couch.”Plus, it’s not like you weren’t just about to turn 18. As of the rest, I
don’t plan on forcing you to do anything… What I plan to do is make you want
to. Make you beg me to.”
“As if.” I laugh.
“Oh you can laugh all you want, but you’ll see.” He says, gesturing to the
couch before placing 3 slices of pizza on my plate and covering them with
French fries.
He sits and plays with the remote he keeps calling shitty. He stops his choice
on the most predictable song of the entire universe. Jason Derulo – Talk Dirty.
He turns his head towards me with the most serious expression on his face but
somehow I know that he’s probably joking with this, to try and make me laugh or
something. I hate to admit it but…it does kind of work.
“So…” I say after placing the plate back on the coffee table. “You live alone
and you have this place, you don’t even seem to work at all… So, what is it
that you do for a living?”
He moves closer to me, but thankfully far enough that we are not touching at
all. He crosses his legs and folds his arms.
“Have you ever heard of Raven Undergrounds?” He asks.
“Hum… Isn’t that the largest video game company in North America?”
“Second, in fact.”
“What about it?” I ask, suddenly nervous.
“Oh god you’re stupid.” He sighs. “It’s mine. The god damn company is mine.”
My sudden giggles turn into loud laughter. How can this creepy weird guy own
such a brand? No way.
“As expected, you don’t believe me.” He mutters. “Let me show you, then.”
“Show me?” I ask.
He doesn’t reply. He gets up and wraps his hands around my wrists, forcing me
to follow him to that same wall where he made me question my sanity before. I
look at him and he just smirks, knowing very well what came into my mind. He
leads me a bit further to the left where the stairs that lead downstairs are. I
follow him even though my mind is screaming to be careful, that this might be a
trap, that he may very well be a psychopath, that I should totally have
reported him. Damn food and your convincing powers.
He pushes the door at the bottom and there’s a kind of blue halo coming out of
the room. The dimmed lights are pretty awesome and they make the atmosphere so
much more calm and mellow against the charcoal gray walls. For a moment I
almost thought I was in a club, until he opened some bright neon lights. I take
in the room and realize that the wall opposite to the door is FILLED with video
games and movies. Now it wouldn’t be so awesome if the room wasn’t that
gigantic but oh my god. I squeeze my wrist out of his hand and rush to the
wall. All of them, all of my favorite games that I’ve played at Armin’s place
for short periods of times because I never actually had money or time to have
my own. He has them all. I turn towards the TV, the 70inch TV that is
blindingly huge. The blinking light of every console that ever existed under it
and I’m about to fall on my knees as I really want to steal them all from him.
“Believe me now?” He asks.
I frantically nod, realizing that this place, this tiny room, must be worth
thousands and thousands of dollars. The same white leather couch that was
upstairs has a fluffy black copy downstairs. Much more comfortable also, I
realize as I let myself bounce on it, not being careful enough. I notice Levi’s
eyes on me as I’m half laying down, probably the perfect image of whatever he
wants me to do. I sit up straight and stare at the corner of the room where a
metallic bar goes from the floor to the ceiling.
“Is that…” I start.
“A pole.” He finishes.
I chuckle.
“Y-You do poledancing?” I ask. I should’ve known better than to ask.
“I do in my spare time, it’s a good workout but nobody ever comes down here so
I never offered a private show if that’s what you mean.”
“I…didn’t mean anything. I was just asking.”
“Right.” He says, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.
I stand up and walk towards a door at the back of the room, beside the stairs
where we just came by and behind the couch. I turn the handle a bit before his
hand stops me.
“No.” He says simply.
“Why?” I ask. “Why am I the only one you allowed down here?”
“Because you wouldn’t believe me.”
“No offense, but there must be other people who haven’t believed you at first.”
I add. “What about them?”
“I don’t care about them.” He says.
In other words, I’m allowed here because he cares about me. Or is it that he
cares that I’m poor and barely eat every day.
“I don’t need charity, you know.”
He quickly pushes me against the wall. Not in a friendly or loving manner this
time.
“I don’t do charity.” He says. “And I don’t care about you the way you think,
Brat. It’s not my fault if my little friend down there keeps reminding me that
it’d be fun to hear you scream my name.”
I frown. Why is he reacting so intensely about this. I guess I must have
striked a nerve or something but either way it’s clear now that what he wants,
is to fuck me, nothing more. I guess I’ll play the flirting game he has going
on for a while, since he seems to hate that I’m resisting and that’s all I
really want to do since I have absolutely no interest in guys, especially not
in him. What I’m interested in though, is the food and now the video game
paradise that sits in front of me. Although, I’m curious as to what’s behind
that door now. I take a chance and ask.
“So, you let me in here, where no one’s ever been…” I pause, hoping this’ll
strike another cord. “But you won’t let me open that door. What’s in there?”
“My bedroom.” He replies without hesitation.
“I thought your bedroom was upstairs.” I say.
“I see that you sneaked around last night.” He smirks.
“I did not…” I sigh and then roll my eyes. “Fine I might have looked a bit.”
“Don’t lie to me. Ever.” He orders.
“I-I didn’t mean…”
“It’s okay.” He says. “And yes, it’s my bedroom. One of my two bedrooms.”
“Why do you have two?” I ask. “BDSM shit or something?”
Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.
“You’d be into that?” He asks, with a smirk as he cocks his head up to me.
“I’m into girls…Levi.”
He laughs and it annoys me more than it should. I don’t see why I have to prove
it to him anyways.
“Still…” He says. “As much as BDSM sounds interesting and as much as I like
being tied up or as a matter of fact, as much as I’d like to tie YOU up, I
don’t have heavy BDSM stuff going on in there. Only a few things but let’s just
say this is another room that I never let anyone in.”
“Then how do you use your ‘things’” I ask.
“The other bedroom. I just bring whatever I need up there.”
He loosens his grip on me and for a moment, I almost forgot we were so close.
He takes a step back and lets me go completely. I can’t quite keep up with my
thoughts so I find myself asking more questions.
“Do you…do that often?” I ask.
“Fuck people?” He snorts. “Every once in a while, like everyone. But not just
anyone. I’m picky.”
“I didn’t notice.” I laugh, walking back to the couch to sit.
“Who said we were staying here?” He asks.
“The brown hair and green eyes you’re obsessed about.” I smirk.
“Is that so?” He says. “Sounds to me like surrendering isn’t nearly as far as
you said."
I blush and sit a bit straighter as he finds the spot beside me.
“Rules.” He says.
“Rules?” I ask, turning to him.
“Yes. Rules. Rule #1: You won’t be late. Rule #2: You won’t ever lie to me.
Rule #3: You’ll make sure to take care of yourself and eat correctly. Rule #4:
You’ll always keep this place squeaky clean. And finally…”
“Thank god, I thought this was going to take all night.”
“Shut up. This is the most important rule.” He says as he leans closer to my
face. “Rule #5: You can’t fall in love with me.”
I snort.
“Pretentious much.”
“I am being serious.” He says with a glare. “Understood?”
“Yes, Captain, I heard everything loud and clear.” I say as I salute like a
soldier would.
A sparkle lights in his eyes and suddenly I’m a bit worried. He leans a bit
closer and I pull away until my back hits the couch. I’m about to tell him to
stop but he does it on his own. An inch away from my mouth, nevertheless, he
does stop, to my biggest relief. He brings his gaze down between my legs and
smirks.
“Yeah, you so don’t want me.” He snorts.
“Piss off, asshole.”
He grabs the collar of my shirt and forces me to sit back up.
“At which ones of these shit games should I kick your ass?” He asks.
“Are you for real?” I ask. “You don’t mind playing?”
“You lit up like a fucking Christmas tree when you saw the wall. Of course I
don’t mind. My goal is to get you in my bed so what would I gain in refusing
you something?”
Interesting.
“So I can ask for anything?” I bluntly say.
He sighs.
“Within reasonable boundaries. Yes.”
“Tomorrow is my day off, I want to borrow one of these and one or two games.” I
say right away.
“It’s Thursday, you have school.” He replies.
“Detail.” I mutter. “Pretty please?”
“You can pick it up after school.” He adds.
“You’re so mean.” I mutter.
“And you’re such a fucking cry baby.” He replies. “So no pizza tomorrow ugh?”
I shake my head, realizing that this means I won’t have any food for me or
Mikasa. I’ll have to go grocery shopping for some veggies and at least one pack
of meat if we want to last until Friday night.
“Stop frowning.” He says, pressing his thumb on my forehead. “I have this
frozen fake Chinese crap that tastes nothing like the real deal. I’ll give it
to you. You’ll have enough for two days.”
The silence fills the air as he stares at me with a blank expression. I look at
the blinking light that reflects on the dance pole.
“Why are you doing this? Giving yourself so much trouble while you could
probably have anyone you want?” I ask.
“You just answered. I don’t want just anyone, bright eyes.”
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): *Sweats*
     *Waits patiently for comments*
     See you some time next week...
     EDIT: Do you realize that this fic (after 2 chapters) is 10 kudos
     away from surpassing my previous fic? lol..... Thanks? XD
***** Soft drink, with a straw, please! *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N):Hey guys!
     Still haven’t made up my mind on which day to post. I’ll give myself
     another week and see how it goes next week, since But since we’re
     going to live here is officially over now. *sobs in a corner*… As of
     this chapter…Well damn, it took me about 20 minutes to decide on the
     title. I didn’t know if I wanted the actual food from in the chapter
     or if I wanted random orders sayings that maybe have a symbolic in
     what’s happening in the chapter. I opted for the latter… *coughs*
     straw *coughs*… hehehe…. Yeah okay so just know this chapter almost
     got named Thai-nk you, because I’m just that lame LOL… Hope you enjoy
     it. Comments are always appreciated and I’m really happy I got so
     many on this fic, it really helps to motivate me to write so please,
     I love feedback so feel free to leave any constructive criticism or
     simply fangirling lol!
     Mood song: Metric – Artificial Nocturne.
      
     PS: Sorry if there are any typos or words that don't work in a
     sentence or whatever... I should totally stop apologizing about this,
     I mean...you guys know already. XD
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“Do you want me?” He asks.
“Yes” I reply, knowing that I shouldn’t be agreeing, that this is wrong, this
isn’t who I am. Right this instant, though, I can only find this truth inside
my head, this thought that I want him to rip my shirt off the same way I want
to rip his. And why fucking not?
As he’s straddling me on that god damn kitchen chair, I lift my hands to his
shirt, slowly caressing the muscles that lie beneath it. He gasps, surprised
that I finally decide to give in. I slide my hands between two buttons and pull
so hard that you can hear them pop one by one and fall, scattered everywhere in
the kitchen.
I take in the view before my eyes and lick my lips, unable to even think of
trying to look away. Enough pretending. His gaze meets mine and I can see a
carnal hunger in his eyes. His smile widens as he realizes that I’m not
kidding. He slides his fingers under my shirt and roughly pulls it off before
rushing back to press his lips on mine. It’s wild, wet and god, so hot. He
presses his tongue between my lips, forcing me to grant him access inside my
mouth. He explores it skillfully and eventually I find myself mimicking his
movements the best I can. It pays off. I know it by the way the bulge in his
pants just became a whole lot bigger.
Suddenly, he bites my bottom lip so hard that it starts to taste like blood. It
doesn’t hurt though. It turned me on…so much. He angles his head and smiles,
letting himself slide off me and tentatively spreading my legs open. I nod and
kick my head back as he takes off my pants and then my boxers. I could be self
conscious about this… about the fact that I’m stark naked in front of this guy
I barely even know. For some odd reason though, I am not. In fact, the desire
that burns in his eyes just makes me even more confident. Still nervous, but
confident. He kisses his way up on my thigh and I can hear the faint moan
escaping my lips, almost begging him to go ahead and fucking touch me already.
The touch leaves me all of a sudden but his tongue slides right back on me,
from the bottom to top of my length, making me harder than I could ever be.
It’s almost painful. I raise my head back up. Grays meet greens and I can see
the playful smile on his lips as he presses his mouth against the tip and keeps
his gaze locked to mine. He stays there for a moment.
“L-Levi. Please.” I beg, not caring one bit about what I had just done.
He smiles and roughly takes me all in. I jump from the intensity of that
feeling but quickly try and be still again. He seems to be adjusting to my
length but once that’s out of the way, he skillfully moves his tongue around as
he moves up and down, his fingers teasing my balls and crotch at the same time.
It doesn’t take long, maybe 5 minutes? Tops 10 …It…it won’t take long before he
brings me over the edge. Even then, I know I will be back in the game in no
time because this guy is a fucking god and the things I want to do to this
body…and oh…fuck… I shouldn’t have thought of that. I…I…
“Levi! I…I….I’m g-going to come.”
He hums in agreement and the vibration makes me arch my back. He notices, of
course. Perhaps he even did it on purpose. He starts humming non-stop as a
smile creeps up on his lips. He looks pretty fucking pleased with himself
and…oh…oh…FUCK!
“LEVI!” I shout as I sit up straight.
I open my eyes and look around, confused. I’m… I’m… in my room? I realize I’m
sitting in my own bed and I curse at myself for allowing such a dream to look
so real. My alarm clock starts buzzing and I slam my palm against it. My heart
is still pounding and I can feel the hot liquid dripping down on my stomach. I
groan and lick my lips and it tastes like blood. I fucking bit myself.
“Fuck.” I sigh.
This hasn’t happened to me in a long time so why now? Especially because of
him? ESPECIALLY because he’s a guy and I’m not into guys. Not that it’s a bad
thing, it’s just…not for me. But this…those lips around…me… A shiver runs down
my spine and I can feel myself getting hard again. I look down.
“No!” I point an angry finger at it. “No! Fuck no. I said no!”
Of course…the thing doesn’t listen to me. Of course I’ll have to take care of
it in the shower and of course the only thing that’ll come to my mind now, are
those eyes and these lips and that humming.
“Fuck you Levi.” I mutter against the shower door.
***
“You again.” Shadis says.
“I got kicked out.” I mutter, leaning against the wall of my classroom.
“Jaeger… you don’t realize the potential you have. Why do you keep on screwing
it up?”
A burst of anger fills me. I step closer to him and stop an inch away from his
face.
“You know nothing about me.” I snap.
“I know that your mother wouldn’t be proud of how you’re turning.”
“You son of a…” I say, grabbing his shirt and shoving him against the wall.
Sadly, the ruckus alerts the teacher in my classroom so here I am with a bunch
of witnesses emerging behind me. I turn my attention back to Shadis because I’m
already in deep shit. I raise my fist and his shirt under his throat to lift
his gaze up to mine.
“You can always try and call my dad, if you can fucking find him… but don’t you
dare ever say a word about my mother ever again.” I warn, raising a fist but
getting stopped by non-other than superhero; Jean Kirstein. Of course, he’ll
look cool, he’ll look like the good cooperative kid if he tries to calm me
down. I shove his hand away and glare at him, seeing straight through his game.
I let go of Shadis, turn around and start walking towards the main office,
knowing my fate can’t be good now.
“Jaeger, get your butt in the Principal’s office right now.” Professor Rico
shouts from behind me.
I sigh. I was already going there you idiotic bitch.
 
***
 
The door opens almost right away and Levi seems surprised to see me. Probably
not as surprised as I am to see him dressed in a freaking 2000$ suit.
“H-Hi.” I stutter stupidly.
What the fuck? Get yourself together you moron. I sigh and wait for him to
invite me in. He doesn’t.
“Oh…the gaming console? Right.” He says.
It hurts… That he forgot? That he doesn’t look the same? That he somehow
doesn’t look as fun as last night when he was kicking my ass at every game he
owns. It just…it hurts and I don’t even know why. Then again, I feel on edge
today and this really sucks. That face of impassiveness in front of me is the
cherry on top.
“Yes, the fucking gaming console. We’ve been gaming all night last night and I
asked you about the PS3 and the zombie game.”
“Hey” He says, raising a hand to me. “Someone peed in your cereals or
something? Calm the fuck down. I have a headache and you’re making it worse.”
He gestures for me to come in. Finally. I lean against the door as it closes
behind me.
“Let me go get changed and then I’ll get your stuff.” He says, slowly undoing
his tie. “You’re early?”
“Yeah, whatever.” I mutter.
“If you missed school for this, I’m going to…”
“You’re going to what?” I snap. “You’re not my dad and I’m not your property.”
A shadow appears in his eyes and in less than a second he’s pinning me against
the door. Gripping my shoulders harshly.
“First of all, you are not my property, indeed.” He sighs. “Second of all, I
have no interest in being your dad because that would keep me from fucking you
and that’s pretty much all I want to do. And finally, whatever happened today
that just made you blow up a fuse, know that I have had an even shittier day so
please, shut the fuck up already and suck it up just like I do. Unless you’d
like to suck something else as a distraction, which I’m totally open to.”
He raises a questioning eyebrow. I sigh and shake my head.
“Sorry.”
“No need to apologize, kid. Just don’t talk to me like that. Ever.” He says,
visibly hurt… but why? Why would my words or tone even matter to him. I’m an
object of desire to him, that is all.
He climbs up the stairs and leaves me there. I twiddle my thumbs, regretting
the harsh words I had for him. He didn’t deserve those. He comes back down a
moment later dressed in black slacks only. My gaze unconsciously follows every
traits of his stomach and chest, up to his lips. He smirks.
“Sorry.” I repeat.
“Enough apologizing.” He says.
***
Half an hour later, I’m crossing the door with the console and game in my
hands. I wave back at Levi but the stops me.
“Where’s your car?” He asks, glancing around the driveway.
“I can’t afford gas for the car except for work. I jog to school.” I admit
shyly.
“You…you fucking ran from your school to here?” He asks, wide-eyed.
“Yeah, mostly walked, took about an hour.” I mutter.
He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He turns around but leaves the
door open. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I wait for a moment and I’m
about to leave when he comes out with a black shirt on. He grabs keys, car
keys, I assume, and then gestures for me to follow him.
“I can walk just fine.” I say. “I’m not going to jog with it if that’s what
you’re worried about.”
“I’m not going to let you walk around in the street with my PS3 in your hands
you idiot.”
“But you don’t know…” I start but stop myself.
Where I live…Yeah I forgot that he knows. The garage door opens as I follow
him. A beautiful dark blue Tesla is parked inside of it. I’m excited for a
moment but then he hands me a helmet and I start to panic. No…not a bike. I
hate bikes. I’m scared of bikes.
“Can’t we…take the car?” I ask.
“No, Princess, we’re taking the bike.” He replies.
I sigh and put the helmet on. I pick the stuff back up and walk towards what I
assume to be a bike. Levi pulls on the cover and I freak out, it’s got style.
It’s a black Ducati 999. I can tell you that much because if there is one bike
I like it’s gotta be this one.
“Close your mouth, Brat.”
“Shut up.” I say. “I still don’t like riding those.”
“I’ll be gentle.” He smirks, snapping the visor of his helmet shut.
I narrow my eyebrows and can’t help a smile. I slowly take place behind him.
“How am I supposed to hold on?” I ask.
He shakes his head and fires up the engine. Instinctively, I wrap my arms
around him, securing the console between my legs and elbows and praying for my
life that it won’t fall. If anything I’ll just blame him for not wanting to
take the car.
He pulls it forward and I squeak like a teenage girl as we make our way out and
onto the road.
 
***
Now, he drives very well, but I still don’t think this was –gentle- … I get off
the seat and pray for none of my neighbors to see me getting off a bike, from
behind a much older guy.
“Thanks” I say, turning around to walk to the door.
“No good night kiss?” He asks.
I swiftly turn around and glare at him.
“Shut up! I’m not gay.” I murmur.
“If you’re not gay, it won’t matter to them if I come in.” He says, pointing at
one of my neighbors, looking outside through their sliding doors.
Fuck.
“Fine, whatever. You never listen to me anyways so why not do what you want.
Sure, come on over.”
“I appreciate the sarcasm, even more so that it makes it sound as if we’ve been
in a relationship for 10 years. Thank god this isn’t where we’re heading.”
I pull my tongue out to him and glare.
“Childish move.”
“Are you fucking coming or what?” I ask not waiting for the answer as I walk up
to the door and unlock it.
He slides his foot in just in time before the door closes.
“Charming.” He notes.
“Thanks for listing all my qualities, really. Like I didn’t get enough of that
today.” I sigh. “Plus, I’m not trying to be.”
I climb the set of stairs and he follows silently behind me. He’s going to see
just how bad our situation is and maybe that’ll make him want to finally let go
of whatever he wanted to have with me. I push open the door, knowing that
Mikasa is already gone to her second job.
I gesture for him to come in.
“Hell hole, this is Levi. Levi, this is our hell hole.” I sigh.
He barely even looks around because his mind is reeling.
“Our?” He asks.
I smirk. Jealous? Really?
“My sister and I.” I reply.
“I see…”
I can see the tension leaving his body as he takes a couple more steps in and
walks over to that Jurassic TV we have. He doesn’t look like he cares that the
place is tiny. He doesn’t even comment on it.
“I’m not even sure we can plug it.” I mutter.
“I brought an adapter.” He says, pulling it out of his pocket.
He walks towards it and starts to unplug wires and eventually orders me to
bring the PS3. I do and then sit on the couch waiting for him to finish. In the
meantime, I find myself staring at his muscular figure more than once as he
crouches under and leans over the TV and it’s quite disturbing, especially
after that dream I had.
When he stands back up, he’s holding out his hands as if he touched something
dirty. Yeah his house is really tidy so of course he’s not use to that. He
walks to the kitchen sink, about two meters away from me and when he comes back
from washing his hands, he runs his fingers through his hair to slick them
back. The untamable hair falls right back into place but my jaw doesn’t. Sadly,
Levi notices and repeats the move. I blink and look away as he sits next to me.
A bit too close, but that’s the couch’s fault. His leg is brushing against mine
and I’m trying hard not to think of that dream again. I don’t want that. He’s
an asshole. He’s toying with me. He’s a guy and he’s old. And I don’t like
guys… I don’t want…
“So…” He starts. “What got you all PMSing on me today?”
“I’m not…” I sigh, knowing he won’t drop the subject. “I got suspended.”
His eyes widen and I can feel him shift as he turns his body towards me instead
of the TV. Fuck.
“Why?” He simply asks.
“Because…” I mutter. “Because I’m ‘The fuck up’… what else? That’s what I do, I
fuck up.”
“You’re not a fuck up, kid.” He replies right away.
It makes me as happy as it angers me to hear that from him. He doesn’t know
just how much it’s true, in a way. Then again, he doesn’t seem like an angel
either so I guess we’re even.
“I am, but that’s not the point. I got suspended because there’s this teacher
that hates me.” I continue. “And…and… he said my mom wouldn’t be proud of who I
am growing to be… so I totally lost it and shoved him against the wall.”
“An asshole, indeed.” Levi smiles. “Was he scared?”
I turn to him and send him an incredulous look. Really? He approves of that?
“He blinked rapidly and gasped…so I’d say yeah” I grin.
“Good.” He says. “Now I don’t approve of you fighting with a god damn teacher.
BUT I understand why you did it. That, I approve of.”
“Thanks, dad.” I say, elbowing his side.
“Tch.”
He presses the power button on the controller and we wait for the screen to
adjust. It is really shitty and I can’t quite figure out how I’m going to even
manage to read what I have to do. Fuck this. Fuck being poor and fuck this TV.
Can’t I have anything for once? Levi changes the settings so we can see a bit
better now but it still looks like shit.
“You hungry?” He asks after a while of waiting for the game to load.
“I have the Chinese food you gave me.” I say, because yes that’s all I have and
a couple of apples. Perhaps some peanut butter somewhere but that’s not much of
a meal on its own.
“I meant that I’d order us something.” He clarifies.
“I’ll pay half.” I add.
He refuses.
“Look, this won’t get me in your bed any faster. Let me pay my part.” I add.
“Faster?” He angles his head at me.
I blush and I hate this. I hate the fact that I’m blushing and that even my own
fucking body is betraying me every occasion it has.
“I’m ordering. I’m paying.” He says sternly. “Why? Because I forced you to
invite me in. Here’s why. So shut up.”
He pulls out his phone and places an order of Thai food, not hearing even an
ounce of my protests.
“You ass.” I say as he hangs up.
“My pleasure.”
***
“What about you?” I ask as I scrub the bottom of my box for any piece of food
left. “What happened today?”
He presses a napkin to his lips and god why am I looking at those lips. I take
a cushion and shove it on my lap, pretending to use it to place my food box on
top of it. Breathe Eren…breathe…you don’t want this men. You don’t want him
because he is old. He is not even hot. Yeah no, that’s the biggest lie I ever
told myself. I may not be gay but I can admit that Levi is probably the sexiest
dude I’ve ever seen.
“The last two games that came out are a complete flop and we are losing money
every fucking day. The investors are onto my ass and they want me to quit. As
if I’ll ever quit my own company.” He sighs. “I just need one good idea. Just
one that would surpass all the other games out there. One that will bring
teenagers like you to WANT to miss school for a day just to play a shitty
game.”
I’m not even sure what to answer to that. It’s, indeed, a shitty day he’s had.
I wipe my hands on my pants and drink a bit of water before resting my back
against the couch, momentarily forgetting that this might look inviting to
others. Others being Levi. I sit up straight but he hasn’t moved, still lost in
his thoughts.
“Y-You’ll find a way. I’m sure you will because I know how determined you can
be.” I smirk, trying to lift up his mood.
He raises his gaze to me. He opens his mouth and closes it. He must have had a
snarky or sarcastic comment ready but he chooses not to use it.
“Thanks, bright eyes.” He says instead.
“My pleasure.” I say, sincerely happy that it helped.
Helping someone feel better has to be the best anti-depressant in the world.
I’m serious. And I can pretty much count on my hands the number of times I’ve
been able to do that for someone. My gaze meets his again and he doesn’t look
away. I want to turn towards the TV but I can’t. Somehow those eyes keep me in
place and I can’t quite find the strength to break the eye contact. I know
where this’ll lead and I really don’t want him to force this on me. I’m not… I
don’t want… I don’t want him. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t force it on me, and
I’m grateful for that. The thing is, it’s me who starts leaning forward and I
barely even realize it until I’m an inch away from his face. I blink rapidly,
probably as much as Shadis did. Yes I’m fucking scared in that instant and you
know what? Just a kiss can’t hurt. I’ll decide what to do after. A kiss doesn’t
make you gay anyways. My lips brush against his when suddenly the door opens.
SHIT! OH MY FUCKING GOD.
Levi looks as impassive as always and hasn’t even moved. He turns his head to
the door and meets Mikasa’s gaze. My heart is hammering against my chest and I
could probably faint from how scared I was a second ago.
“Who’s this?” Mikasa asks with a tired tone.
“A-A…”I stutter.
“I’m Levi.” He says, holding out a hand over the couch. “One of Eren’s friends.
I lent him my PS3 for a while and I came over to plug it so I brought food and
all.”
“I see…” She says, glaring at me.
“Want some?” Levi asks, pointing at the 3rd box he ordered ‘by mistake’… I knew
it was for her.
Her eyes light up but she doesn’t let it show on the rest of her face.
“Sure, why not?” She sighs. “Thanks, I’ll go shower and eat this in bed. See
you later…hum…Levi?”
He simply nods.
“Night Eren.” She says.
“Night.”
I wait until her door’s closed before I let myself fall on my back, panting
from whatever stress I was holding in.
“Oh my god…” I whisper.
Nothing but silence answers me. I sit back up and look at Levi.
“That was close.” He says.
And I know this phrase has two sides to it. Close to kissing him and close to
being caught. What the fuck was I even thinking?
“Yeah…that was close.” I admit turning my head towards the T.yranosaurus V in
front of us.
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): Gosh that was close. But sadly, Eren isn’t gay. Or is he?
     Maybe you’ll know more next chapter… I wonder what he’ll dream about
     tonight… ;)
***** Jalapeño Topping *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Surprise! Again?
     Yeah…I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to have steady postings of
     chapters with this story. You can expect MINIMUM one chapter per
     week. Because I am so into it that I can write non-stop…therefore…
     Here you get another chapter because I really, really can’t wait to
     post it… and you’ll understand why XD. Now… Every single one of you
     who reads this chapter, I want a comment at the end of it. Lol… Just
     because I can ask that, I can… right? Lol… This is kind of a short
     chapter, the next one will be longer.
     Songs of this chapter:
     Beyonce – Crazy in love (fifty shades of grey version)
     Genuine – Pony *wink wink nudge nudge*
See the end of the chapter for more notes
It’s been a little over two weeks and he’s been ordering something every night.
I’ve never felt so good in my entire life, not having to worry about food or
even anything else because he was there. He might’ve had his own reasons to be
there, which I still didn’t agree to, but he was there. Every single day, he
was there and that alone, meant a lot to me. I’ve grown to like the man. As a
friend, obviously. He always keeps me on edge, I never know what he’s going to
do or even what I am going to do. I’ve had more dreams too but I won’t be
telling him that, of course. I’m having a hard time accepting the fact too,
because I can’t deny it anymore, that I do want him to a certain extent. I’m a
virgin for that part though, so I have no idea how it works and the only
thought in my mind is…no matter how much pleasurable it seems in my head, it’s
going to hurt if I ever decide to let myself do this. I’ve heard that much from
people, that it hurts at first, and I have…been looking at some stuff on my
phone. Just…just to have an idea, you know… It’s scary and the fact that my
head keeps telling me how much I don’t want that, doesn’t help at all. I just
don’t know if it’s something I’m willing to do. I just don’t know if it’s him,
his looks, his voice, his way of talking to me that makes me act like this. I
don’t know what to do now so I just keep on doing what I do. I think I’m more
worried now that he’ll get tired of me using him. Because yes, that’s what I’m
doing… I’m eating, playing video games, talking, laughing and yet I give him
nothing in return. Except for that night where I almost kissed him, which is
probably why he’s still holding on.
I raise my gaze up from the plate of sushis and stare at him. He hasn’t eaten
anything, not even the pizza he ordered. But I guess he’s tired of fast food,
which is why he buys other stuff too.
“You know…” I hesitate but choose to continue. “You don’t have to order from my
workplace anymore. I’ll still come over… if you want me to.”
He smirks, as if he knew I was going to say that. Am I that transparent?
“I want you to, but then what’s the guarantee you’ll come back?” He asks.
“Well if I don’t, you can always call for a Pizza again.” I smile. “But I
will…”
He picks up a California roll and shoves it in his mouth, his eyes never
leaving mine. Eventually, his expression changes…for something more serious.
Something more business-like. Something I rarely see from him.
“You know I’ll eventually grow bored of these games? Right.”
I gasp and almost spit the food out. In that instant, I want to punch him…
Punch him so hard that something will break. Because I can’t believe he would
try to push me to make a decision while I’m not even sure who I am and what I
want anymore. I definitely didn’t expect him to be…so casual about this. As if
it was nothing…as if it meant nothing. We’re talking about giving myself up to
him completely so why is he taking this so lightly? I frown and he definitely
notices the shift in my mood.
“Then you can find someone else. I’m just a piece of ass after all.” I reply,
trying to hide the anger from my face by lowering my gaze but I’ve never been
good at faking emotions.
“I didn’t mean it that way, kid.” He sighs. “I’m just not sure anymore if
you’ll ever want to and I don’t want to waste my time or… hurt myself.”
My eyes dart to him.
“Hurt yourself?” I ask.
“Well, I’ve grown to like you in my day to day routine and I don’t want to get
attached if this is going nowhere.”
“A-Attached?” I stutter. “As in…”
“No.” He shakes his head and waves his hand. “Not as in a relationship…just… I
don’t know. Friends with benefits I guess.”
I sigh.
“So you’re telling me that we can’t be friends if we don’t fuck?” I say.
“Again, that’s not what I meant.” He says.
“Then what do you fucking mean, Levi? I’m lost here and it doesn’t help that
you’re pressuring me. I don’t…” I clench my fists and slam them on my thighs.
“I don’t know what I want anymore.”
He raises an eyebrow, realizing what the last sentence might mean. He chuckles
and it angers me even more.
“Eren.” He says, gently taping a finger on my forehead. “You know what you
want, your body knows. It’s that stubborn mind of yours who tells you no.”
“Maybe so…” I say.
“Then why? Is being gay a bad thing? Or is it me?”
Low blow. I can’t stay silent cause that would be misinterpreted and he knows
that, he’s a manipulative asshole and he’s really good at it. Then again, to be
such a business man, I guess you have to know how to bluff and play your cards
well, which is exactly what he’s doing with me. But is this really all that I
am? A transaction he wants to be sure to win? But then he wouldn’t be so eager
to know if the problem is him. And it’s not…there is no problem. I am the
problem because I can’t do that.
“Of course not! It’s perfectly fine…it’s just…it’s just I like girls, I always
have.” I reply, choosing to ignore the question about him, which doesn’t go
unnoticed.
“So you don’t like me then…” He says with this impassive face that I’ve learned
to partially read. It’s a test.
“I…I…” I start but I can’t quite find the words so I just resolve to tear out
my hair and growl instead.
Until his hands stops me.
“Calm down. I have an idea.” He says.
“Should this be reassuring? Because it isn’t.”
He laughs and pulls on my wrists, forcing me to follow him downstairs. I hope
he’s not bringing me to his bedroom because I can’t do that.
He doesn’t. He makes me sit on the couch and walks to the wall. He comes back
with two blu-rays. He puts one in and comes back to sit beside me. A bit too
close but I guess it has something to do with his idea.
“I am not watching porn with you, Levi.”
“Not really.” He laughs. “If I can’t bring you to your senses, I’ll see if a
movie or two can do the job.”
I turn my head back to the TV and see the familiar faces on screen. Not this
again.
“I’ve seen 50 shades of grey at least 25 times because Mikasa has a thing for
Jamie Dornan.”
“Yes but you are watching it with me, it’s not the same.”
And suddenly a shiver runs through me. Does this mean we’ll end up making out
50 shades style? Cause if I’m not even ready for a kiss, I’m not sure I can
have my hands tied with a tie just yet either. Yet… I even say it to myself
now… as if it was inevitable. Indeed, I always have a choice but it just seems
like I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even know what I want. It’s those
dreams that confused me the most. The movie goes on and slowly, I feel Levi’s
head leaning down to rest on my shoulder. It’s okay Eren. It’s okay. It’s just…
a friend can do that. It’s fine.
“Look at her. She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” He comments.
I can see right through what he’s trying to do… This girl is plain to me and
I’m 100% sure that she is to him too. He just wants to prove a point.
“Meh.” I reply, because quite frankly she’s not my style.
“Not your style, I see.” He says, reading my mind. “What about him then?”
“Levi!” I warn. I knew he’d do that.
“Just asking.” He says before humming that Beyonce song and I feel his lips
move before I hear a faint trace of words flowing out of his mouth.“…such a
funny thing for me to try to explain, how i'm feeling and my pride is the one
to blame…”
I keep my mouth shut. The curiosity is pushing me to over think this and I
should just focus on the movie cause that’s what he wants me to do. As the end
credits starts to roll, he raises his head and whistles two notes that
illuminates the room with the blue lights again.
“So?” He asks, turning to me. “Turned on yet?”
“Not so much.” I laugh. “Ok, maybe a tiny bit but I swear it’s cause of the
girl.”
“Right.” He says. “The girl that’s not your style.”
In fact, it has nothing to do with this shitty movie, it’s him against my
shoulder but like hell if I’m going to say that out loud. It’s already a big
deal that my mind allows me to admit that to my own self.
“Round 2…then.” He says as he gets up and switches the blu-rays.
He comes back to sit and he has a pleased smirk on his face, which I really
want to erase because this can’t be a good sign. The opening starts and I don’t
really realize what it is…at least for a while, but when I do.
“NO!” I shout. “No. You’re not making me watch Magic Mike.”
“Why not?” He asks. “Just pretend it’s me.”
“I don’t want that either.” I scoff. “Now I see why you have a pole.”
“Shut up and watch.” He says, slapping the back of my head.
I sigh and reluctantly fix my gaze on the TV as Levi’s head finds its way back
to my shoulder. After a while, considering it’s now 1am, I can feel my head
lean against his and my eyes slowly close, when suddenly, I feel a slap on my
thigh.
“Don’t you dare fall asleep on me. It’s Friday, you can sleep tomorrow. Tonight
you’re mine.” He says sternly.
“Alright, Captain.” I whisper in a yawn.
His head leaves my shoulder and he turns towards me, slowly placing one hand on
each side of me on the couch. The tension between us intensifies and I don’t
want him to lean in. Or perhaps I do… But I don’t. I do not want to kiss him so
I slowly shake my head and he pulls away. He gets up and starts walking away.
“Levi…I…” I start, trying to explain myself…but how? What can I even say?
I thought he was leaving to go upstairs but he comes back with a remote
instead. He presses a button and Magic Mike is now playing through loud
speakers in each corners of the room. I look around, wondering what the fuck is
going on. My eyes widen because Channing Tatum is dancing but I’m only looking
at Levi who makes his way to the pole. He wraps himself around it and slowly
glides to the floor and back up. After that, he climbs the highest he can and
lets his body arch down, raising his shirt up in the process, exposing his
stomach to my confused green eyes.
“So…you don’t want me at all… right?” He asks, gazing at me upside down. “You
are not gay at all, not even for a night…right?”
He folds his arms and it’s quite a funny view but I’m too absorbed by his
stomach and/or gaze to think about laughing.
“I’m not gay.” I say.
“Tch.” He says as he swiftly turns himself back up and glides back to his feet,
making sure that his back arches against the pole before he starts walking
towards me. He stops a meter away and throws the remote on the couch. He
skipped a few scenes and all of a sudden he dances. He fucking dances. Now, I
haven’t really watched Magic Mike but I did see clips online and I saw girls
flipping over how Channing Tatum danced to Pony, the Genuine song. I had no
idea. I had no idea how it really was, but Levi… Levi knows every fucking moves
of this choreography which he performs in perfect sync with Tatum as the music
bangs loudly in my ears. I don’t even attempt to look down because I know my
pants are way too tight right now and the reason is this guy in front of me who
moves like a freaking god. I sit up a bit more straight and pull on my pants,
to give myself some space, which earns me a playful glare from Levi. Well shit,
I am screwed. Right now though, it’s the last thing I care about because just
as Magic Mike picks up a girl from a chair, Levi, instead, sits on me. He’s
still following the moves and dancing, hovering above me and momentarily
rolling his hips closer to send some light friction between us. His gaze never
leaving mine, he angles his head.
“Still not gay?” He asks.
“Not.” Is the only word I can pull out of my mouth as I feel myself losing
control.
Levi seems pleased with my answer and I don’t understand why, it’s the opposite
of what he wants. To be honest, it might be the opposite of what I want too. I
just don’t know anymore. But that’s because he knows what’s coming. He looks
behind him for confirmation as Channing jumps on the girl and starts rolling
his hips on her. He turns back to me and smirks. He does the same but this time
there’s no space between us. And that’s when I lose it. The will to fight it.
The will to fight against what I actually want. I groan and roughly grip his
ass as my gaze goes from confused to a carnal glare. His eyes widen in surprise
and it morphs into a huge grin, until I raise him up and flip him on his back.
I grab his wrists and pin them above his head. For once, it’s him who looks
confused.
“I am done playing too.” I murmur before pressing my lips roughly, wildly
against his.
Our tongues meet the same way they had in the dream, making me feel exactly the
same way, as if a fire was raging through me, as if I couldn’t contain
everything I feel anymore. After a while, I let go of Levi’s wrists to slide my
hand under his shirt. Those perfect muscles under my fingers make me go insane
and the playful smirk on his face doesn’t help.
“Not gay ugh?” He says.
“Not gay.” I confirm. “But like hell if I’m not going to make every inch of you
mine.”
“Promise?”
“Fuck yes.” I say before joining our lips again in a wild embrace.
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): Bet ya’ll are very happy right now… Oh but wait…this doesn’t
     mean that Eren is giving in just yet………, only partially ;) You’ll
     have to wait and see.
***** Mayonnaise on the side *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Hi! ^_^ Here you get another one (I assume you've been waiting
     for that one). 18+ ...
     Also, I'll just warn you that I won't be updating until next week
     this time. I have tendinitis on my left wrist and it starts to hurt
     again so I don't want to push it too hard. This chapter was supposed
     to have another scene at the end related to Mikasa and tutoring but
     you'll get that in next chapter since my wrist is kinda painful right
     now lol... Anyways enjoy this, I'm sure you will. I'll be checking my
     typos tomorrow since its late here and I can barely see what I type
     lol.
     Not forcing you to comments, but reminding you that I really
     appreciate all of them <3 I love feedback.
     Mood song: The weeknd - High for this (that beat maaaaan.... yummy)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
I lower my hips and slowly grind against him, earning a loud gasp.
“Let’s go upstairs.” He pants in my ear.
I nod and even I, am surprised at the lack of hesitation on my part. To be
honest, how could I even turn this down? Just look at him. Now, it doesn’t mean
I’m gay or that I’ll have anything else to do with a man…like ever…but this men
though…is the only exception. Somehow, when I’m around him, I can feel some
kind of electricity between us and I’ve never felt that before, not even with
girls. So I might be scared, but I know this is more than promising.
I get up and soon enough he’s on his feet, leading me up the two flight of
stairs to the bedroom. As we reach the door, I don’t give him time to open it.
My heart is hammering in my chest and I may be awkward at this but I want to at
least try. I grab his shoulder and turn him around. I press myself against him,
banging his head on the wall.
“Sorry Le..”
He doesn’t let me finish, his lips are back on mine and he groans loudly,
making another shiver run through me. I don’t give a shit what he’ll say; I
pick him up and forcefully wrap his legs around my waist before pressing him
back on the wall.
“Open the fucking door.” He orders and I can’t help but obey.
We almost trip inside as I can’t see anything because of the raven hair
blocking my vision and the soft lips parting mine open. I tentatively walk
around until my knees finally hit the bed. I slowly put him down on it and
climb back on top of him. His strong arms wrap around me and his hands glide
down my back. I gasp as his fingers lift the hem of my pants to let his palms
slide in and roughly grip my ass to press me even further down on him.
“Perfect…” He whispers in a breath.
And I’m pretty sure, if I was less preoccupied by everything that’s going on,
that I’d notice a crimson red tint to my usual tanned tone. I don’t know how to
talk to girls though, so how am I supposed to talk to a guy about how fucking
beautiful he is. I can’t say just that. I can’t tell him he’s perfect either,
even though he is way closer to it than I will ever be.
“Stop frowning.” He says and I immediately comply.
I start focusing on his shirt and how much I want to take it off. Not that
those kisses aren’t the best thing I’ve ever experienced (and he’ll definitely
never know that), but I just feel like I need more. I need way more. I tug on
the bottom of it and he nods imperceptibly. I move quickly and part my legs on
each side of him, I let myself sit and take in the view of Levi just laying
there under me, ready for whatever this is we’re about to do and I fucking want
to. I really fucking want to. It might make me a liar, for saying this isn’t
for me, but so be it. I could never reject this.
“Quit staring.” He says as the blood rushes to my cheeks again.
He sits up straight and wraps his arms around me, pressing me down on him.
Fuck. I can’t help but arch myself a little at the sensation, my face twisting
into a too pleased expression. I bite my bottom lip as my gaze meets his again
and he glares at me.
“I won’t be able to take it slow if you do that.” He says, staring at my tucked
in lip.
I let it go right away but then…bite it again.
“Shitty Brat.” He smirks, pulling my shirt off in one swift movement.
His eyes darting down to my chest and detailing every inch of muscles I have,
makes me even more confident. While it should be the opposite and I should be
complaining that he still has his shirt on, I find myself wanting to tease him
a bit more first. I raise myself up, bringing my stomach closer to his
beautiful gray orbs, before I come back down again in a very very very slow
pace and I repeat that a few times. The impassiveness is back on his face and
he just watches as I move up and down on him. It’s nothing big, nothing
special, not even close to being as sexy as I know I could be but it’s that
little move that drives him to the border of insanity that makes him slowly
lick his lips before grabbing my wrist and shoving me onto the bed. It takes
less than a second for him to be on top of me.
“Stop teasing me because I swear I won’t hold back if you keep on doing that.”
I smirk, turning my head as I stretch and expose my neck to him. I glance at
his face from the side. A clenched jaw and a wild glare meeting my own.
“Maybe I don’t want you to?” I whisper.
His hands wrap around my wrists and he pins them above my head.
“Say that again?” Levi orders.
I raise my head, brushing my lips against his as our gazes lock.
“I don’t want you to.”
He smirks and sits up straight. His shirt flies across the room and I can’t
help but let my hands glide freely on the perfect porcelain skin in front of
me.
“Fuck! You’re hot.” I say, realizing too late that I let it slip. It’s out now,
the fact that I like him. Well…his body.
He leans down on me, ready for our lips to join again as my hands detail every
inch of him, but then he abruptly stops.
“Your pocket is vibrating.” He says.
“A text…I don’t care.”
“What if it’s important?” He asks.
“Don’t care.” I whisper, roughly pulling on his neck.
He kisses me wildly as our bodies grind against each other. Eventually, his
lips travel down my jaw, neck, collarbones (which he fucking bites) and then he
stops as he notices the birth mark where my heart is. I slide my fingers in his
hair, trying to distract him from how ugly it is, from how much it looks like a
cut. He moves on and keeps travelling down, his tongue making its way between
my abs until he reaches my pants. He starts undoing my belt and pulls hard on
the buckle as if it was his enemy, when suddenly, my phone rings. I hear a
sigh.
“Answer it.” Levi says.
“No need.” I reply.
“Answer it or I will.”
“Alright. Fuck. Alright.”
I get up and fetch my phone in my pocket before my pants slide down to the
floor on their own, leaving me in nothing else than a pair of boxers. Levi’s
arms wrap around me from behind as I take the call.
“What?” I say.
“Eren? Where are you? It’s the middle of the night.” Mikasa asks.
“At a friend’s place.”
“Come back home, we need to talk about your French class.”
“I can’t, I’m with someone.” I reply honestly.
“With who?” She asks, her tone suddenly harsh.
“Someone. I’m seeing someone okay? It’s none of your business what I do.”
“You’re not 18 yet, so yes it is. Get back here right now!”
“NO!” I shout and I can feel Levi’s arms slide off of me but I grab his wrist
and pull him back close to me. “Look, we can talk in the morning. Good night.”
I hang up. And I know I’ll pay for this later. The question is: do I care right
now? No, I really don’t. I turn to meet Levi’s confused look.
“Seeing someone?” He asks. “French class? Staying the night? Eren…”
“Look, I failed a test in my French class, it’s no big deal. And I won’t stay
the night, I’ll just sleep in my car, you don’t have to worry about seeing my
face in the morning. As of ‘seeing someone’; It’ll be easier to explain than ‘I
have a fuck buddy so I’m going to his place’, alright? Just… Whatever.”
I let go of his wrist and walk back to the bed to sit. I press my palms on my
eyes, all trace of excitement now leaving my body. Why did she have to call
now? When I was going to do it… Fuck, maybe it’s a sign.
I feel a hand on my arm and instantly look up.
“Would it help if you had a tutor in French?” He asks.
“I guess so, but good luck finding one of those around here.” I mutter,
lowering my gaze to his chest. Where he…
Where he has a birthmark that looks similar to mine, it looks like a scar…I’m
about to ask him why he has that, when he speaks.
“I know a few. Comme moi, par exemple.”
My gaze shoots back up to his.
“Did you..Did you just speak French?”
“I might have.” He says.
The foreign language he seems to speak so fluently brings the tightness back
between my legs. Having him as a tutor would be great, especially for all the
other things we could do. Then again, I’m not even sure yet if I’ll like that.
I know that right now it’s all I can think of, though.
“And…” He adds. “As long as you respect rule #5, you can sleep in this bed.”
“Are you sure?” I frown. “I mean, you said it yourself, I’m just a brat and I
know I’m a fuck up and all so it’s fine by me if you want nothing more than a
quick fuck once in a while.”
He taps under my chin and forces me to look at his stern posture. He crosses
his arms.
“First of all, quit saying you’re a fuck up. Eren Jaeger is not a fuck up.” He
says. “Second of all, if I say you can sleep in this bed, you can sleep in the
fucking bed, stop questioning what I say. And lastly, I don’t do anything
‘quick’ and you are not a whore, we will keep hanging out until you can no
longer do just that.”
“Just what?” I ask. “Hang out?”
“Being friends with benefits.” He says.
“I’ll be fine.” I laugh. “I’m not going to fall in love with you, shorty.”
“Beg your pardon?” He glares.
I wink. Why? Because I like to think that my life isn’t worth living anyways,
so if he kills me, then at least I’ll be killed by the hot pepperoni guy.
I’m surprised, when he falls to his knees instead, and makes his way between my
legs.
“Oh you want to play, I see. Then you will fucking wait and beg me to fuck
you.”
“I have already done that.” I note.
“That wasn’t nearly enough.” He says. “Let me give you a preview and then
you’ll see.”
“So we’re not going to…”
“No. Not tonight. Not after all this.”
“It’s nothing.” I assure him. “I’m finally giving in and you don’t want to?”
“Indeed, but you called me shorty. Alors tu vas attendre!”
“I can’t understand you.” I mutter.
“Good.” He says.
He pulls off my boxers and I can only watch as my cock springs free. His gaze
moves up and down and details every inch of it before he licks his lips and
slowly brings them to it. He gives a gentle kiss to the tip, making my breath
catch in my throat.
“First time?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.
I nod, blushing from head to toe. Nope, never had one of those. Don’t know what
to expect.
“I’ll make it worthwhile.” Levi says.
And he does. Oh my fucking god he does. I can’t control myself as he slowly
takes me in. I moan and I can feel my cock twitch in his mouth from the little
moves he does with his tongue. He knows exactly where to touch me and it’s
unnerving because I can’t do the same to him…at least for now but I’ll make
sure and learn from what he does. I blink a couple of times, almost tempted to
pinch myself because it’s exactly like in that dream I had, only better. He
adjusts himself to my length and I can already see that I definitely can’t fit
in his mouth. But I’m so wrong. I am so wrong. He takes a deep breath and I can
feel him push harder until I reach the back of his throat. He slowly moves back
up and then down and deeper. He doesn’t stop until his nose brushes against my
skin. Then, he picks up a pace and if I was already dizzy and completely lost
in pleasure before, now I’m just a plain mess of moans and groans. I grip at
the bed sheets, not knowing what else to do as all I want is to grab his head
and pull his hair. After a while, I can feel him shift between my legs. I look
back to him and see that he is searching his pockets, without ever stopping to
move his extremely skillful tongue. He pulls out a bottle of lube and I’m
tempted to laugh at the fact that he carries this around in his house. Or
perhaps he carries this around when I’m here.
“I thought we weren’t…” I start but then he does what drives me crazy. He
fucking moans.
The vibration of his “mhm” is my main preoccupation. I don’t even have time to
wonder if it meant we’re actually doing it or if he has something else in mind.
He pulls me out of his mouth and stares at me.
“Lay down and spread your legs open for me.”
“What if I don’t?” I ask.
“I won’t use this.” He says, pointing the bottle of lube that lies on the bed.
That’s a warning I take seriously so I obey and lay down. Levi climbs up and
kneels between my legs. He pops the bottle open and covers 2 of his fingers
with lube. He throws the bottle aside as his other hand starts stroking me. He
brings his mouth back there and takes me all in once more, making me arch
myself and spread my legs even wider. Do it! Fucking do it already! I can feel
a finger brush against my entrance and I’m tempted to verbalize my needs but he
knows what he’s doing. I trust him so I shut up instead. He moans and the
sensation feels less enjoyable than earlier and I don’t understand why… until I
realize that there’s something down there. He presses even deeper as his mouth
continues to move up and down.
“Ouch!” I say.
Levi stops.
“It won’t hurt for long.” He says. “Focus on the pleasure you’re dick is
feeling and then, once I find it, you’ll be grateful that I didn’t stop.”
“Find what?” I ask.
“You’ll see.” He says.
Once again, his mouth is back around me and I take a deep breath, trying to
focus on only this part as his finger pushes a bit deeper again. I wince but
then I realize that his whole finger is in and I kind of take it as a tiny
victory. I smile and I can see a smirk creep up on his lips around me. Our
gazes lock and that’s when I feel a second finger come it. Now that one is much
much more painful than the first one. I raise myself on my elbows but Levi
shakes his head lightly. I take a deep breath again and focus on the fun part,
since he’s making a point of making it so good, I can’t let it go to waste. I
shut the parts of my brain that tells me it hurts and suck it in. I grip the
bed sheets and bite my bottom lip. Levi presses the second finger even deeper
and I wince again as my fists clench. Your cock, Eren, think of your cock. It
works, partially. It’s kind of an uncomfortable feeling now, it feels weird.
Levi slowly starts moving his two fingers and eventually separates them. I
stare at him and he just nods again. Stretching, I think that’s what they call
it. It’s not really as painful as it was a few minutes ago, especially since
Levi makes me lose my mind with his out of this world blow job. Once he deems
I’m stretched enough, I kind of expect him to take off his pants and finally
take me but he doesn’t. Instead, he starts moving his fingers around as he
pulls in and out of me, never stopping to move his mouth and I have to admit
this is bringing me closer to the edge by the minute. His eyes meet mine and
I’m just about to smile when something happens to me. It’s silly, but it’s like
my body acts on its own. My breathing accelerates, my heart slams against my
chest. I arch my back and my hips move up on their own, forcing Levi to pull me
out of his mouth. It’s like an electric chock went through me and I look at
Levi who has a pleased smirk on his face. He slides his fingers in again and
there it is once more. I groan.
“L-LEVI! OH… fuck… oh.” I can’t help but say it. Because I need this
uncontrollable pleasure to be somewhat tangible and words are the only thing I
can cling to. “Do it again!”
“Ah…begging already.” Levi says.
“Yes, very fucking much! Do that again. And again. And again.” I beg.
He lowers himself down and his mouth takes me for one last time and he pushes
as deep as he can against his throat. I can see how focused and concentrated he
is, especially since he frowns more than usual. But I mean…the guy has me in
his mouth while one hand is gently playing with my balls and there are two
fingers up my ass doing whatever kind of magic trick this is, that makes me
look so damn vulnerable in that instant. He sucks harder and harder and drags
his teeth along my length as his fingers keep hitting the tiny spot that makes
my body act on its own. I can’t… I can’t take it anymore.
“L-Levi, I’m going to come.” I say as a warning for him to remove his mouth but
he doesn’t. He keeps going steadily and sucking harder than ever.
“Oh my god. Fuck. Fuck. L-L...LEVI! LEVI!”
He moans as my cock reaches the back of his throat. That’s it. I’m done. This
is the cherry on top.
“Gnn…” I say through a choked breath. “Le…Le…Levi. LEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!”
I come and I expect some of it to fall on me but no, not a drop. Levi swallows
it all and gradually slows down. Eventually he lets go of me and walks out to
the bathroom next door. I lay there, not moving at all, unable to find even an
ounce of energy to lift an arm or anything else. Euphoria fills me, this was
incredible. I may have fucked before, but nothing can even get close to how I
came just now. Levi comes back with a towel and throws it to me. I take it and
realize it’s wet. I clean myself up slowly.
“You begged.” Levi says.
“I’m aware.” I smirk. “Thanks.”
“For the finger fucking, the blow job or the towel?” He asks.
“Everything.”
“Tch.” He says, ruffling my hair gently.
“What about you?” I ask as I stand up and walk closer to him, wrapping my arm
around his waist. “Can I?”
“You seem pretty determined to blow me for someone who isn’t gay.” He says.
“I already told you; I’m not gay, but you’re kind of an exception to the rule…
and since we can’t be in a relationship, thank god…” I say as he punches my
shoulder. “I’m not officially gay, aren’t I?”
“Well it’s true in a way…” Levi says. “But… from how you reacted just now, I
can already tell that no women could please you the way I just have. Therefore,
you like cocks. Therefore, you are gay.”
“I’m not.” I reply.
“You are, but we can discuss this later. I’m going to bed.”
“Hey!” I stop him. “But I wanted…”
“We have all the time in the world. You’ll just have to make up for it tomorrow
night.”
I smirk.
“Yes Captain.”
He turns around and hesitates. His head turns back to me.
“Don’t call me that. It… changes me.”
“Oh! I’m sorry.” I say, honestly surprised because this name turned him on the
previous times I said it to him. Maybe I misinterpreted it.
“It’s fine. Go to bed.” He says.
“Good night.” I nod.
“Night, Brat.”
 
***
 
“Morning…” I say as I make my way into the kitchen, following the caffeine
smell that fills the entire house.
He raises his cup as he glances up to me and then goes back to reading what I
think is a newspaper on his tablet. I open two or three doors before I finally
find a cup. I pour myself some coffee and then sit beside him. I drink silently
and just stare at him. He doesn’t seem to mind. I get flashbacks of last night,
of his lips on mine, of his body fitting so well against my own… And I find
myself wanting some more of whatever this was. We didn’t make love, we didn’t
fuck… Yet, it was more than a simple make out session and I want that again. I
drop my phone one the table loudly. Levi raises his gaze to meet mine.
“What?” He asks.
“Can I have your phone number?” I blurt out.
He takes another sip of coffee and then gets up to put it in the sink. When he
comes back, his hand brushes past my cheek and grabs the phone.
“Course, bright eyes, but don’t make me regret this.”
He types it in and hands it back to me. I raise my phone and quickly snap a
photo of him. He looks beautiful as ever.
“Did you just take a photo of me?” He asks. “Delete that right now.”
“Well…” I reply. “It’s either that or a pepperoni pizza icon…”
“Tch. Fine. Now text me so I have yours too.”
I shake my head, faking desperation.
“Flirting with me again?” I ask.
“I believe, since I had my fingers up your ass, that we’re already passed
that.” He says.
“It still doesn’t stop you, apparently.”
“Tch.”
I type a quick text and send it. He angles his head and turns the phone towards
me.
“Really? ‘Hey hot pepperoni’… That’s all you could come up with?”
“I could’ve said ‘Hey asshole’ if you would’ve preferred that.”
“I would have.” He says.
He raises his phone and snaps a picture of me. I gasp loudly.
“WAIT! At least if you’re going to do that, let me take a good one.” I say.
“You didn’t let me pick, why would I let you?” He asks.
“Please, I swear it’ll be good.”
“It already is.” He argues.
I get up and try to get the phone from his hand, which he moves around
frantically. Fine. I fall on top of him and straddle him on the chair.
“Gimme the fucking phone!” I say.
“No.”
It takes a while but I eventually get it. Levi stops fighting, knowing it’s
pointless because I am too stubborn. I press my icon and turn the camera
towards me. I bite my lip and pull out the most playful glare I have. I take
the pic and hand the phone back to him. He licks his lips.
“You were right…that’s a good one.” He says. “Let’s have an even better one.”
One of his arms slides around my waist, pressing me down on him as he sets up
the camera. Then his hand moves back up and turns my chin towards him. Our
gazes meet and he leans in slowly, looking straight into my eyes, sending
shivers down my spine when he finally kisses me as I hear the shutter go off.
“Even better.” I whisper against his lips.
“Even better.” He confirms.
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): I hope you liked that as much as I liked writing it XD...
     PS: Anyone caught the wink at my previous fic? (the ones who read
     it)... Don't be expecting memories, those stories won't be joined but
     I needed to add a wink ;)
***** Pickle on the side. *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Yo! My wrist feels much better (and by that I don't mean
     unholy things x_x - tendinitis). I am introducing my famous feels in
     this chapter. Although just a tiny hint of it for now... Hum I'm not
     sure but I think this is a very long chapter compared to the other
     ones, so i'm sorry...or not, depending whether you're happy or not
     (Pretty sure you'll be happy ;) )... SO here goes.
     Mood song:
     Zella Day - Hypnotic (excuse me but the beat of this and the lyrics
     just work so well here that I couldn't contain myself...)
     PS: Anything with a lusty beat will mean there will be smut (take
     that as a warning ahaha....)
     PSS: VERY LIGHT TRIGGER WARNING for one mention of suicidal behavior.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
I close the door and drop my bag on the floor when suddenly, my ear is in pain.
“OUCH! FUCK!” I shout as I glance behind me and see that it’s Mikasa who is
dragging me to the couch.
“Sit, you ass!” I obey because I don’t seem to have a choice, if I want to keep
my ear.
“What the fuck?” I ask. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
“Glad to see that you tried to avoid this conversation, like the very mature
teenager that you are.” She scoffs.
“Fuck you, Mikasa.”
“Don’t you dare.” She says, raising her hand but dropping it right away.
She sighs and sits beside me as I watch her with an angry glare.
“Where were you? I was worried all night.”
“I already told you; with someone.”
“It’s that Levi guy again?” She asks.
“No. And even if it was, it would be none of your fucking business. In fact, I
was with a girl, okay?”
She glances at my ears once again, probably knowing that I’m lying but
whatever, it doesn’t mean anything.
“Well I’m sorry, but it is. I don’t fucking care, Eren, I’ll shut down the
internet, I’ll take away your phone… but you’re going to grow up sooner or
later. You’re not a kid anymore.”
“It’s exactly what I am, Mikasa! I’m a fucking kid and I don’t even have time
to enjoy this life. Now I’m not blaming you, I’m blaming dad but I won’t let
you tell me that the little time I have to myself can’t be used to do as I
please, alright?”
“DO AS YOU PLEASE?” She laughs. “And what am I? 43? Just so you know, I’m only
19 and I was forced to drop out of school to be sure to be able to take care of
you. I don’t have any friends I can hang out with or see. I am working my butt
off like 12 hours a fucking day so that your ungrateful mouth can eat, so don’t
you dare tell me about doing as you please while you should put this time into
studying and not failing fucking classes.”
She is right. She is totally right, life has been more than unfair to her and
I’ve been unfair too but I won’t let her act as if I don’t at least try to help
even though I feel as miserable as she does.
“Well I’ve been working too, and going to school. I have no time to see friends
or even do anything either so excuse me for wanting to spend a couple of nights
out, having fun for once. PS: I will have a tutor in French so I won’t fail
again. Perhaps you should ask me what I plan to do before starting to flip
tables at me.”
“I can’t let you go out again, not until you figure out how you can help me
around here or at least study some more. Your grades suck and I sure as hell
didn’t drop school so you can fail.”
“I told you I was going to try and do something so why the fuck would you keep
me locked in here?”
“Because you can’t deal with too much freedom.”
“SAYS FUCKING WHO? DAD?”
She slaps me. And I can already see that she regrets it. I get up, not hearing
half of what she says and slam the door of my bedroom shut. She doesn’t try to
talk to me, she knows it’s too late. She knows she crossed the line. She knows
that dad had us on a leash since we were young and that when he grew tired
taking care of us, of taking care of me, he just left. He left us here, without
friends, without family, without any way of surviving on our own. And because
of what? Me picking too many fights? Me never being good enough and needing too
much “time to think alone, locked in my room”, me standing up to him and
getting hit for it? I don’t fucking regret that he’s gone but I regret that our
lives got stolen from us. Back then, I prayed for him to come back, because I
didn’t know. I didn’t know how bad it was. I didn’t know how much I suffered
without actually realizing it. That’s when Mikasa dropped school and that’s
when I started being called the fuck up. It was two years ago and if it weren’t
for Armin, I’m pretty sure I would’ve swallowed a bottle of pills a long time
ago. He was my only friend and yet I was barely ever able to see him anymore,
except at work. It sucked, it really sucked and I didn’t realize how much I
hated it until I met Levi on that stupid late delivery. Now that I think of it,
this might have been the best night of my life because it changed it all and it
gave me hope. Even though the face of hope was a 160cm gnome with a shitty
attitude and a weakness for my teal green eyes. I smirk to myself before I hear
the front door closing. She’s gone. I let out a shaky breath and tears finally
make their way down my cheeks. Fuck this. I get up, grab a towel and make my
way into the shower. I let the water glide down my back and press my forehead
on the cold tiles. I choose to put aside all the memories of dad leaving, of
the guilt I felt and still feel, of Mikasa suddenly having to make sure we can
survive on our own. I replace all those with Levi’s mouth on my own. I smile to
myself as I can feel my stomach tighten. Could this be happiness? I feel
genuinely happy about this and that’s a rare thing for me; to be happy.
When I finally step out because the water turned cold about three minutes ago,
I dry myself up and walk back to my room. I pick up a pair of dark jeans and a
white t-shirt and put them on. When I’m done, it’s almost noon, which means I
might be late to work again. I have this fucked up shift where you do 12-8 and
the only thing keeping me from taking the day off, is the fact that I get to
see Levi after. I smirk as I try to tame my hair. After a while of struggling I
decide to just let them be what they are; a fucking mess.
I parallel park in front of Pixis’ Pizzeria and decide to send a quick text to
Levi even though I’m a couple of minutes late.
“I finish at 8. I’ll make up for yesterday.”
“Promise?” He replies and I can’t help but smile as I cross the door.
“Late again.” Erwin says.
“Whatev-“ I start but then my smile falls apart. Levi is sitting right there…in
a booth, legs crossed, sipping tea as if it was the most normal thing in the
world.
“You two know each other?” Levi asks to me.
“Unfortunately, yes.” I reply, suddenly worried that this fucking giant might
be Levi’s friend. “We kind of work at the same place, genius.”
Levi’s menacing glare hits me and I break eye contact.
“Well, Erwin, that’s the kid I want you to tutor.” Levi says.
“NO FUCKING WAY IN HELL!” I shout. Which brings Armin to the front.
“Everything ok here?” Armin asks but I ignore him.
“First of all.” I say. “I am not a kid. And second of all, I thought that YOU
were tutoring me.”
“I don’t have time for ‘THAT’” He says with a knowing look.
Erwin coughs and Armin gestures for me to come closer, which I do because I’m
about to punch something or most precisely someone and I’m not sure which one
between the midget or the giant.
“Who’s this?” He asks, chin pointing at Levi.
“A friend.” I mutter through gritted teeth. Jealousy and anger are pretty much
the only things filling me right now and if there’s one thing I don’t want,
it’s to snap at Armin but the guy can read me like an open book, which is
already disturbing enough.
“Oh, his voice… it’s… it’s the guy that kept ordering late.” He says. “You two
are hanging out now?”
I can read the hidden question in his eyes and the fact that he would even
think that of me, annoys me even more. Do I have the three letters plastered on
my forehead now? But why does it annoy me? He’s right. He is so right. It’s
just… I don’t like to be so obvious about things like that, especially things
like ‘fucking older guys at night’. ‘Fucking guys’ in general in fact. Even
though, that technically didn’t happen yet.
“It’s not like that.” I whisper.
“Would it matter?” He asks.
I…am surprised and my hesitation gives me away. Armin knows now and it shows on
his face by how his lips almost imperceptibly quirk up. He certainly knows. He
pats my shoulder and turns around to walk back into the kitchen.
“ARMIN!” I shout and he glances back to me. “Shut up.”
He swipes his fingers on his lips and I feel relieved that he won’t tell. Then
again, I’m nervous that he’ll ask more about this and I don’t want to answer.
The fact that this is all a secret is my only protection against the world and
I want it to stay hidden. As far as everyone’s concerned, I like girls. Even I
believe it myself, but I see now that I might have been lying to myself too. Or
maybe it’s just Levi. It could very well just be Levi.
I turn back to him. He’s standing up in front of the counter and talking to
Erwin.
“So you two are friends?” I ask as my elbow brushes against Levi’s.
He nods and I sigh, realizing I might have to be nice to the fucker from now
on.
“Fine…” I mutter. “I will try, but if he comments anything remotely stupid
about me failing French, I’m dropping the tutoring.”
Levi nods again.
“After work.” Erwin says and my eyes dart to Levi.
“After work?” I ask, knowing that he’ll understand the meaning of my question.
“Only for an hour.” Levi says. “I’ll pay the fees.”
“Fees? He charges for that? The cashier, charges for that?” I snort.
Erwin’s look is deadly but Levi stops whatever was about to come out of his
mouth.
“No one would do that for free, Brat. Plus, Erwin used to teach French at Trost
University.” Levi says.
“So why is he a fucking cashier?” I ask, ignoring Erwin’s glare hovering over
my head.
“That’s for him to tell.” Levi replies.
“Whatever, it’s not like I care.” I add.
“Thanks, Levi, I really appreciate that you’re helping me so that I can have
more free time to do other things.” Levi says sarcastically.
“Thanks, Levi, for forcing me to tolerate this guy.”
“Better than nothing.” He laughs. “See you around.”
He walks out and I’m about to go see Armin when Erwin’s hand stops me.
“Back here at 8.” He warns.
“Yes, dad.”
My phone vibrates and I pull it out as I make my way to Armin.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you hated each other’s guts.” Levi says.
“I’ll do it, but only for you.”
“For me?” He asks.
“Yeah, so I can whisper you things.”
“What kind of things?”
“Things...”
“SO!” Armin says, pulling me out of my reverie. “Deliveries for main, 22nd and
Maria road.”
I pick up the boiling hot pizza boxes and shove them in the bag as I make my
way out of the pizzeria.
 
***
“It’s 8h30” Erwin says from the booth across the room.
“I know, there was traffic, it’s Saturday.” I say as I drop the bag on the
counter.
I walk up to the booth and sit in front of him.
“Let’s start with basics.” Erwin sighs.
“Listening.” I mutter.
“Je is I. Tu is you. Il is him. Nous is us. Vous is you –as in all of you-. Ils
is them.”
“I already know these.” I sigh.
“Alright, then tell me what this means: ‘Je suis le nouveau petit chien de
Levi.’” He smirks.
I hesitate a moment and gather my thoughts.
“I…am…Levi’s new…”
“Puppy.” Erwin says.
“I am Levi’s new puppy.” I repeat, realizing a bit too late what he made me
say.
I get up and grab a fist of his shirt.
“What the fuck?” I ask.
“Oh Jaeger! I never thought you played on that side but when I saw the two of
you, I had my doubts.” He laughs. “You just confirmed them.”
I pull at his shirt, almost tempted to throw my hands at his neck and break it.
”He told you…about rule #5? Didn’t he?” He asks with a smirk, knowing that he
definitely did. “Then you’re his newest toy.”
I roughly let go of him and step away from the table.
“Because rule #5 exists for one and only reason; Me.” Erwin adds. “So have fun
while you can, because it won’t last.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I snap, avoiding his gaze.
“Oh yes, you know.” He says. “But keep denying it all, it’s easier to forget
about it that way. Because deep down inside, you know you’ll never be more than
his little bitch whenever he feels like he needs one. Just like he did with the
others.”
“The others?” My eyes widen as I repeat. “The others?”
“Oh I’ve already said too much and I think we can skip tutoring for tonight
since you have to be in Levi’s bed soon.”
I walk up to him and without hesitation, throw a punch at his eye. He barely
even moves, he expected it. And now I gave him the perfect excuse to get me
fired or to go and tell Levi so that he won’t want to see me again. Fuck. Why
am I so impulsive? I turn around and walk out the door. I sit in my car for a
while, wondering what to do. I exhale loudly, trying to keep the tears inside.
I won’t cry for this. I won’t! I feel like I’ve just been stabbed and I don’t
even know what I expected from all this. As if my life would’ve miraculously
turned out to be better in just a couple of days.
I start the engine and turn up the volume to a very unhealthy level of
decibels. I’m pretty sure my car will just fall into pieces by the time I make
it there. There; the place I used to go to after my dad locked me in my room
for several days in a row. The tears go down on their own now and I’m not even
trying to stop them anymore because fuck…I’m all alone after all. I only got a
few days of peace before everything went to fucking hell. But what am I even
saying? Mikasa was angry, which is nothing new. I had to talk with Erwin and
hate his guts, which is nothing new… then what is it? It’s the betrayal that I
feel, isn’t it? That I wasn’t special enough to be the only one Levi ever done
that with. I’m only one of them, one of the others and one day, I’ll be just a
warning on Erwin’s lips to some other boy that Levi wants to put in his bed.
That’s all I am. And why does it even matter? I don’t know but my heart seems
to think it’s the end of the world. Perhaps I liked him a bit more than I
thought. I mean, you can’t just fuck someone and not feel anything, right? So
maybe I was preparing myself, I was getting attached in order to be able to do
what he wanted… No! What I wanted. I guess the routine was something I liked
too. I understand what he meant by not wanting to hurt himself. Now I knew from
experience how it felt and the consequences of it. Because how could I go back
there now? I know I promised but… there’s no way I can go back now.
My tires screech on the gravel as I reach the side of the cliff. I get out and
let myself fall on the ground, right at the edge. I swing my feet around into
this chilly night of march, not caring that I didn’t bring a vest or anything.
I look down at the calm lake below and just wish that my brain was as peaceful
as this is. I close my eyes and let the wind move strands of my hair around, I
let it caress me the way no one ever has and no one ever will and I cry
silently. I cry for an hour, or two… I’m not even sure.
Eventually, as my phone rings once again, I pull it out with a new found rage
and just throw it as far as I can. I hear the sound of it hitting the water as
it drowns the shitty melody. I close my eyes and take deep breaths. This place
is perfect to be alone. I don’t need to come here to be alone, since I always
am, but the difference is how calming and soothing it is to just hear nothing.
Nothing but the wind, nothing but the tiny waves hitting the rocks, nothing but
the sound of a roaring engine…nothing bu- … I blink and turn my head around to
see that one light coming from the same road where I came from. And it was too
good to last. The tires screech and the engine stops. I turn my attention back
to the dark abyss below me while I hear someone’s footsteps behind me.
“You promised.” He says from a few meters away and I almost imagine his tone to
be a worried one. Almost.
“Promised what?” I scoff.
“That you’d come even if I didn’t call.”
“I’m sure you can find someone else who’ll be more than willing to get with you
in the sheets. Like Erwin, for example.”
I can hear a sigh behind me and then a few footsteps before I see him sitting
on my right. I move a bit to the left, not wanting to be close to him. Not
wanting him to touch me.
“He told you.” He says as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Of course he’d
tell you, what kind of a dumb idea was this? I’m amazed at my stupidity right
now.”
“About the others or about rule #5?” I scoff. “Cause yeah, he told me.”
“The others?” He asks, looking straight at me.
“He said I was just your new puppy, your new shiny toy and that I’ll be your
‘bitch’ until you get bored of me, just like you did with the others.”
I gasp, focusing on shoving this huge lump down my throat. Fuck this feeling.
Why the hell does it hurt so much? Why does it even hurt in first place?
“He said what?” Levi asks, genuinely worried. “Eren, I never did that
before…why…what is he talking about?”
I shrug, not really caring anymore about what he meant. I knew now that
everything was a mess and it was un-fixable.
“Eren.” He tries again. “I swear to god I don’t do that. Yes I do have one
night stands once in a while, but that’s just consensual stuff and it’s just
what it is, one night. Are you going to believe him and not me? Do you really
think that’s how I am?”
My lack of answer is enough for him. And no, I don’t know who to believe. I
barely even know the guy, but I can’t help but feel like part of this is true,
that somehow, he’ll destroy me in the end. He lowers his gaze to the lake,
seemingly hurt, and throws little rocks at it.
“I like the flirting game with you and I feel like you make me feel alive by
taking part in it, but I never do that. You have to believe me. You’re the only
one I ever tricked into staying with me. I swear.”
I bite my lip and angrily wipe the tears from my cheeks, the tears that I wish
would just be hidden from his view.
“What did he say about rule #5?” He asks.
“That you made it because of him.” I say with a shaky voice.
He sighs.
“I didn’t make it because of him. I made it because I had my heart broken once
and I broke someone else’s too. Love has never been kind to me. Although he
might think it was for him, the very short period of time when Erwin and I were
together, were hell to me. He is possessive and very dominant, which was a bit
too much to my liking. He might think this is because of him, but it isn’t. I
never loved him and never will. You want to know what rule #5 is about? You
really want to?”
I can’t help but nod and turn my gaze to him, because it’s the first time that
I see him this way; vulnerable.
“When I was 21, I had a girlfriend. Her name was Petra and god I loved that
girl so much and with all my heart… we dated for two years and we were
basically the perfect little couple.” He pauses as his lips quirk up into a
tiny smile and somehow it gets to my heart.
“But then…as the months passed, I started to realize that I might not love her
the way I thought I did. Because there was this guy I kept randomly seeing but
never actually talked to. And one night, I went out with my friends and he was
there, he was a waiter at some shit bar. Hanji, one of my friends, suggested
that I might be interested in him. And as much as I wanted to deny the fact, I
knew that I liked him a bit more than I would say. At the end of the night, he
wrote his number on a napkin and handed it out to me. I didn’t call him. I
thought of him though. Even while I was with Petra, which was already bad
enough. And then… the next week, we all went out again but this time, as I went
to order something at the bar, he asked me to meet him in the corridor. I don’t
know why my feet dragged me there in first place, but I went. And it all
happened so quickly and I was feeling so free and relieved because I had my
doubts but this was confirming it. Which doesn’t mean I was ever going to tell
anyone. But I’m not the one who told them… The guy came back to the bar and
loudly thanked me for “the quickie”. All my friends turned around and
surprisingly, none of them judged me. But this guy, who I liked, was laughing
behind the counter. I broke his nose on that day. Sadly enough, Hanji didn’t
have enough money to bail me out of jail so she called Petra, she didn’t know
what to do and I don’t blame her for it. When Petra asked what happened, after
getting me out, I told her everything. I told her I wasn’t sure what to do,
that I loved her but that it was just so hard to understand myself. That it
felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. She slapped me. And her eyes…her
eyes are the last thing I remember, because as she drove to her parent’s place,
a drunk driver hit her car, killing her on the spot. It’s that night, that I
promised myself I would never love or be loved again. I swore to live alone and
be who I want to be, not caring one bit about what I say or do as long as it
doesn’t truly hurt anyone. That is why rule #5 exists, Eren. It’s not because
of Erwin fucking eyebrows Smith. Listen, I don’t want to ever see eyes like
that again, hurt, betrayed, broken and yet I’m kind of seeing this in you right
now and it scares the shit out of me.”
I’m speechless. Because I was so prompt to judge him and believe that I knew
him better than anyone, that I knew how he was and what he would be willing to
do. I was so eager to believe how bad of a person he was. And why? Because it
would be easier than accepting the fact that I like him, that I’m fucking gay?
Or perhaps that I am 100% gay for him. I felt bad in that instant. I felt
really bad.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper.
His arm wraps around my shoulder as a new smile pulls at his lips.
“You don’t have to be.” Levi says. “It’s my fault for not telling you before.
It’s my fault for not seeing that Erwin wouldn’t let me go to someone else so
easily.”
“Go to someone else?” I ask.
“Aren’t I here, with you, right now?”
I lower my gaze and throw another rock, unable to identify to any feelings. I
feel numb, I don’t know what to do. I want to forget this. I want us to be the
way we were yesterday and this morning. I want to be happy again, but that’s
just how it is, happiness always slips through my fingers as soon as I catch a
glimpse of it and eventually, I know it’ll cost me my life because there’s a
limit to how many times you can fail.
“I’m sorry.” Levi says and I turn to him with a questioning gaze. “For
everything. For forcing you to hang out with me, for threatening to take away a
job that you really need just to survive one more day, for generally being an
asshole to you and most of all, for pressing you to do things you didn’t want
to do.”
“I wanted to.” I blurt out right away. “I wanted you.”
His gaze locks with mine but then he looks above at the stars as my heart
hammers against my chest. How can he even think for one second that I don’t
want him? Didn’t I prove, last night, how much I wanted him? Unconsciously,
maybe, but I still did.
“Then tell me what I can do to fix this.” He says.
“There’s nothing to fix.” I say. “We are nothing.”
“I thought we were friends.” Levi says, lowering his gaze.
“With benefits…” I smirk.
A light chuckle comes out of his mouth and it seems so natural, like it’s
always been there, waiting to come out and erase all the other fake and
sarcastic ones.
“How can I fix this?” He whispers.
I hesitate, my eyes moving from his lips to his eyes. He seems sincere. He
seems weak and if there is one thing he isn’t, it’s weak. So maybe he is truly
sorry. Maybe he is telling the truth. Perhaps this means that everyone deserves
a second chance. I will give him one.
“Let me be the only one.” I reply, shivering and blushing from head to toe.
“Let me be the only one you do things with, no strings attached or anything
else since you don’t want that, but let at least this, be only mine.”
He turns to me, surprised and nods right away.
“Then we should get going.” He smiles.
“No offense, but I don’t feel like it.” I reply with a laugh.
“You idiot! I meant that we can watch a movie or something, and not Magic Mike,
I swear.”
I chuckle.
“Alright then.” I smirk as I get to my feet and grab his hand to help him up.
“But… how did you even find me? No one knows about this place.”
“I tracked your phone, since you weren’t answering my texts.”
“My phone’s in the lake.” I add.
“Yeah but I tracked you a while ago. I thought you might have had something to
do before you came over, but you were taking too long to reply to my texts. So
I came… and good thing I did, otherwise you wouldn’t have come back to me,
right?”
I nod.
“C-Can… I kiss you?” I ask out of the blue.
“Why?” He asks.
“Because I’m lonely.” I reply.
In less than a second, he’s on the tip of his toes, cupping my cheeks and
pressing his lips softly against mine. My arms tentatively wrap around his
waist and he lets me. I press his body hard against mine, holding on to him as
if he was my life line.
“I’m sorry.” I repeat.
“Shhh.” He says, wiping a tear and pressing his lips on mine again.
***
“You’re fucking insane!” I shout as I step out of the car.
“Maybe.” He says.
“You could’ve died.”
“At least I would’ve died in the most epic of ways.” He laughs.
“I don’t think that forcing me to roll down my window to steal a kiss while
you’re riding your bike would be called epic, it would be called reckless and
stupid.”
“Then why were you smiling like an idiot?” He smirks.
“Just… Because.” I reply. Because he was, indeed, crazy but the kind of crazy
you only see in movies. The kind of crazy that makes you wonder what you’ve
been doing with your life all those years. The kind of crazy that makes you
take a breath and realize you’re luckier than most of the people in the world.
The kind of crazy that makes you believe that, for once, everything might turn
out okay…because he’s there. And he might be crazy, but he makes me feel
something else than numb and this is already bigger than what anyone’s ever
been able to accomplish with me.
“Lost your tongue? How sad…” Levi says.
“Oh no…” I smirk. “It’s there, don’t you worry.”
“I never do.”
“Says the guy who drove an hour to meet me in some deserted spot on the side of
a cliff.” I laugh. “Says the guy who doesn’t want me to fail my French class.
Says the guy… who was scared I’d never come back.”
I may be crazy too. Because right now, as we reach the door, faintly
illuminated by the light inside, I could swear that I’m seeing a touch of pink
on Levi’s cheeks and that’s not even close to being possible. I blink a couple
of times and then decide to ignore the fact and just walk in as he unlocks the
door. I start to make my way to the living room when I feel something cold in
my hand. His fingers intertwine with mine and he pulls me back towards the
stairs.
“There’s a TV in the bedroom.” He says, still somehow having a tone of pink to
his usual porcelain skin.
“I don’t…” I start but he cuts me off.
“I know. Just for TV, I promise.”
I nod and follow him upstairs, refusing to let go of his hand and somehow his
hand stays right where it is. He opens the door and the room seems so much
lighter than it did in my memory. Then again, I wasn’t really paying attention
to the pale gray walls and damask patterns of the shades the last time I was
here. My face turns crimson red as I recall the memories.
“Are you okay?” He asks, letting go of my fingers and moving closer to the bed
to place the pillows a bit more upright.
I nod again and then walk up to the bed. I climb on it and sit awkwardly with
my back resting against the pillows.
“Don’t be nervous, I told you I wouldn’t do anything.” He says, taking place on
the chair a bit further on the right.
“I can’t help it. You make me nervous.”
“Is that so?” He smirks. “Why?”
“I don’t know, it’s like you’re hypnotizing me and when I’m with you I can’t
think straight.”
“Sorry about that.”
“No don’t…” I raise my hand towards him. “Y-You make me feel a bit more free to
be myself. As if there was some walls inside my head that I can never climb
except when you’re around. It’s kind of weird but you make me feel better...
But don’t make it awkward either by sitting 300 meters away from me.”
“Tch.” He says as he gets up to take his rightful place beside me. We are not
touching but eventually as he zaps to some shitty TV series, his arm
tentatively wraps around my shoulders and I swear this must look so awkward and
be so uncomfortable because of our height difference. I chuckle and his head
turns to me.
“What?” He asks with a sharp tone and a warning glare.
“N-Nothing.” I say while bringing myself down a bit to rest my head on his
chest.
He seems to get the hint and lowers himself on the bed so that he can be more
of a pillow to me than me to him.
“This feels nice.” I whisper, worried that I might have said too much.
“It does, but don’t get too comfortable with this.” He says.
“I know.” I smirk, nestling my head even deeper onto his skin earning a light
chuckle. “But I’m sure that deep down inside you’re a cuddler.”
“Says who?” He scoffs.
“I do.”
He ruffles my hair as my eyes slowly close and I drift away.
***
I wake up and stretch, wondering why I’m still dressed. I turn to my side,
hoping to catch a bit more sleep before the alarm goes off. I blink a couple of
times and yawn. There’s a shadow there. My mind fires up in realization of
what’s going on and of where I am. I glance around and instantly notice de gray
walls, the shades, the rug, the TV… The TV is turned off. It’s turned off and
he’s still here… Which means he didn’t just fall asleep, he willingly turned
off the TV and fell asleep beside me. Oh my god, if this doesn’t make my heart
flutter, I don’t know what will. I blink, trying to make up the shape in front
of my eyes when I realize he’s actually facing me. I move back slowly and
softly until I can feel my feet touch the ground. I tip toe to the bathroom and
try to find some toothpaste. There is some. Fuck it, I’ll use my finger, it’s
better than nothing. I make as little noise as possible.
When I come back to the room, his arm is wrapped around my pillow possessively.
I smile to myself as I take my place beside him once again. As my head hits the
pillow, his eyes flutter open. Shit. I expect him to get up. I expect him to
freak out and walk away back to his own bedroom. I expect him to be angry that
I let him do that, knowing he didn’t want to. What I don’t expect though, is
the tiny smile on his lips as his hand brushes a strand of hair away from my
eyes. My heart hammers against my chest and I can’t quite understand what’s
going on with me in that instant.
“What time is it?” He whispers.
“Probably middle of the night, I have no idea.”
He turns around and sits, the moonlight reflecting on his neck right at the
edge of the undercut that my fingers are begging me to touch. He stretches and
gets up.
“I’m going to shower.” He says as he walks to the door but then pauses and
turns to me.
“Are you coming or what?” He adds.
“I-In…in the shower?” I stutter.
“I’m not going to fuck you into the wall, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
He scoffs. “I just like my sheets to be clean and we’re not. So…”
I get up and walk up to the door.
“I guess I can do that.”
“Do what?” Levi smirks, angling his head at me.
“Watch you.” I say with an equally as playful glare.
“Oddly, enough…” Levi says. “I know where this is getting at and you better not
act like a fucking tease with me after saying loud and clear that you didn’t
want to do anything tonight.”
“We’ll have to see.” I smirk. “And we’re tomorrow.”
“Well then you broke your promise.” He says, tugging on my shirt.
“I guess I’ll have to make up for that too.”
“Oi! That’s a lot of making up you have to do. Are you up to the task?” Levi
asks.
“I don’t know, you can ask my tutor. I’m sure he’ll say that I am.” I giggle.
The playful glare is back and I just stare at it, taking in every detail of the
smirk and of the new glimmer in his eyes as this look of pure lust appears.
“Alors prouve le.” He smirks.
I don’t understand what he said but « prouve » really fucking sounds like
prove. And if that’s what he wants, then he’s going to regret asking me to
prove myself.
I take a step towards him and he steps back, now trapped between the wall and
I. I lower my gaze to his and slowly place my leg between his thighs, only
lightly brushing against his pants as my hand moves up to find his neck. I move
my fingers to his jaw trying to hide how nervous I am as I turn his head to the
side and bring my lips closer to his neck. I breathe against his undercut,
hovering there for a while until his body reaches a bit closer to my own. My
lips press against his skin and I drag them lower to the point where I’m under
his chin. I’m hesitating as whether I should go down or not but then decide
against it as I remember he said we weren’t clean enough. Perhaps he doesn’t
care in the situation but I do, since I don’t want him to be uncomfortable.
Instead, I climb my way up to his mouth and pause to look into his eyes before
I press my entire body against his, forcing him to stand on his toes in order
to be able to keep the kiss alive. I slide my tongue into his mouth and he
presses his against mine. The silent fight drags on for a while until I feel
fingers in my hair. Suddenly my head gets jerked back and I wince.
“Shower. Now.” Levi orders.
“Yes, sir!” I reply before he lets me go.
I walk to the bathroom across the corridor, not daring to look back as I hear
his footsteps follow. As soon as I’m inside, I take off my shirt and throw it
on the floor beside me. I glance back and notice that he’s leaning against the
doorframe, looking at my back.
“What?” I ask.
“Waiting…” He murmurs.
“Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to watch you?” I ask.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in this god damn shower already?”
I smile, starting to understand how he works. Whenever he doesn’t want to
answer a question or decides not to, he asks another one instead. I unbuckle my
belt and let my pants fall to the floor. My heart slams against my chest as I
slide down my boxers and throw them behind me. I just pray that it didn’t hit
his face, but it probably didn’t otherwise I’d already be dead. I walk to the
door and open it. The bathroom is gigantic. It’s probably the size of my room
and Levi is too far from me. The mosaic of blue tiles makes me feel trapped in
a cold empty space. I turn on the water and wait until I see the steam come
out. I turn around to see that he’s still leaning against the doorframe.
“Are you coming?” I ask nervously.
“I sure hope so.” He says, walking slowly towards me as he lets his pants fall
to the floor and pushes them aside, near mine.
I blush at what he said as my gaze unconsciously glides down to his hips. His
boxers are way too tight and it only reminds me that I haven’t actually seen
the man naked; not that this doesn’t give me a good idea of what I’m going to
have to deal with.
“Are you going to remove them already?” I ask.
“Eager to see?” He smirks.
“Nervous to see.” I correct.
He can’t quite contain the chuckle that escapes his mouth.
“It’s not funny!” I argue.
“I’m average, so calm down.” He sighs. “I’m the one who should be concerned
about you, fucking titan.”
“So… what you’re saying is…it doesn’t have to be me?” I ask.
He shakes his head.
“What I’m saying is, it doesn’t have to be always you.”
He pauses and looks down.
“Then again, I might change my mind.”
“Are you scared?” I smirk.
“Tch. Get in there, you little shit.”
I walk inside and press myself against the wall, away from the running water.
The steam keeps me from seeing Levi completely at first but when he walks under
the continuous flow, closes the door and turns around as he brings his hair
back, I can’t hold in the gasp. He is… stunning. All of him. He’s fucking
perfect. He notices that I’m looking at him and just smiles playfully as he
gets closer. He stops two inches away from me as the air seems to be avoiding
my lungs.
“Soap.” He says.
I turn around and hit all the shampoo bottles and the soap falls on the floor.
We look at each other and both start laughing because like hell if either of us
is going to bend down to get it.
“Pick it up.” He orders with a smirk.
I’m about to protest but then remember that he told me to prove myself. I
narrow my eyebrows and just crouch rapidly. I pick up the soap as I dare to
lift my gaze up. I grab his thigh as I stand up again. His cheeks are a bit red
and it makes me sing a song of victory on the inside.
“Go first.” He says, pushing me under the water.
I comply and make sure to clean myself properly from head to toe, taking my
sweet ass time around the areas he stares at. He’s leaning against the wall,
arms folded and head slightly angled as if he had been waiting for two hours.
It’s only the look in his eyes that tells me he’s actually enjoying this.
Once I’m done and the soap’s all gone, I turn to him and he reaches for the bar
but I close my hand around it.
“Let me.” I murmur.
“No. Give it to me.” He says, standing straight up again.
Fine then, we’ll see who wins this one. I teasingly bite my lower lip and let
out a tiny moan. I look for his reaction, there isn’t any until suddenly his
hand wraps around my wrist and he pulls me forward. I almost slip as my
confused gaze meets his unreadable one. He lifts my hand and to my surprise,
presses it against his chest. I raise an eyebrow and he just nods before he
turns his head away. The echoes of the song of victory come back as I smile to
myself. I start with the obvious but still take my time as I feel like I’d
never have enough occasions to touch this guy.
“Oi! It’s clean.” He says, pointing at his shoulders before he turns back
around.
Here we go, I guess. I’m not even trying to hide the blush on my cheeks as I
kneel down in front of him. Of course I don’t have to kneel, but it was kind of
the point. I slowly let my fingers wrap around him as my other hand glides the
soap bar up and down his shaft. He’s already hard. He’s been hard for a while,
but it just seems to multiply as soon as my hands are on him. I let the water
fall on me and my hair is everywhere; in my eyes, on my cheeks and it’s just
plainly annoying. He notices. God does he notice or perhaps he just wanted to
do that since he first saw me.
He slides his fingers in my hair and momentarily grips it before slicking it
back. Our gazes meet and I’m not as nervous as I was a moment ago, not with
those eyes looking at me right now as if I was a fucking god or something. I
wrap my arm around his thigh and bring him closer so that the water cleans off
the remains of soap. Then, I let go and he takes a step back, forcing me to
take a step forward and sending an even darker shade of red to my cheeks. I
decide to avoid his gaze as I let my fingers climb up his thighs. I wrap my
fingers around him again and start stroking slowly. He stiffens a bit but I
know it’s normal since I always do the same. I bring my lips closer and press
the tip against my mouth, grateful that he doesn’t try to force himself into me
and gives me all the time I need even though it’s probably killing him. I open
my mouth and start moving to a regular pace. I glance up and see his eyes
filled with lust locked on me. One of his hand is gripping the shampoo stand
and I can see the muscles tighten in his arms as well as his jaw that keeps
clenching. He manages a smile as I keep going and that’s all it takes for me to
be confident about this. Somehow, I can do this.
Until, I go too deep and gag. I choke hard as tears make their way onto my
cheeks. Levi pulls away as soon as he realizes and crouches before me. His
hands grip my shoulders tightly.
“Oi! Don’t do that. Not yet.” He says.
“Why is it so easy for you?” I manage to say as I cough.
“It takes practice. I’ll show you how. If you want to be doing that, of course,
but just take in whatever you can for now. Don’t hurt yourself.” He says with a
reassuring smile.
“Ok.” I smile. “Again.”
Levi shakes his head.
“It’s not your mouth I want.” He whispers against my ear.
I blush as he helps me to stand up.
“I’ll grab a towel.” He says.
I frown.
“I thought you wanted to…” I start. “Was I that bad?”
“Of course I want to. And you were actually pretty good, Brat.” He chuckles.
“But I won’t let your first time be in a shower with your face pressed against
the cold tiles. It might not always show, but I’m a gentleman.”
I can fill relief surge through me. I might only be a friend with benefit to
him, but at least he does care about me in a way and it makes me feel a little
more secure in whatever this is.
“You’re more than that.” I whisper.
“Explain.” He says as he throws the towel around his back and starts moving it
around his body.
“You’re human.” I reply with a sheepish smile.
He stops and turns to me.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“J-Just… you care more than you pretend to and somehow I can see that in you.
Your eyes are an open door to your soul and I have the tool to read what’s in
them. You aren’t the emotionless person that serves as your façade.”
“Tch. Reading me? Not a chance.” He says as he wipes his thighs.
I smile, choosing not to argue on this because I know I’m right and I know he’s
only being stubborn. He throws me a new towel and I slowly wipe the water from
my face and everywhere else.
“Did you mean that?” He asks from across the corridor after the silence dragged
on for a while.
“I do not say things that I don’t mean.” I reply as I make my way into the room
to meet him.
He wraps his arms around my waist to pull me close to him and looks up as he
angles his head again.
“Are you gay?” He asks with a shit-eating grin, knowing that I’ll just
contradict myself if I lie.
“No.” I smirk. “But…”
“Fucking liar.” He says, gripping my ass.
“I wasn’t done talking.” I say, letting my fingers glide down his back and do
the same to him. “I was going to say…”
“You were going to say…?” He repeats, eager to hear it.
“That for you, I may very well be.”
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): You pervs, you want the next one, don't you?... I may or may
     not make you wait long. Muahahah! But seriously, how'd u like it?
     PS: Typos will be corrected...eventually...
***** Wrong order *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Hello lovely readers! How are you guys doing? I'm alright.
     Though I have been struggling HARD with this chapter. I guess
     there'll be a little more drama than I originally intended it to be
     but don't worry the fun will stay. SO I assume you guys have been
     waiting for this chapter impatiently. I'm just going to say that it
     is 18+ ?... lol *coughs* you know what it means.
     Songs in this chapter:
     Zedd - Beautiful now
     Kygo - Firestone
     Hope you like it, like I said, it was a hard one to write and I don't
     even know why.
     PS: TINY WARNING FOR A DIFFICULT ENDING THAT MAY TRIGGER THINGS.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“Is that so…”
I shrug and he lets go of my waist to lead me to the desk. It’s old and white.
Probably vintage and it contrasts well with the TV mounted right above on the
wall. Levi touches the flat surface of the desk which illuminates with various
menus.
“Oh my god! This is amazing! How does this even exist?” I comment, overly
excited.
“It’s basically just a huge tablet, don’t freak out.” He laughs. “Pick a couple
of songs while I go gather a few things, will you?”
“Like what songs?” I ask.
“Anything you like, but don’t look at what I’m doing.”
“Why?” I ask, suddenly curious.
“Because I said so.”
“Alright, grumpy old man.”
I get no answer besides the echo of the slap I receive on my ass. I smirk as my
fingers glide up and down in Levi’s playlist. It’s such a wide range of music;
I really don’t know what to pick. What would he like?
I keep scrolling and scrolling seeing nothing that catches my eye or would be
deemed worthy of a night like this. Suddenly, I’m sad that I threw away my
phone, because I had a couple of good songs in there. I wish I had… oh wait! He
has it! He has Zedd’s songs. I click the name and browse for the song I’m
looking for. I find it and immediately click play.
“I picked one.” I say, still looking at the screen that somehow transfers up to
the TV on its own and starts to play.
I’m startled when I feel his breathing on my neck.
“I said a few.” He whispers in my ear as he wraps his arms around me from
behind.
I turn to look at him and our gazes meet. We remain silent for a little while
as we let the music play.
I see what you're wearing, there's nothing beneath it
Forgive me for staring, forgive me for breathing
A smile creeps up on my face and I’m rendered speechless for a moment. How did
I get there? How did I get to wanting this more than anything I’ve ever wanted?
How did I get to wanting to get in bed with him so bad that all my thoughts
became blurred with the idea?
We might not know why, we might not know how
But baby, tonight, we're beautiful now
He smiles and lets his fingers trace a line down my jaw before he slowly turns
me back around. I let him, too nervous to question anything he does.
“Why this song?” He asks.
“B-Because it fits perfectly.” I whisper, trying to hide the fact that I’ve
become obsessed with this song.
“Is it because, somehow, it made you think of what we’re about to do?” He asks.
“Pfff. Don’t give yourself too much credit.” I say with a sheepish smile.
“But…it might be.”
We'll light up the sky, we'll open the clouds
Cause baby, tonight, we're beautiful now, we're beautiful
“But since I don’t have my phone anymore, I guess I won’t be able to listen to
it as much as I did before.” I laugh.
“We’ll get you another one.”
“We?” I say, intrigued.
As if I was going to let him, a perfect stranger… Well perfect, yes…
Stranger…maybe not so much, since we’re both naked and about a minute away from
fucking like rabbits. Actually I don’t even know why this expression exists…it
looks anything but fun… But hum…what was I thinking again? Oh the phone… NO. I
won’t let him buy me a phone.
“Don’t you have other things to focus on?” He says, once again wrapping his
arms around me and sliding his hand down on my thigh.
“I-I…Sure!” I gasp.
“You trust me?”
Wherever it's going, I'm gonna chase it
What's left of this moment, I'm not gonna waste it
“I trust you.” I repeat.
Stranded together, our worlds have collided
This won't be forever, so why try to fight it?
We're beautiful now
His hands move and I long for the touch that doesn’t come. I close my eyes in
anticipation as I feel his fingers pressing gently against them, silently
ordering me to keep them shut. I obey. I hear him move around me and I’m pretty
sure he’s scrolling for a song.
“Don’t like it?” I ask.
“Oh I love it, it’s just not really something we can dance to.” He says.
“Dance?” I can’t help but chuckle. I never thought he’d be the type to dance. I
imagined him more like the type of guy who spends the entire night on a stool,
sipping champagne or whatever else.
“I didn’t mean literally” He says. “But…then again.”
Then, as the beat shifts to a much lower and slower one, I feel something soft,
some sort of cold material, that glides up on my skin. I realize he’s back
behind me. In fact, when I feel the cold piece of cloth on my cheeks, I
understand that he’s blindfolding me.
Once he’s done, I feel his hand glide down to my shoulders and then a finger
slowly tracing a line down my spine. I shiver, feeling myself getting hard
again.
I'm a flame
You're a fire
I'm the dark in need of light
When we touch, you inspire
Feel the change in me tonight
So take me up, take me higher
There's a world not far from here
We can dance in desire
Or we can burn in love tonight
“Still trust me?”
I nod, tentatively opening my eyes but I still can’t see anything. He laughs
and flicks a finger to my nose because he probably figured out what I was
trying to do.
Our hearts are like firestones
And when they strike, we feel the love
Sparks will fly, they ignite our bones
But when they strike, we light up the world
He grabs my hands and slowly turns me around to face him. He slides his leg
between my own presses his hips against mine as his hands find their place on
the small of my back. He pulls me close, forcing me to follow his swaying hips
that gently move to the beat. One of his hands move back to my own and his
fingers intertwine with mine. He starts to move us around the room slowly,
following the melody in a much hotter way than I would’ve imagined. His
grinding against me, the friction, is sending jolts of pleasurable pain
everywhere inside of me and I’m lucky to even remember my name. I can’t believe
we’re dancing naked in the middle of his bedroom. I can’t believe this guy, the
emotionless nymphomaniac asshole that I thought I knew, is dancing with me. And
why? Why hasn’t he thrown me on the bed already? Isn’t that what he wanted? Or
perhaps he’s nicer because it’s my first time. That’s probably it. It must be
it. Then again, I would’ve never expected that from him.
Eventually I can feel him step away from me just to slide his hands under my
arms and quickly pick me up. I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist,
scared for my life that the man won’t be able to hold me up, but I guess I
shouldn’t have underestimated him. Not even his breathing changes as his arms
secure me close to him. He kisses my collarbones and the lower part of my neck
as he carries me to, what I assume to be, the bed.
He slowly puts me down on it and my head gently hits the comforter. I don’t
even hear the rest of the song as my heartbeat pounds in my ears. Levi slowly
climbs on top of me and lays down, resting his weight on me as his lips reach
for mine. I’m nervous and it must show by how much I’m shaking. I’m not afraid;
I know he wouldn’t hurt me. How I know? I just do, but I’m just…nervous.
“I can feel your heart pulsing through your skin, this must not be good.” He
whispers against my lips.
“Nervous.” I whisper as Levi’s hand reaches up to ruffle my hair.
“Don’t be. Everything will be alright.” He promises and I instantly relax.
He sits up straight and glides his hand on my stomach, detailing my muscles and
I want to do the same to him but I’m too shy in that instant.
“I’m going to get off the bed for a second to go grab something on the
nightstand, you relax okay?”
He moves right away and the lack of touch leaves me cold and stressed again.
“Why do I have to be blindfolded?” I ask. “I want to see you.”
I hear him climb on the bed again before he crawls back on top of me slowly.
“Senses are heightened when one is depraved of a major one like sight.” He
breathes against my lips. “And I want you to focus on pleasure, not on how you
or I look like.”
I let a grin make its way to my face but then Levi sits back up and I can only
feel his knees on each side of me. I hear the pop of a bottle and I can only
assume it’s lube. I brace myself, ready to feel his fingers against my entrance
again, but nothing comes. Instead, I jump when his hand starts stroking me
slowly as if I wasn’t hard enough already. Gosh this is painful; I need to get
a release, any release, really.
Levi stops moving his hand and I’m left wondering why… Why does he stop? And
that’s when I feel it, my cock entering something, or more precisely someone,
because Levi is slowly lowering himself above me as I enter him. I am fucking
Levi. The moan that escapes my mouth could be categorized as wild,
uncontrollable, loud but mostly: pleading. I didn’t expect that at all. AT ALL.
Levi raises himself back up and then goes down again. I can feel him adjust to
me and then suddenly I gasp.
“Oh my god, wait!” I scream. “Pause!”
“Why?” He asks and I can imagine the smirk on his face as he lowers himself
down once again.
I wince.
“I’m going to come.”
“Didn’t you say you were up to the task?” He snorts.
“I did, but that was before I knew I’d be the one fucking you. This is too
much.” I cry out. “I’ve wanted this so bad, I dreamed about this so many times
and I just didn’t expect it to happen at all. I thought you’d be the one taking
me.”
“Oh I will” He says, tracing my lower lip with his fingers. “But since it’s
your first time, I thought it would be nice to start this way. To be honest, I
wanted to try and see if I could take you.”
He slams himself back down on me and my hands grip the sheets as my back arches
itself.
“Turns out I can.” He adds before slowly climbing off me.
“What’s going on?” I ask, panting and tempted to protest.
“It’s your turn.” He says, pressing his lips against mine before his hands find
their way to my thighs.
He spreads my legs open and I let him take control, because I do trust him.
“I wanted… you to be closer so that you’d let me do this to you no matter
what.” He explains as I hear the pop again.
“I would’ve let you anyways.” I chuckle.
“Surprising, coming from a straight guy.” He laughs.
“Very funny.” I say, flicking my finger in the air as if I was trying to hit
him with it.
His lips press against my knee and start making their way up on my thigh. At
the same time, I feel his finger slowly press against my entrance. I grip the
sheets and nod. He might not be looking at my reaction, but he pushes it inside
anyways. I wince a little but the pain is gone in less than 5 seconds. I
realize that one finger isn’t all that bad. He slides it in and out a couple of
times as his lips keep exploring my thighs and hips. Eventually, a second
finger slides in and I can’t help but wince.
“It’s normal. Don’t worry, we have time.” He murmurs against my hip.
He slides them in and out without ever stopping. His fingers start sliding
faster and deeper and to my greatest surprise, I am enjoying this again. He
pushes harder and then hits it. That little spot that made me go insane the
last time.
“Levi!” I shout. “Levi, this…”
“I know.” He whispers before starting to separate his fingers.
Once again, I wince but for some odd reason, I don’t care as much anymore. Not
when I know the feelings I can actually get from this. I grip the sheets until
finally it doesn’t hurt anymore. That’s when he slides a third finger in and
that’s when I forget how fun this could be. Impossible. This won’t be fun.
Nope.
“Ouch.” I whisper.
“I am going slow.” He says as he pours more lube over his fingers and it does
help a bit.
“I trust you.” I repeat, not only to reassure him but to reassure myself.
His lips leave my thighs and I’m surprised to feel them on my lips as his
fingers keep moving.
After a minute or two, when he asks me if it still hurts, I shake my head. It
truly doesn’t but it’s not very comfortable either. His touch leaves me and I
know what’s coming but before it does, I speak.
“Take it off.” I order. “Please.”
He pauses.
“What? The blindfold?”
I nod as I start blushing.
“Are you sure?” He asks.
“I am.” I confirm. “Like I said, I’ve been having dreams about you… I
mean…about this and I didn’t even want to tell you but… I just… I wanna see it
happen in real life, because I’ve already seen it in my head so many times. I
want to watch you as you take me.”
He doesn’t speak for a moment. He doesn’t move either. I want to hide under a
rock.
“Levi?” I ask.
I feel his weight shift on the bed as his hands slide behind my head. He pulls
on the bow and the blindfold falls beside me as my eyes flutter open. Greens
meet grays as I realize the two songs have been playing on repeat since the
start. Levi’s traits are softer. He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t laugh, he doesn’t
seem pissed. He’s just there, hovering above me.
He hesitantly lowers himself and presses his lips on mine again. I lift my hand
and gently caress his hair and undercut. He really is taking his time, and I’m
grateful he is, but I can’t wait anymore. As he refuses to break the kiss, I
let my hand reach between our bodies and I clumsily place Levi against my
entrance and push him in. I flinch but pull on his neck as he tries to push
away. It hurts. It hurts very fucking much but I don’t care because of the
worried eyes that somehow stare at me while we kiss. I let go of him and he
gently moves forward. It takes some adjustments but his embrace makes me forget
the pain. I know that if he says I’ll like it, I will definitely like it. He
moves a bit faster and I close my eyes, feeling myself blush as I can finally
say that it’s not that bad, that in fact I’m liking this way more than I ever
thought I would.
After a while, Levi breaks the kiss and I open my eyes as he shifts on the bed
and wraps his arms under my knees.
“Tell me if it hurts.” He says, panting.
I nod and he starts to move to a more regular pace, which is fine, really… but
I only wish…
“Deeper.” I whisper.
His lips quirk up as he complies to my demand. He tries different angles but
always comes back to the same one, seemingly aggravated by something.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I could swear it was…”
“…OH! OH MY GOD!” I shout right after I realize what he was trying to find.
There’s a huge grin on his face as he slams harder and harder at the same
angle, making me forget where I am, who I am, and that I am straight. I’m not
straight. I’m gay. I am gay as fuck. No doubts now.
He does it again, over and over again and after a point, instead of gripping
the sheets, I grip my hair and pull it hard.
“I can’t…” I start, unable to speak correctly. “I can’t hold it…”
“Just… a…couple…of thrusts" Levi begs.
My body arches as I feel myself reaching the end of the buildup, reaching the
edge of the tiny world that we just built for us two.
“Eren…” Levi whispers. “E-Eren…”
And I can feel his cock getting rock-hard right before I let go and feel him
releasing into me. I cover my stomach with cum as my moans die in my throat.
He slows down gradually and I can’t look at him in the eye, not anymore. Not
now that I’m sure that I’ll never get enough of this. He pulls out and lets
himself fall on top of me. His breathing is harsh and his shoulders move up and
down as his body tries to compensate for everything else. I can feel mine does
too and without even thinking about the fact that we’re already close, that his
cheek is pressed to my chest, I wrap my arms around his body and press him
harder against me. He doesn’t move. If he disliked that, he at least has the
decency to wait to tell me.
A couple of minutes pass when he stands on all four and crawls back to the end
of the bed. I watch him go as he taps his fingers on the desk and stops the
music.
“Shower.” He says without looking back and I know it’s not an invitation to
have fun or a ‘maybe you’d like to take a shower’… it’s more of a command and
if I don’t do it, I guess he’ll have me wash the sheets by hand.
I get up and walk across the corridor, when I realize that Levi is already
inside it. I inch the shower door open and he steps aside as he finishes
cleaning himself. Then, he hands me the bar as he moves under the showerhead to
let the water take the soap away once again. He doesn’t look at me, he doesn’t
speak to me and for a second there, I feel like I’ve done something bad,
something wrong. Everything feels wrong. Even more when he steps out of the
shower without a word and walks back to the bedroom. I stay there for a while,
looking at the bubbles that are gathering close to the drain and trying to wrap
my mind around what it is that I did or said that made him so angry.
When I walk into the room, Levi is wearing boxers and a pair of pajama pants.
The bed is made with new sheets and he’s inspecting it, probably for any
unusual stains. I start walking towards him but then decide against it. Maybe
it’s a hidden message that I should be leaving, now that we’ve fucked and it’s
over. I reach for my clothes, which are now folded on the desk and start
dressing myself.
“Oi! What do you think you’re doing?” He asks from a couple of steps behind me.
“I…don’t know.” I mutter as I turn to him. “Leaving, I guess?”
His eyes widen.
“Wait… what? Why?” He asks.
I frown.
“Well I sort of assumed that since you were back to being your usual…you… that
you wanted me out of here.”
“I…” He starts but then turns his head away as he folds his arms. “I… Look… I’m
not used to this shit. I only have one night stands so usually they leave right
after and we barely even say a fucking word. I’m just… I don’t know what to say
or do.”
“How about: ‘Thanks Eren, you’re the best fuck I ever had.’” I laugh, knowing
really well that I can’t even begin to compare to what he probably already had
but I’m willing to learn.
His lips quirk up but he doesn’t move.
“You don’t lack confidence.”
“I was kidding.”
“You shouldn’t be.” He says as his gaze meets mine again. “It was, one of the
best I’ve had and you barely even moved so I can only imagine what the future
holds.”
I blush from head to toe as I take a step back and hit the desk.
“So you still want me?” I ask.
“Tch.” He says walking up to me and grabbing my wrist. “Of course I do. Like
hell if I’m letting anyone even think of taking you away.”
“Watch your words, you sound like you’re about to break rule #5.” I smirk.
“Dream on.” He says, dragging me back to the bed.
I get pushed on my back and then cold fingers tug on my shirt.
“Take this off, you’re staying.” He orders.
“R-Really? But…I don’t have a phone, Mikasa will kill me if I don’t come back.”
I mutter, because I really don’t want to leave.
“I’ll buy you another one tomorrow, text her with mine and tell her that your
tutoring took all night and that you’re staying at Armin’s place.”
“How do you know I’m friends with Armin?” I ask.
“Facebook.” He sighs. “You’re really shit at confidentiality.”
***
A few minutes later, my head hits the pillow and my eyes start to close when I
see a familiar shape climb beside me.
“What…what are you doing?” I ask.
“Someone once told me I was a cuddler. I guess they knew…”
I smile to myself as I take the hint and tentatively wrap my arm around his
waist. He doesn’t move for a moment but then his fingers lace with mine and I
bring myself closer. I breathe into his undercut, taking in his scent; a mix of
blackberries and aftershave that sends a numbing feeling inside of me. One that
I will fail to identify as I drift away.
***
I can feel myself rising from the dead slowly. The weird feeling of your limbs
starting to be under your control again. I try to stretch as a yawn escapes my
mouth. It’s probably too early, it’s always too early. And I feel like I slept
on a fucking rock. I try moving and then become aware of the arm wrapped around
my waist and of the fingers tangled in my hair. W-What… Oh. OH!
My eyes flicker open as I realize that my head is resting on Levi’s chest, who,
is nonchalantly playing with my rat’s nest.
“Morning…” He whispers against the top of my head.
“M-Morning.” I say, not daring to move even an inch of my body, especially not
my legs, which are tangled with his.
So it wasn’t a dream… It’s always a dream. I move my hand and pretend to rub my
eyes as I pinch my cheek.
“It was real.” Levi says.
“Damn… am I that obvious?” I laugh.
“Well…you did tell me that you dreamed about this.”
I turn my face down, staring at the end of the bed, at the little bump that his
feet and mine make. My heartbeat accelerates for some reason.
“Not too sore?” He asks.
“Very much.” I say as I look back up to him. “But I’d take that over any other
type of exercise to be honest.”
“So you admit it then…” He smirks.
I close my eyes. I’m not ready to answer this. Or am I? Maybe I am ready for
him, at least. Then again… it’s not like we’re an actual thing so it’d feel
awkward to admit I’m gay. Like some sort of commitment I guess? I don’t know.
“Sorry.” He says a second later. “I won’t ask again.”
“It’s okay.” I mumble against his skin. “I’m just…”
“Eren! You’re not forced to do or say anything. Okay?”
I nod and we stay like that for a while until his hand finds the remote.
“Don’t.” I say. “Please don’t turn on the TV. I barely ever talk to anyone else
than Mikasa. Just…tell me something. Anything.”
“Shitty brat.” He sighs. “What do you want to know?”
“Anything? I don’t know just…little talk. Is work still shit? Do you have other
interests than what I already know? Anything, I don’t know.”
“Well… work is still shit. As of the rest, I don’t think it’s a good idea to
get to know each other too well. This is way beyond what I usually do already,
so let’s keep it that way. It’ll be better for you.”
I raise myself on an elbow, not caring anymore if he objects or not, and glare
at him.
“Look, I know what you said. I’m aware of your rules. Stop reminding me. And
don’t try to tell me what’s good for me as if you knew better. You don’t know
me.”
“You’re right. I don’t.” He says, matching my glare and gesturing for me to
take back my place in his arms.
“You just made it so awkward, I’m not sure I want to, now.” I mutter.
“Oi temperamental little shit!” He says as he takes a fist of my hair and yanks
me back to his chest. “I said get the fuck back here.”
“Ouch! Asshole, let me go!”
“Stay put!” He orders, raising his voice.
“Fine, fine! LET GO!”
He listens and for a brief instant there, I’m tempted to smile just as much as
I want to punch him. I haven’t seen this Levi a lot yesterday and I like this
side of him; the one where you can see the flame burning in his eyes.
“I hate you.” I lie.
“I hate you too, so we’re good.” He snorts.
I pinch the little skin he has left on his abs, because he is so cut it’s not
even funny, and he instinctively raises his knee and hits my face. Or perhaps
it was totally planned. That fucker.
“Wow and you’re not lying when you say you hate me.” I mutter, rubbing my nose.
He nods.
“You know…” I start. “I had this idea about the game you were talking about.
But…it’s stupid so I’m not sure I should tell you.”
“What game?” He asks. “The game that we don’t have?”
“The perfect entertaining, addictive game.” I add.
“And what would that be?” He asks.
“OK but don’t laugh.”
“I don’t make promises that I don’t intend on keeping so I won’t agree to
that.”
“FINE! Whatever.” I sigh. “SO… I’ve been having these nightmares since my dad
left us two years ago. Basically, I’m running away in the woods and I’m with a
crew or squad or I don’t know…some other people dressed like me. Some sort of
uniform like soldiers have but way cooler. Then I see them, those giants that
look so creepy you’d actually piss yourself. And guess what? They fucking eat
people!”
“You’re a very disturbed child.” He smirks.
“Fuck you too.” I laugh. “Now moving on… There are a dozen of them there and my
squad gets eaten until there’s only me left. We have those wire things that
hooks to trees and can make us jump around almost as if we were flying. We have
to cut their neck, one of them told me. The nape? I think. But I never get
there with those weirdass blades. I always get tangled in my shit way before
that and end up stuck on the ground. That’s when something else happens… I
don’t even know how but I transform into one of them? But like a much hotter
version of them, not creepy, just...weird. And I’m a good guy, I fight and I
kill them and all but then another dude from the squad always walks in and
kills me, mistaking me for one of those creepy bastards.”
I pause and sit to look at him. He just stares back at me.
“So… what I mean to say is…there’s nothing like that out there yet. And… I’ve
been thinking about a story to go around it. Like… maybe the guy knows where
lies the secret of those monsters and all and he has a quest to go through to
get there or whatever. Perhaps all humans are trapped inside some sort of walls
and they…they go outside and try to find a way to eradicate those things and
save people? I just… It didn’t seem so lame in my head.” I laugh nervously.
Again, all I meet is his blank stare until he finally decides to talk.
“Not bad.”
“Really?” I smile.
“Really. But I’m not sure that’s what THEY are looking for.”
“Oh…”
“Thanks for trying to help. But don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” He says.
“Tch. As if I was going to let them take away all I have. Not going to happen.”
“Glad to hear it.”
He opens his arms and this time I don’t even attempt to disobey.
“Can we watch TV now?” He asks.
I pinch his abs again and earn another kick in the face.
“I hate you even more.”
“Not as much as I do.”
***
I am so done. SO done with this fucking stubborn midget.
“Levi, we’ve been here over an hour and I already told you that I’m way happy
with a regular shitty phone alright? You shouldn’t even be paying for this.”
His hand tightens around my wrist and I get the message. I should shut up.
Definitely, shut up Eren.
“First of all, it’s sort of my fault if you threw it away. Second of all, I do
not buy shitty things. And lastly, I’m paying so you don’t have a fucking say.”
I shrug and look away. Fine. I decide to start walking around, ignoring Levi’s
comments on all the models he is looking at. Most of them are bad quality or
don’t even last a year, at least that’s what he says. I hover over the Nexus
one and then the iphone. I touch the screen and it illuminates, showing my face
as the front camera remained turned on.
“Tch. Leaving a selfie for the next customer?” Levi smirks.
“Course not. It was already turned on.” I sigh.
“Shall we?” He asks, moving closer to me and picking up the phone from the
little stand.
I just stare at him and I can see in his eyes that he wants me to kiss him
right here and now and just leave the selfie here for everyone to see. But at
least he doesn’t force me to.
“I’m not going to kiss you in public…” I whisper.
“Wow.” He scoffs. “Thanks!”
I grab his shirt collar and sharply pull him closer as I glare at him.
“You know I didn’t mean it that way.”
“But it worked.” He smirks before he quickly presses his lips on mine and snaps
a selfie.
I don’t pull away, since the worst has been done already. When Levi does, I see
the look of the guy behind the counter, half disgusted and half intrigued. I
whip my hair around gently, making it hide the blush on my cheeks. Levi tugs on
my sleeve to make me look at the photo. It is, indeed, a pretty shot. He looks
back at me and probably notices my discomfort. He presses the bluetooth button
and then pulls out his own iphone. He transfers the pic and then erases it from
the demo.
“Thanks.” I mumble.
He nods before calling the employee. He walks up to us with a fake smile on his
face and just leans against the desk.
“We’ll take the iphone.” Levi says.
“Ok, our monthly plans go as…” He starts to explain.
“I’m buying it, no contract.” Levi adds.
My eyes widen. Isn’t an iphone something like 700$?
“Are you insane?” I ask.
“Shhh.” Levi says, pointing a finger at me.
I growl in response and just storm out to go sit on a bench. The people in the
mall all seem like they are running out of time to find the perfect clothes or
the perfect shoes when in fact they’ll be out of style the next week. I guess
my priorities never were the same as theirs. I guess eating was my main
concern. I wonder how these people would survive if they had to deal with
starving. Can’t eat clothes after all, right?
Levi walks out about 30 minutes later with the new phone in his hands. He hands
it to me.
“Thanks.” I say as I take it. “You really didn’t have to.”
“But I wanted to.” He replies and I just stare at him, standing up in front of
me and still barely even exceeding my height in sitting position.
I laugh and he just looks confused.
“You’re so tiny.” I say.
“Excuse me?” He says, his eyes darkening with a warning.
“I meant that I like it.” I chuckle. “That even though you are so small, you
can still beat the shit out of anyone and still make me feel like I have to
obey every single command you give me. You’re tiny, but you don’t give a shit
and I like it.”
“Why does my height even matter?” He sighs, exasperated.
“It doesn’t. But if the tables were to turn and I would be the one ordering you
around…”
“Tch. You can always try, but you will definitely fail.”
“Is that a bet?” I ask.
“Perhaps it is.”
***
As soon as I cross the door, I see Erwin sitting with Pixis. The old man
gestures for me to come sit with them and I side glance at Armin as I walk
there. His face is unreadable but I detect a hint of worry in his eyes. Well
I’m in deep shit, aren’t I? It takes a colossal effort not to smile to myself
as I see Erwin’s eye all puffy and purple. Pixis coughs, bringing me back to
reality.
“Young man, Mr Smith is stating that you attacked him for no apparent reason.
Please explain yourself.”
“Well…” I start to say but then ear the door behind me. I glance back and see
Levi walk in. My lips quirk up as I bring my attention back to Pixis.
The seat of the booth behind ours cracks and I know Levi just sat behind me.
“Well Sir, as you already know, me and Erwin never got along. Unfortunately, he
agreed to help me study for my French class but instead of doing so, he
insulted someone who is very dear to me and I reacted on instincts. I really
didn’t mean to punch him.”
And although this last part was a lie, Pixis simply nods.
“I only mentioned to him that he should be careful.” Erwin argues as my phone
vibrates in my pocket.
“Really?” I say. “Cause I remember you telling me that this person was nothing
more than a whore and that I was their new toy.”
“ENOUGH!” Pixis shouts. “Both of you will get along otherwise I will have to
make a drastic decision. Am I being clear?”
Erwin and I nod, but it’s clear for the both of us that we’ll never get along.
“Erwin, your shift is over, I believe Annie is taking your spot for the night
so go rest and put some ice on your eye.” Pixis adds. “As for you, Mr Jaeger,
you are already late so get to work.”
I nod and get up, glancing back at Levi who’s smirking at me. I walk up to the
counter, trying to keep the grin from showing up on my face as I pick up the
two pizzas. I walk out the door without another look behind.
As I sit inside my car, I pull out my phone and see a blinking text message.
“A person who is very dear to you…”
“What else was I supposed to say?” I reply, slightly aggravated.
“Calm down! I’m not reprimanding you. I’m just surprised you consider me dear
to you after so little time… be careful.”
“I had to say it like that… I couldn’t say: ‘someone I fuck with’, sorry.”
“Right…”
***
The last order of the night finally comes and I note the address down on the
receipt as Armin spells it. Levi gets up and walks to the counter. He glances
at the pizza box and then clicks his tongue.
“What?” I ask. “Having a craving?”
“No.” He replies simply before starting to head out. “I’ll see you after the
delivery.”
“Alright.” I say before turning around and noticing Armin, staring at me.
“Shut up, Armin.”
He raises his hands defensively.
“Hey, I didn’t say a word.” He laughs. “But the way your cheeks blush is really
cute by the way…”
He runs to the kitchen, already hiding from the box of straws that I throw at
him a few seconds too late.
***
I walk up the three steps and ring the bell as I stare at the red door. It’s a
pretty house in a wealthy neighborhood. Not as much as Levi’s, obviously, but
pretty enough to have me jealous. I glance through the window and see nothing
so I ring the bell again and the lock clicks before the door opens.
“Hi! Hawaiian pizza with extra fr…” My voice disappears as I see Erwin standing
behind the door.
My heart hammers against my chest and I know this isn’t right. He will make me
pay. Somehow, I know he’s going to beat the shit out of me and then force me to
blame it on some thugs or whatever. There’s no way he’d have ordered pizza
otherwise. I hand him the pizza nervously and he pulls out his wallet. He hands
me the money and tells me I can keep the change. I stare blankly at him.
Really?... That’s all? I smirk as I slowly turn around and start making my way
down the steps, when suddenly, I get yanked back by a strong grip on my hair.
Another arm wraps around my neck as I get pulled back inside. The door starts
to close as my screams are muffled by his big hand. I reach towards the door,
trying desperately to keep it from closing. Eventually, the tiny ray of light
from outside disappears and I’m left here, alone with this monster. He yanks me
backwards again just to smack my head against the wall and hold it there as his
body presses against mine. I may fight as much as I am capable of, but no
matter what I do, I am completely stuck in those iron arms.
“So…I hear you like cock?” He whispers in my ear.
My eyes widen in realization and I scream. I try to scream at least. I scratch
the wall with my nails and try to claw at his arms but he doesn’t even flinch.
I kick and scream and cry but I’m all alone, as always. One of his hands
travels under my shirt and glides down in my pants. Tears start to make their
way on my face as my screams become more useless by the minute. I bite his hand
hard enough that it tastes like blood. I spit it on the wall as his other hand
lets go of my face. I scream for a second before the right side of my face
suddenly feels numb. He hit me and he hit me hard. Black dots fill my vision as
my mouth gets covered again. I’m losing strength but I’ll never lose my will to
fight. I am determined to not let this happen. Unfortunately, my body isn’t
supporting my beliefs. My legs give out under me as I feel my pants getting
yanked down and my face being slammed back against the wall. I cry and cry and
scream and bite but no matter how hard I try, it doesn’t help. I close my eyes,
dreading the inevitable. Erwin’s breathing against my ear is disgusting and hot
and I feel like throwing up. I almost do and he removes his hand quickly when I
gag. My eyes open quickly. How did I not think of this before?
“HELP ME!” I scream for one last time, loudly, clearly and desperately.
My head gets crushed to the wall again, leaving me dizzier than before, when
suddenly, I hear a loud noise beside me. It takes me a while, as I reopen my
eyes, to realize that the door is hanging by shreds and a shadow makes its way
inside.
“Levi?” I hear Erwin say before I hear a disgusting crack.
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): Ok so I know Levi was still all fluffly fluff (yeah ok im
     allowed to say it because its my levi okay? lol)... so yeah...he's
     nice now because of eren's first time and then because of erwin...
     but as we keep going, he'll start being the nymphomaniac asshole
     again (he doesn't want to break rule #5) so do not worry, this is far
     from over yet... Levi won't give in so easily and well... Eren still
     isn't gay...as far as everyone else knows... ^_^ I'm aiming for 20
     chapters + Epilogue so 21... I won't update the number just yet.
     PS: Comments are always much appreciated whether its feedback or
     general appreciation or................................ fanart (cause
     gosh I would totally die if someone drew scenes of this fic)....
     AHAH see you next week for another slice of pizza!
***** Sugar and Vinegar *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Hello lovely readers! Thanks for commenting on this fic, it
     motivates me to keep writing, I love reading your feedback and
     theories so much. Some of you actually sound like you live in my head
     lol. Anyhow, I’ve been a bit down lately for a couple of reasons but
     I’m working on it. The positive thing about this, is that it makes it
     easy for me to write chapters like this one to already be in this
     sort of mood lol… Anyways, I am sorry in advance for the feels. The
     next 3 chapters (including this one) will be a bit harsh to deal
     with, I am sorry but Levi needs to snap out of whatever the fuck he’s
     being stubborn about and in order to do that…well… you’ll have to
     read to know. So here’s the beginning of the box of tissue.
     Mood song:
     Seether – Broken
     *First LEVI POV towards the end*
     PS: Also, since I got like 300-400 hits (ao3) when I posted last
     chapter, I’m pretty sure that Extra Pepperoni will be surpassing my
     other fic with this chapter, after only 8 chapters. So I am sending
     big thanks to all of you who read it and to some of you who certainly
     shared it otherwise it wouldn’t have gotten so many views. As
     previously mentioned, if you share it, make sure to tag me on your
     social networks so I can thank you personally! Also, thanks in
     advance to the 3 persons who said they are going to be drawing fanart
     of this fic, I really cannot wait to see it *squeals like a fangirl*…
     And if you have it in your mind to try and draw fanart of this, go
     ahead, there’s no good or bad fanart, there’s just ereri love ;)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“L-Levi” I whisper with a shaky breath as I collapse to the floor, no longer
trapped by the giant.
My eyes slowly roll over to him. It’s all a blur and my vision kind of works in
slow motion as I realize that my hands are covered in blood. Is it his? No, it
definitely is mine. I raise a hand to my mouth and realize that I bit the
inside of my lip pretty hard when Erwin hit me. It’s bleeding non-stop and I’m
pretty sure I’m going to be needing stitches by how deep it is. It’s the least
of my concerns though. I want to get out. I want to get out of here. All I can
see is Levi’s foot, repeatedly hitting something on the floor. I would have to
assume it’s Erwin’s face, or ribs? For all I care, he could kill him and I’d be
totally fine with that. I slowly get on all fours as I hear Erwin begging Levi
to stop, that he regrets, that he’s sorry. Is he? Is he really? I crawl slowly
towards the remains of the door, not caring about the little shards of glass
that find shelter in my palms and knees. Erwin is still begging and I hear
Levi’s foot still going at it. I don’t know what’s more terrifying; the fact
that he doesn’t seem like he wants to stop hitting him or the fact that he
remains completely silent as he does. As I reach the door, I turn around and
rest my back against the doorframe, trying to clumsily bring my pants up. I
turn my head back to the scene and see that Erwin is unconscious. That’s when I
realize that Levi might have just killed him. But I can’t accept that because
that would mean jail for him, that would mean that I would lose him and I can’t
lose him. I can’t.
“LEVI!” I yell with a clear voice.
He pauses, his shoulders moving up and down as he tries to steady his
breathing. He slowly turns to me, his eyes hooded by his raven hair. He doesn’t
want to look at me. I can see it. Worse, I can feel it. Perhaps, now I’m
damaged, so he doesn’t want me anymore…but I don’t care. I can’t let him go to
jail.
“Stop.” I beg. “Please, stop.”
His mouth opens as if he was about to say something but he stops himself. His
jaw clenches shut and I can see his perfectly aligned teeth as a guttural growl
rises up from his throat. For a split second, he glances up at me and his eyes
will remain engraved in my memory forever. They’re red, shining with tears,
angry tears, but most of all, they let me see the guilt he feels. And right
now, even though I’m the one who needs to be comforted, all I want to do is
reach up to him and wipe away those tears, smooth the frown off of his face and
kiss those perfectly thin lips that are turned upside down, exposing a raging
expression. I want to make him happy again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let this
happen. I’m sorry that I had to witness Levi being so angry and sad. I should
have known better.
Levi turns back to Erwin and with one last kick, breaks, what I assume to be,
his arm. He then turns to me as I try to stand up. I hold on to the door frame
but already feel dizzy. I sure as hell can’t drive my car now. I’m about to
actually walk outside when Levi rushes to place himself in front of me with
expecting open arms.
“I’m fine.” I say, not even believing my own words.
“You’re not.” Levi says with a warning glare and I decide not to argue with
him.
He carries me to my car and gently places me on the passenger seat before he
disappears for a moment. I don’t even make out the amount of time he’s gone
because my mind is already working at full capacity just to keep me awake.
When he comes back, he simply takes the spot beside mine and pulls out of the
driveway. The whole ride is silent, mainly because my lip hurt so I can’t talk
so much but also because Levi seems to be totally out of it. I can see it by
the way his jaw seems tense and his hands are gripping the wheel as if it
offended him. Both houses might not be far from each other but it doesn’t keep
me from falling asleep.
When I open my eyes, it’s only because I hear Levi cursing at his keys as he
struggles to open the door while holding me on his back. I slowly try to wiggle
out of his hold but both his hands grip my legs and I just let myself fall
limply back on him. Alright then…
A minute later we’re inside and I sort of expect him to bring me to the couch
and try and treat the wound in my mouth but I’m surprised when he grips me
tighter as he carries us upstairs to the bathroom. He throws open the shower
door and turns it on right away, not caring one bit about the water that
splashes out because of the angle of the showerhead. He throws both our phones
on the counter and steps in. I become rigid as the water hits us.
“Your clothes…” I whisper faintly.
“Fuck the clothes.” He says as he slowly brings me down and makes me sit on the
floor so that the water hits my back.
I stare blankly at him as he fumbles to take off my clothes. He clicks his
tongue and eventually just grabs the collar of my shirt and pull from opposite
sides, ripping it in half. He then moves behind me and sits with his legs on
each side of my own, pulling my back to his chest as his hands slowly move to
my neck. He starts massaging it and I notice, just now, how sore I actually am.
I hope Erwin’s hands didn’t leave a mark there, I’m already miserable enough
that there was even one witness, especially considering who the witness is.
“Thank you.” I murmur.
“Don’t thank me.” He says, his hand pausing the motion.
“You saved me.” I sigh. “Of course I’m thanking you.”
“It’s my fault.” He says, his hands pressing harder on my shoulder as if he was
trying to hold something in.
“It’s Erwin’s fault.” I correct, sitting a bit more straight.
I feel his lips press against the back of my neck before he rests his chin on
my shoulder.
“It’s my fault.” He repeats. “Because as soon as I saw the address, I knew
something was up. I knew he’d do something to you and I didn’t stop you from
going.”
I try to turn around but his arms wrap around my waist, not forcing me to stay
there but begging me to.
“You knew he was trying to rape me?” I ask.
“NO!” He exclaims. “I mean… I thought he’d be trying to pick a fight or
something, so that’s why I didn’t say anything. Somehow, I hoped that, if it
was going to happen, you’d be able to fight for yourself because I really
believed you could. And quite frankly, I thought you needed to fight with him,
it was plastered all over your face how much you hate the guy. And, I have to
admit, I kind of wanted to you to come back at him for what he said about you
being my puppy.”
He sighs and pulls me closer.
“But if I’d have known…” He trails off.
“You followed me?” I ask, not really knowing what to make of this.
He nods against my shoulder.
“I followed you up to 27th avenue, where the light turned red for me. Those few
minutes made a difference, a huge difference. I was too late.” He says, his
voice cracking. “I never intended for you to be alone with him, not even for a
second.”
“It wasn’t too late!” I say. “You were right on time. If you would have arrived
a minute later, then it would’ve been too late. But you were there and you
saved me and I’ll forever be grateful for that. So I repeat, thank you.”
I move my hand to his and lace our fingers together. We sit on the cold tiles
for a while as Levi slowly removes the tiny glass chards that are still stuck
to my palms. Eventually, the water turns a bit colder and Levi gets up to lift
me to my feet. I’m still dizzy but sitting did help a lot.
“I’m just going to wash myself quickly.” I murmur as I grab the soap bar,
wincing at the sensation in the fresh cuts.
Levi nods and turns around to step out of the shower but I yank him back in.
“Stay.” I ask.
He nods again and leans against the wall as he takes off his clothes and throws
them over the shower door. I start unbuckling my belt and then fumble a bit
with the button of my pants as my vision is still a bit blurred from getting
hit too hard and almost choked to death. My hands are shaking and I can’t do it
on my own.
“Help me. Please.” I say, not daring to look at him.
He moves closer and then his hands reach for me but stop in mid-air. I raise my
gaze and his eyes search mine. He doesn’t want to touch me there. I can’t help
but smile as I grab his hands and pull them forward to my jeans.
“It’s just a pair of pants.” I say. “And it’s you, so it’s okay.”
I see his lips quirk up almost imperceptibly and perhaps even a bit of relief
in his eyes? Although I am sure the guilt is there to stay, at least for a
while. I just wish he didn’t feel like that. He might have known that Erwin had
something in mind, not something like that, of course, but he followed me. He
followed me to make sure I’d be okay. He cares and just that is enough to send
my mind in dozens of different directions that don’t involve Erwin.
I end up washing myself completely at least 3 times as Levi leans against the
wall, resolvedly looking ahead of him instead of at me.
“I’m done.” I say as I hand him the soap.
He snaps out of whatever he was thinking about and it worries me. He washes
himself and I watch carefully as he does, taking in every trait of him, every
details that makes him who he is. Why? Perhaps it’s simply fascination,
adoration or maybe…maybe I’m scared that after tonight, he’ll refuse to be
around me.
“I want to stay.” I blurt out and he stops moving to look at me. “I want to
stay the night.”
He smiles.
“Did you seriously think I’d let you go?” He scoffs but then his eyes widen.
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… I’m not forcing you. You don’t have to…”
He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.
“I mean that I’d understand if you wanted to be alone now.” He adds.
“That’s the last thing I want, Levi.” I whisper. “His… hands… His…breathing…
The moment that I realized my body was done fighting… I… I can’t think about
this. I want to be with you now. I need you.”
He blinks a couple of times as his mouth snaps back shut.
“Sure Brat, you can stay.”
He turns the shower off and opens the door.
“Wait, I’ll grab a towel for you.”
“I don’t have clothes though.” I say.
“I’ll give you some sweats that are too big for me, you can wear that if it
doesn’t bother you.”
***
After we spent half an hour in the bathroom, sewing stitches into my fucking
mouth, which has to be even more painful than the punch itself, Levi insists on
carrying me to the bed and even though I find it annoying, I understand why he
does it. At the same time, I rarely ever saw Levi so open with me and I have to
say that his touch and proximity help me deal with the flashbacks that keep
harassing my mind. He lies on his back and I find my place in his arms, my head
laying on his chest as I hear the reassuring heartbeat underneath it.
“I meant it…you know…” I say, my fingers tracing a line on his stomach.
“You’re going to have to be more specific.” Levi laughs and it’s such a
heavenly sound in the situation, that I find myself wanting to make him laugh
over and over again until my soul is at peace with what life has thrown at me
today.
“You’re dear to me.” I say, knowing I shouldn’t, but I do.
Levi’s hand grips my shoulder firmly as he presses me closer to him. He doesn’t
say a word and I know that this is as close as I’ll ever be to break rule #5
because I wouldn’t let myself, I guess, and also he wouldn’t want that. He
would have probably scolded me for saying that or even worse, thrown me outside
if I told him that in any other situation. Right now though, he is my life
line, literally, and I need him to know that. From this day on, I’ll be in his
debt and if it keeps me here, in his arms, even just as a friend with benefits,
then I am happy with that.
***
I wake up gradually, feeling my way out of the massive fog that invaded my
mind. I blink but close my eyes right away as the sun hits my pupils like it
wants to murder them. I yawn and stretch, not quite understanding why I feel so
sore and why my mouth hurts so much. I turn to my side, desperately trying to
shove my face into the pillow and fall back asleep, but instead, my cheek
brushes against the soft undercut in front of me. My eyes fly open as the
atrocious memories from yesterday flow back in. I sit up straight, panting as
my eyes fill with tears. I let them fall silently, trying not to wake Levi but
it’s too late. His arms already wrap around me as he presses a chaste kiss on
my shoulder.
“Shhh.” He whispers, pulling me closer and forcing me to lay down beside him.
“It’s over.”
“I’m sorry I woke you.” I mumble shyly.
His hand finds my chin and he pulls it up so that our gazes meet.
“Don’t ever apologize for that.”
I nod and remain silent as Levi plays gently in my hair, bringing a sense of
calmness that I never actually had a chance to experience before.
“Why is he a cashier?” I ask.
Levi sighs over my head and if I was looking up, I’d probably meet a concerned
gaze.
“Because he had an affair with an underage boy. The brother of one of his
students.”
“Consensual? He got caught?” I ask, suddenly having too many questions on my
mind.
“Yes.” He replies simply. “We shouldn’t talk about him.”
His hand moves down to rub my back and I just press my face harder on his chest
as if I couldn’t be close enough. And suddenly I’m worried for something else
entirely.
“I’m underage.” I sigh.
“I know.” Levi says.
“Aren’t you scared?” I ask. “What if your Company finds out?”
“I wasn’t afraid until yesterday. Now I’m scared of what Erwin might do. Not to
me, not to my Company, but to you.”
I raise myself on my elbow and stare into Levi’s eyes.
“Do you actually think he might go to the cops with this?” I ask, worried that
I might have just condemned Levi to years of jail.
“Maybe, maybe not.” He sighs, brushing a strand of hair out of my face.
“Besides, you’re going to turn 18 in about a week, right?”
I nod and smile as I realize that he remembers every single detail so easily.
“Let’s remain calm and if the time comes where we have to deal with such a
situation, then we will.”
Once again I nod, but I lose my smile. I wouldn’t let this happen to him. I’d
deny it all, there would be absolutely no proof anyways.
“Maybe we should delete the photos we have on our phones.” I mutter, really not
wanting to do that.
Levi shakes his head.
“No need to do that at the moment.”
“Why take the risk?” I ask with a cheeky smile.
“I’m not going to answer you. Don’t try and make me say things that I won’t
say.”
“It wasn’t my intention.” I smirk. “But this is just as good.”
“Tch. Shut up!” He throws me a pillow and I start laughing before I realize
that I am probably late for school.
I get up quickly and rush to the bathroom to pick up my clothes. Levi walks in
and takes the clothes away from me.
“You’ll never wear those again.” He says, throwing them angrily into the
garbage can.
“I have to go to school, what am I going to do?” I say, grabbing a fist of my
hair. “Mikasa is going to kill me.”
“Calm down. There’s a Walmart nearby. It’s probably the only place open right
now, so I’ll go buy you some things and then I’ll drive you to school. In the
meantime, make sure you eat so we can leave when I come back.”
I nod.
“I’ll pay you back.”
“Shut up, Eren.”
He walks out of the bathroom and I stay there a while, trying to make my hair
look a bit more presentable and searching for a way to hide the bruise on my
cheek. There really is no point in trying though. The door downstairs closes
and I walk down to the kitchen. I open a couple of doors until I finally find
some bread.
I sit at the table, waiting for my toasts when I realize it’s the first time
I’m alone here. Even though I have seen this place in its entirety already,
there is one room which remains a mystery to me and right now is the perfect
occasion to go see.
I make my way downstairs as I hear the springs of the toaster lift up the two
toasts. The door is there and it’s not shut, there’s a tiny light filtering
through. Excitement fills me and my hand grabs the handle. Though, as soon as I
do, I realize that I can’t do that. Why? Because he trusts me. Because I owe
him so much that I can’t betray him, not even for something so trivial. I pull
the handle towards me and close the door instead.
“Like what you saw?”
The voice startles me and I turn towards the stairs.
“L-Levi. I’m sorry. I… I didn’t go inside, I swear. I wanted to, but…but I
didn’t. I promise.”
He glares at me and during a brief instant I’m worried that he might be angry
enough to drop me to school and never call me again.
“Glad to know I can trust you too.” He smirks before going back upstairs.
I quickly follow behind and head straight to the toaster without looking at
him.
“I forgot my wallet, but I’m going now. Need anything?” He asks.
And it almost slips from my mouth. Unconsciously? Or maybe consciously… ‘You’…
I almost said it. I shake my head to chase the thought away but he also takes
it as my answer and walks out. I sit at the table and sigh, not knowing what’s
going on in my head lately. It’s like an ocean of feelings has emerged of the
abyss that I’m used to and I don’t know which one to settle on. Although right
now, I am mainly worried that Erwin will go against Levi but I won’t let that
happen.
***
Levi parks my car on the side on the school. It’s the morning break, so I only
missed one class. I know that Mikasa probably already received an email about
that.
“Thank you.” I say turning my head back to him. “For everything.”
He nods and presses his hand on mine.
“Just be careful, you might not be as stable as you usually are right now, so
keep it low.”
“I’m never stable.” I smirk.
“Idiot.” He laughs.
I get out of the car before Levi goes to drive it back to my place. I slowly
make my way towards the door, not looking at anyone on my path. They ignore me,
I ignore them, life is good when ‘the fuck up’ is left alone. I walk inside and
make my way to my locker when my phone rings loudly. Fuck. F-Fuck. People are
staring, some laughing, some simply disgusted by the bruise on my face. I
struggle to find the button to turn it down since I’m not used to god damn
Iphones. I swipe my thumb on it, giddily expecting a text from Levi but my
faint smile fades when I see Mikasa’s number. It’s a text message.
“I switched my evening shift for the night shift. You better fucking be home by
dinner time. I already told Pixis you’re not working tonight and he said he
already knows. Whatever that means, your butt better be on this couch when I
get home.”
I sigh. I knew it was going to get to this point eventually, where I would have
to talk to her about school and getting bullied. I just didn’t want to have to
mention Levi or even Erwin. Hopefully I can sneak into her bedroom and find
some concealer to hide the bruise. Then again, it won’t hide my swollen lip.
I’ll just pretend it’s Jean again. She’s used to us fighting. I type a
response.
“Yes mom.”
Before I switch contacts and type to Levi.
“Can’t make it tonight, Mikasa wants to talk to me. She took the evening off.
If that’s not scary, I don’t know what is. Anyways, you can come by later, she
will be less prone to scream at me if someone’s there.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” He replies.
I smile to myself, because I know he’ll be there, he’s just pretending that he
hates me. This was never meant to be just a one night stand. We both agreed to
being friends with benefits right away and so nothing keeps me from having some
sort of affection towards him. Same goes for Levi towards me. I guess he finds
it hard to accept. Then again, it might be the dependency on him that I’ve
showed in the past few hours that is turning him off about the whole deal. It
was agreed, that it wasn’t meant to last forever, but I still wished it
would’ve lasted longer than that.
I shove my phone into my pocket and head for my history class, the only class
I’m actually interested in. The only class that keeps me awake. Today though,
wherever I go, whatever I do, I either daydream about Levi or internally panic
when images of Erwin resurfaces. Will I ever have to work with him again? What
if he threatens Levi to tell the cops if he doesn’t keep his job at the
pizzeria? What if he tries to rape me again and succeeds? I grab a fist of my
hair and sigh loudly, louder than I meant to.
“What is it, Eren?” Jean snorts. “Your brain is melting from the effort?”
I don’t answer, remembering that Levi told me to keep it low today and it was a
good advice. I shut up even though I just want to throw a punch at his
horseface.
***
I hear the door open and right away, I shut the TV off and turn towards the
exhausted face of my sister. She walks in and her eyes dart to the couch,
making sure I am, indeed, there. She brings her bags to the kitchen and shoves
a couple of things in the freezer before she pulls out a bunch of fries and
throws them on a pan into the oven.
She washes her hands and side glances at me a couple of times before she
actually makes her way to the couch. She sits, a bit more stiff than usual and
looks at me.
“Did you lose your job?” She asks.
“N-No.” I stutter. “Not that I know of.”
“Then why did Pixis say you weren’t working tonight?” She asks.
“Because I asked him for the night off.” I lie. “I had a fight with Jean, and I
feel out of it. I get… I get bullied a lot lately.”
Right away, her hand pushes my hair away from my face. She gasps.
“Oh my fucking god Eren, you’re unbelievable. When will you ever get it? When
will you ever grow up?” She says, much louder.
I’ve grown up quite some, lately, in fact. But she doesn’t know. It’s best if
she doesn’t know how good of an influence Levi has on me. I didn’t fight Jean
today, I held back. I’ve been more productive at work because I wanted to be on
time to see Levi. My French class promises to be much easier now that I will
have someone to teach me French. Everything seems to actually start to fall
into place for once, besides that little incident of yesterday, that is. Her
words hurt me more than I’ll admit, because I do try and she only makes me feel
even more worthless and useless.
“I try.” I say with a shaky breath, knowing I’m about to break down.
Definitely, I’m not stable enough right now to have such a conversation about
how lame of a brother and adult I am. As if I didn’t know all of this already.
Does it mean I ever gave up? No, I still try. I always try.
“You don’t try hard enough. I’m going to have my schedule changed so I can keep
an eye on you and how you study. I can’t have you come back here at 1am every
night or not at all.”
“It’s not because I’m somewhere else, that I don’t study and work.” I object.
“I have no proof of that. Your grades suck, you fight more and more as the
weeks goes, you’re about to lose your job for some reason that you won’t even
tell me… I don’t recognize you.”
“I’m just the same. I’ve never been better since dad left. I try Mikasa, I
try.”
My phone buzzes, interrupting our conversation and Mikasa stares at it a
moment.
“That’s not your phone.” She says as her hand snatches it away.
“Yes it’s mine.” I say, trying to take it back.
“How the fuck could you have an iphone 6? Eren?”
“I… My friend broke the other one and bought this one for me after.”
“Wait… you’re saying that a friend bought you an iphone 6?” She asks.
I nod, already feeling what’s coming.
“Would that moron of a friend’s name be Levi? The old creep that you keep
hanging out with lately? The one you spend your nights doing god knows what
with?”
My eyes widen as she turns the phone towards me, a text from Levi flashing.
“You know, I won’t save your ass every fucking day. I didn’t sign up for this
shit. I’m on my way.”
“I-I… It’s not like that. We’re just friends and he’s not a creep, he’s my
friend. We’re just friends.” I stutter and end up grabbing fists of my hair as
I try and growl my way out of this conversation.
“Fine, you’re friends. Not that it looks suspicious that you had to say it 3
times in one sentence, but what does he mean by saving your ass every day?”
“He tutors me in French.” I lie. “He was going to come over and make me study
some more. I asked him to.”
“Your ears are shining brighter than the fucking sun.” She says, tugging at one
of them harshly and forcing me up to my feet.
She leads me to my bedroom and pushes me inside. I raise my hand, asking for
the phone.
“You’ll get it back when you won’t lie, when you’ll study well, when you’ll
have good grades and when you’ll stop fighting with everyone.” She says,
placing it in her back pocket.
I take a step forward and she grabs the door handle. I blink a couple of times
and cross my arms.
“What now?” I ask.
“It’s for the best.” She says, a single tear running down her cheek as she
pulls out an old key from her pocket.
I take another step forward, suddenly worried.
“M-Mikasa, w-where did you get this?” I stutter nervously.
“Dad gave it to me. He said to not hesitate if I felt you were going to lose
control.”
“That… That’s…That’s the key… You’re going to…”
She doesn’t let me finish. She closes the door and I hear the lock turn.
“I’m Sorry…” She mumbles with a shaky voice.
I stay there for a while, standing up, looking at the door as if I had just
imagined that Mikasa was slowly turning into my dad. What would be the next
step? Hitting me if I didn’t cooperate? It wasn’t a dream though, I didn’t
imagine this, she locked me in. I press my palms against my eyes, trying to
make this disappear somehow.
“FUCK!” I say as I realize she has the phone and Levi is on his way.
But that’s a good thing, he’ll definitely get me out of here. He’ll ask to see
me and she won’t have another choice than to unlock the door. I smile to myself
as I start to gather a few things and throw them in my backpack. If, indeed, he
pulls me out of here, I’ll ask for shelter for a few weeks until I can find a
job and a place of my own. There is no way I’m going to forgive her for that.
She knows what I went through. She knows I suffered physically and mentally
back then. She didn’t turn off the lights and attach my wrists to my headboard,
mind you, but this key and the door being locked is already enough to send me
down memory lane. I can’t believe she would do that, no matter how desperate
she could be. I can’t believe she actually believes this was a good decision. I
shake my head angrily as I keep gathering clothes that don’t seem too
disgusting. When I’m done, I sit on my bed and stare at the fan, pushing away
the tears that threaten to come as memories make their way into my head. I
don’t need to cry, this won’t last.
“He’ll save me.” I murmur.
***
LEVI POV
I remove my helmet and hesitate a moment. I haven’t stopped thinking about
Eren’s eyes when I walked in on Erwin and him. That single expression where he
was giving up. The faint smile that appeared on his face unconsciously as I
shoved Erwin away from him. The smile that hides a thousand pains. The smile of
someone who is broken but doesn’t know it yet. I know it all too well. I blink
repeatedly, trying to erase the image from my memory. I never should have
forced him into my life, at least not so deep into it that he would end up
having to deal with this side of Erwin. Flashbacks of me, tied up and left with
no safe-word , runs in my head. I may have liked some of it back then, but I
remember having to actually hit him, for him to stop. He was always the type of
guy that gets what he wants. Although jail brought the worst out of him, he
knew where boundaries was, which is why I never expected him to do such a thing
to Eren. I guess I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. His complicated,
mechanical mind, probably works faster than mine. Perhaps he stopped caring a
while ago, but I never noticed, too caught up in keeping our friendship as far
as possible from anything even remotely close to a relationship. I always knew
he’d never get over me. Not bragging or anything, but he said he loved me and
that was a commitment I could never agree to. Not anymore, not ever. He knew
that from the start and that’s why it ended. It’s only long after that I
realized how much I suffered in this relationship, how much my voice was
unheard by anyone around, especially him. I don’t want that for Eren. I’d never
want that for him. In fact, I’ve been thinking way too much about the Brat
lately and it is quite unnerving to have so little control over my own
thoughts. He seems to be such an expert at the fall and I can recognize a
younger version of me in him, a version that would’ve liked to have a hand to
hold on to back then, even as broken as he was. I never got better though, I
have this façade that I can put up as I please and toy around with in order to
escape the broken heart that still lies in shattered pieces inside of me. I
guess that’s the reason why I can’t stay away from him, I don’t want him to
turn into me. I also don’t want to be the one breaking his heart, so I have
been debating all day whether I should come or not. As much as I’d like to deny
it, we now share a bond that is much deeper than fuck buddies have. Already,
the fact that I took his virginity, makes him more attached to me, I assume,
but now that I also saved his life and made sure to be there to comfort him and
just generally being the opposite of what I am… I’m scared that it’s too late
to run now. I may as well make this less painful for him and when the time
comes when he is strong enough, I’ll push him away, like I always do. But I’ll
miss him… I can at least say that.
I get off the bike and slowly make my way to the apartment door when suddenly
it opens, revealing a girl with a red scarf and raven hair that seems to shiver
under her coat. She starts walking when finally our gazes meet. She pauses,
seemingly nervous.
“L-Levi?” She asks, as if she didn’t remember my name.
“Mikasa.”
“What are you doing here?” She asks.
“I’m supposed to help Eren study.” I say, hoping this’ll be enough for her to
drop the subject.
Her jaw clenches and her fists tug on the bottom of her coat.
“H-He…He said he doesn’t want to see anyone, especially not you.” She stutters.
I sigh, knowing what this is about. She has her doubts, and it’s quite
understandable, but I don’t believe a word she just said. She doesn’t believe
them either, since her own tongue betrays her.
“Fine, I’ll call him and ask why.” I mutter, pulling my phone out.
She presses a hand on my wrist and quickly pulls out Eren’s phone from her back
pocket.
“I was going to give this back to you. He said he doesn’t want anything to do
with you anymore.” She adds.
I pick the phone and glance at the screen, which has ‘Dark in need of light’
written in a nice font as the background. That’s from ‘Firestone’. I smile and
then realize this makes no sense. Why would he have that as a wallpaper and
then not want anything to do with me. Especially since I didn’t do anything.
Especially since he said I’m dear to him. This isn’t right. This isn’t true.
She walks past me and presses a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry.” She whispers.
No she fucking isn’t. I wait until she’s gone before I walk up to the door and
press the button with the rusty label ‘Jaeger’ on it. I hear the bell ring but
it remains unanswered. I try a couple more times before my eyes start blinking
frantically, something I do when I can’t quite understand a situation. I shake
my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. So that’s it? It was all a fucking
lie? What the fuck did I even do? Then again, maybe after thinking about it, he
got scared of me and my entourage, he’d rather pass on other occasions of
getting injured both physically and mentally. He’s brilliant, in fact, he did
exactly what I wanted him to do. He started to get attached and then cut the
string between us before it would hurt. It’s over. Good.
Then why does it hurt so much? And why does it feel like I can hear him call my
name?
I shake my head and make my way back to the bike, shoving Eren’s phone in my
pocket. I put my helmet on and fire the engine. It was never meant to last. It
was never meant to last. It was never meant to last. I keep repeating it to
myself. I close my eyes, chasing away the single tear that falls on my cheek
and drive away from the boy named Eren Jaeger.
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): *waits for a slap to the face*
     OK OK, let me explain. Levi feels worthless, he always felt that way
     since Petra died. So the fact that he usually doesn’t let people in
     and was on the edge of giving up for Eren, makes him give up on
     everything instead. Why? Because Eren suddenly doesn’t want him
     anymore. So he thinks… So he hurts more than he’ll admit. but he’s
     used to it so he removes himself from the equation. Sadly, not
     knowing what’s happening to Eren.
     See you next Monday for the next pizza slice!
     (I’m sorry about the feels…no matter how I try, that’s just what I’m
     good at writing…) ;_;
     Comments are always read, replied to and much appreciated ^_^
***** Spilled Ketchup *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Posting this today… because why not? I’m not sure you’ll get a
     chapter on Monday though, I’ll try to post the next one some time
     next week but there is a possibility that it goes to the next Monday.
     I’m a bit busy these past few days but I promise to try.
     So I modified the plot a little so I think this’ll be the peak
     chapter for the angst part I mentioned. I guess it’s not really my
     fault, I started writing and well…they basically acted on their own
     in my head and here it is. Also… I’d like to know how many of you
     actually read this? Cause I won’t bother writing (A/N) if no one
     reads them. I’ll just write “Mood song: …” And that’s it. Or do you
     not look at the songs either? Because most of them, the beat AND
     lyrics apply to the chapter, which is why it’s a mood song……lol It
     helps to put yourself into the character’s mind in this particular
     chapter. Then again I’m not forcing you to. I listen to it anyways as
     I write but is it useless for me to write it here?
     Mood song:
     Evanescence – Bring me to life
See the end of the chapter for more notes
EREN POV
I open my eyes and push the covers off of me, suddenly feeling like the tiny
room is way too hot to stay hidden in bed. I glance at the ceiling and realize
that the fan is turned off. I get up and flick the switch but nothing happens.
The Hell hole is falling to pieces even more than it already was. I sigh as I
sit back on my bed, beside my backpack, ready to be thrown on my shoulder as
soon as the door will open. Somehow Mikasa always managed to sneak in some food
and homework while I was asleep. I cursed at myself every time, for not being
able to hear the noise and wake up to rush through the door and run away. She
apparently told the school that I was really sick and unable to attend. Same
goes for Pixis, who did ask more questions, to which Mikasa only found matching
lies. I’m not sure exactly what she said, though. Hopefully he didn’t mention
anything about Erwin. And what happened to Erwin? Worse, what happened to Levi?
It’s been what… 3 days? I don’t know, maybe we’re Thursday. I think we’re
Thursday. I remember the bell ringing a couple of times. I remember screaming
his name so many times that my vocal chords eventually gave up on me. She must
have sent him away, she must have said something to him otherwise he would’ve
come back. He would’ve asked why I’m not answering my texts, he-… But… what if
she is answering my texts? Perhaps Levi asked what was going on and she
replied, pretending to be me and said some shit to him like we shouldn’t hang
out anymore. A new rage finds its way within my soul and before I know it, I
punch the wall again. There’s a hole there now. For the past few days, every
time I would start thinking about him or even worse, of Erwin pressed against
me, I would punch this wall endlessly. Mikasa will probably be pissed off about
the condition of my bedroom, but I honestly don’t give a fuck anymore, I want
nothing to do with her. She can find her own place and have her own rules but
as soon as this door opens, I’m out of here. To think I even had to pee in a
fucking bucket for like two days, and even though she was emptying it every
morning and night, this is inhumane conditions to live in, I hate her. I hate
her with all my heart and soul. I’ve grown into hating her more as the hours
rolled around, realizing just how much all of this, all of our lives were wrong
because of a fucked up father figure. I can’t blame her, really, for turning
out this way, but at the same time, she took that decision knowing what I’ve
endured before. She hurt me on purpose and that is unforgivable.
When the moon’s at its peak, my eyes are still wide open, staring at the
shadows on the wall and then at the few stars you can actually see through the
metal bars of my window. The light probably shines a bit more on my wet cheeks
but I’m not giving up. It’s the first day that I managed to sleep most of the
afternoon in order to try and catch Mikasa as she opens the door. Happy tears,
sad tears? I still don’t know, I can’t quite make up my mind. I sit and wipe my
face before sliding my feet into an old pair of shoes, since my newest ones
remained by the apartment door. I wait fifteen minutes, maybe thirty… or
perhaps even an hour but I stay awake, trying to force my brain into
reproducing Levi’s shadow on the wall, the few smirks and smiles I’ve had the
chance to see. In that moment, I realize that my mind has replaced any happy
places I’ve ever had with an image of Levi. Even him shouting at me for being a
total idiot, is now a memory I cherish. Video games? A brief access to tumblr
when the wifi actually works? I don’t need this. I don’t need anything besides
him and the thought scares me. Now, I’m not in love with him, obviously… but I
guess he makes me feel like I’m actually worthy of breathing the same air as
everyone. It is, indeed, a bit weird to think like that about the guy who
forced you to hang out with him in order to eventually get you in bed. Perhaps
that’s what they call Stockholm syndrome. Or maybe I’m exaggerating… But
whatever it is that makes me feel better whenever I’m near him, I don’t want to
lose it. Even though I know this isn’t permanent, that this’ll end some day
when he gets tired of me, I am willing to appreciate every moment until then.
So long as he doesn’t mind having me over for a little while until I can fall
back on my feet. If he accepts, it means I’ll be fine. Everything will be
okay…if I get out of here. Will I ever really get out of here? With my own
free-will I mean? Without being under her command as the poor parenting
replacement that she is? I don’t want that. I don’t want this life.
Suddenly, the lock of the door emits a tiny click. My eyes dart to it and right
away I’m on my feet. I stand behind the door and wait until a crack, wide
enough for my fingers, appears. As soon as it does, I slide my hand in and
throw the door open along with Mikasa who was not prepared for this. She falls
face first on the floor as she loses her balance. GOOD!
I run to the front door, faster than I ever ran. She doesn’t even stand a
chance if I can reach the outside door. I hear her scream my name as I rush
down the stairs, skipping steps on my way as I’m about to be free, finally free
and who fucking cares what’s going to happen after that. She knows she can’t
try to force me back here because I’m 18 now. As of about an hour ago, I am now
an adult who can make his own decisions and who can damn well decide on
dropping school, living elsewhere, buying a fucking car, I don’t care.
***
LEVI POV
I wake up, startled by the door bell and sit up straight in my bed. I blink a
couple of times, trying to see if I dreamed this but a second bell rings,
telling me I have to get up.
“The fuck?” I mumble as I put some pants on and rush downstairs.
I throw the door open, about to yell at the fucking idiot who dared to disturb
my sleep, when I meet his eyes; the perfect green orbs looking right back at
me. And during a moment there, I’m tempted to reach for him but thank god I
don’t.
“Eren?” I ask.
His eyes fill with tears and he reaches forward, basically throwing himself
into my arms. I stumble a bit before I manage to steady myself. I hesitantly
wrap my arms around him and awkwardly tap his back before I pull away to gaze
into his eyes.
“What’s going on?”
“M-Mikasa… she… she locked me in.”
“She what?” I ask.
“She locked me in my room. She took my phone away.” He cries. “I’m so sorry.”
I sigh, rubbing a hand on the back of my neck and looking anywhere but at him.
Did his sister really do that to him? I’m filled with a sudden urge to go find
the bitch and show her why she’ll never contact Eren again. Then again… I need
to keep my head cold for what I’m about to do. I need to remain stern, clear
and strong…not for my sake, but for his.
“So that’s what it was, eh? Listen, Brat, you can crash here for the night.
Even though I have no idea what the fuck is going on in your head right now and
have no intentions of getting involved in your family shit, I’m still willing
to offer you my couch… But I see where this is going and I don’t think we can
keep this up.”
“C-Couch? W-what?” He says, wide-eyed.
Why does the little shit make it so much harder. I made up my mind yesterday,
and the fact that his sister is some fucked up psychopath, doesn’t change the
fact that he is getting too close. Why doesn’t he simply agree to stay here for
now and just leave this be, let us be over. I can’t do this either, I can’t
‘just fuck you’ so please let me end this and stop looking at me like that.
Gosh I wish I could say it but it would only give him more motivation to keep
going.
“Whatever we had, this fuck friend thing, I’m putting an end to it.” I reply.
He stares at me blankly, waiting for the moment where I say this is a joke,
until finally, he realizes it’s not.
“Are you fucking serious?” He asks with a new anger in his eyes. “What did I do
to make you change your mind so quickly? It’s not like it’s my fault I couldn’t
come over every night and broke your trust, I was locked up in my fucking
bedroom, pissing in a fucking bucket and eating god damn sandwiches once a day.
What the fuck did I do? Or did you just realize ‘the fuck up’ wasn’t the piece
of ass you wanted? You found another one, is that it?”
He trails off and just stares at me, tears streaming down his face.
“Oh wait…” He says. “Perhaps you went back to Erwin, is that it?”
I hear the slap before I realize where my hand is. I shouldn’t have done that.
I shouldn’t have said those things to him, I should have waited and just hugged
him. For god’s sake, the kid did look pretty miserable when I opened the door.
My timing always sucks anyways, it’s not like I’m good at this borderline
relationship crap, especially when he says stuff like this. Who the fuck does
he think I am? I would’ve killed Erwin if he didn’t ask me to stop.
He blinks a couple of times, processing what he just said and how I responded,
before his jaw clenches as he turns around and starts walking away.
“Eren!” I call.
“Fuck you, Levi. I wish I had never met you.”
And that hurt, that hurt more than anything I was ever told, everything I ever
endured. They are just words but they hold so much behind them. He’d take it
all back. Whether it’s when we met and I was an ass to him, or simply the
little talks, the nicknames, the photos, or even the sex, he regrets it all.
But it’s my fault. And it was the right thing to do after all, because I can’t
let myself do this and I can’t let him in. Not even if I might want to. Why?
Because it would break him further than he is right now and that would
definitely be a point of no return. If there is one thing I refuse, it’s to be
the end of him.
I close the door, climb back upstairs to the bed where I’ve been sleeping
lately. As my head hits the pillow, I realize that sleeping won’t be an option
anymore. I sit up straight and turn on the TV, trying to erase the memory of
him standing in front of it, stark naked, browsing for songs. My hand travels
up to my chest, where is head should be resting right now and I close my eyes.
We were, indeed, beautiful back then. Now we’re just a mess.
 
***
 
EREN POV
I get up from the sidewalk across the street from Levi’s house. I’ve been
crying for over an hour and somehow hoped he’d be running after me, but he
didn’t. And I knew it would be like that. He was honest, he told me as soon as
this all started that this was nothing more than a quick fuck once in a while.
How, in such a short period, I have let myself become so attached to him, is
the main question on my mind. And now that it’s all gone, that I’m alone, even
more than before, what does this mean for me? Can I go to school? Where am I
going to live if I’m not even sure I still have a job? Am I…Am I gay? I sigh
and pull at my hair as I start walking, trying to find a bench or somewhere I
could rest at for the next couple of hours until school starts. Isn’t it at 40
that you’re supposed to be questioning your entire existence? Not 18? Because
right now, I don’t even know where I’m going and why. I have absolutely no
reason to breathe.
I settle for one of the benches on the side of the soccer court at school. It’s
not comfortable but it’s made out of wood, as opposed to the metallic ones in
front of the school yard, which are cold as fuck. Of course, it’s on the
coldest night of march that I have to escape the Hell hole. How is it so cold
in spring? I’ll never know, but April doesn’t look very promising this year.
It’s going to be one hell of a problem if I have to sleep outside for a while.
I pull a hoodie out of my bag and put it on. I’m still shivering but it’s a bit
better. Of course it would help if my shoes didn’t have any holes in them.
Can’t have everything, can I? No, in fact life has decided that I had
absolutely no right in claiming anything, not friends, not a job, not a degree,
not even good looks and certainly not even love. I look like crap, I feel like
crap and now I’m going to be living my life just like what I am, an unworthy
little shit.
I lay down and close my eyes, only finding sleep later in the morning, to be
awaken by the sun about 30 minutes after. Some students have started gathering
in front of the school and thank god it’s early enough that none of them saw me
here. I get up and straighten myself up a bit before I head inside and walk
straight to the bathroom. I clean my face a bit and try to tame my hair but it
doesn’t really help, I still look homeless. Well fuck you too, mirror.
 
***
 
I managed to spend most of the day away from the judging eyes of my classmates.
While some other times, I didn’t really have a choice. Like in the hallways,
between classes, where I had to focus on a particular dot on the wall instead
of people’s voices judging every single movement I made, every piece of clothes
I was wearing… basically every part of me. I did hear though. I heard too many
things. “Why is his hair so disgusting?” “He stinks, I swear.” “I heard he went
to jail to visit a family member.” “Oh I heard he got raped.” …
“SHUT UP!” I shout, keeping my head down in front of my locker.
“What?” The girl says. “What did you just say, fuck up?”
“I said shut up.” I reply, dropping my bag to the floor as I turn around and
remove my hood.
The two girls start laughing at me as a little group gathers around us, most of
them joining their laughter. I clench my fists.
“Oh look, Hitch, it talks!”
“MY MY MY” Jean says as he walks straight up to me with a judging look and his
usual smirk. “What happened to you? No…I don’t want to actually know, I’ve
heard the rumors but I’ve heard an even better one… wanna know what it is,
Jaeger?”
“Leave me alone, Jean.” I say through clenched teeth, trying to keep every
fiber of my body under control.
“Say it.” Hitch shouts excitedly. “Tell us!”
He pauses, turns around to glance up and down at her and then shrugs before
turning his attention back to me.
“Alright beautiful, let’s tell Jaeger what I heard.” He laughs. “Monday, my
cousin came over to pick me up after school, we were going to see a football
game. And guess what he says when I get in the car?”
I stand there without answering, knowing I should just walk away but that the
large group wouldn’t let me.
“He looked through the window and said ‘fag alert’. So right away, I looked
around and tried to spot the guy. So ‘Who’s a fag?’ I ask. And guess who he
points at? ‘The kid with the messy brown hair’ …”
Whispers travel through the hall as I bring my head down. It’s Armin, it has to
be Armin. He’s the only one who knows. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe he
would tell someone. Of all people, he’s the person I trust the most in this
world, how could he? I fix my gaze on my shoes, thinking of everything but
this, everything but Levi.
“See…” He continues. “My cousin works at this store in the mall and it turns
out Jaeger’s boyfriend bought him an iphone after a little make out session.
Guess he found himself a sugar daddy, is that it Jaeger?”
A new wave of laughs, a new row of fingers pointing at me. My legs are shaking
as I desperately press my nails into my palms.
“He doesn’t even try to deny it.” Jean scoffs. “Or perhaps he’s too absorbed,
thinking of his D up his ass.”
That’s it. I dash towards Jean and throw my fist at his face. A second later, I
get hit in return and then a kick on the left, one on the right until I can’t
really see anything.
“It’s not true.” I scream. “I swear I’m not gay. Please stop.”
My left hand cracks and I’m pretty sure someone stepped on it and broke a
couple of fingers there. I scream but Jean keeps hitting my stomach.
Eventually, I feel cold air on me as the group dissipates. Shadis emerges from
behind them and kneels beside me. He looks for injuries but seem to notice
there’s only my hand that’s hurt. He lifts me up to my feet and picks up my
bag.
“We need to get you to the hospital.” He says.
“I don’t need your help.”
“Jaeger, I know you don’t need help. I know you can do everything on your own,
but it’s okay to let people help you once in a while. Not all of them have bad
intentions, alright?”
“Whatever, I can go on my own, I’m fine.”
He sighs and lets got of me.
“Fine. But be safe.”
“Why do you care, suddenly?” I scoff.
“I always cared, you just didn’t let me. Your mom was dear to me and I tried to
tell you many times that I’d like her to be proud of you.”
“Well I’m a fuck up anyways so she wouldn’t be. Don’t bother wasting your time
on me.”
Dear to him, eh? Dear… Dear to me… FUCK. I hate this word. I walk out the door,
not really knowing where to go because I can’t afford to go to the hospital but
I think I don’t have a choice. It’s snowing. Light flurries fall and leave a
shimmering white cover on the ground. It never snows here, or very rarely. I
shiver and pull my hoodie closer as if it’d help, wincing at the bruises on my
stomach. I ignore the pain in my left hand and start walking towards the
hospital. It should take me about two hours to get there so I just hope I won’t
freeze in the process. If anything I’ll just go to a coffee shop and get out
when they notice I’m not ordering.
When I get kicked out of a Starbucks an hour later, it’s already dark outside,
so I decide to try and jog for a bit since that would definitely warm me up. It
does help but my feet are still cold. In fact I feel like my toes are about to
fall off. It must be the coldest day we’ve had in years. Or perhaps I’m just
weak and generally done. Eventually, I slow down and notice a McDonalds across
the street. I get off the sidewalk and start walking through the pedestrian
lines when I realize that a set of lights is coming at me and not slowing down.
The large pickup truck slides on the asphalt as it tries desperately to brake.
It fails.
 
***
 
“Sir! Keep your eyes open. Sir!” I hear some woman say as I feel myself being
carried.
I try to move my head to the side but am restricted by something. My hands are
tied and basically my entire body is stuck. I open my eyes long enough to
realize that I’m on a stretcher and that they are sliding me inside an
ambulance. The little bump makes me wince as my left side moves slightly. The
lady closes the door behind her as she climbs beside me.
“Name?” She asks.
“Eren Jaeger.”
“Anyone we can contact?” She asks.
My brain screams the name but my mouth remains closed. She types on her
computer and then turns to me.
“Mikasa Jaeger?”
“NO!” I shout. “Not her.”
She sighs and probably ticks the ‘no contacts’ box.
“Levi…” I say in a low breath as it gets harder to breathe. “A-Ackerman.”
“Levi Ackerman?” She confirms.
I’m about to nod but then I start feeling dizzy. Breathing is extremely painful
and my eyes close on their own as I hear the paramedic start to scream orders
at the one that drives.
“Internal bleeding, small laceration on the left side. Possible glass residue
stuck inside. He needs surgery, make it quick.”
I snort and smile. Seriously? Perhaps this was my life, maybe this is how it
ends. Maybe it just wasn’t made for me. Life has a weird way of showing you
where you belong or not. Sometimes it involves the fact that you are breathing
or not. I guess I’m more the latter now. I guess this earth is not a place for
fuck ups like me, for monsters like me. It’s probably a relief in a way,
because no one will have to deal with me anymore and I won’t have to deal with
hating myself any longer. I just hope they’ll live a good life. Especially him.
Especially…him.
"No pulse!" She shouts.
I lose conscience between a dose of something, injected on my left, and the
resounding alarm of a rushing ambulance.
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): *hides under a table*
     (the big angst part is over)
     Please understand that Levi will react to this and don't kill me ;_;
***** Home delivery *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Come on... say you love me. Nah ok just kidding but I have a
     massive headache from writing this in one shot. I will probably
     regret it later. Thanks to those of you who told me they read this.
     Now you won't have an update until next monday for sure. (You guys
     will stop believing me lol, but it's true this time XD...) I've been
     feeling a bit blue lately and what's keeping me happy is writing and
     drawing, therefore here you go =D. Also for those of you who cosplay,
     I made my reservation for AnimeNorth 2016 so I'll be there again if
     you wanna meet me ^_^.
     I will be selling ereri button/badges (I will post the link tonight
     on instagram and tumblr) so if you want to check those out:
     instagram: hikarimitsuko
     tumblr: hikarimitsuko.tumblr.com
     or my sideblog: attackonerenlevi.tumblr.com
     Mood song (which also plays in the chapter):
     The Saint John's - Your head and your heart (guys........listen to
     those freaking lyrics and how much they apply to both of them okay?
     *cries alone in a corner*
     EDIT: OMG I forgot to thank you guys...I had like 400-500 hits on
     chapter 9 Thank you ;_; I can't believe this lol
See the end of the chapter for more notes
LEVI POV
I can’t even remember how I got here. I’m pretty sure I broke at least 25 laws
on my way but I really don’t give a crap. I catch a nurse that runs towards the
surgery room.
“Excuse me. Are- Can I know- My boyfriend’s in surgery, I want to know what
happened.”
“Go to the nurse’s desk.” She says before leaving.
I turn and walk back to the counter, waiting at least 5 minutes for a nurse to
come see me, gradually losing the little patience I have. This simple call,
where this lady was saying they had a patient named Eren Jaeger who set my name
as an emergency contact, was enough to make my heart stop. Why was he in the
hospital? I rushed as fast as I could but still have no answers. She looks up
at me and I ask right away.
“Hi! I’m Levi Ackerman, Eren Jaeger’s... boyfriend. Can you please tell me why
he’s in surgery? I need to know what happened.”
“Let me see…” She looks at a pile of papers and then another one.
My patience is running low and I start tapping my foot on the floor.
“Oh, there it is.” She says as she reads the notes. “He was hit by a truck as
he was crossing the street. He’s in surgery for internal bleeding. Don’t worry
he’s in good hands.”
“Tch.”
I turn around and walk to the chairs beside the surgery room. What have I done?
Why did I push him away? God I was so stupid. I can’t do this, I can’t let
myself… I can’t. But what if he dies? It feels like tiny needles are poking my
eyes but I fold my arms and try to breathe.
In the end, I sit there for about 3 hours before a nurse finally comes out with
another one, stating how she had to use adrenaline on the kid while the other
one was ready to use the defibrillators. My foot starts tapping the ground
frantically as I start biting my nails. That’s a disgusting habit, especially
if I consider everything I’ve touched but I can’t help it. I need to distract
myself.
When I hear the door open automatically and wheels squeaking on the ground, I
raise my head. I see Eren, covered in bruises, his fingers taped together on
his left hand. I raise a hand to my mouth as I stand up and start following
them.
“Can I help you?” The nurse asks.
“I’m…I’m his boyfriend.”
“Oh! I see. Well, Mr. Jaeger is out of danger, but he is in a coma.
Unfortunately, he had to be intubated for a long period of time while he was in
surgery, so we will have to check up on him more often to make sure he keeps
breathing on his own. If not, we’ll re-intubate. We don’t know when he’ll wake
up or if he will wake up, sadly. I am sorry Mr….”
“Ackerman.” I say, completely numb.
I follow them, in a fog, unable to shake the thought from my head, that this is
my fault. That somehow, this poor kid, the one who wanted nothing more than
fucking cuddle, is in a hospital bed and might never wake up. That I never got
a chance to see what this could be… That I never was man enough to tell him
that I wasn’t only pushing him away, but keeping myself from falling in too
deep.
I touch his cold fingers after they place him on his actual bed. Of course I’m
paying the medical bills so he has a private room but it was mainly so I could
stay here with him. Which I intend on doing. I will stay until he wakes up.
“You’ll wake up. You have to wake up. You have to give me a second chance." I
let out a shaky breath. "Not again…please not this again.”
 
***
 
EREN POV
Why is it so dark? Why can’t I see anything? It just seems like my eyelids are
so heavy and…so far, in a way. How do I open them? I really can’t. I try and
focus on moving any other part of my body but it’s impossible. It’s not working
and I don’t know how much time passes until I can actually start moving my
fingers. The ones of my left hand hurt a lot. That’s when I remember the
accident and everything prior to it. That’s when I start hearing the steady
beeps of machines that are probably hooked to me. I’m alive then. Paralyzed
maybe? I sure hope not. Why am I in such a fog? How long have I been here?
Suddenly, a low humming catches my attention and I realize someone’s in the
room with me. I send the command to my muscles, to turn my neck, to raise my
head, to open my eyes, but nothing happens. I lay there and wait, listening to
a melody I can’t quite recognize until he actually starts singing in a very low
voice, almost imperceptible.
And I haven't heard your voice yet
But I want to so bad
And I'm not ready for this
But I won't let you give it up just yet
Yet
Maybe your head is not where your heart is
I'll sleep alone tonight
And if our bones can stand to be apart
Then I'll leave it your head and your heart
How dare he? Sing things like that beside me? How dare he, come visit me on my
death bed if he doesn’t want anything to do with me. How dare he, pretend he
does care, when he left me in my darkest time. I hate him. I hate him so much
and I have never seen life as clearly as I am seeing it now. My heart doesn’t
hate him, but my head sure does. How dare he.
I slowly raise my right hand and clench my fist, slamming it back on the bed.
The humming stops and my eyes flutter open. Levi is sitting on a chair near the
wall beside me. As soon as our gazes meet, he gets up and rushes to me. He
stares into my eyes for a moment and then a faint smile appears on his face
right before he leans down and presses his lips on mine. I’m too weak to push
him away. I want to, but I can’t. Even if I could, I’m not sure my body would
want to. He pulls away and his eyes are red. He blinks away what seems to be
tears and I frown. How dare you? He leans in again and whispers in my ear.
“I’m sorry.”
“H-Ho-“ I start but feel my throat burning. I cough a couple of times and try
again.
“Take your time.” He says, brushing a strand of hair away.
“H-How D-Dare you?”
He stands up straight and frowns at me. No, mister shitty attitude, I’m the one
who gets to keep the pissy face this time. I blink away the tears that threaten
to come out. He sighs and sits beside me on the bed.
“Brat, I am sorry.”
“S-Sorry for what? It’s not your fault if I’m here.”
“Did you try…?” He starts but stops himself.
I laugh and it hurts. My throat hurts so bad.
“Course not. I’m not a coward.” I scoff.
He seems relieved and tentatively tries to grab my right hand. I pull it away
from him.
“Why are you here?” I ask.
“Because I care.” He answers straight forwardly and I have to admit I’m
surprised.
His gaze meets mine and during a moment, my determination to end this or at
least make him pay, falters.
“Well you should have cared when I needed you the most.” I sigh. “Look, I get
it, you thought I was getting to close. Maybe I fucking was because maybe, just
maybe during a brief instant, my heart took over my brain and figured it’d be a
good idea to start liking you a bit more than what we agreed on. MAYBE I
would’ve been able to think of you as something more than a fuck buddy. But you
know what, Levi? I knew that you didn’t want that and I was respecting your
choice. Especially since it was pretty fucking unbelievable for me to want more
from you, from a guy. To admit to myself that yes, I am gay, alright?... I was
ready to be nothing more than what we were, so long as I had a place to go to,
someone I could trust, someone who cared. And it’s that night, the night I need
you the most, as a friend or whatever else, that you choose to push me away
because I was getting too close. I get it, I don’t blame you, I was
prepared…but your timing was shit, Levi. I needed you. I needed someone, anyone
but I wanted this person to be you. As a friend. I needed you.”
“I’m sorry.” He repeats, reaching for my hand and forcing it into his. “I truly
am.”
“Whatever. I’ll understand if you want to leave now. I didn’t ask you for a
relationship, but the bottom line is pretty much the same and that’s not what
we agreed on. I know you can’t do it, the same way I can’t let myself become
too attached to you.” I sigh, tears streaming down freely on my cheeks. “And I
don’t regret meeting you. I’m sorry that I said that. I didn’t mean it. I
wanted to hurt you.”
He frowns as his fingers tangle with mine playfully.
“No need to apologize. My timing is, indeed, shit.” He chuckles. “And…about us…
I just… I don’t know what I want anymore.”
My heartbeat accelerates for some reason and I just want it to stop. It’s
painful and I know that the way it hurts now, is nothing compared to how it
will hurt when he'll walk away from me. He takes a deep breath before
continuing.
“I don’t want to stop seeing you. But I’m afraid I’ll hurt you, the same way I
just have. Now I’m not saying I want a relationship…” He starts but then tugs
at the back of his neck with his other hand. “I don’t know what I’m saying, in
fact.”
I blink a couple of times at him. Red cheeks, a shy smile, a hooded gaze… I
can’t help but giggle.
“You look like a lovesick teenager.” I say, preparing myself for a punch that
doesn’t come.
“Ah.Ah. Very funny, Jaeger. Don’t go around labeling things that don’t exist.”
He warns. “I want to keep seeing you, so don’t say anything stupid.”
“I wasn’t planning to say anything out loud.” I laugh.
“Oi! This is borderline, you ass.” He snorts.
“I’m just kidding, calm down. I’m not in love with you, Corporal Cupid.”
“Don’t call me that.” He says sternly.
“Why? What’s the thing with Corporal or Captain? Why do you react this way?”
He sighs and shrugs.
“Because that was my nickname with Erwin.” He sighs. “The few times he used
that name, it meant I was going to be in charge. Which was never actually true…
he always flipped me back on my back or threw me face front on the bed as soon
as he was tired of me commanding him. He didn’t like it at all. It was painful,
and not fun. It was a punishment for trying to control him and I knew it every
time. I stayed every time. I was a fool.”
I stare at him a moment, not knowing what to say. I want to ask about Erwin,
about my job. I want to know what happened to Jean…but now is not the right
time. Erwin was mean to him the whole time. How they stayed friends is a
mystery to me. Levi did suffer way much than he tells. His past seems pretty
dark, just like mine. Maybe that’s why we get along. Maybe it was written in
the stars that two fucks ups together would make two decent human beings in the
end. But Levi isn’t a fuck up. I’m sure he never was. I may hate myself, but I
refuse to let him hate himself. He’s a good man and I will prove it to him the
same way he showed me who I truly was. I tighten my grip on his hand.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper between two coughs. “Maybe someday I can change your
perception of that nickname, if you let me.”
He smirks before he gets up and walks towards the door.
“Are you leaving?” I ask right away, internally panicking and wondering about a
strategy to keep him here.
“Idiot, I’ve been here for the past 2 weeks. You think I’m going to leave now?”
He sighs. “I’m just going to see the nurse, she needs to know you’re awake.”
Two weeks? I’ve been in a coma then? I thought the accident just happened. How…
Two weeks? And he was here the entire time…
***
After a series of tests, the nurse tells us I can leave as soon as the doctor
gives his permission, which should be around dinner time. It turns out that two
of my fingers were broken prior to the accident. Then, the bruises that Jean
caused while kicking me, were already swollen with blood when the pickup truck
hit me. That’s when a tiny chard of glass made its way inside of me, right
beside my left lung, hitting a vein on its way. It was hard to see at first,
the internal bleeding, all of this because of the bruises I already had. I
guess I was lucky, but they said that my heart almost stopped twice while I was
in surgery, which might leave me with migraines in the future. The blood
pressure was low for a long period of time and it might leave me with some
hidden side effects later on. I feel great though, so it’ll be fine, I’m sure
of it.
Levi sits back beside me. This time, it’s my hand that finds his and he smirks
at me. I want to punch him. Or kiss him. I can’t really decide.
“Your sister came by a few times.” Levi says after a while. “We didn’t talk.”
“Yeah…speaking of that, how did you manage to stay here the entire time? You’re
not family and what about your job?” I ask.
“Well…you did ask for me before you passed out, apparently.” He grins. “And
when I got here I told them I was…well… you know…your boyfriend. I-I… didn’t
want them to question why I was here… - god Eren, erase that fucking smile off
your face right now or I will - ... And my job can always wait. Right now I’m
working on a huge project so they can’t fire me. They need me or else they’ll
lose the project. Do not worry about those things, worry about you. And quit
smiling, moron.”
“I can’t help it.”
“I only said it to be able to stay.” He replies.
“Right…” I laugh.
The door creaks open and I see raven hair emerge inside. Levi stands up and
away but I don’t let go of his hand. I pull him back to where he was sitting.
Mikasa’s eyes dart straight to our linked hands and she frowns before walking
up to me. She glares at Levi before leaning down and kissing my forehead. I
turn my head as soon as she pulls away.
“I’m sorry.” She says.
“I don’t want to hear it, Mikasa.” I reply.
“I have nothing else to offer than my apologies.”
“It would have been better if you never did it in first place.” I add.
“What do you want me to do?” Mikasa asks.
“Fuck off.” I say.
“EREN!” She warns.
“What? You’re not my mom.” I say, turning my gaze back to her. “We’re on the
same level here. I said fuck off and leave me alone.”
“You heard him.” Levi says with a warning in his eyes.
“I’m not talking to you, midget.” She replies.
“AND I SAID YOU HEARD HIM.” Levi raises his voice as he stands up and tries to
let go of my hand but I pull hard on it.
“Stop it, both of you! STOP.” I say. “Look, Mikasa… we need to talk. Sit down.”
“I’m fine here.” She replies.
“As you wish.” I add before forcing Levi back on the bed.
I take a deep breath and try not to cough too much.
“So… what I told you before, that life was finally starting to get better for
me and that I was trying harder at school and at work and all…it was the truth
and the reason was him.”
“I didn’t do shit.” Levi objects.
“No.” I laugh. “But you gave me the will to want to be better, so yes it’s
because of you.”
“Okay, what am I missing here?” Mikasa asks, pointing at our hands.
I take a moment to try and find the correct way to say it. A good way to say
it. Perhaps there isn’t one. I raise my gaze up to Levi’s and he just nods.
This time, though, I know he’ll be there no matter what. I turn to her and try
a smile as I nervously blurt out the words.
“I’m gay.”
She blinks, looks back at our hands and blinks again. She raises her hand to
slap me but a firm grip stops her. Levi pushes her to the end of the bed and
then pulls her near his face.
“Don’t you dare, ever, touch him again. Am I clear?” Levi says.
Somehow, I knew Mikasa would react this way. I knew that this Mikasa, wasn’t my
10 year old sister who wanted to play hide and seek with me. I knew this one
was sad, depressed and had used up all her energy to try and make us survive
through another day, each and every day. I knew that she had been consumed
inside and outside and couldn’t go back to who she was. She was as much of a
fuck up as I was. Thanks dad.
“What did you do to my brother?” She asks, trying to get away from Levi.
“He didn’t do anything.” I interject. “I’m gay, that is all. There’s nothing to
it. It’s no one’s fault. I like boys. Why is this such a big deal? I don’t need
you accepting me anymore. I will get by on my own from now on.”
“B-But…” She starts.
“But.” Levi cuts her off. “He now has a new home and I will make sure he goes
to school and becomes the best person he can be. As for you, I will be paying
your rent so you can go to school and get by on your own, under one condition…
You leave Eren alone.”
“I don’t want your money, asshole.”
Levi lets go of her hands.
“The offer still stands if you need help.” Levi says. “But know this… If you
dare touch Eren again, I will find you and you do not want to know what I’ll do
to you.”
“Yeah yeah, shut up already.” Mikasa says before walking back up to me.
“Seriously, Eren?”
I just nod. Whatever she was thinking of, the answer is yes. Am I gay? Yeah, I
am. Am I gonna live with Levi? Until he gets tired of me, yes. Do I like him?
Yes, I definitely do. I turn my gaze to Levi, who’s glaring at Mikasa like he
wants to throw her out the window.
“Goodbye, Mikasa.” I add, in case she didn’t understand.
“So you’re not coming back?” She asks.
“I think he made that clear.” Levi says.
She glares at him and while I watch the silent fight between the two, Mikasa
starts to make her way towards the door and pauses before she leaves.
“I love you, Eren.”
“No you don’t.” I reply.
The door closes behind her and I start panting as if I had been holding my
breath too long. Tears fall from the corner of my eyes and I’m tempted to curl
up into a ball when suddenly, strong arms wrap around me. Mine hesitantly wrap
around him and I feel like a child clutching a blanket.
“Thank you.” I whisper into the freshly shaved undercut.
My senses come alive with this sent, but also by how he doesn’t let go of me
right away. He knows he messed up the first time and although this isn’t going
to be anything remotely close to a relationship, I know now that he cares and
doesn’t want to lose me. Under this shell he has, there’s someone much more
complicated, which I intend on getting to know better.
“What was that song from earlier?” I ask, tugging at the earphones that hang
loosely around his neck.
“You heard that?” He asks with a sharp tone.
“I heard you sing.” I smile as he pulls away and gets the phone out. “You have
a pretty voice.”
"Tch."
It’s my phone. Did he put music in there? He scrolls down the menu and places
one earbud in my ear. He presses play again and lets the song play. This time,
I listen to the entire thing and take in the lyrics. Is this a hidden message?
Or maybe I’m overanalyzing things. It does represent us though… I’m sure he’s
been listening to it a lot if he knows the lyrics by heart but maybe he just
likes the beat of it. It is a nice song, indeed.
“So…” He murmurs as he lays down beside me on the bed “You’re 18 now…”
“Yeah…that wasn’t the most glorious birthday I’ve had, to be honest.” I laugh.
“Yes, I have to agree, it's hard to beat.” He chuckles.
 
***
 
Two hours later, as he helps me climb the steps of his house… of…my home. I
slowly open the door when two loud pops echo in the entrance. I jump as I take
a step back and Levi catches me before I fall. He’s laughing and once the
confettis start to clear from the air, I see Armin and a lady with huge glasses
staring back at me. I turn to Levi with a raised eyebrow.
“Happy Birthday.” He smirks.
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): Didn't I tell you it would get better?... It's not over yet
     but... eh??
     Comments are always read/replied to and much appreciated ^_^
     PS: For some reason, tumblr doesn't let me track my fic tag right now
     so tag me on my username if you post something "hikarimitsuko"
     See you next week pepperonis!
***** Birthday cake *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N) Yo! Sorry for the delay today... something came up and
     basically my cosplay photos are being stollen and sold online. (Which
     is fkn illegal and whatever...so it was hard to write today...)
     ANYHOW! I hope you will like this chapter, its late here and I only
     just finished editing so possibility of massive typos and such. Also,
     since I wasn't all there, i'd appreciate feedback to know if this
     chapter sucked or not lol... I do hope not. I usually write decent
     smut but eh, I guess I wanna be sure it was okay?
     Song that Levi puts on: Active Child - Silhouette
     Enjoy! <3 (Only Eren POV)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
I barely have time to sit on the couch that the lady brushes past Levi and
takes place beside me.
“Eren! Nice to finally meet you.” She says. “Levi has been talking so much
about you, I couldn’t wait to finally see those bright eyes in person.”
“No I don’t.” He scoffs as he makes his way into the kitchen.
I pull a shy smile, which Armin notices. He nudges my elbow with his and I just
shake my head as I blush. I have no idea what to do so I just go with what’s
polite to reply.
“Nice to meet you too…hum…?”
“Hanji!” She says, shaking my hand frantically, making me wince in the process.
Her head gets jerked back and I look behind her to see Levi pulling on her
ponytail.
“Oi! Be careful shit glasses.”
“He seems nice.” Armin chuckles.
“Shut up, Armin.” I laugh.
“So tell me Eren, how did you meet Levi?” Hanji asks. “He doesn’t want to tell
me.”
I glance at him in the kitchen and see that he paused to listen to my answer. I
take a moment to gather my thoughts.
“He ordered pizza and I delivered it. I just… it just sort of happened. Some
kind of chemistry between us that made us both lean in for a kiss…and it
started like that.” I say loud enough for him to hear.
“AWWW that’s so cute!” Hanji squeals. “So you two kissed? Levi… you didn’t tell
me that you already went that far, you just told me you had an interest in him
and that he was fun to hang out with.”
I smirk as I glance back at him. Oops. It’s probably the first time, ever, that
I see Levi flustered and it pleases me to no end. I am tempted to laugh but
Armin tugs on my sleeve.
“Can we talk? Alone…”
“Sure.” I frown. “Something wrong?”
“Don’t worry.” Armin says. “We just need to talk.”
I look at Levi and he simply nods.
“Go shower first.” He says. “You stink.”
I pull my tongue at him and get up, followed by Armin. I walk upstairs to the
room that I assume is now mine, grab a few things and head into the shower. I
stay there much longer than needed and feel so much better afterwards. Once I’m
dressed, I make my way back into the bedroom, sit in the middle of the bed and
tap a spot in front of me. Armin, who had been playing with Levi’s playlist,
climbs up beside me and just twiddles his thumb for a moment, avoiding my gaze.
“Ok, stop that and tell me what’s wrong. Is it you and Annie?”
“NO!” He says. “Of course not, we’re fine. It’s… It’s about work.”
“What about it?” I ask.
“Well…Pixis decided to fire one of you two and of course, in the state that
Erwin was, attacked by some psycho thief…” Armin says with a raised eyebrow and
I just reply with a shrug.
“Don’t shrug at me. What happened? What happened that would make him keep his
job instead of you?”
“So I got fired?” I laugh. “I sort of assumed it would happen anyways.”
“Do not try to avoid this, you need to talk to someone.”
“I talk to Levi.” I reply.
“You need to talk to someone who doesn’t seem pissed off 24 hours a day.”
“Hey!”
“You know I’m right.” Armin raises his voice. “Now speak.”
“Fine… Erwin tried to rape me after he learned about Levi and I. Levi saved my
ass and kicked Erwin’s in the process. Satisfied now?”
“Why didn’t you call the police?” Armin says.
“Because I was underage and…”
“I see…” Armin adds. “So…you really are…”
“Gay.”
“Yes, gay. I’m not judging but I’m…how do I put this? Surprised about your
choice?”
“Why?” I ask. “He’s nothing but good to me and he makes me see the light for
once, which no one has ever been able to do. I feel so free here.”
“Simply because he’s old… I kinda figured you’d want someone your age.” Armin
says with a shrug.
“He’s not even that old.” I sigh. “He’s perfect Armin and he’s had it rough in
his past, just like me. We get along, we understand each other. We both have
hidden monsters inside of us and it just seems like we can both tame each
other’s.”
“You defend him a lot.” Armin says, angling his head at me.
“He saved me. Too many times already.”
Armin tries to keep a giggle from coming out of his mouth but it just comes out
even louder and I’d very fucking like to know why this is funny.
“You’re blushing.” He laughs. “You like him.”
“What?” I blurt out. “Of course not…we…we’re just friends. Well roommates now.”
“Quick to defend yourself too. I see how it is.” Armin snorts. “And just so you
know, roommates don’t usually kiss. Maybe, you’re actually in love.”
And he probably said it as a joke, but the way my heart seems to blossom as the
word comes out of his mouth makes me question the veracity of it. Shit. I shake
my head and look at my feet, trying desperately to find another subject to
throw at him, when suddenly my ear gets tugged by two fingers.
“I’ve never seen them so red.” Armin says, all traces of laughter gone.
“I’m not lying, we’re just friends.” I add.
He shakes his head and sighs.
“Eren, it’s me…Armin. You can tell me everything; you know I won’t judge you.”
I avoid his gaze, knowing full well that my entire face has gone crimson red
now.
“You have to tell him.” He says.
A chuckle rises from my throat and eventually turns into loud laughter.
“Are you insane?” I laugh. “I can’t tell him that, he’s against relationships
and all sorts of things like that. He cannot know I like him. He can never
know.”
“You mean you love him.” Armin corrects with a wink.
“No, shut up.” I say, flicking my finger at his nose. “I like him, that’s all.”
“Whatever it is, you can’t lie to him, Eren.”
My eyes close as a distant memory comes back to me. “Rule #2: You won’t ever
lie to me”. Fuck, but it’s not a lie. I don’t love him, I just like him more
than I thought I would.
“What happened to Jean?” I ask, hoping this’ll be enough to carry Armin to
another subject.
“He got suspended for a week.” Armin replies.
“So he’s back already?” I ask, more pissed than anything else.
Armin nods.
“I already told Annie, I’d be hanging out with you more. She’s fine with it.”
“Don’t.” I reply. “Don’t act like I can’t defend myself. I don’t need
protection.”
“You don’t need protection.” He sighs. “But you need company. You’ve been alone
far too long and it makes me a pretty bad friend for not questioning your
recent behavior and mood change. I genuinely thought everything was fine, with
how you and Levi seem to interact and all. I would’ve never guessed about
Mikasa, Jean and your classes. I’m sorry for not being there lately.”
I grab his shoulders and shake him gently as our gazes meet.
“Do not apologize. It is not your fault. It’s my fault; for enduring too long,
for lying to myself about who I was, for never standing up for myself once and
for all, for never studying and for never actually seeking your friendship
more. It’s my fault that I didn’t reach for a hand before I met Levi and I feel
bad for throwing this at him, but he is there in a way you couldn’t be. So
please, Armin, don’t apologize. You’re here now and it’s all that matters.”
He smiles and presses a hand on mine.
“I still think you have to tell Levi.”
“Tell me what?” A voice says from the door.
I jump, internally panicking as I look around, desperately trying to find
something to say.
“That I’m allergic to cake!” I shout awkwardly.
Armin presses a hand to his mouth, trying to cover the obvious giggles that
come out of it. I punch his shoulder and he just gets off the bed to head
downstairs. I get up and I’m about to follow when Levi steps in and closes the
door.
“Who the fuck is allergic to cake?” He sighs. “Tell me what?”
“That hum….”
“Do not lie to me.” He says, pulling on my chin to lower my gaze to his.
“That I’m scared you’ll get tired of me.” I sigh. “I can be quite annoying.”
That’s good right? Indirectly, it’s the truth, isn’t it? I can’t tell him the
truth, partially because of this, so it makes it okay? Right?
“You’re always annoying.” He says, grabbing my neck and pulling me down for a
kiss.
He tries to pull away but I start walking, forcing him to take a step backward
until his back hits the door. He cocks his head up at me as I pause into the
kiss.
“And just what do you think you’re doing?” He scoffs.
“Proving you how gay I am.” I say as my thumb traces the contour of his face.
His eyes widen for a split second and I just use this as a hint to keep going
but he pushes me away gently.
“Oi! First of all, we have guests so calm your raging hormones a bit. And
second of all, we won’t be doing anything for a while, you’re still healing.”
I push him back against the door.
“It’s my birthday, I do what I want.”
“Your birthday was two weeks ago, it’s over now and I repeat: No, Eren.”
“Yes, Eren.” I add.
“I said no.” He sighs. “Don’t make me say it again.”
“I’m healed. I’m fine.”
“Eren, less than 24 hours ago, you were in a coma. Can you please be r-
reasonable?”
I smile at his stuttering while my leg slowly presses in between his.
“I am fine.” I say.
“Still a n-no.”
“But you want to.” I argue. “Tell me you don’t want to and I’ll stop.”
“Of fucking course I want to.” He scoffs. “I’ve been wanting to touch you every
single instant since we’ve met. Of course I want to. But one of us has to be
the adult who says no for now. I do not want you to get hurt just because you
couldn’t wait.
“I said I’m fine.” I growl.
“I will decide when you are fine.”
“You’re so unfair.” I snap, pulling away.
“And you are such a child.” He laughs. “Come eat the fucking cake before I
throw you downstairs.”
***
“Levi was always the shy type.” Hanji says, shoving another spoonful of ice
cream into her mouth.
Armin and I burst out laughing, unable to contain ourselves. Levi glares at us
from across the table.
“Shut up, four eyes.” He says.
“No, no! By all means, tell us more about him.” I laugh, earning a kick from
under the table.
I glare at him.
“How dare you hurt an injured person, where are your manners?” I say, faking to
be offended.
“You’re an exception I’m willing to make.” He snorts as he looks at me
intently.
For a second there, I’m confused. It was just him being him, certainly. Him
being the asshole he usually is. Even though I try to convince myself that
that’s all it is, I can’t help but think, as I look straight into his eyes,
that this might have held a double meaning. His lips quirk up a little and I
blink, slowly coming back to reality and realizing that Armin is talking about
me and that this is why Levi is laughing.
“Yes, I swear.” Armin laughs. “He ate it all.”
“Eren.” Hanji says. “How did it taste?”
“What?” I say, my eyes widening. “What exactly are we talking about? I sort of
spaced out.”
“Oh… You thought I was asking... Oh... ” Hanji says with a knowing look towards
Levi. “Just a kiss, eh?”
“Shut the fuck up four eyes!” He says, crossing his arms before turning to me.
“Armin was telling us how you ate gum straight from the remains of an ashtray
that you found on the street when you were 5.”
“Armin!” I shout, glaring at him. “Oh my fucking god, tell me you didn’t just
say that.”
“Why not?” Levi asks with a smirk I want to rub off his face.
“Because you do not need to know any more reasons why I fail at life, alright?”
“Tch. It’s just funny, calm down.” Levi says as he rolls his eyes.
“Not as funny as you were when singing happy birthday to me earlier.” I say,
earning a much stronger kick from under the table.
I bring my head down, pretending to be hurt but also trying to avoid their
gaze. I’m so not used to attention that even having 3 pair of eyes on me feels
like too much. I’m grateful that they are here, but I also feel a bit trapped
right now. A hand on my shoulder interrupts my train of thoughts.
“You okay?” Levi asks, crouching beside me.
“Yes, just spacing out a lot, I’m sorry.” I reply.
“Oh, dear.” Hanji smiles. “I was about to leave, so you’ll be able to rest and
watch some TV.”
She gets up and gestures for Armin to get up too. She gives me a quick peck on
the cheek and Armin bumps his fist with mine.
“No!” I say. “You don’t have to leave. Not yet!”
Both Hanji and Armin smile before making their way to the door. Levi glances at
me as he follows them.
“I left your homework on the couch. And since I’m a good friend, I even did all
the ones you missed. You only have to submit them. But you better study, Eren.
I will make sure you regret it if you don’t graduate with me.” Armin says.
I nod and feel some tears gathering at the corner of my eyes. My smile is wide
but also shows just how much I appreciate him. Them...
“You also have presents on the couch.” Hanji winks before closing the door
behind them.
I press my palms on my eyes as Levi comes back and takes place in front of me.
“God, they didn’t have to do this.” I sigh. “You didn’t have to do this.”
I quickly reach forward and hug him, not even opening my eyes.
“Thank you.” I mumble against his shoulder.
He wraps his arms around me and taps my back.
“My pleasure.” Levi says. “I figured you’d be happy to see Armin and I didn’t
want to be the only jackass who officially meets someone important so I invited
Hanji over too. I’m glad you met her, she’s like a sister to me.”
“Same for Armin and I.” I smile. “Hanji seems really nice, I like her.”
“She likes you too.” He laughs. “She likes you a bit too much, in fact.”
“Jealous?” I ask, pulling away.
“Tch. I meant that she likes you with me a bit too much.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I say, suddenly worried.
“Maybe. Then again, I like bad things.”
I stare at him blankly, wondering if I should say something. Wondering if I
should ask what he means. Wondering if… my head is making up things. And my
heart aches… it already aches for something that hasn’t happened yet. I trust
him, though... and so I push the feeling aside.
After I’m done opening the presents; a gift card from the nearest mall from
Armin and a coffee cup labeled ‘Bright eyes’ from Hanji, I let myself fall back
on the couch and am surprised when Levi’s head finds its way to my chest. I
tentatively press my hand on his hair and he if he dislikes it, he chooses not
move.
About 10 minutes later, I can feel myself dozing off so I decide going to bed
would be a good idea.
“Levi?” I say.
“What?”
I’m relieved to get such a quick answer, I thought he was asleep.
“You’re awake?” I ask, stupidly.
“Generally, if someone replies, they are awake… and don’t try to argue with me
about this sleepwalking shit.”
“I’m sorry if I woke you up.” I say.
“I wasn’t sleeping, I was listening.”
“Eh, listening?” I reply with a nervous laugh. “I’m lost.”
“Your heartbeat.”
“What about it?”
“Just appreciating the fact that you’re alive.”
My heart starts beating faster and he must hear it but right now, with all he’s
said today, with everything that’s been going on, I’m too nervous to ask what I
want to ask. I just can’t do that. I let it beat to a fast pace, desperately
seeking a mental image of something that would calm me down.
“Sappy.” I smirk, earning yet another gentle kick as my fingers tangle into his
hair.
The silence drags on and I’m not as tired as I was a moment ago.
“So, where’s my gift?” I ask.
“Greedy little shit.” He laughs, sitting back up.
I follow and sit up straight a bit further behind him.
“I was kidding, you bought me a fucking Iphone, moron.”
“Well.” He says. “It’s true that I didn’t buy any presents yet, because I was
at the hospital with you. What do you want?”
Right away and without hesitation, I grab his hips.
“We can’t.” Levi says.
“If you do it like they do in the movies, we can.”
“That’s a pretty fucking wide range of style, you know?” He snorts. “I don’t
think it’s a good idea to attempt hardcore porn or foot fetishes. Plus those
aren’t really my thing. I mean...whatever floats your boat but...like... I
didn’t think you were so... ”
“I mean like they do in romantic movies, you ass.”
He seems to think for a moment and then glances back at me.
“I don’t know how to do that.” He says.
“Do what?” I ask.
“Fluff.” He sighs. “That’s what you’re asking, right?”
I grin as I let my hand travel up and down his back, hoping he won’t shove it
away.
“If by that you mean slow, sensual, worth dying over, sex, then yes, that’s
what I mean.”
He shakes his head slowly and I sort of expect another rejection but I’m
determined to get what I want.
“I can try.” He whispers.
My eyes widen and I lean closer to him.
“What did you say?” I ask.
“That I can try.” He snaps. “Don’t be cocky right now.”
“I’m not… I just….”
And just like that, his lips press on mine, silencing me. When he pulls away,
his finger presses on my lips. I obey and don’t say a word all the way up to my
bedroom. When he closes the door and gestures for me to go to the bed, I obey
again. As I sit and wait, I watch Levi browsing his playlist. I don’t need
music. I don’t need anything but his breathing at the crease of my neck,
because that’s the only symphony I learned to adore. Though, he likes it… he
likes music… and if he does, I like it too.
He eventually settles for a song that I know vaguely. The beat is much slower
than what he usually listens to and I’m kind of surprised. He walks to the end
of the bed and gestures for me to come meet him there. I crawl back there and
then up to my feet in front of him. His hands immediately make their way to my
chest and slowly travel down under my shirt as his gaze never leaves mine. I
want to say something. I want to tell him I like him, but he told me to shut up
and I can’t say it. If I say it, I’ll lose him so I bite my bottom lip instead.
I focus on his hands that pull my shirt over my head. After that, he closes my
fingers around the hem of his shirt. I grin and slowly pull it off as I take a
step forward and press my skin against his. I’m about to pick him up when he
kicks my leg furiously.
“If I’m going to be gentle so you don’t hurt yourself, you sure as hell aren’t
going to try and lift me up, fucking brat.”
“As you wish.” I say, letting my hands travel down his back and into his pants.
I grip his ass and he shakes his head with a grin.
“Are you going to actually let me try or do you plan on taking control every
second I take to breathe?” He grins.
I pull my hands out of his pants quickly and let them fall on each side of me.
“S-Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, bright eyes, just let me do the work today.”
I nod and he brings his mouth closer to mine, avoiding it at the last minute to
focus on my collar bones instead. He presses a hand at the small of my back
while the other one starts working on my belt and then eventually on the button
and zipper of my jeans. My pants hang loosely around my waist and it only takes
a little tug for them to fall to the floor. He’s about to pull my boxers down
but I put my hands between us, quickly undoing the button and zipper of his
pants right before he slaps my hand away.
“If you want me to try this, stop fucking interfering.” He laughs before slowly
starting to kiss his way down on me.
I gasp, unable to keep myself from shaking and shivering and realizing just now
that I’m not as experienced with all this as my subconscious mind has led me to
believe. Dreams do not bring skills to life and I have to focus on everything
but the gray orbs looking at me.
As he kneels, his fingers find their way to my hips and into the elastic band
of my boxers. He pulls them down in one quick movement, letting my length
spring free in front of him. I can’t help but blush and Levi enjoys this. He
smirks at me before he slowly presses his lips at the tip, teasing me with a
knowing look.
“Levi.” I say, hiding my face in my hands when suddenly I feel him take me in.
Oh god. Oh my fucking god. Right away, he starts following the melody of the
song with his voice, bringing back this familiar vibration that sent me over
the edge before. I almost fall on the bed from the shock and my total
incapacity to control myself as his skillful tongue brings my cock deeper
inside with every thrust. His hands gently push me on the bed and I sit. He
crawls between my legs and glances up at me. I can’t help but moan as I hit the
back of his throat and hear a moan of satisfaction each time he thrusts me in
and out of it.
“L-Levi. Stop. Stop I…”
He lets go of me and stands up, taking a step forward as one of his knees finds
its place beside me on the bed, followed by the other one on the other side. I
wrap my arms around his waist and force him down on me, pressing his entire
body to mine.
“You’re crushing my bones.” He mutters.
“You deserve it for teasing me like that.”
“It’s your birthday; I’m trying to make it worthwhile.”
“I don’t see how it could not be, either way.”
“Flattering.”
I press my lips under his jaw and follow the straight line up to his chin where
I finally meet his lips. He pulls away from me and stands up, pushing his pants
down before climbing back exactly to where he was. His arms wrap around my back
and during a moment his hands just lay there, caressing my skin. Not my ass,
not my hair, not my dick… just me. If I wasn’t so busy thinking of my cock so
near his hole, I would probably even think that he is pulling me closer.
I kiss his collar bones as my hips slowly move under him, bringing just enough
friction to drive me insane and just enough friction to piss off Levi. He
glares at me and joins our lips and tongues into a kiss that promises to last
longer than the previous ones. He slides his arms under mine, pushing me
further back onto the bed as he slowly crawls on top of me, forcing me to lie
on my back as his chest follows mine. He rests there for a while, holding his
weight on his elbows as his tongue explores my mouth and his hips slowly start
to roll above mine. I can feel my dick twitch just as much as his does with
every movement. He’s craving it as much as I am.
“If I hurt you.” He whispers against my lips. “You will tell me. Promise me.”
“I promise.” I smile, pushing his hair out of his eyes as he extends his arm
toward the nightstand.
He kisses his way down again as one of his hands opens the bottle of lube and
the other one caresses my balls. He turns the bottle upside down and squirts
some of it on his fingers before his mouth finds my length again. This god damn
deep throating again. I can’t take much of that, it’s too powerful. I just hope
he won’t hum.
He doesn’t. Instead, his fingers find their way inside of me one after the
other and I can feel myself adjusting to it better this time. I guess it really
is about practice after all.
When he has 3 fingers in and has been avoiding my prostate on purpose for the
past couple of minutes, I just slam my fist onto the bed.
“This is terrible torture, Levi.” I whine. “Please take me already.”
“How?” He smirks before leaning down to put me into his mouth again. “Like
that?”
“O-oh... Not that I dislike that, b-but right now I want you pounding inside of
me. Alright?”
“Greedy.”
“Give me.” I say as his other hand starts stroking me.
A second later, I feel his fingers leaving me to be replaced right away by his
cock, already dripping precum.
“Fuck!” I shout, gripping the sheets.
Levi stops.
“Did it hurt?” He asks, moving slower.
“No. Don’t worry. You’re just…bigger than I remembered.”
“Is that so?” He asks, slamming back into me.
“Nngh.”
“Unfortunately for you, we’re doing this slow tonight, so no rough sex.” Levi
says as he lowers himself on top me as much as he can with a hooded gaze.
“Raise yourself up.”
I obey and he doesn’t waste any time to start pushing his tongue inside my
mouth.
It’s slow, it’s good, I love it… but he stops. I give him a quizzical look. He
gestures for me to turn and lay on my stomach. I comply, a bit worried about
not seeing what’s going on, but again, I trust him. He gets back in and moves
slowly as he adds more lube. The angle it has right now is really hard to
manage because it’s painful and fun at the same time. Though, when he lowers
himself on top of me completely, I can now feel his muscles move on my skin and
his dick now has the perfect angle to hit that sweet spot. The fact that he
goes so slow makes it even worse, as if the buildup was taking forever. My cock
is so hard that it’s quite painful in fact but somehow, it’s still a good pain.
He kisses the back of my neck and then moves his lips between my shoulder
blades. He licks his way up and down my spine as I arch myself under him. And
it goes on so long I can’t even make up how long we’ve been at this.
That is until he eventually pulls out to sit against the headboard as he throws
the cushions across the room.
“Come here.” He says, gesturing to his lap.
“Aren’t I supposed not to move?” I ask.
“I want to be able to hold you closer... Just so I can go deeper.” He says with
a feint blush. “But same rules apply. If it hurts you stop.”
I nod, excited that I finally get to try and make him happy but knowing really
well that the previous position was way better in terms of ‘getting deep’.
I slowly lower myself on him, hitting my prostate on the first drop. I moan and
arch my back as Levi’s teeth, from a possible smile, grinds against my skin. I
move up and down, trying to control my legs and tell them that; no, they are
not tired. Levi’s arms are wrapped around me and he pulls me closer making it
harder to move every time. Until finally, I notice that he’s a bit stiffer.
That’s when his arms lock around me, forcing me to stay in place as his hips
start quickly rocking up and down, making me groan intelligible words at him as
I slowly reach the edge. He gives one last deep thrust that he knows will make
me come. I hold my breath. A shiver runs through me, sending an electric jolt
down in my belly and then everywhere else.
“LEVI!” I scream and then earn a smile from the man.
I’m panting as he slams two or three more times into me before he joins my
bliss with a series of moans.
His hips gradually slows down the movements as I collapse into his arms, his
chin resting on my shoulder and mine on his. I immediately wrap my arms around
him to keep him from moving.
“I’m not going anywhere.” He says. “You’re home.”
And it’s with a single tear that I finally manage to tell myself that I might
have not failed everything in life.
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): So? *crawls under a blanket with super big bags under her
     eyes*
      
     Also, a big thanks because now my fic ranges from 300-500 hits for
     every chapter I post, which is pretty much about 200% more than one I
     originally expected to get lol... So thank you for reading and
     sharing it, it's much appreciated.
     Comments are always read/replied to and much appreciated too ^_^
***** Popcorn After sex *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): HEeeello! New chapter, yay?? OK so couple of new things. Extra
     Pepperoni Eren and Levi now have their brand new real tumblr blogs
     which I will focus on more this week. Eren being younger will reblog
     gifs and whatever goes through his mind concerning Levi… And Levi
     made a blog to follow Eren but Eren doesn’t know yet ;)… see the
     series of post exchanges that’ll be posted through this week. Links
     to their blog can be found in the (A/N) at the end of the chapter.
     Note that they will answer to their current specific situation but
     will not reveal anything from the future (until the end of the fic)
     if you ask anything about it. They will reblog your fanart if you tag
     me (hikarimitsuko . tumblr . com) on it. Also, from now on, please
     consider Tuesday as my posting day. Recently it’s been hard to post
     on Monday so if I am able to I will post on Mondays but you will
     definitely have a chapter by Tuesdays. Final note, I made a CMV with
     my friend last week that is basically an ereri date night (which has
     nothing to do with this chapter but could still interest you. It
     should be up by the end of the week. Just search my name on youtube
     and you’ll find my channel) ^_^.
     Enjoy the chapter!
     Songs:
     Imagine Dragons – Demons
     X-Ambassador – Renegades
      
     PS: Sorry if there are any typos (wrote this on 3 hours of sleep)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
I wake up tangled into Levi’s tight hold. Considering the fact that he’s
snoring in my ear, I assume he’s still asleep. I slowly and carefully turn
around to face him while his grip tries to keep me in place. I chuckle lightly
as I wrap my arm around his waist and pull him close. I stare at him in a way I
wouldn’t let myself normally. It’s creepy, to be honest but I rarely get the
chance to see him like that, without the permanent frown on his face. His lips
are closed, pressed into a thin line and I’m tempted to press my mouth on them.
I’m tempted to wake him up with a kiss but I refrain from doing it. He already
told me this wasn’t a relationship, he just didn’t specify what it was,
although I guess it’s more than friends with benefits now. Why would he be
helping me if it was just that? Then again, that’s usually what friends are
for.
I feel so awkward right now because I have never felt such things before and
I’m scared of what it means. I’m also scared for him to find out I like him.
And yes, I should tell him. I will tell him because I cannot lie to him. I
promised. I just don’t know how to put it so that it doesn’t affect what we
have. So that he doesn’t feel trapped in a relationship he doesn’t want. Maybe
he’s not even interested at all… maybe it’s still just about sex for him.
But…he was determined to stay at the hospital with me until I would wake up.
Perhaps he felt guilty about it?
I unconsciously rub my nose against his and my heart skips a beat. Fuck.
I wait a moment and he doesn’t move. Good. I sigh and look at his eyelashes
intertwined with strands of messy hair that comes down on his forehead. I look
at his lips again and decide to give in. I gently press my lips onto them and
he doesn’t even move. Man, all this fluff did really make him tired, didn’t it?
“Oi.” He smirks as I pull away. “How much longer should I pretend to be asleep
for you to give me more of this?”
My eyes dart back from his lips to his hooded gaze. I blush crimson red and
hide my face in his neck as a chuckle escapes my mouth.
“You’re such an ass, how long have you been awake?” I ask.
“Long enough to know you’ve been staring at me for a while.”
“Sorry, that’s creepy, isn’t it?”
“Maybe… but then that makes the two of us creeps.”
“Ugh? Why?” I ask.
“Because the first night I spent with you in this bed, I didn’t sleep at all.”
“You were looking at me?” I laugh.
He nods as I meet his gaze again.
“I was scared I wouldn’t have a chance to see you up close again and I wanted
to remember it all.”
“It?”
“Your body. The way your untamable messy hair falls on your forehead. The way
your chest moves up and down as your breathing follows something that’s
happening in your dreams. The way your mouth opens and closes at random times
as if you were talking to someone in your head. The way your hands look old and
used as if you had lived 20 lives before this one. The way your muscles move as
you turn towards me and tangle a leg with mine. The way you search for my touch
without even thinking about it, even if I said I didn’t want that from you.”
I take a deep, shaky breath.
“Why were you scared of not seeing me again?” I ask.
“Isn’t it obvious? Because you weren’t gay.”
“B-But…” I shake my head. “You said I was. Y-You said you were sure.”
“I would’ve said anything to get you in this bed, Eren. But I really hoped you
would turn out to be… even maybe just for me.” He says with a smirk. “I wasn’t
disappointed, to say the least.”
I look at him wide-eyed and offer him a sheepish smile.
“I-I… don’t know what to say.”
“I just meant that I’m fine with you being a creep.” He laughs.
“Let’s go on a date.” I blurt out and then right away press a hand to my mouth.
“W-Wha…” Levi starts but I cut him off.
“I didn’t mean that… I mean, I wanna go out with you…” I pause and hit my
forehead. “NO!!! I JUST MEAN I WANT US TO HAVE A NIGHT OUT, like friends
would.”
He lets go of me and rolls on his back. He pinches the bridge of his nose and
right away I feel stupid for even thinking about asking. I’m about to tell him
that I’m sorry, that I shouldn’t have said that… when he lets out a loud
giggle.
“You’re an idiot, Jaeger. Where do you want to go?” He grins, looking back at
me.
I stare at him blankly, not sure I heard correctly.
“D-Did you just agree to…?”
“Yes.” He says, tugging on my hair. “We can have a date/not date night. I could
use a night out to be honest.”
“Oh my god.” I say, out of words.
“Levi is fine.”
I punch him playfully and crawl on top of him before pressing my lips on his.
“What day are we again?” I ask.
“Sunday.” He replies.
“Awww damn.” I mutter.
“What did you have in mind?”
“I’d make it a surprise, to be honest.”
“Well you got me curious now… Shall I leave the house for the day?”
“But it’s Sunday, you work tomorrow and I have school.” I pout.
“I work late tomorrow. I have a meeting around noon and then I’ll be at work
until 6pm.” He sighs. “Also, you don’t have school until next week. I sent a
message to the principal explaining the situation and they agreed for another
week off as long as you do your homework.”
“You’re too good for me.” I say.
“Yes…why do I put up with a brat like you?”
“Cause you like my ass!” I smirk, letting my hand travel down his stomach.
His hands instantly grip my ass and his hooded glare reappears.
“You’re right. I’m very fond of this.” He says, squeezing it.
***
The day goes by slowly and Levi spends most of it on his laptop, discussing
with some guy from IT who seems to want to address some troubles they are
having with the render of some scenes of their new game. His frown is pretty
noticeable, which makes me think he’s really aggravated right now. Hopefully I
can change his mood soon enough. Especially considering the fact that he didn’t
even let me touch him since this morning when I first tried to take off his
pajama pants. ‘You need to rest’ … Fucking stubborn midget, you won’t be able
to say no once you’ve seen all the things I have planned out. Speaking of
which, I should probably go shower.
***
I’ve been waiting by the door for the past 30 minutes and we’re already late.
I’m about to call his name again when I see him emerge from upstairs.
“Finall-“ I choke.
I rarely get to see him so casually dressed and god he looks stunning. He’s
wearing black boots and jeans that I have never seen him wear before. Above it
all, he’s wearing a white button up, which he’s slowly closing as he comes down
the stairs. He leaves it open down to his collarbones and I can’t help but
stare at the details of his skin, wanting nothing more than to rip all those
clothes off and carry him back upstairs. What kind of a monster pervert have I
become?
Once he arrives in front of me, he leans closer and I expect a kiss but he just
smirks and grabs a plaid scarf with a black vest.
He brushes past me and heads for the garage but I stop him.
“We’re walking there.” I smile.
“Are you kidding me?” He scoffs.
“Sorry but you, sir, will have to use your legs to move that pretty butt of
yours where I need it to be.” I say, daringly.
He stares at me and then his lips quirk up as he starts walking out of the
driveway.
“We could’ve went to bed and make good use of both our asses, you know.” He
says.
“Hey, I thought you were looking forward to going out? Although that’s quite
tempting, I have to admit.”
“Sorry Brat.” He sighs. “I just… The guy from IT said that they are having
trouble rendering the game because the storyline is too developed and the
intrigue is giving them a hard time as far as render is concerned. Some pieces
are too long but they cannot be cut because it would leave a plot hole. It just
toys with my head a lot. This needs to work.”
“How about you change the storyline?” I ask, letting our arms brush against
each other.
“I can’t.” He says, looking down at the sidewalk. “It’s perfect as it is. This
new video game producer that we’re trying out, he has awesome ideas but they
are elaborate. He’ll manage, I’m sure. I’m only stressed because it’s our one
and only chance to save my company.”
“Well he’s still an ass for making it so complicated.” I laugh. “It’s unfair
that you have to deal with it all.”
“You know Jaeger, you’re right. It’s unfair even though it’s my job. I’ll make
sure to talk to him about it when I get a moment, I’m sure he’ll understand.”
“And you seem really understanding about this? How did your mood shift so
suddenly?” I ask.
He smiles and then looks up at me.
“Just trying not to screw up the night. Am I good at this? Cause I generally
suck at trying to please people.” He laughs.
“You please me though.”
His eyes dart to me and they contain a warning that I can see clearly.
“This isn’t a date, don’t forget.” He says, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“I know, I just meant that you’re kind to me… as a friend.”
“Mhm.” He sighs. “I try.”
***
“La Légion” Levi asks. “We’re eating here? Are you insane? This places costs
50$ per person, how are you even going to pay for this?”
“I had some money left from my last couple of days at work. Armin slid the
check in one of my history books.”
“Still. I’m not letting you pay for this.”
“It’s already paid for, so shut up.” I say, opening the door.
The lady beside it recognizes me and moves from her little stand to greet us.
“Mr. Ackerman. Mr Jaeger. Follow me please.”
Levi glares at me as we follow her to the darkest corner of the restaurant and
to a tiny table that has 3 candles on it. She puts the menus down, serves us
water and then gestures for us to sit. I almost wait behind Levi to push his
chair as he sits but his glare tells me I shouldn’t.
He picks up the menu but I slap my hand on it as he jumps, startled by the
move.
“What the fuck?” He says, earning a look from the guy sitting across the row of
tables.
“I already picked what we’re eating.”
“What if I’m allergic?” He snorts.
“To what?” I laugh. “Cake? Cause if this didn’t work for me, it won’t be
working for you, Captain.”
He raises his gaze to meet mine and ends up shaking his head before looking
away. I’m about to grab his hand when our dish finally arrives.
“Bon appétit!” The waiter says.
Levi laughs and my gaze meets his. I’m confused.
“Ratatouille?” He laughs. “So when you think of something French, you think of
this? Let me guess, it’s because you’re just 18 and Ratatouille was probably
one of the movies you liked as a kid? Right?”
He shakes his head and laughs again and somehow, this pisses me off.
“I still like that movie and I didn’t pick this dish for that reason but mainly
because I had never tasted it before and was always intrigued by it. You got me
regretting I didn’t bring you to some shitty Italian restaurant and even
considered bringing you to a place you might be familiar with…”
And I could go on… but his hand over mine is what stops me. Greens meet grays
and he just smiles.
“I’m sorry.” He says. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. It’s a cute gesture,
in fact. I told you I’m not good with these sort of things.”
“And by sort of things, you mean?” I ask with a smirk.
“You know what I mean.” He says, letting go of my hand to grab his fork.
“So it’s a date.” I laugh.
The sudden glare he shoots me as he stops moving his fork around his plate,
could probably kill someone. I raise my hands submissively.
“Sorry, sorry.” I say shyly.
***
“Can we take a cab?” He asks as we start walking away from the restaurant.
“No.”
“Shitty brat!” He sighs. “Can I at least know where we’re going?”
“Take a guess.” I laugh.
“Unmistakably, I would say to the movies.”
“Well you sure can read me like an open book, but I doubt you’ve had many
actual date nights. Neither have I.”
“It’s not a date.” He sighs exasperatedly.
“Right.” I say, tentatively lacing my fingers with his.
And he lets me. He does look at me with a knowing look, but he lets me.
As we make our way to the corner of the street, I suddenly have a feeling of
Déjà vu. Levi tugs on my hand but I stay there.
“It’s green, we can go.” Levi says, pulling me forward again.
I squeeze his hand and he stops, turns around and pushes me back on the
sidewalk.
“This street… This is…?” He stutters with wide eyes.
I nod and less than a second later, his arms are wrapped around me. I blink a
couple of times and then let a smile creep up on my face. I rub his back and he
lets go of me.
“I’m fine.” I say with a smile.
He nods and laces his fingers with mine again before slowly pulling me forward
into the intersection. I ignore the images that pop inside my head. The past
belongs in the past. When we’re on the other side, we both smile at each other
and Levi seems to relax a bit. He seems to actually start enjoying this.
***
The movie sucked but it’s good because we also sucked… our faces off. My lips
are numb from the extra long make out session. As per what Levi said,
apparently, he had to make this trip to the movies worthwhile and by that, he
didn’t mean the ice cream cone and popcorn I got for us. His hand travelled
between my legs a couple of times and I have to admit that I let mine wander a
bit too. This was by far the best movie I’ve never seen.
As we head out, his hand finds mine and I’m too happy to even comment on it. I
glance at him and notice that he seems tired and is probably only following me
around wherever I will bring him next. But the night was already far beyond my
expectations so I don’t see any need in continuing. We should probably head
home.
“How about we head back? You seem tired.” I say with a smile.
He shakes his head and squeezes my hand.
“Surely you had a few more things you wanted to do and since I can’t do that
too often, let’s make the most of this night. Where are we going next?”
“But you’ll be tired at work.” I protest.
“So what? It’s not like the bags under my eyes can get any worse.”
“Levi…”
“Eren…” He sighs.
I glance at my phone. It’s 9h50pm, perhaps we would have time to go to the open
mic night at the bar. Not that I want to sing but I heard Armin talk about it
before and it seemed fun. He told me Annie sneaked him in with her somehow.
I shrug and pull him forward.
***
I sit back at the table with two beers. Levi grimaces after taking a first sip
and then looks at me, waiting for my reaction. I don’t want to look nor act
like a child so I take a big gulp and sadly, as much as I want to, I can’t hold
it in. It tastes like death so I spit it out. Half of it in the beer bottle and
the other half on the table.
“Tch. Filthy.” Levi comments as he throws me a paper towel that was under a
glass.
He gets up and walks to the bar. I stare at him and then I glance at the stage
where a guy slowly gathers his things as he’s about to start singing. I was
actually hoping we could dance or something but watching people sing is as good
as it will get I’m pretty sure.
Levi comes back a moment later with two drinks. A glass of whiskey for him and
a flamboyant gay drink for me.
“What the fuck is this?” I ask. “It looks like a radar for gays.”
“But honey, you’re gay.” Levi laughs.
“Very fucking funny…Levi. You’ll pay for this.” I say before taking a sip.
And it actually tastes extremely good but I will never admit it to him.
“What’s it called.” I ask before throwing him the empty straw.
“After sex.” He smirks. “It’s a variation of a sex on the beach.”
“You studied mixology or something?” I scoff.
He shakes his head.
“I just had a bar phase when I was younger… not a straight bar if you know what
I mean.”
“And you stopped going because…?” I ask.
“One: I have matured. Two: Look at me, dude.” He laughs. “Third: I wanted guys.
Not guys that act like girls and the bar I liked was filled with these thirsty
bottoms.”
I take a sip before replying with a smirk.
“One: Not so much. Two: Humble as fuck, I see. But I understand their thirst.”
I say with a wink. “Third: I feel targeted right now, maybe I should make you a
bottom, Corporal.”
“Tch.” He sighs.
I grab his hand and press my fingers on it.
“Let me make your forget. Let me be the one who calls you that.”
He nods.
“But every time you say it, all I see is him… His hands on you…and… just…”
He shakes his head but I grab his chin and force him to look at me.
“This is the past. How about I call you captain in another language then?” I
ask.
He shrugs as I pull out my phone and start playing on google translator.
“Maybe.” He says.
“How about Yiddish? Kapitan!”
“Still too close.”
“Portuguese? Capitao? Agh, I can’t pronounce these.”
“Ewe.” He laughs.
“OH! Japanese? Heichou.”
He shrugs.
“I might like that last one.”
“You do?” I say, my eyes darting to him.
“I still prefer Levi.” He adds.
“But Heichou’s not out of the question?” I ask.
He shakes his head and takes another sip of his whiskey as the music starts to
play and the singer starts to sing.
…So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made
I take another sip of my drink as I tap my foot on the floor. The guy sings
really well, in fact, he sings the song just as good as Dan Reynolds does and
it pleases me because I’ve always liked Imagine Dragons.
I glance at Levi and he is staring straight at me, barely even blinking. I look
back at the stage and then back at Levi. He is still staring straight into my
eyes, his hands wrapped around his drink on the table. I shrug, mainly
wondering why he’s staring but he doesn’t stop. He just stares. And god if it
doesn’t creep me out, I don’t know what will. I turn my attention back to the
stage for a moment and wait.
Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come
I glance at the room, people are clapping and there are even two girls with lit
up lighters while some others use their cell phones. I’m tempted to do the same
but I doubt Levi is fond of this kind of gesture. Then again, I wouldn’t know.
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
When I turn my head back to him, he’s still looking my way.
“What?” I mouth.
He doesn’t answer. He just shakes his head and keeps staring. What the fuck is
this? What’s going on? He slowly turns his hand, opens it and reaches for mine.
Of course, I give it to him without hesitation and wrap my fingers around his.
He squeezes it as the next lyrics come and looks so intently at me that I’m
pretty sure he’s trying to tell me something but what?
They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how
Another squeeze on my hand tells me that this is important. And somehow, I
think he means to say that he’s giving me one last chance to escape this, that,
again, he doesn’t want to hurt me, that I should be running away from him.
Emotionally that is.
I angle my head at him and smile, squeezing his fingers in return. He lowers
his head and then looks back up at me as if I was an idiot, as if I was about
to give him the wrong answer. Maybe he’s right, I won’t tell him what he wants
to hear. Although I doubt he actually wants me to run away from him. I’m sure
it’s not for his own sake he does it. He is right, I might be an idiot but I
wouldn’t want to be anyone else’s idiot. I shake my head and pull his hand
closer to my chest, forcing him to lean over the table as my lips connect to
his.
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
“You’re right.” I say after a round of applause for the singer. “You can’t
escape this now.”
He shakes his head.
“You’re stupid.” He says.
“Maybe.” I smile.
Levi focuses on the guy on stage and removes his hand from mine.
“Since there’s no one in line to take the mic, I might as well sing another
song.” The guy says as people start to cheer. “But I will need some back vocals
to sing this. Any volunteers?”
I grin at Levi and his eyes widen as he realizes what I’m about to do.
“No! You fucking…” He says as I raise my hand and point my other one at Levi.
“We have two volunteers. Come on up.” The singer says.
I offer my hand to Levi as the entire crowd stares at us. Some with a look of
disgust, others simply intrigued. He grabs my hand and follows behind me,
making sure to squeeze my fingers so hard that I might as well break those too.
We get up on the stage and the singer offers us two microphones.
“What’s your names, guys?” He asks.
“I’m Eren.” I say a bit too loud in the microphone and chuckle nervously.
“Levi.” He says with a look of pure boredom plastered on his face.
“Well I’m Nanaba. Are you guys familiar with X-Ambassadors?”
We both nod and I squeeze my hands together. YES! Please, I love this song. I
hope it’s the one I think.
“Ok, so here we go with Renegades of X-Ambassadors.”
His fingers start to move around on the guitar and Levi takes place beside me.
He is glaring so hard at me that I could probably melt from it. There’s already
some foot stomping on the ground and it rattles in the room.
Run away-ay with me
Lost souls in revelry
Running wild and running free
Two kids, you and me
Another glare. He surely thinks this is stupid, but still goes on and sings the
next part with the singer and I.
And I said hey
Hey, hey, hey
Living like we're renegades
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Living like we're renegades
Renegades, renegades
It’s actually a lot more freeing than you’d expect and I can see Levi’s
features soften as he sings. That’s a good song and it sort of represents us
both in a way. I’m underage. He’s much older. I’m a fuck up. He likes the fuck
up that I am. We’re both creeps. And for the most part of society, we don’t
deserve to be happy together. Well fuck them, I wouldn’t trade this for
anything else and if it makes me an outsider, then so be it… it’s not like it’s
going to be much of a change anyway.
Long live the pioneers
Rebels and mutineers
Go forth and have no fear
Come close and lend an ear
Some lighters and cellphones start to appear in the crowd as the rest of the
people seem to clap loudly. I can hear their voices join ours too and it makes
the room seem much more alive than it was a few minutes ago. A shiver runs
through me as the powerful voice of dozens of people reaches my ears.
And I said hey
Hey, hey, hey
Living like we're renegades
Levi turns to me and starts ignoring the crowd that is now standing up as he
sings solely to me.
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Living like we're renegades
Renegades, renegades
He glances at the singer, who is looking at the both of us and waiting for some
sort of command. He’s the lead? What’s he waiting for?
So, all hail the underdogs
All hail the new kids
All hail the outlaws
Spielbergs and Kubricks
Underdogs eh? Maybe that’s what we are, indeed. Maybe that’s why we found each
other. Maybe we’re each other’s hope in fact.
It's our time to make a move
It's our time to make amends
It's our time to break the rules
Let's begin...
Let’s begin…? Alright. I quickly lean forward, forcing him into a passionate
kiss in front of everyone. The crowd doesn’t stop singing as Levi’s eyes widen.
He tries to pull away, but I press my hand on his back until he eventually
gives up and wraps his arms around my neck. The level of cheers of the crowd
has just exploded to a very unhealthy level of decibels but I’m happy. I feel
free and accepted and… I don’t feel like a failure here, in his arms, in front
of everyone. I feel like I matter and like I have a reason to actually exist.
If or when the time comes when Levi won’t want me anymore, I will always be
grateful for this feeling that I have right now. I’ll use this as an anchor
when I need something to hold on to.
And I said hey
Hey, hey, hey
Living like we're renegades
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Living like we're renegades
Renegades, renegades
I pull away from him and notice that the singer, along with the rest of the
crowd are not cheering at the song but they are applauding us, Levi and I. I
blush as I start rubbing the back of my neck nervously. Levi looks up at me and
then tugs on my t-shirt to force me to lean down for a quick peck.
“One last round of applause for this amazing couple that accepted to lend me
their voices as back vocals.”
The crowd listens and applauses as we get off the stage and make our way back
to our table.
“You will pay for this.” Levi says through gritted teeth.
“Looking forward to it, Heichou.” I say with a cocky smile.
***
It took exactly 3 minutes for Levi to have me stark naked in bed when we got
home. I was surprised that he so easily forgot that I had to ‘rest’. And
although I was pretty sure this was going to be a rough night, I was surprised
that he chose the fluff option instead. Probably to make sure I wouldn’t get
hurt. I’d be really surprised if he said it was actually because he liked that.
Either way, I’m not one to question it as long as I get what I want.
I finish wiping my stomach with the warm bath towel that Levi brought me in bed
before folding it and placing it on the floor beside me. Levi shakes his head
as he comes back. He picks it up and throws it across the corridor and into the
bathroom.
“Shitty Brat.” He mutters as he crawls back beside me.
I don’t answer. Instead I just lay there with a smile plastered on my face
until I actually nestle my head on his chest. His arm wraps around me as the
other one pulls the cover over us. I let my hand rub on his stomach and he
stiffens a bit. I repeat the movement and the same thing happens. I glance up
at him. His eyes are closed but his lips have a faint smile on them. I pull my
hand away from him before I sharply poke two fingers at his ribs and start
moving them frantically. He explodes in laughter right away and almost punches
me in the face as he tries to push me out of reach.
“You god damn idiot!” He curses. “I don’t like being tickled. Stop it!”
I nod, unable to erase the grin from my face, as he takes his place back beside
me and my body finds its previous position again.
“Is it because you don’t like to show people that you can smile?” I ask.
He shrugs as a yawn escapes his mouth.
“I like your smile.” I add.
He squeezes my shoulder and I can feel him slowly dozing off. My mind is wide
awake though. I know it’s now or never. After such a night. I have to tell him
right now. I have to.
“I-I like you, Levi.”
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): Comments are always read/replied to/extremely motivating and
     much appreciated ^_^
     Hope you liked it!
     Here are the links if you want to stalk the fuck up or Mr Pepperoni
     ;)
     Eren_the_fuck_up
     Levi_Pepperoni
***** Cherry turnover *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N)Hi! I feel so bad about the delay for posting this chapter. I
     was actually at the Doctor's... and then I got told I have depression
     and just gah.. Plus I had written most of the chapter but left it at
     work and since I don't work I had to rewrite most of it but didn't
     want to force it out of me and make it shit because I'm in love with
     this chapter... And so here it is. I hope it is still up to your
     standards because to be honest I wasn't all there this past week. You
     can expect a chapter next monday for sure now though :) ... So, sorry
     again for the delay, enjoy it ^_^
     PS: Do you guys follow the fuck up and mr pepperoni on tumblr? (see
     previous chapter for the link to their blogs)
     Mood songs:
     Vita Chambers - Fix you
     Florence and the machine - Kiss with a fist
See the end of the chapter for more notes
LEVI POV
I keep my eyes closed and rush out the breath that I’ve been holding for the
past 30 seconds. I must have dreamed. Surely, he didn’t say that. He knows
about the rules. He knows I’ll never respond to such comments. He knows that I
cannot commit to that. But let’s not panic. He didn’t say he loves me. He just
said he likes me, as friend could say to another friend. Then again, my mind is
flashing warning signs at me. This isn’t just about friendship anymore. And
maybe, if I wasn’t so stubborn about the whole situation, I could admit that I
have a small attachment to the kid. That maybe I would’ve suffered if he had
died. This is already more than I should have ever allowed myself to admit and
nothing more will come out of this. It can’t. I break everything I touch. Hell
I can’t even fix my own self so how am I supposed to take care of him.
Especially take care of him romantically. I could never do that but most of all
I would never allow it. He promised. He knows that.
Great. I can’t fucking sleep now. Fantastic. I slowly remove my arm from around
him and turn to my side. I glance behind me and he hasn’t moved, only his head
fell from my chest to the mattress. Perhaps he’s already asleep or perhaps he’s
terrified of what he just said. I’d understand the latter because I am
terrified too. Why did he have to do that? Fuck! I sit up straight and press a
hand to my forehead. I need a drink. No. I need tea. I stand up and make my way
out of the room, not glancing behind me.
I gather my favorite tea cup and herbs. Then, I fill my tea kettle and put it
on the stove. I walk backwards to the chair about a meter away and sigh as I
see the empty plate sitting there.
“God damn filthy Brat.”
I can’t find it in me to get up and just put it in the dishwasher. Not tonight.
Tonight, I am an even bigger mess than I ever was because it’s hard refusing
something that you might actually want. But do I? Do I want this? Of course
not. He’s so young and he’s just a good fuck. The fact that I relate to him in
so many ways only mean that we both had shitty pasts. We’re allowed to stick
together if it means we won’t be alone to deal with this cruel world, but not
like this. Not together like this. Maybe… just maybe… the only way for him to
understand that I am no good for him or anyone, that I am beyond the point of
being a worthless human being, is to show him just how broken I am. If he sees
it with his own eyes, how much it eats me inside, how much it would mean if I
had to lose someone again… just maybe he will understand and let things be what
they are: nothing.
The thought hurts me. Pushing him away hurts me. It’s been hurting for a while
now although I won’t admit to anything my heart says that I feel. I need to put
an end to it before he gets hurt. Before I say or do something that will
destroy him. Before I fall for him.
“Tch. Who am I kidding?” I scoff. “Good job Levi, it’s a bit late for that.”
***
EREN POV
I keep my eyes closed, no need to open them to know that he left the room. I
grip at the bed sheet and all I want to do right now is punch myself to death.
Or maybe dig myself a hole and never come out of it. Why have I thought even
for a single second that this would work? That somehow, he’d be happy with
this, even if he didn’t like me back. Another person who only tolerates my
presence. I guess I should be used to it by now but no… Eren Jaeger never
learns. He fights for what he wants, for what he believes is right, and ends up
on his knees again waiting for the next kick that life will give him. To be
honest, I don’t even want to try anymore. Why do I always ruin everything, why
do I…
“Oi!” Levi says from the door, startling me.
I don’t move, hoping he’ll think I’m asleep but the way my shoulders are
shaking is pretty much a giveaway.
“I know you’re awake. Are you coming downstairs or should I drag your ass down
to the kitchen myself?”
“If you want me to leave…” I sigh. “You’ll have to force me to go.”
“What? Leave?” He asks. “Who said anything about leaving? Get your idiotic face
down to the kitchen right now. Don’t make me come back up.”
I sit up straight as I hear his footsteps walk away. So he doesn’t seem
particularly happy with me, but he doesn’t want me to leave, at least. That’s a
good thing, right?
As I enter the kitchen, I find Levi sitting at the same chair he usually sits,
sipping on what is most probably tea. I pause and stand there.
“What are you waiting for?” He asks. “Sit.”
I cross my arms and look away, trying to keep the tears that threaten to fall.
“Can you just get to the point?” I ask. “I already see that you’re pissed about
what I said. I’m not stupid and I don’t want to drag this on. Just tell me what
you want me to do.”
He slams his palms on the table, making me jump and also spilling some tea in
the process. His chair hits the garbage can as he rushes forward to me. He
grabs my wrist and unfolds my arms. Then, he pulls on my shirt, lowering my
gaze. I’m tempted to smile, half expecting a kiss but he stops an inch away and
glares at me.
“Stop assuming that you know how I feel and what I think. You don’t know shit
about me.” He says.
“And who’s fault is that?” I snap. “You won’t let me in.”
He squeezes my shirt and tightens his grip. I blink rapidly, scared of the
punch that might come but it doesn’t. He roughly let’s go of me.
“There is a reason why I choose to be alone, Eren. It’s not only for me, but
for the people who try and stay in my life.” He sighs. “You cannot understand
that I’m doing this for you, that I don’t want to be the person to put you in a
cage again…?”
“How could you ever put me in a cage? You freed me from the one I was trapped
in and now you’re saying I’m in another one? If this is the cage you’re talking
about…” I say, gesturing to our surroundings. “I don’t fucking mind.”
“I didn’t mean literally.” He sighs. “Perhaps I need to prove it to you but
don’t judge or do anything stupid about this.”
“I’m not sure I get what you’re saying, but okay...” I sigh.
He grabs my wrist, making sure to keep it far from anything romantic and tugs
me forward towards the stairs. I follow him down to the videogame room,
wondering what he wants to show me here… until I realize where we’re heading.
He wants to show me his bedroom. Is that what the cage means? Was he lying when
he talked to me about not being into BDSM? Is he actually much more into it
than I originally believed? I’m nervous but excited to see. Anything that’s in
there won’t scare me away, I’ll at least be willing to try anything he wants to
try on me. If that’s what it takes not to lose him, I’ll do anything.
Avoiding my gaze, he opens the door and I walk in, ready to see whatever weird
fetish he has. But I’m wrong. I am so wrong. I understand now why he didn’t
want me to get in here. It’s nice, indeed. The entire room is shades of grays
and blacks with turquoise accents… the problem is…the walls. The walls are
covered with newspaper articles, posters with quotes on them and most of
all…post-its, post-its everywhere. I walk up to one of them that says:
“Monster.” … My heart clenches as I walk to the opposite wall and read another
post-it. “You don’t deserve happiness.”… I glance beside it. “It’s all your
fault.” … My eyes fill with tears as I see the newspaper article beside this
last one. “Drunk driver: Teen dies after getting hit.”
I turn to Levi as my hand reaches for my chest, trying to push my heart back
inside its hole. His eyes are red but he doesn’t cry. He just stands there,
arms crossed and silently judging every move I make and every reaction I have.
I let the tears fall on my cheeks as I head back to the previous wall. What I
want to do here is simple; I want to rampage through that room and destroy it.
But I figure he wouldn’t be happy with that, so I decide to take it slow. I
reach for the “Monster” post-it and pull it off. Levi takes a step forward but
I still look straight at him as I rip the paper in half and let it fall to the
floor.
“Oi…” He says, glaring at me.
I quickly brush past him to the opposite wall and grab the newspaper article
along with the “It’s all your fault” post-it. Without hesitation, I rip both of
them in half. I would’ve kept going if Levi didn’t suddenly jump on me, hitting
me from every side.
“You fucking little shit!” He shouts. “I trusted you.”
“W-With reason!” I scream from under his constant attack.
I have to admit he’s hitting me but not hard enough to leave any injuries, he’s
just trying to show me how pissed he is.
“What?” He says, pulling away as his arms fall on each side of him. “You said
you wouldn’t do anything stupid!”
“Indeed, I’m doing what’s right instead!” I growl.
He dashes forward and I barely have enough time to rush through the bedroom
door and climb upstairs that his hands already claw at my feet.
“You said you wouldn’t judge.” He shouts, emerging from the staircase, finding
me standing behind the couch.
He runs to me and I just quickly step back into the kitchen, hiding behind the
fridge door.
“I’m not judging you. I understand you, Levi.”
“Then why did you do this?” He asks, grabbing a plate I left on the table
earlier and throwing it at me.
I dodge it just in time and it hits the wall instead, shattering in millions of
pieces.
“Enough!” I scream and he stops, probably remembering that my childhood was
similar to what’s going on here and that it makes me uncomfortable.
Indeed, it does, but that’s not the point. I’m not who I used to be. I am
strong now, thanks to him. And I won’t let this burden lay on his shoulder any
longer. He hid it from everyone, including me, but now that it’s out and I know
how broken he is, I will save him. It’s my turn. It’s my place to be. I belong
next to him in this fight against his demons from the past.
“I didn’t mean to throw that.” He says apologetically.
“I know.” I say, closing the door and walking back to him.
“Don’t get anywhere near me.” He says and it hurts me deeply.
“Why?” I ask. “Because I’m trying to show you that you’ve been carrying this
far too long? That it never was your fault?”
“You know nothing, you shitty 18 year old imbecile!” He screams at the top of
his lungs.
I use the distraction to reach forward and pick him up. I throw him over my
shoulder and start walking back downstairs.
“Je te déteste, Eren. Je te hais!” He screams in french, trying to make me let
go.
“You don’t.” I say, taking a guess on what he said.
He stops screaming but keeps kicking, making it hard for me to open the bedroom
door but I manage. I take a couple of steps in and throw him on the bed. I pin
his wrists beside his head and lean on top of him.
“STOP!” I say. “Stop fighting me. Stop pushing me away!”
“I hate you!” He cries, shaking his head and pulling hard on his wrists.
I let go and he stays there, laying on his back, surprised that I obeyed.
I get up from the bed and grab the post it that says “You don’t deserve
happiness”. I walk back to him and put the post it beside my face.
“This is fucking bullshit. Your happiness is standing right there in front of
you, trying to make you see that you are allowed to want this. That you are
allowed to let go of the past. My happiness is laying there on this fucking
bed, arguing that it’s the worst thing that could ever happen to me when in
fact it’s the best thing that I could have ever hoped for.”
I rip the paper in half and let it fall, raising my hands at him as his glare
darkens.
“I.Like.You.” I repeat. “With all your flaws, with your past and with your
future if you let me. SO stop pushing me away and trying to make a decision for
me. If you don’t want me, that’s fine. But don’t you dare try and take the
choice away from me because I fucking like you Levi.”
“I hate you.” He sighs, looking back at the ceiling.
I crawl back on top of him and he starts to try and kick his way out again. I
pin him down and stare into his eyes. His gaze avoids mine as he screams it
over and over again.
“I hate you, Eren. I hate you so fucking much for coming into my life. I hate
you for staying. I hate you for wanting to be with me.”
“You don’t.” I repeat, louder every time until he eventually stops talking.
I can see his chin move imperceptibly and I know what’s coming. I let go of his
wrists.
“You don’t hate me.” I say.
He shakes his head before tears start flowing heavily on his cheeks. He quickly
raises his hands and wraps his arms around me. He nestles his head into my
shoulder and shakes it.
“I don’t.” He confirms between sobs.
“You like me too.” I add.
He nods.
“And I hate you.” He sighs with an unsteady breathing. “I hate you for being
right about this, about me, about how I feel.”
I brush my cheek against his head and press hard against it. I roll on my side
and hug him closer, tighter. He does the same.
“I hate you for caring and for not wanting to abandon me like everyone else
did.” He says, wiping his cheek on my t-shirt.
“I hate you for breaking me open so fucking easily.” He adds.
He holds me tight for a few more second and as I roll back on top of him, I
raise my head to plant a soft kiss on his lips. But, before I have time to do
so, I feel a jolt of pain in my jaw. He just hit me. He definitely hit me.
“What the fuck?”
“I still hate you.” He says before kicking me between the legs.
A whaling sound comes out of my mouth as I roll on my side, grabbing at my
balls and breathing heavily. I hear Levi storm out of the room and keep rolling
until my feet touch the ground. I awkwardly stand up, still grabbing at my
crotch as I try and make my way upstairs.
Once I finally reach the entrance of the kitchen, I’m forced to let go of my
balls as Levi stands on a chair, ready to welcome me with a pile of plates from
the cabinet over the counter. He throws them everywhere but they miss every
single time. I’m pretty sure he’s trying to prove a point, not actually wanting
to hurt me. It’s when I dodge one and manage to run to his chair that he stops.
He glares down at me.
“You missed the whole point.” He says before kicking me on the side of the
face.
I dizzily grab the counter as I hear Levi run back into the living room. I try
to stand up but it takes a moment before I can actually manage to hold myself
correctly. After all, I was in a coma a few hours ago, wasn’t I? ... I walk up
to the couch and it’s the only thing separating us. Levi crosses his arms and
as I take a step to meet him there, he lunges and grabs a lamp that he
obviously wants to throw at me but doesn’t. Instead, his face changes entirely
and he runs back to the kitchen. I feel something drip from my face. I
tentatively touch my forehead and see the blood on my finger. Ouch. Levi comes
back with a wet towel and gently wipes my forehead.
“I’m sorry.” He says.
“I know.”
He keeps rubbing the spots where the blood stained my skin and then moves
gently around the scar.
“Stitches again?” I ask with a smirk.
He simply shakes his head and I want to smash it against the wall because he
could at least try to let me in and not look like someone was just killed.
“Look Levi...” I say as he brings his head down ready to walk away.
I grab his wrist and pull him near me.
“I like you. Stop pushing me away.”
“It’s for you, I’m doing it. Do you honestly think I want to do that you
fucking moron? I break things, I break people, I make them suffer. You’ve
already suffered so many times since you’ve been in my life and it’s not good.
It’s not normal. I don’t want to be the one to put you in a cage.” He sighs.
“A cage again?” I scoff gesturing around. “Like I said, if this is the fucking
cage, I will be more than willing to stay, Levi!”
“You’re stupid.” Levi sighs. “I mean that I cannot fully ever trust you or be
sure that nothing will happen to you or simply just... I will be permanently
overprotective and I will smother you. You’ll suffocate. I can’t keep myself
from doing that, Brat. I cannot lose someone else and especially not lose
someone that means so fucking much to me.”
“So you’d rather not have me than take a chance on the future?” I laugh.
“Fucking bullshit.”
I take a step towards him and he immediately kicks my leg to try and make me
fall on my ass. I’m starting to understand how he works though so I hold on to
the couch and grab his ass instead, lifting him up and forcing his legs around
my waist.
“The fuck do you think you’re...”
I don’t let him finish. I press my lips onto his and as he struggles to pull
away, I pull harder on his neck. I walk up to the wall near the entrance and
roughly press him against it. I glance at him and he glares at me. I pull my
face away from the kiss and Levi seems to want to say something but he doesn’t.
“What?” I ask.
Is eyes, calculating, are searching mine and I can see something spark in them.
“The power those eyes have on me, it’s unfair and I shouldn’t be doing this. I
shouldn’t be letting you ruin yourself but I can’t fight it. Let me go. Tell me
you hate me and let me the fuck go, Eren.”
“Not a chance.” I smile.
“Fuck it!” He says, sharply pulling on my neck as his hips somehow start to
roll in my hands.
I get hard right away and I know what to do. I press my hand on the small of
Levi’s back as we head back downstairs. I clumsily kick the door of the bedroom
open and it fucking breaks. I shut Levi’s mouth with another kiss before I put
him down on the bed and climb on top of him.
“What do you think you’re doing?” He asks with a glare that could probably cut
through anything.
“Making you mine.” I blurt out somewhat confidently.
Levi’s lips quirk up for the first time since I told him I liked him. His
traits soften and I can feel his body relax under me.
“Really?” He whispers. “Then you better make it fucking worth it.”
I would gape at him if I didn’t focus all my body into being as confident as
possible about this. I can do this. I can definitely do this. All I have to do
is do the same to him that he did to me. He smirks before raising himself up a
bit and wiggles out of his shirt.
“Make me like you.” He says.
“Wow.” I laugh. “So it’s only about sex.”
“Don’t look so offended, idiot. I already told you...”
“You told me what?” I ask playfully as I roll my hips over his and basically
slowly dry hump him.
“nngh.” He winces. “That..... I like you, shitstain! Now quit teasing me before
I make you regret it.”
“I’d like to see that.” I smirk.
As a response, he pulls roughly at the collar of my shirt and stops me about an
inch away from his face.
“Fine, you bottom.” He says as he’s about to try and crawl on top of me but I
grab his wrists and pin them beside his head with a new found force.
I growl as I slam my hips against his. He winces but then a shy smirk appears
on his face. It was a test, and I succeeded. Enough of the small talk. Although
it’s probably the biggest and most important conversation we’ve ever had... But
for now, we both have our thoughts elsewhere. I raise myself up and straddle
him, removing my shirt as painfully slow as I can. His nails suddenly dig at my
hips and lower me even further down onto him. The friction is unbearable, but I
try to keep in mind that tonight, I’m the one in control.
I climb off of him, earning a growl as I force his hands away, and kneel
between his legs. My fingers skillfully remove the little clothes he has left
as well as mine. All the while, he stares at me with this stupid smirk spread
across his face. He wants me to be nervous, he is toying with me. He is making
me pay for making him admit that he likes me. And if that’s what my punishment
is, then I have absolutely no objection to it.
I lean down, quickly enough that he barely has time to figure what’s going on
as I lick my way up his length.
“F-Fuck.” He breathes.
I smile right before I take him all in. I can’t help but notice how much I’m
enjoying this. And to think I never wanted to do that before. I guess it’s him.
It was always him. I suck as hard as my lungs let me and earn whines and groans
as I move my tongue around, occasionally playing only with the tip of his cock.
He grabs fists of my hair as he bucks in a few times, unable to control his
hips as the buildup rises in him. Too bad though, I don’t plan on making him
come this way. Tonight, he’s mine. Tonight, he’s a bottom. Tonight, he’ll be MY
Corporal and I will warp his mind out of this previous unhealthy relationship
he’s had. I will send him into oblivion and he will be entirely mine even if
it’s just for a night.
“Lube?” I ask before getting back to work, knowing that Levi probably only has
to stretch an arm to the nightstand, which he does.
The bottle hits my head and I raise my gaze to him. He’s still smirking and I
glare at him. Perhaps he likes rough sex. I don’t have any problem with that.
Especially since the night has been pretty rough in itself... maybe I should’ve
thrown a few things at him as well. Here is my chance at vengeance, but oh what
a sweet vengeance it will be.
I pop the cap open and put lube on my fingers. My head keeps bobbing up and
down as I slowly press my index against his entrance. He doesn’t wince, doesn’t
move, doesn’t even look like he feels it. Really? He’s that used to it...ugh?
Well then... I slide a second finger in and gently press my teeth on his dick
as I move. This time a low growl comes from his mouth. Ah, much better!
After my two fingers have been at it for a while, I slide in the third one.
Levi just looks at me as his muscles tighten. I stretch my fingers apart slowly
and scissor his entrance. It doesn’t take much longer for him to be ready... I
can see it in his face even though this inerasable smirk is all there is on it.
I pull my mouth away from him and stroke him a few times before I spread his
legs further apart, giving me better access to the precious piece of ass in
front of me. Yeah, he’s a perfect men, a wonderful human being, but tonight...
he made it hard for me, so i’ll make it hard for him. Right now, he’s my prey
and my mission is to catch him and erase that fucking cocky smile off his face.
I’ll replace it with my name.
I nod at him as I press myself against his entrance. He nods back and I slide
in slowly. He winces at first, although the smirk doesn’t disappear. He tells
me he’s okay and I take that as a yes to start thrusting. It’s quite awkward at
first, even though I won’t let that show on my face or even in my movements,
but it is pretty uncomfortable. Levi, also doesn’t seem like he’s having any
more fun than a few moments before and I crave for more than that. I pick up
his legs and wrap them around my waist, raising him up a bit. A new playful
glare appears in his eyes. Perhaps, he expected me to only fuck him in one
position for my first time. Well, he was wrong. I thrust harder and then
deeper, and that’s when Levi’s back arches a bit. I slow down, noticing the
angle I’m at and it’s quite similar to the angle I like when he does it. I give
one rough thrust deeper and Levi’s smirk disappears instantly, replaced by a
wince. I pause, scared that I’ve hurt him.
“W-why...don’t stop fucking moron!” He shouts with an angry glare.
I smile, relieved and know that I was right about the angle. I thrust again,
deeper, longer, harder and I can feel him squirm under me and just that brings
me so much closer to the edge. Seeing him, so free, so innocent, so fragile
under me, brings me so much pleasure. I never get a chance to see Levi being
weak, so this is a nice change, especially now that I am the one in control of
his emotions.
“You like that Captain?” I ask.
He returns a glare to me, half playful, half pissed. I use this moment to grab
his cock and start stroking him. Levi’s eyes roll back with pleasure.
“Answer me.” I command with a warning in my tone.
His eyes dart back to mine and suddenly the smirk reappears.
“Oh you want to play this game.” I grin. “I see, Corporal, then I’ll make sure
you scream by the end of this and it better be my name or I’ll make it extra
extra slow.”
“Try me.” He smirks.
I take it as a challenge. Instantly, my mind kicks in higher gear and I move
around as if I had always sucked dicks and fucked guys. Even Levi, seems pretty
fucking surprised at my sudden new skills. His smirk fades a few times as I hit
his prostate, but it isn’t enough. I can feel him slowly getting closer to the
edge, and I will not let this happen until I hear him beg me.
It’s so unlike me to behave this way, but this man turns me into something
else. I am more myself than I ever was. I feel like I’ve been hiding a part of
me my entire life and now that someone accepts the monster and the man, I feel
free to just be. I thrust. And thrust. And thrust. And he doesn’t scream. Fine!
I grab Levi’s hips and roughly pull away as I flip him on his stomach. He
barely has time to say a word that I fall on top of him. I kiss his neck and
feel him shivering under me. My cock twitches between his butt cheeks as I’m
ready to get in again. But first...
“You will scream my name Captain.” I whisper in his ear before biting his
earlobe playfully.
He slightly turns his head and my nose brushes against his cheek.
“Since when do soldiers give orders to their superiors?” He asks. “I will never
surrender to you.”
“But...you already have...” I smirk before raising myself back up.
“You little...“
He shuts up as my cock fills him again. I tug on his hips and he raises himself
on all fours. I can see his back arch as my nails dig into his back and hips. I
lean down and lick my way up his spine before giving a few more deep thrusts. I
hear a gasp, a much louder one. I bring my hand under him and start stroking
slowly, painfully slowly as I time my hips with the strokes. I make sure to hit
his prostate a few times in a row and I can see his muscles so tight that it
must take everything he has not to scream. His hole tightens around me and he
arches his back even more as if it was possible. I let go of his cock and bring
my hand to his head. I gently pull on his hair and I can hear him breathe
heavily. He turns his head to the side and glares at me. He knows I’m going to
win this.
I grin as I bring both my hands back to his hips. I’m almost done myself, so he
has to come. I start thrusting faster and deeper and his hands grip at the bed
sheets as his arms shake, barely holding himself up. He squirms and I can’t
help but let my vision become clouded as the buildup reaches its peak for me.
That’s when suddenly I hear a faint voice.
“Eren.” He whispers.
I move faster, making sure to hold on as much as I can to my release but it
doesn’t take long. I give three rough thrusts right into his prostate and he
screams my name so loud that the neighbors probably heard it through the
fucking concrete wall. He screams it again, and over again.
“EREN! EREN! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREN!”
I simply call out his name a few times as I pant and let my orgasm come. I slow
down my thrusts, gradually and then pull out. Levi finally lets himself fall
limply on the bed. I get up and start making my way out of the bedroom.
“Oi! The fuck are you doing?” Levi asks.
“Getting wet towels?” I ask.
“No, you come back here.” He says, his face half buried in the pillows.
My eyes widen and I can’t help but chuckle as I make my way back beside him.
“Excuse me? Did my cleanfreak of a boyfriend just said it was fine to stay
dirty?”
He raises his head and stares at me blankly. It takes me a while to realize
what I just said. I become livid in a second. We gaze at each other as the
silence drags on until finally Levi burries his face back into the pillows with
a sigh.
“Whatever... fucking stubborn little shit.”
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): Comments are always read/replied to and much appreciated ^_^
     They motivate me lol and I love to see which parts you liked and what
     you hated that happened and just... gah XD
***** Medium rare *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Short and sweet chapter... that is because the next one should
     be kind of long. I suggest you follow them on tumblr too (see
     previous chapters for links to their blogs) because there will be
     some side stuff there (not needed but still kinda cool to know). As
     for this chapter... I'm sorry in advance. And yeah it will be a
     roller coaster up until the end from now on. This is how the plot
     goes but I promise you will love what's to come. This one is entirely
     in Levi POV.
     Mood song:
     Oasis - Wonderwall
See the end of the chapter for more notes
LEVI POV
I’m suffocating. I’m stuck. I... am not dreaming. My eyes flutter open as I
realize that a turquoise pillow squeezes half of my face. Instantly, I push it
out of the way and take the biggest breath I ever took. Oh my fucking god, the
kid tried to kill me. I roll on my side and lift myself up a bit. I frown as I
realize that Eren is curled up next to me, using this pillow instead of my
chest. He doesn’t even wake up when I try shaking him. I laugh and run my
fingers through my hair. I get up and shake my head, making my way out of the
room.
When I emerge into the kitchen, the memories of last night come to my mind.
It’s not like I could forget when I enter something that looks like world war 3
happened. I walk carefully to the oven and realize that my tea kettle looks
weird. Shit. SHIT. I let it get empty and it cracked because of the heat. I
turn off the stove and curse at myself as I fumble around for the coffee grains
that I keep for visitors.
I press the button and start picking up the broken pieces from the floor. As I
get near the table, I spot a few blood stains and immediately feel guilt
running through my veins. I had hurt him, on purpose, and he didn’t even blink.
This is bad. This is really bad. I shouldn’t have let myself tell him how I
feel. I shouldn’t have let myself believe that I felt this way. Now...even
worst, I’m his boyfriend, aren’t I? Part of me wants to scream how fucking
happy that makes me, but the rational part is telling me that it was the most
stupid move I ever pulled.
“Hum, coffee.”
I jump, startled by the voice. I raise my head as Eren slowly crouches in front
of me, ready to help pick up the pieces. He cocks his head and smiles and I
don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy. Just this, is worth everything; all
the pain that I will ever endure, that I have endured in the past, it’s all
worth just that simple smile. And I know, that it’s very unlike me, to give
myself away so easily, but the kid does things to me that no one ever has,
maybe not even Petra back then. I just don’t know how to act anymore or even
what to say. The boyfriend question will probably come around again but I just
hope he won’t bring that up just yet, not until I know what to answer.
“Are you okay?” He asks.
“I’m fine. My tea kettle is broken. Thanks.”
“Are you trying to blame me for this?” He asks with a cheeky smile as he
gestures to the mess.
“Shut up and make yourself useful by pouring me a large cup of coffee.”
“Yes, captain!” He says as he gets up and walks to the counter.
I hear him behind me, opening and closing the fridge door, trying to find a
spoon and sugar... And although I won’t admit it... his presence is reassuring.
It’s probably the first time in years that I do not want to go to work. It’s
all I’ve ever had and today, it’s not what I want the most and it hurts. It’s
physically painful in my chest to feel such things after so many years of
forcing myself into loneliness, thinking it was better for everyone and knowing
that I would suffer from it. I always told myself that it would be worth it, so
long as people didn’t get hurt because of me. Not ever again.
“Can I skip school for another month?” Eren laughs as he hands me a fuming cup
of coffee.
“No.” I reply.
He sits beside me on the floor and his hand finds my chin. I wanna pull away
but I don’t.
“What’s wrong?” He asks.
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “I don’t know what to say or do and... I feel like I’m
the fuck up now.”
I regret my words instantly but I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Thankfully Eren
only laughs.
“You are definitely shit with words.” He smiles. “But I do understand. We can
take things slow you know...”
I pull away and stand up.
“Where is the brat that wasn’t gay? Where is the guy that didn’t even want to
fuck me? Where is he?”
“You killed him.” He replies.
I frown, ready to say something mean, ready to tell him to fuck off.
“Thank you, for making me free.” He adds and I instantly forget everything I
was about to say.
“I didn’t do anything.” I sigh as I put the remains of the plates into the
trash can.
“You know who you remind me of?” Eren asks.
I walk back to him and offer him my hand but he refuses. He sits there, his
legs crossed, holding his cup of coffee with two hands as he looks up at me. I
sigh before I give in and sit on the floor in front of him.
“There’s 4 chairs right beside us and we are sitting on the goddamn cold
floor.” I smirk. “You’re something, you know that?”
He reaches for me and pulls me near him, trying to make me sit on him but I
manage to get out of his hold.
“We’ll spill coffee.”
“You’re distant.” He says.
“I can’t help it.” I say, frowning.
We take a sip of our coffees and Eren repeats:
“Do you know who you remind me of?”
I shake my head and look at the ground, prepared to hear some story about a
friend of a friend that I do not want to know about.
“Atlas, the titan.” He says. “Because you seem like you are carrying so much on
your shoulders. The sky, the galaxies and all its stars... And yet, you choose
not to look at them. You’re an inch away from seeing the most beautiful sight
you could ever see, but you choose to look down at your feet and ignore what’s
being given freely.”
“Fine, maybe Atlas looks at his feet because it makes him stronger. Maybe he
believes nothing comes free and there is always a price to pay. Life has this
funny way of showing you repeatedly that you don’t deserve something. Maybe if
Atlas raises his head, he will drop the sky. Maybe if he raises his head and
looks at what the world is offering him, maybe he will lose his grip and make
everyone pay, again, for his little selfish happiness.”
“You’re too hard on yourself.” Eren sighs.
“It’s the only thing keeping me in one piece.” I say sternly.
He looks at his coffee too long for my liking. His face suddenly shifts into a
frown and I’m bracing myself for the moment he’ll say we should just be
roommates. I expect relief and also pain...but it doesn’t come. Instead, he
raises his gaze to mine and smiles. A genuine, fucking, smile. I shake my head
and smirk.
“You never learn, do you?” I ask.
“Maybe... But I like to think I’m determined.”
“To do what?”
“To break you open.” He smirks. “I’ve only got a foot in the door so far.”
“And what does that even mean?”
“You helped me see who I was, so now I’ll make you see who you truly are and
what you deserve. You deserve to fly into this sky with me, not being buried
under it. You deserve your walls to be filled with all sorts of wonders, not
with ghosts from the past. You deserve happiness and I’ll prove it to you just
the same way that you proved to me I wasn’t who I thought I was.”
And here I am, again, shitty with words, not being able to reply a single word
to those green orbs staring at me. I look away and nod before emptying my cup
of coffee in one long gulp.
“I need to get to work.” I say.
***
It's already been a week and I couldn't be more distant with the kid. We fucked
only once since then. I just... I am slowly pushing him away and he noticed. He
keeps on begging or more attention but I can't give it to him because that
would mean losing control completely and I can't do that. For the past few days
I have even avoiding kissing him. God I want to, that's not even the point, but
I feel guilty for letting myself like him so fucking much... and I know I am
kind of sort of is boyfriend in his mind...Hell maybe I am in my mind too but I
don't know where I stand right now. This weekend I tried distracting him by
going to the mall and buying him a few things before he goes back to school.
Hopefully this'll help him feel better about it.
I park near the gate entrance. Eren leans towards me and I let him give me a
quick peck before he gets out of the car reluctantly. I look at him, making his
way through the gate. I shift into drive but then glance at him again. A tall
guy with the weirdest hair is talking to him. I put my car in park again and
turn the engine off, deciding to wait for Eren to be inside the school before I
leave. Eren seems to argue quite animatedly with the guy and the horse faced
boy just laughs at him. I can see from afar, that Eren is trying really hard to
hold it together. I don’t want to step in, cause that will get him in trouble
but I stare from afar. Students start to gather around them and partially block
my vision. I hear loud cheers and laughs. Suddenly, my stomach turns. I pick up
my keys and stand outside of the car. I look at the group and catch a glimpse
of Eren shaking his head right before the blond pushes him. I start walking
instantly.
“Kirstein, Kirstein, Kirstein!” The students cheer.
Oh so that is Jean. That is the bully. I walk up to the group and look at them.
Jean pushes Eren again but Eren refuses to fight. Jean pushes him one last time
and Eren falls on his ass. His mood seems to shift and he quickly gets up. He
takes a fight stance and people start laughing at him. My heart clenches and I
grind my teeth. Eren rushes forward and gives Jean a punch he shouldn’t forget
for a while. The horseface seems pissed off as his fingers wipe some blood off
his mouth.
Jean dashes towards Eren and starts hitting him on the ribs, exactly where he
had surgery a few weeks ago. I start pushing people out of my way. Some
students seem to think that I am a teacher trying to break the fight. Ahah, if
they knew. Jean hits Eren and the brown mop of hair disappears. I emerge from
the crowd and see Eren, sitting dizzily on the floor. The blond laughs as he
walks around, begging for cheers before he raises his leg to kick Eren.
His kick gets stopped by my two hands as I step between the two. I raise my own
feet and round kick the horseface right on the shoulder. I do not want to hurt
him, because Eren will get in trouble. The boy stumbles but manages to keep his
balance. He lunges towards me and punches my stomach. Those are the moments
where I’m glad that I exercise so much. I raise my gaze from his fist to his
eyes and angle my head. I smile before I send him one, just one, punch that
sends him to the ground. He whines and rolls on his side as blood spits out of
mouth and nose.
“You broke my nose, asshole!” Jean cries.
I pick Eren up and put him on his feet. He seems a bit lost and probably didn’t
realize all that’s happened just now but I need to make sure he’ll never be
bullied again. I grab the collar of his hoodie and pull him roughly against me.
My hand glides up to his neck and I pull him into a kiss. It lasts longer than
I expected. I assumed he would pull away but he doesn’t. Does he even realize
that this proves them right about him being gay? I don’t care, so long as he
doesn’t ever get touched again. I am done with him getting hurt over me. It’s
my fault if people think he is gay. It’s my fault if he doesn’t talk to Mikasa
anymore. It’s my fault if Erwin hurt him. It’s always my fault. And if it has
to be that way, I will make sure that everyone knows not to touch what’s mine.
I pull away slowly and the crowd is silent.
“Listen to me, you useless human beings. If one of you touches Eren again, you
will get more than your nose broken. Am I being clear?”
 
Some nod, some sigh, some murmur that they have to tell the principal.
“Oh and...if you say something to the Principal, I will make sure to list every
single thing that each of you has done against Eren. I’m pretty sure, that a
suspension at this time of year would mean that you wouldn’t graduate? Right?”
 
I turn towards Eren again and our gazes meet. He is expressionless and it
worries me. I pull him in for another kiss and his arms wrap around me.
“Thanks.” He whispers in my ear. “For not being distant right now.”
“Shhh. I’m here.”
“They had photos.” Eren says and I instantly pull away.
I raise a questioning eyebrow.
“Photos from the night where we sang ‘Renegades’ together and kissed.” He adds.
“They had photos from someone’s cellphone there.”
I let go of Eren and turn to Jean, who just stood up with the help of some of
his spineless friends.
“Give me your phone.” I order.
“What? Fuck no.” He says.
“Give me the fucking phone.” I repeat, inches away from him.
He leans backwards as he pulls it out of his pocket and hands it to me. The
text only says: “The fuck up in action” and has a photo of us kissing on stage.
I look at the number and it seems familiar. I pull out my own phone and scroll
through my contacts.
“The son of a bitch!”
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): Did not expect that, did you? Who sent the pic? I'm sure you
     have a good idea...
     Comments are always read/replied to/much appreciated ^_^
     Btw I now track 'extrapepperonifanfic' instead of the previous ones
     because tumblr hated the previous ones for some reason.
***** Pizza commitment *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N) Hey everyone! Hard chapter to write...humpf... I'm glad I'm
     done with it. It's a bit shorter than expected because there was
     supposed to have smut at the end but it didn't feel right to put it
     there. So... Here ya go ;)
     Mood songs:
     Linkin Park - Numb
     Halsey - Is there somewhere
See the end of the chapter for more notes
LEVI POV
The next few days, as I bring Eren to school in the morning, no one even dares
to cross his path, which reassures me. He hasn’t been really talkative about
how it went after my little episode with Jean. I have been waiting for today,
my day off, to confront the bastard who did this to Eren and have been
preparing a speech in my mind during the past two nights.
“We should go grab your PS3 at the end of the day.” Eren says. “I’ll just run
there and you pick me up after work?”
I frown at him.
“I’m not sure I’m very comfortable with you being alone with her.”
“Awww, cute.” He laughs as he pats my head and I’m tempted to slap his hand
away. “She should be at work, don’t worry I’ll be in and out and wait for you
outside. The weather is getting warmer anyways.”
“Alright, I’ll pick you up after work. Be careful.”
He gives me a quick peck and I wait as he makes his way into the school. I
don’t like lying to him, but he wouldn’t have let me talk to Erwin. I have been
cuddling Eren since Jean hit him because he keeps waking up to some flashbacks
of his past. I can feel that he’s right on the edge of breaking down again and
only god knows what this’ll mean for him. I want him to know he has me.
Funny how seeing him vulnerable again made me realize what kind of mistake I
was about to do. It was selfish to try and push him away from me. I had thought
all along that it was selfish to want him so much, to desire everything he was
because I couldn’t ever hope to be good enough for him. I couldn’t ever promise
that nothing would happen to him, to us, but I know now that I am willing to
take that risk a thousand times if I have to. I mean, we have matching scars on
our chests, if that’s not proof enough, I don’t know what is. Or maybe I’m
making this up because I’m trying to justify the fact that I changed my mind as
soon as Jean’s fist found Eren’s face. Either way, Eren seems happy about my
sudden and noticeable change of heart.
“Are you doing that out of pity?” He asked me the other day as I held him close
while watching a movie.
“No.” I replied. “I’m doing this because I want you there.”
His cheeks had moved and although I couldn’t see it, I could pretty much
imagine the grin on his face.
It’s no mistake to say that I have changed the boy to a point of no return, but
he did the same to me and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t scaring me to
death. One thing is for sure, it’s that I will protect him from everything this
world will try and put in his way, starting with the bastard who sent the photo
to Jean.
***
The bells ring as the door closes behind me. I look around but don’t see anyone
there. Granted, it’s still early for pizza, but they do serve coffee and some
kind of disgusting morning wrap. I sit at the nearest booth to the door and
wait for Erwin to show up at the register. I end up flipping pages of a
newspaper out of boredom when suddenly a mop of hair appears from the kitchen.
It’s blond, but definitely not tall enough.
“You can mark straws too, we’re almost out.” Armin screams to someone in the
back.
I cough and his eyes dart to me.
“OH! Levi! I’m sorry we didn’t hear you come in.” He says guiltily. “Mr. Pixis,
we have a customer, shall I take the register?”
“No Mr Arlert, thank you.” He says as he comes out and notices me. “You can go
in the back and finish the inventory of the fridge with Annie.”
“Aren’t these two supposed to be at school?” I ask as Pixis makes his way to my
booth.
“These two, like you say, are in advance classes and don’t have tests today as
opposed to all the others. At least that is what I was told.”
“Oh.” I say, immediately taking a mental note of kicking Eren’s ass for not
telling me about this.
“So.” The old man says. “I believe you aren’t here for pizza, nor are you here
for Eren. Shall I offer you a coffee before we talk?”
“Sure.” I nod.
He comes back a moment later with two cups. He sits and folds his arms,
obviously waiting for me to talk.
“I was actually here to see Erwin.” I admit before taking a sip.
Pixis’s face has a weird expression on it. A mix of ‘I knew it’ and ‘Do you
think I’m stupid?’.
“I figured out that much, Mr Ackerman. How about you tell me why? I’d prefer
you not breaking his arm again in here.”
“I don’t see what you’re talking about.” I say, growing angrier by the minute.
“Do not play dumb with me, Levi. I know what type of person Erwin is, and I
know that if you broke his arm, it must have been with a more than valid
reason.”
“What did he tell you?” I ask.
“Nothing, I couldn’t figure out on my own.” He laughs before taking a sip and I
am pretty sure his coffee has something else in it by the smell floating
around.
“And what would that be?” I ask.
“That he was jealous of you and Mr Jaeger’s relationship and must have done
something really unforgiveable to deserve to be left for dead by such a kind
human as you are.”
“Kind?” I scoff. “You really don’t know me, old man.”
“Oh, enough with the façade young man, I know how you work because I used to be
just the same.”
“Right. Whatever.”
He laughs and we let the silence envelop us for a little while, quietly
enjoying our fuming drinks before Pixis opens his mouth again, clearly smelling
alcohol now.
“I am guessing he did something else?”
I simply nod, not wanting to give him further information about this.
“Does Mr. Jaeger, know you are here?”
I shake my head and take another sip, glancing at the newspaper, pretending to
be absorbed by it.
“I have a question.” I say after a while.
“Go ahead.”
“If you knew that Erwin did something terrible, why did you make Eren lose his
job and not him, knowing that Eren needed it most.”
“Ah, finally you ask.” He smirks. “See, I have kept Erwin for a few reasons.
The first one being that Eren is a very young boy and shouldn’t have to see
himself end up here. I didn’t want him to lose faith or lose hope that he is
much better than this life.”
“Yeah...” I say sarcastically. “But the kid needed the money, otherwise he’d
end up in the streets, so how is this fucking logic, please explain.”
“Don’t get on your high horse, Mr Ackerman.” He laughs and my fists clench
under the table. “The other reason I had, was that I knew you wouldn’t let him
end up in the streets. I knew you’d take him in.”
“How could you even know that?” I scoff. “No one even knew we were friends
before a few weeks ago.”
“Oh dear lord.” He chuckles. “You are quite transparent, Levi.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask, taken aback by his confident tone.
“That only someone completely stupid couldn’t figure out how much you love the
kid, and that was more than I needed to make sure he’d never have to come back
to this low life he had settled for.”
I gape at him. My brain quits functioning for a little while as I search for
something else to say but I can’t find anything to reply.
“Also.” Pixis adds. “I kept Erwin here to have an eye on him. I know how he was
to Eren, there are cameras here. I am not entirely lost in this situation.”
“I’d rather deal with it myself.” I add.
“The best way to do so, would be to get your lawyers to discuss the possibility
of having a restrictive order against him. That would be the better way.
Although, that would mean you no longer could come to the restaurant and
neither could Eren.”
“You have a point.” I add.
Pixis stands up and I look up at him.
“Shall you wait for Erwin, he will be here around noon, but I do suggest that
you do as I said.” He says before turning around and walking back to the
kitchen without another word.
I sit there wondering what to do but somehow also terrified about what he said
about me being transparent. I don’t even love the kid. I like him and that’s
more than enough already... That’s already more than I can give.
I shake my head and drop a 5$ bill on the table before getting up. I stand in
front of the register for a moment, imagining Erwin there, trying to figure out
what I would say. The thing is, I actually have nothing to say to him. A bunch
of threats? I admit that beating him up would soothe me and help me cope with
this but Eren would probably be very angry at me for not ignoring him. If we do
seem happier than ever as if nothing could shake us, maybe Erwin will give up.
I doubt that though and therefore I consider calling my lawyers to set up a
meeting for early next week.
***
EREN POV
I reach the door, completely exhausted and try to keep a steady breathing as I
search my pockets for my keys.
I unlock it and climb the set of stairs before I reach the apartment. Our door
is not locked, which is surprising. Maybe she is there. I brace myself for the
inevitable series of questions to come and try to figure out a way to get out
of here quickly with the PS3. Something seems off though, because the cushions
of the couch are now in the hallway and all the kitchen drawers are pulled
open. I frown as I take a step forward but then hear a low whine. I blink
rapidly as the noise echoes again. It’s coming from my bedroom. I walk up there
and slowly try turning the knob. It’s locked.
“I’m sorry!” She screams from across the door.
My eyes widen and I bang my shoulder against it.
“Mikasa!” I scream, thinking of the worst. “Don’t do that. Please!”
“Eren?” She screams. “Eren! RUN!”
“Run?” I ask pulling away from the door.
“He’s-“ She starts but gets cut off by another voice.
“Hello, Eren.”
I turn to my left, stuck in a corner as I take in who is there. My entire body
shakes from the memories overflowing inside my brain. I can feel myself sliding
into a parallel world as a panic attack attempts to take its hold on me but I
stand tall, and pretend to be strong as best as I can.
“Why are you here?” I ask him.
“A father cannot visit his children?” He asks.
“I don’t see any father figure here.” I reply, crossing my arms.
“Ah you haven’t lost your sharp tongue.” He adds. “Your sister told me what
you’ve done.”
“Whatever she told you is none of your business either way.” I say.
“Perhaps you are right, since you are now both adults.” He says. “But...”
“Why did you lock her in?” I interrupt.
“Because she wouldn’t give me the money. This family’s money.” He says as if I
was the stupidest person he ever talked to.
“You mean the money she works two jobs to have?” I ask. “Because I won’t tell
you either.”
“You both are spoiled brats not even wanting to help your poor father. That’s
not how I raised you, you are such a disappointment.”
“Poor?” I scoff taking a step towards him. “Are you fucking kidding me? Poor?
YOU left us alone. Because of YOU, she was forced to drop out of school to make
sure we’d survive on our own. YOU didn’t care that we could barely eat every
day. YOU never called. YOU disappeared. YOU’RE FUCKING PATHETIC! I won’t let
you act as if your life is screwed up because of us, as if it is our fault if
you are miserable and lonely. I won’t let you come back here and dictate our
lives after not caring for so long. You never cared anyway, I say.
It’s too late for me to take a step back as his fist hits my jaw and internally
I am almost tempted to laugh at how much I’ve gotten hit lately. I look back at
him and he seems to take the fact that I’m still standing as a threat. He
raises his fist again...
***
LEVI POV
I’ve been waiting for 10 minutes when I decide to go wait by the door. This
idiot is taking his sweet time and I sigh exasperatedly. As I’m about to sit on
the floor, the door opens, letting out one of the neighbors, an old lady with
the creepiest smoker smile.
I stand up straight and put my foot in the door before it closes as the lady
makes her way to the sidewalk. She glances back at me, visibly judging me. I
guess she saw me with Eren before and didn’t approve. Screw her and her narrow
mind.
I climb the stairs and as I get in front of the door, I realize that there must
have been a mistake. Someone is crying on the other side and a man screaming
things I cannot understand. It’s weird though because I may have not come here
so often but I’m sure it’s the right place. I attempt opening the door and it’s
not locked.
The scene that unravels before my eyes is enough to make me gag. Eren is on the
floor, his face covered in blood and he’s punching the man that straddles him.
I dash towards them and lift the man up before shoving him away and putting
Eren back up on his feet. Before I get to turn around, the taller guy with
glasses jumps on my back and tries to hit my face.
“Really?” I say. “Are you fucking serious?”
I run backwards until the guy's back hits the wall. He momentarily lets go of
me and that’s enough time for me to turn around and send him a kick right on
the temple. He falls dizzily to the floor and I glance back at Eren.
“What the fuck?” I ask.
“Father.” He says, wiping his nose on his shirt. “He has the key, he locked
Mikasa inside.”
“Give me the key.” I say to the man right away.
He shakes his head and I gladly throw my knee to his face.
“Give me the fucking key.” I repeat. “Or I will take it from your cold hands.”
He grunts before trying to take it out of his pocket. I kneel down and take it.
I hand it to Eren and then the man grabs my wrist, trying to twist it.
“Very funny.” I say shoving my other fist in his stomach.
The man looks up to me with his broken glasses and blood slowly flowing out
from one of his ears.
“Who are you?” He asks me.
“I am Levi Ackerman.” I reply, crossing my arms. “I’m your son’s boyfriend and
the owner of this apartment complex so you should...”
“Grisha Jaeger and... first of all, you are not the owner of this place.” The
man says as I hear the bedroom door open from behind me.
“Not yet.” I say. “But I have my check book on me and I am pretty sure that
whoever is, would accept a 3 million dollar offer for this shit place if I
wanted to have it and keep you from coming in.”
“Ahhh, so that is why Eren has become a fag?” He laughs. “He has a sugar daddy
now.”
Eren crosses the distance in a second and I don’t even attempt stopping him as
he punches the man’s face so hard that I can literally hear his jaw crack.
“I am sorry, Eren. He was so nice with me at first and I had to tell him where
you were and...” Mikasa starts
“SHUT UP!” Eren says. “All of you shut up.”
 
He walks back to the living room and unplugs the PS3 quickly. He stops near me
and nods.
“We’re done here.” He says.
I agree but don’t move. I am not done just yet.
“Mikasa, you are coming with us for tonight.” I say and I see Eren turning back
to me.
“No.” Eren says.
“Yes.” I argue. “Just for tonight, I do not trust this guy.”
“Fine, whatever, don’t listen to me.” Eren adds. “It’s not like you ever do.”
“We can talk about this later in private.” I reply sternly.
He starts to make his way downstairs and Mikasa looks at me before she follows.
I turn my attention back to the mess that is leaning against the wall beside
the door and glare at it.
“If you ever try to contact Eren again, by any way, I’ll have you arrested.”
“I’m scared.” He laughs adjusting his glasses. “Come on, Levi, I was only
trying to raise him to be strong like his dad, to put him on the right path, to
keep him from making mistakes after mistakes like he's doing right now and you
know that.”
“First of all, you don’t get to call me Levi and I won't let you say that this
relationship is a mistake. Second of all, Eren is stronger than any of us
because he is determined to not lead the same pathetic life as you. Third and
final, you piece of shit will never, EVER, contact either of them again. Am I
being fucking clear?”
“We’ll see what my lawyers will say.” He threatens.
“They are adults.” I add. “You don’t have any rights anymore. Plus, if you do
contact them, I will know and you be sure I’ll make you regret it one way or
another. You do not know me, and I can promise you that you really don’t want
to push your luck.”
I step out and slam the door closed behind me. Apparently I’ll have a few
restrictive orders to take care of but first of all I need to find an apartment
for Mikasa.
***
“Are you going to be mad at me forever?” I ask him as I rinse the shampoo off
my head.
He doesn’t reply and crosses his arms.
“Tu es un idiot!” I add, shaking my head.
“Et toi tu es stupide de l’aider.” Eren says, crossing his arms.
My eyes dart to him and I can’t help but gape.
“You’ve been learning French?” I ask.
“I’ve been reading and watching movies with subtitles.” He says. “Which doesn’t
make me less angry about the fact that you are helping her.”
“It’s your sister.” I add. “Was I supposed to leave her there and let him
possibly murder her? Come on, he wasn’t in his right mind and you know it.”
“That’s always how he’s been.” Eren says. “Mikasa told him I was gay, as if she
wanted him to hate me ever more than he already did. You shouldn’t have helped
her.”
“She is sleeping downstairs you won’t even have to see her and I am sure she
didn’t mean it this way.”
“How do you fucking know? Suddenly you’re an expert with my fucking life and
situation? Seriously Levi, now is probably the only time where you should shut
the fuck up.”
“Fine.”
I do as he says. Perhaps he’s angrier than I thought but he also cannot think
straight right now. It’s probably overwhelming for all this to happen in just a
day and I can only assume school is torture to him too. I finish washing myself
and step out, not even glancing back at him as I make my way to the bedroom
across the corridor.
When he walks in, fifteen minutes later, he seems much calmer than before. He
gets dressed but I keep my attention on the boring soap that plays on TV. He
climbs in bed and I keep ignoring him. That’s what he asked, right? Or perhaps
it’s a mix of it and my ego taking a hit. You want me to shut the fuck up? Then
I shall do that to please your majesty. I am unfair by acting so childishly,
but I can’t help it. He makes it hard to keep my emotions in check, especially
since I’m already on edge because of what Pixis said.
Eventually, he sits and turns to face me.
“Levi, I’m sorry.” He says.
I pause the show and glance at him.
“I didn’t mean to be rude. I know you’re supporting me the best way you can and
I’m acting like a moron. I am sorry.”
I sigh and turn my attention back to the TV.
“It’s a good thing you brought Mikasa here.” He admits. “I would’ve regretted
not helping her. I am sorry for being mean to you.”
I sit up straight and turn to face him.
“No need to apologize, everyone was on edge today. It’s over now.” I say,
gently stroking his cheek. “You should rest.”
“I didn’t mean it.” He adds and I angle my head, looking at him quizzically. “I
didn’t mean it when I said you never listen to me.”
I blink a few times before I nod.
“I’m the one who never listens to you, and in some situations it’s good that I
don’t, but that was unfair, I shouldn’t have said that. Forgive me?” He smirks
and bites his swollen lip.
“Do not worry, we are fine, brat. Stop apologizing.” I say as I start to lower
myself on the bed again.
“Thank you.” He says and I pause to sit up straight again.
“For not being there on time again?” I ask. “Do not fucking thank me for this.”
“Levi!” He gasps, reaching for me and pulling me closer to him.
I resist a bit but then decide that I really want us to be close right now. I
am trying to explore my feelings a bit more and I think surrendering to Eren’s
signs of affection is a good step forward.
“Enough with the guilt.” Eren says. “Nothing happened to me, I just got a few
more punches, it could have been much worse for me or for Mikasa if you hadn’t
walked in. Thank you for saving me for the 30th time.”
“You’re saving me every day, I owe you.” I reply, not even thinking about what
I’ve just done.
Eren slowly pushes me back in front of him, never letting go of my shoulders as
his gaze meets mine. I’m pretty sure my cheeks are flaming red as I try and
focus on the paler green tint of his eyes and not on the fact that I have just
told him how important he is to me... in a way. I get lost in my thoughts for a
moment as I try and figure out a way to explain this while Eren stares at me
with a wide grin spread across his face.
“I love you.” He says.
I gasp and stare at him blankly, thinking I must have heard wrong.
“W-What?” I ask.
“I love you too fucking much to keep myself from saying it any longer. I’m
sorry, but I fell in love with you Levi, I broke rule #5.”
I gasp again as my face turns crimson red. I curse at myself on the inside, for
not being able to say a word to him, for letting him fall this deep and for
enjoying the sound of those words on his lips a bit too much. I gape at him and
blink a few times before I lean in and press my mouth on his. He smiles against
my lips and I do the same. Fuck the black eye and the bruised jaw. Fuck the
swollen lips and the bloody scraped knuckles. I wanted him to be mine all along
and I will stop denying the fact that I have been waiting and hoping for those
3 words. It is sad how much I’ve failed to keep the promises I made myself.
Maybe sometimes promises need to be broken in order for the light to finally
shine its light on you. But right now... all I can think of... is that maybe,
just maybe, Pixis was right about me.
Chapter End Notes
     Comments are always read/replied to and much appreciated ^_^
     Also note that I am sorry about taking so long to reply this week. I
     had a lot of cleaning to do and didn't even do much of anything else
     than that. ^_^
     See you next week for another slice!
***** Steamed hot dogs *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Yo! Nearing the end, aren't we? Only 4 regular chapters left
     and 1 epilogue. I'm already a bit sad about this although I got the
     next fic in my head I will most probably take a tiny break in between
     and write a few one shots ^_^... In this chapter, Levi's anger builds
     up.... I don't have much to say this week except I hope you'll like
     it. Enjoy!
     Mood song:
     Nine Inch Nails - Closer (very graphic language and might not be
     everyone's cup of tea lol)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
EREN POV
I lick my way up his length and dare to stare at him while I do. His lips
twitch leaving the trace of a smirk on his usually impassive face. Of course, I
didn’t mean to say it right away. Especially, since I wasn’t sure myself, but
seeing him standing up to my dad to protect me and my sister made me realize
that he cares way more than he says. He told me, before I had the accident,
that he didn’t want to be involved with my “family shit”. I know now, after he
stood up to Mikasa in the Hospital and now my dad, that he wants to be
involved, he wants to be part of my life and there is no denying it. I doubt
he’ll ever love me the same way I love him, but the fact he admitted that he
likes me is already so much more than what I hoped for.
I bob my head up and down and am delighted to hear the tiny muffled noises
escaping his mouth as I move. He is trying to be quiet, considering Mikasa is
downstairs, but is having a hard time. Being the annoying person that I am, I
decide to surprise him with one of my new skills. I slow down and he raises his
head to look at me. I can see the question in his eyes but I only smirk as I
slowly take him all in. I steady my breathing as I suppress my gag reflex and
push deeper. My nose brushes against his skin and he instantly arches himself,
gripping the sheets. I can feel him twitch inside my mouth before he raises
himself on his elbows with a very lovely expression of shock plastered on his
face.
“How the fuck did you get that good?” He asks.
I pull away and chuckle from the obvious possessive tone he used.
“I...practiced with a banana” I say shyly.
“Did this banana have fucking human skin?” He says, sitting up straight.
“NO! Levi, I swear.”
“You-You practiced....You practiced this with a fucking banana?” He says
incredulously.
I nod and he starts laughing uncontrollably, falling back on the bed as he
tries to breathe. I frown and lean down, immediately repeating my previous
move. Suddenly the room is silent as his hands grip the sheets once more. I
wrap my hand around his wrist and guide him to my hair.
“Are you sure?” He asks.
I nod the best I can before Levi slowly starts to buck his hips forward. He
gives me enough time to breathe in between, which is great. I guess that’s one
perk of being gay, your partner knows what to do or not since you both have the
same equipment to work with. A very fucking amazing equipment in this case I
have to say.
Alternating between quicker moves and slower, deeper ones, I eventually bring
Levi near the edge. He instinctively grabs my hair and I growl, remembering how
the vibrations tend to send me to heaven. He tries to push me away as he’s
obviously about to come but I go deeper instead.
“You can’t swallow!” He pants.
I nod stubbornly as he arches himself once more. He grips the sheets with both
his hands as he moans loudly enough that Mikasa certainly heard it. I focus on
the hot liquid gliding down my throat as I swallow it all. I pull away and
smile.
Levi presses a hand on his forehead, still panting, before he sits up to look
at me.
“You didn’t learn to swallow from a banana...” He frowns.
“Well, I was lucky. I never tried before but I read about it.” I say with a
sheepish smile.
He gets up and heads to the bathroom. I quickly follow behind, knowing he won’t
kiss me if I don’t brush my teeth.
I gaze at him as he wipes a wet towel on his stomach and softening cock. He
catches my stare.
“You read about it...” He scoffs. “That was one of the best blow jobs I’ve ever
had and you’re telling me ‘you read about it’.”
I wipe my mouth before I sit on the counter.
“You sound jealous.” I tease.
“Well fuck, Eren... no one is that good by just reading about it.” He says
before turning towards the bedroom.
I jump to my feet and grab his wrist before he walks away.
“I might have watched a few videos.” I admit.
“Still.”
“Are...are you saying that you think I’ve cheated on you?” I laugh.
He shrugs and his glare darkens. I can see that he hates admitting it.
“Levi!” I say, grabbing his shoulders. “I’d never do that. I fucking love you,
what other proof do you need?”
“Tch. Nevermind.” He says, trying to head out once more but I keep a strong
hold on him.
“I would never do that. I will never leave you.” I add. “What even made you
think that I would cheat on you? I have no reason to do that.”
He pulls away and glares at me.
“You have all the reasons. I’m much older and now that you have your freedom
back and that everyone knows about you being gay, certainly you’d get taken
away from me soon enough by a much younger and nicer guy.”
I stare at him blankly. No. He must be kidding.
“Levi... I have never been in love before. I never knew I was gay before. I
have never felt anything towards anyone the way I do with you, so please...
never think of me that way.”
“I can’t help it.” He sighs, suddenly looking way more miserable than
aggravated. “I told you that you were trading your cage for another one. I
shouldn’t have let myself want you so much. Not if there is ever a chance of me
losing you.”
“You’ll never lose me.” I say a bit louder. “And if you think your age matters,
remember that you are much hotter than most of my teenager fellows.”
“But when I’m going to be 50...” He starts but then pauses, realizing that he
has just said something that goes way beyond the regular long term
relationship.
I blink a few times and then let a huge grin spread wide on my face.
“When you’re 50, you’ll still be the asshole I fell in love with and I’ll still
give you the best blow jobs you ever had.”
“I didn’t mean...” He starts but I cut him off.
“Yes you meant it, and that’s all I need.” I laugh. “Now listen to me. 1-I will
never cheat on you. 2-I will not leave you. 3-I am allowed to suck bananas if I
god damn want to. 4-No need for a cage because you’re my home, I’ll always come
back to my home. 5-I love you and I’ll keep on saying it until you’ll force me
to stop. And just so you know, even that won’t make me stop.”
He takes a step forward and I wrap my arms around him. It takes him a moment
before he does the same and I can feel his wet cheek against my skin. How did I
ever manage to make such a strong men cry? I’ll never know but I want him to
understand that as long as he’ll obviously want me here, I will stay. If the
day ever comes where he doesn’t, I’ll fight my way in again until he can manage
to convince me of his hatred towards me. I hope this day never comes.
***
LEVI POV
We spent the entire weekend on the couch watching horror movie after horror
movie. Eren was commenting how he would’ve done this or that and that they
should stop talking and act before the killer caught them. He was brave but
even I, jumped at some unexpected scenes. We laughed as we both hid under a
blanket during a very creepy scene of one of the paranormal activity movies.
The door had creaked right after and Mikasa had joined us by scaring the shit
out of us. She was a lot nicer to me now and so we ended up hiding like
children under blankets as if it would change anything. In this soft wall, we
did think we were invincible and for once in my life, I felt like I actually
belonged somewhere. I understand a bit more what Eren said about this. I never
had a family...at least not one that was okay with me being gay. I never had a
love life either and my friends, except for Hanji, have always been nothing
more than traitors or backstabbers. It’s the first time where I feel entirely
safe without being on my own. It’s like I’ve missed this all along and never
even knew about it before. I smile as I lean closer to Eren. He wraps his arm
around my shoulders and I can’t help but smile even though someone is getting
attacked by a ghost on tv.
Monday rolled around and I met two lawyers. One of them was clearly not okay
with the ‘being gay’ situation and so I walked out, slamming the door on my
way. I gave a lovely finger to the secretary also, who looked outraged by my
move. Guess I’m allowed to act in a childish manner if these people treat me as
if I’m a worthless human being. I do think I am, in a way, but the difference
now, is that I have people depending on me and it’s all that matters. This brat
is the only thing that matters and I still hate admitting it to myself.
The second lawyer was nice and I had already met him before. After a few hours,
I came out of there with a bunch of restrictive orders for Eren, Mikasa and I.
The process went fast because I had the money to make it quicker. There’s
nothing you can’t buy, isn’t it? It is for a good cause, so I don’t even feel
one ounce of guilt as I walk out and throw the papers on the backseat of my
car. I won’t be telling Eren about this. He doesn’t need to worry and it’ll
just make it easier for him to see that those 3 people won’t be bothering him
again.
The rest of the week went fast and I managed to find a one bedroom apartment
for Mikasa that was near College. She argued with me that she wouldn’t be going
to College, that she had to work but I knew she would do that. That’s why I
paid 2 years of the lease in advance. She hit me. She actually hit me when I
showed her the contract. Eren laughed before hugging me tight and thanking me.
Mikasa joined a few seconds later. I was stiff and uncomfortable but I couldn’t
say I hated it. The next weekend, Armin and Hanji came over to help us grab
Mikasa’s stuff from what Eren still refers to as the Hell Hole. I didn’t allow
Mikasa and Eren inside for the sake of this new clean slate they had. They
didn’t need any memories from it except for their belongings. Armin had walked
out with one box filled with Eren’s clothes and a broken laptop. I took the box
and threw it in the garbage.
“Hey!” Eren yelled. “I want to keep a few shirts and I’ll get this laptop
fixed.”
“No need, you already have new clothes.” I argued.
“Well I want to keep the shirt I had when I met you, alright?” He blushed. “And
mom’s sweater and scarves.”
I nodded, suddenly feeling guilty for being so careless. Eren walked back with
about half the box and a photo of his mom.
“You look like her.” I said.
“Thank you.” He smiled.
By the end of the day, Mikasa was inside her new apartment and we had gathered
around a stupid game called jungle speed as we hate pizza. Hanji suggested that
we would put the totem in another room to make it harder and everyone agreed
except me. Of course my words meant literally nothing to these people so they
did it anyway. Fucking idiots. The first duel happened between Armin and Eren.
I couldn’t help but laugh as Armin jumped on Eren’s back to try and slow him
down. It worked because Armin came out of the kitchen with the totem in his
hand while Eren was muttering stuff to himself.
The next duel was me and Hanji. She smirked before she got up at the speed of
lightening. You’d think they would be fair, since Hanji is so fucking tall
compared to me, but of course not. Being closer to the kitchen, I got up from
the living room floor and managed to throw a chair behind me, keeping Hanji
from following as quick as she thought she would. I literally threw myself on
the floor in order to get the totem on time. I did, but quickly, Hanji’s weight
fell on me. She was trying to take it from my hands and so I grabbed her
ponytail and shoved her off of me, running back to the living room, noticing
that my pizza had fell to the floor and that Eren was already cleaning my mess
up. Good brat.
“Ah, my boyfriend’s the best.” Eren said as he noticed the totem in my hand.
“Just...don’t... Don’t say it that way.” I blushed, cursing at myself.
“As if we didn’t know. It was official before you even called it official.”
Mikasa laughs.
I can’t help but stare at her as a grin spreads on my face. Is she...accepting
me? I guess I can never forgive her for what she did to Eren, but then again,
she wasn’t really acting from her own will, I guess. Either way, this night was
perfect and when we got home, it felt surprisingly empty. I would miss the
raven haired girl. Who would’ve thought?
***
I’m driving back home, from our weekly meeting and I can’t say that I’m happy.
In fact, I’m furious. Thursdays are usually a synonym of progress and future
plans, but today was particularly shitty. They had wanted to throw me out of
the company for a while now. The only reason I managed to stay was the fact
that I came up with an idea that they couldn’t refuse. They had been really
enthusiastic about it, in fact. The only problem, now, was that they were
trying to appropriate themselves the idea that my new employee came up with. I
would fight teeth and nails for this idea. It was ours and it would break
records for sure, so there was no way I’d let this go.
They argued that the guy never showed up to any meetings but I had told them
before, that he wouldn’t be coming until he’d be done with his present
contract, which was still ongoing. They were getting impatient and even
threatened that I would be losing my job soon enough. I guess my only safety
net was the fact that they didn’t know the employee yet. This guy was still
working on other projects so I couldn’t pressure him to move to his new office
just yet. I guess the curiosity they had for him, is what was keeping me here
right now. Either way, it’s getting harder to go to work every day, especially
since the news started spreading that I had a boyfriend. One of my particularly
shitty co-workers named Oluo made sure to tell me that I should focus more on
work, instead of my boyfriend’s dick up my ass. I almost snapped. Almost. But I
remembered that someone was waiting for me at home, and that I needed this job,
in order to live the life we both wanted. It’s not like I’d ever let anyone
take my own company away from me either.
Needless to say that at the end of the day, when I crossed the door of the
house and noticed the huge mess in the kitchen, my fists clenched.
“Eren!” I scream right before his head pops over the open fridge door. “What
the fuck is this?”
“I tried cooking something for you.” He smiles.
“Well you fucking failed. Clean this shit up, I’ll call for Thai.”
He slams the fridge closed and folds his arms.
“What?” I snap.
“What the fuck is your problem?” He asks, taking a few steps towards me.
“Shit day at work.” I say, taking off my tie and rolling my sleeves to start
cleaning.
“I’m sorry.” He says.
I ignore the guilt in my gut and start picking up the trash.
“Shut up and clean.” I add.
“FINE! Okay...” He says.
When we are finally done, I go upstairs and make my way into the shower, trying
to breathe steadily as the hot water glides down my back. Until cold fingers
snap me out of my relaxing session. Eren is stark naked and climbing in with
me.
“I’m done.” I say. “The water’s yours.”
“Wait!” He says, grabbing my wrist.
I shove his hand away and glare at him.
“I just wanted to be with you, I already showered when I got home from school.”
He frowns.
“Well I’m not in the mood.” I say sternly.
“I’ll bottom.” He says with pleading eyes, trying to lighten the mood.
He’s trying to make me happy and it’s pissing me off even more.
“I’d be too rough with you if we did it now so please leave me alone, Eren.” I
sigh before stepping out.
I make my way into the bedroom and quickly get some clothes on before cold
fingers slide under my shirt again. I quickly turn around and push him on the
bed.
“I said no.”
“Alright.” Eren says, suddenly obviously angry.
“Look, we can’t always want sex at the same time okay? I don’t want to hurt you
so let me fucking breathe right now.”
“Fine, asshole, breathe while I go for a fucking walk.” He adds.
I grab his wrist, not even thinking about it and shove him back on the bed. He
seems surprised but not any less angry.
“Quit being a fucking brat!” I warn.
“Quit being a fucking jerk!” He says.
I pull his wrists over his head before I lean down and bite his lip.
“Enough.” I say, suddenly turned on even though I really don’t want to.
“Fuck you.” Eren says, turning his head away.
That does it for me. I’m stressed and I’ve been keeping it all in and all those
feelings building up in me with the addition of the past surfacing back up made
the past weeks fucking hard. I was happy. I am happy... but he needs to
understand that I need time to think all of this through. Maybe I do feel
certain things I wouldn’t allow myself to feel, but everything is so fucking
confusing right now and him resisting me just makes me want to be even angrier.
“Fucking tease.” I say.
“There’s a difference between being a tease and doing something nice. I tried
to set up a nice evening and you fucked it all up with your shit mood. Talk to
me when you’re not PMSing.”
I tighten my grip on his wrists and glare at him.
“Ouch.” Eren says. “You’re hurting me.”
I smirk before I pull away and walk up to the desk, pulling one of the drawers
open. When I find what I’m looking for, I pull it out and turn towards Eren.
“Wow... should I be scared?” Eren asks, looking at the crop.
As a response, I pull out another crop with soft fur at the end.
“Now I’m confused.” He adds.
“That’s the most you’ll get from me as far as bdsm is concerned...but I have to
say that right now I really want to use those on you.”
“So you want to punish me for trying to be nice to you?” Eren scoffs.
“It doesn’t hurt.” I add, quickly slapping his thigh with the crop.
Eren seems surprised. Indeed, it doesn’t hurt so long as you’re not a
psychopath when using it.
“What about the other one?” He asks.
“Well... if you listen to me... you’ll get rewarded with this one.”
“Whatever.” He says, letting himself fall back on the bed.
I sigh.
“What is it, Eren?” I ask.
“You acting like a jerk is everything but a turn on, you know.”
I’m growing angrier by the minute and so I climb on top of him. I straddle him
and his gaze meets mine.
“Getting there.” He says.
“You’re a pain in the ass.”
“That’d be you, since I’m bottom right now.”
“Shut your god damn smart mouth for a moment and let me just fuck you into the
mattress okay?”
“Yes, sir.”
“That’s so impersonal. Where’s your smirk? Where’s the light in your eyes?” I
ask.
“You can’t expect me to be turned on because you want to get it over with.” He
scoffs.
“Did I say that?”
“No but it’s written all over you.”
I stand up and walk to the desk, putting the toys back in place. When I turn
around, Eren sits at the end of the bed.
“Are you going to tell me what’s up?” He asks.
“They are trying to get me out of the company, as usual.” I sigh. “It’s just a
shit day, don’t try and figure out why.”
“I’m trying to help.” He says.
“I don’t need help.” I add.
Suddenly, he gets up and rushes to me. He grabs my shoulders and starts shaking
me.
“If you think, for one second, that I will stand here watching you shut
everything and everyone out because some stupid idiots hate your guts, you are
so wrong. Snap out of it. Quit being a jerk to me and just say what’s wrong so
we can find a solution.”
“There isn’t any solution. I have to wait for the new employee and endure
what’s between now and then so stop caring okay? Stop it.”
“No.” He says, grabbing my wrists.
“YES!” I snap, shoving his hands away.
Before I can say another word, his lips are on mine and he pins me against the
wall. He lifts me up and I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist. As soon
as the growing bulge in his pants touches me, I am done for. I press my tongue
on his lips, forcing my way into his mouth as I explore it. He starts walking
backwards to the bed and then let’s himself fall on his back. I straddle him
and roll my hips as our tongues keep dancing together.
Eventually, I throw his underwear and mine across the room. I lick my way down
his stomach and to his cock. I assume he’s expecting a blow job but I need to
fuck him right now so I give him a few strokes as my tongue teases at his
entrance. He growls, hoping for more.
I fumble around the nightstand to try and find the lube as the room darkens
from the sun setting. When I do, I immediately pour some on my fingers and
slide two right inside. Eren winces and then glares at me. I suck on his dick a
few times to try and make him less tense as I slide a third finger in. I
stretch his hole and when I deem him ready, I pull them out.
“Turn around.” I order.
“What?” He asks.
“Get on all four.” I say, stroking myself as he obeys.
I position myself and barely wait for his nod to let myself glide in. So tight.
So so tight. I moan and try to control myself as Eren raises a finger, sign
that I have to wait for him to adjust. He then nods again and I accelerate
gradually.
The only sound in the room is my hips slamming against his, ours moans, and the
lust filled sound of our bodies becoming one. I quicken the pace and slam
harder and deeper. Eren winces a few times but not enough for me to worry. I
switch my angle a bit and then hit the perfect spot. Eren’s back arches and I
can’t help but growl at the view before my eyes. I caress his muscles and let
my hand travel up and down his spine, earning a few shivers before I can feel
myself slowly nearing my orgasm.
“Ride me.” I say.
“I’m not that good at...” Eren starts.
“Ride me, I’ll help.” I repeat before pulling out and letting myself fall on my
back.
Eren obeys and climbs on top of me. His eyes filled with lust and tiredness. I
moan when he lowers himself down on me and he does the same. It takes us a
moment to find the right angle again but when we do, Eren starts moving a bit
faster and I can see his muscle tighten as he forces the build up to continue.
His legs gradually become weaker as I’m also nearing my own peak. I steady his
legs with my arms and he gets the message. I start moving my hips up and down
at a very quick pace when I notice Eren’s hands suddenly grabbing at my thighs
as a look of pure bliss appears on his face.
“Levi...” he whispers in a breath as he rides the end of his orgasm and covers
my stomach in cum.
I quicken my pace even more and my breathing becomes erratic as I come,
mumbling Eren’s name.
We both fall on our backs, neither of us wanting to get up and get a wet towel.
“I’m still mad.” Eren says, looking straight at the ceiling.
“So am I.” I reply.
“Alright then.” He says, climbing on top of me. “Round 2. You bottom.”
“I’m not ready.” I add.
“Well, old man... I am.”
I glare at him and try to hide the smirk that tries to betray me. Eren wears a
matching one and all I can think about is how did I get so fucking lucky?
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): So? How was that? Now I'm inviting you on the downfall of the
     rollercoaster, hopefully you'll hold on tight until we reach the end.
     ♥
     Comments are always read/replied to and much appreciated ^_^
***** Spicy wings burn *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N) Hello everyone! Nearing the end aren't we? So... this part
     burns. It's the last really hurtful part but I tried to end it a bit
     positive. I didn't want to leave you guys sad or angry again. Also. I
     drew a fanart of Levi upside down the pole from chapter 4. I do not
     draw digital art, I am shit at it, so don't judge it please, I'm a
     traditional artist, k? lol. Here it is: CLICK_HERE
     Mood song (both of those are in my top 10 fave songs ever):
     Florence and the machine - No light no light
     Zella Day - Ace of hearts
See the end of the chapter for more notes
EREN POV
The next week goes a bit faster than the previous one and I am a bit nervous
about Levi’s behaviour. He has been cranky and on edge but I never ask why. I
know better than to bother him with my questions. Especially since I assume
it’s probably because of work again. Those assholes have been on his back for a
while now and I can only begin to imagine how much pressure and stress this
puts on his shoulders, aside from our unexpected relationship, which is surely
stressing him too.
On my part, I couldn’t be happier. For the first time ever, everything seems to
be fine. Of course college is stressing me, but I am trying not to think about
it until I actually graduate. I’ll probably just go to the nearest one so I
don’t have to move away.
It’s amazing how fast spring went this year. It’s such a renewal for me too. My
entire life changed for the better and I can only be grateful to the man in
front of me for all this. He’s sleeping, his head resting on the other side of
the couch, his legs tangled with mine. I cross my arms behind my head and stare
at the ceiling. The last tests of senior year are arriving and it does make me
nervous. I do not want to disappoint him, especially in French. I have been
watching a lot of movies recently with English subtitles to try and associate
words. It helped a lot and I can even reply to him in his mother tongue
sometimes, which pisses him off as much as it turns him on.
School has also been going smoothly because we are nearing the end of the year,
but also because Jean has been absent all week, which makes my life easier. I
also got to spend some time with Armin this week because Annie was sick. I
didn’t blame him for being with her 24/7. In fact, now that I knew how love
felt like, I could only understand how they felt about each other. We ended up
going to the mall after school on that day, and so it was my first night away
from Levi in a while. That night, when I got home, he was passed out on the
couch. What an horrible boyfriend I would’ve been not to wake him up with my
skillful tongue moves. I’ve gotten better at this. Better at everything, in
fact. To the point, where I’m even wondering why I’ve been denying my sexuality
for so long. Then again, I can’t see myself with anyone else so it might have
never triggered before this greek god fought his way into my life.
Sunday, for most people, is a very shitty day. For me, it’s always a special
day though. Why you ask? Because Levi always seems a bit more close to me on
that day. Probably because we spent the entire weekend in each other’s arms and
now we both have to go back to our responsibilities for the next five days.
Sunday is always his most talkative day, his most cuddling day... It’s on that
day where he acts the most like a boyfriend towards me. He doesn’t seem to want
to let go of me. Not that he ever does, but Sunday is different. Sunday is my
new favorite day.
He passed out on the couch again and I play a few games before I start yawning
myself. I turn off the console and turn towards Levi. It is hard to resist
pressing my lips against his. They are pressed in a thin line and his brows are
furrowed. I try smoothing the frown with my thumb but it just comes back. I
chucklesoftly before I press a kiss on his forehead. I slide my arms under his
tiny figure and pick him up clumsily. The fucker is heavy for his height, but I
won’t complain about the muscles that cause that heaviness. Those abs are to
die for.
I shake my head as I walk to the door of his... our bedroom. I pull the sheets
awkwardly with my foot before I lower him on the bed as gently as possible. He
doesn’t seem to wake up and turns to his side. I climb in beside him and it
doesn’t take long before I feel his arms wrap around me. He presses himself on
my back and I instantly feel him getting hard. He presses his lips on my
shoulder and I feel the grin on his face.
“You need to sleep.” I chuckle.
“Can’t.” He replies before trying to give me a hickie.
“You’ve been exhausted lately, Levi.” I laugh. “You need to rest.”
He growls before he turns around to his other side, visibly angry that I said
no to him. I smile to myself, knowing I did the right thing, although I am
quite a bit hard too now. I turn around and wrap my arms around him, pulling
him closer.
“You’re hard, bastard!” He yells.
“I am, but I don’t want you to get sick. Please sleep.” I beg.
“Fine, shitty brat. Fine.”
“Love you too.” I giggle.
“Shut up.” He says.
***
I walk out of my science exam, feeling more confident that I’ve been in a long
time. I recall the memories of last night when Levi wouldn’t stop poking me
with his god damn hard dick. Who wouldn’t give up? Of course I gave up. I was
glad I did, even though we were both exhausted this morning. It was beyond
worth it, I have to say. And now that I have certainly passed this exam, I am
feeling great about the other ones I’ll have this week and the next one. School
is almost over, I can’t believe it. I also have been thinking about prom a lot.
I didn’t want to go before, but now that I have someone, I am considering
asking him. Of course he’ll probably say no because that’s not his style...I
guess. Then again, did he ever go to his? I am debating whether to ask or not
and how because being the guy I am, I can’t just ask. It needs to be something
special.
“Hey Jaeger!”
My smile fades away as I recognize the voice calling me from across the
hallway.
“Can I talk to you?” Jean asks.
“About what?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.
“In private. I want...to apologize.” He says, suspiciously nervous.
“And you need to do that in private?”
“I’d feel more free to talk. My reputation... you know.” Jean says.
I take a step back and snort.
“Yeah... your reputation. Sure... whatever.”
He smiles, barely believing that I’m giving him such a chance. Whatever,
nothing can kill my mood right now, not even this dumbass.
“Follow me.” He says.
I trail behind slowly, as people stare at us together, wondering how this
became acceptable. I am wondering the same thing, to be honest. He stops in
front of the team’s locker room and makes his way inside, keeping the door open
for me.
As soon as I step in, I realize my mistake when two strong pairs of arms grab
me from both sides. I try to see who they are but their faces are hidden under
their hoodies. I turn my head and see that Jean is locking the door. The lights
are closed and it’s dark. It’s still early morning; no one will come here at
this hour. Shit. SHIT. Shit.
“You seriously thought I’d apologize?” He scoffs as he paces around the room.
I struggle to get away but nothing works. Shit. I was so stupid and careless.
Levi will kill him if he knows about this. What am I saying? Of course he’ll
know. This dark place isn’t just for little talk. Fuck.
“I thought you might have matured a little bit. Apparently I was wrong.” I say.
I never knew when to shut up. The fist hitting my jaw is a great proof of that
statement.
“Do you even realize what kind of name it gives me? Do you even understand that
I can’t travel or get a proper job?”
“What are you talking about?” I say, frowning.
“Don’t play dumb, shit face. You filed a restrictive order against me! That’s a
fucking big deal! My dad legit beat up my ass, that’s why I was out of school.”
I gape at him, not knowing what to say. I didn’t file a restrictive order.
Maybe the school did it? Or perhaps it was Shadis or Mikasa that did it? And
suddenly everything clicks; Levi did it. I decide to ignore this part and
provoke him instead. If I’m going down, I’m not going down without a fight.
“How was it getting beat up by your dad? I guess you can relate to me now?
Right?” I laugh.
Another punch comes but he stops himself about an inch from my face.
“You do know you’re breaking the conditions of that restrictive order right
now?” I ask. “Still... it’s pretty lame that you need those two gorillas
holding me, to fight. It’s not very fair, but then again I wouldn’t expect any
less from you, Kirstein.”
He growls before he dashes towards me and punches my stomach. I cough as I take
in the hit. He then nods to the two guys, who both let me go. They step away
and sit on a bench. Jean opens his arms wide and laughs at me.
“Here, Jaeger. I’m being fair now. How about you show me what you can do?”
“I am able to take you on, Jean, but I don’t need to. You have no trouble
making a fool out of yourself on your own.”
“Shut... SHUT THE FUCK UP!” He screams before running to me and punching my
chin hard enough for my teeth to sink deep in my lip. “I’ll force you to defend
yourself whether you want it or not.”
“FINE!” I scream as I wipe the blood from my lip.
I grab his collar and push him back against the line of lockers, banging his
head repeatedly on one of the metal doors. He smiles and my anger rises even
further above. He blocks my attacks a few times and manages to hit me several
times, making me even more pissed off.
Eventually I manage to get him on his back and punch his face a few times in a
row. When he seems dizzy enough, I lift him up to his feet and hit his stomach
as hard as I humanly can, letting the anger run through my fists. The anger of
being bullied for so long, the anger of naively thinking I could ever find
happiness so easily, the anger of more lies between Levi and I, the anger of
knowing he doesn’t trust me enough to be able to take care of myself, the anger
of knowing he acted behind my back, the anger of Jean always making my life
hell, the anger of seeing my dad again, the anger of remembering how being
angry feels like.
I let it consume me as I keep hitting numbly. My knuckles covered in blood as
every part of my body hurt from being hit too many times. Eventually Jean falls
to the floor.
“Not bad.” He says, coughing up blood.
“Fuck you.” I say, letting myself glide to the floor.
“I guess we’ll both be expelled now.” He laughs.
“I sure hope not you fucking moron.”
“I’ll tell them it was me.” Jean says.
“Why do you suddenly care?” I scoff.
“I don’t, Jaeger. But it’s the first time you stand up for yourself. I can’t
let you go down. I may hate your guts, but I appreciate your determination.
I’ll send you an invoice for knocking out my tooth, though.”
I sigh and roll my eyes.
“What about school, your dad?”
“None of your concern, suicidal jerk.”
Weirdly enough, as the volleyball coach entered the locker room and gasped at
what he saw, I couldn’t help but feel guilty about Jean. At the same time, he
deserved it and so much worst. All I felt was pain and exhaustion from over
thinking. It took a while before Jean and I were done explaining ourselves. I
did say it was a mutual fight so that Jean wouldn’t get thrown in jail. He was
going to a top ranked school so I would probably never see him again. I guess I
didn’t need his life to be screwed. I was a better man now. And although I was,
something was keeping me from forgiving Levi about keeping me in the dark on
this.
***
When I cross the door, I go straight up to the upstairs bathroom. I take off my
clothes and slowly climb into the shower, holding my ribs as I do.
“Eren?” Levi’s voice calls from the hall.
I don’t reply, not knowing what to say. The door opens and he peeks in. He
doesn’t notice the blood yet with all the steam that fills the bathroom.
“Eren, are you okay?”
“Why do you care?” I snap.
I see, through the fogged up glass that he steps back and angles his head.
“Eren, what’s going on?”
I turn the shower off; grab a towel to wipe my face as I step out, then, I let
it fall to the floor on purpose. Levi gasps.
“I don’t know.” I say. “You tell me.”
“Who the fuck did that?” He says through gritted teeth, fists clenched tightly.
“Jean, who else?” I laugh. “Everything’s been taken care of. Don’t worry, your
restrictive order is in the works already.”
I bend down and pick up the towel again, wiping myself. Levi takes a step
forward, but I glare at him.
“Don’t!” I shout. “Don’t touch me.”
He leaves his hand mid-air between us a moment before it falls back beside him.
“I didn’t want you to be stressed about it.” He admits.
I pause and laugh loudly, sarcastically.
“You didn’t trust me enough, you mean.”
“Eren! Of course I trust you, I believe in you. I didn’t want anything to
happen to you anymore. I didn’t want to see this again. See you hurt again.”
“Well that worked out fucking great, didn’t it?”
He glares at me and folds his arms.
“So what? This is it? We’re done? You’re angry that I’m showing you just how
much I care? How much fucking important you are to me? You’re giving up just
like that? Fuck... Eren.”
“Calm the fuck down. I never said I was leaving you. I just need some time
alone to calm down and the only person who can help me do that is Mikasa. I’m
gonna go there for a while.”
“A while?” He asks.
“As long as I need not to be pissed at you. Alright?” I sigh, pushing the tears
back inside.
“Okay.” He whispers in a breath before walking out.
I hear the entrance door slam shut and imagine he left for now. Good. It’ll be
easier to pack. Except, I can’t see anything with all the tears running down my
face. I don’t want to leave him, I’ll never leave him. But I am so angry. How
can he tell me I’m a good person and then deny me his trust like that? He
probably meant well, but it hurts. Is my anger justified? I don’t know. I don’t
know anything anymore except that I fucking love him and this hurts way too
much. I feel betrayed and out of the loop. I need a moment to catch my breath
and heal. I feel guilty for talking to him like that, I hope he doesn’t want to
end things because of me. Suddenly I regret it all. But... I am a stubborn,
determined jerk, so I will do what I said. That’s what the fuckup does. He
fucks it all up. I didn’t miss this guy.
***
Four days have passed and the anger has died down a bit but I still don’t feel
good enough to move back in with Levi. I did send him a quick Facebook message,
telling him I miss him and I love him. He has seen it but hasn’t replied.
Instead, today, when I came back to Mikasa’s lovely couch, which serves as my
bed, I found a wrapped present on it. The tiny label said:
“To: Bright eyes / From: The pepperoni guy”
I startunwrapping it... but then stop myself. I won’t open it until I feel
better. Until I am ready to go back. Because... what if this influences what I
feel? What if it makes me angrier? Or too happy when I am not done dealing with
the anger I feel? I will wait. I put it aside on the table and lean on the
couch, pulling my phone out.
A notification is blinking at the top. Facebook messenger tells me he replied.
A heart emoji, just that. And that’s enough. I press my phone hard against my
own heart and smile. Things will get better eventually, when I can talk
properly with him and not snap. Exams are stressing me out so I will focus on
those first. That’s what he’d want anyways.
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): NOW, the question is.... what is the gift??? You won't know
     until chapter 19. I'm looking forward to hear your thoughts. PS: If
     you draw fanart of the fic, please message me, my tags aren't working
     fantastically well right now and so my usual tag:
     extrapepperonifanfic is not tagging? weird... anyways. Message me
     otherwise I won't see them. I really wanna see Eren sucking a banana
     okay? Make this an official request. lol...
***** Veggie burger *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): YO! Apparently I managed to post today WOOT! OKAY so first:
     the title... veggie burger. Because sometimes people get those and
     don't realize it's veggie. Therefore I refer to it as the burger of
     lies. XD... It felt appropriate in my mind. ALSO. I promised no more
     angst and sadness. I lied. They will not break up, let me make this
     clear. But... a lot of misunderstandings and the ending of chapter 19
     will make up for everything you are reading up to there. The ending
     of chapter 19 is going to be my punch and peak for this fic.
     Therefore, you don't have long to wait, just a week. It is obviously
     related to the gift. Most of you think it's a ring. You'd be happy
     with that wouldn't you? .... I do not want this to end! If you guys
     bring this to 10k hits, I am legit going to die, do you understand???
     lol.... Also I have yet to see a fanart. And I have yet to draw Eren
     sucking a banana (I definitely will do that). ;)
     Mood song:
     The Black Keys - Lies
     Linkin Park - Iridescent
See the end of the chapter for more notes
EREN POV
I pick up the giftbox again and inspect it, trying to guess what it is.
Although all I really want to do now is throw it in the trash. It’s been
another week and I have yet to have any news of Levi. He refuses to talk to me
and I don’t quite understand why. I was so happy that night when he replied
with this simple emoji. Meaning he wasn’t pissed at me and would give me the
time I needed. At least that’s what I imagined. Apparently I was wrong. I tried
messaging him several times, texting him and calling him even. Nothing. It was
to the point where I was wondering if something had happened to him. One day,
as I was about to go see if he was alright, Mikasa told me she saw him at a
nearby Starbucks. He seemed perfectly fine to her. Then why? Why such a sudden
change of mood?
No matter how much I’d been thinking about it, I couldn’t find what else I
could’ve done wrong. Perhaps I was taking too long to calm down? I wish he
would just understand that I never had the luxury of trusting anyone in my life
and the fact that he betrayed my trust so easily, although with good reason, is
just something that is hard to swallow. If there is one person I thought I
could trust, it was him. I tried shoving my feelings down in my throat but it
was just something too big for me. I needed the time to think and bring myself
to the reasonable conclusion that Levi did this because it was the right thing
to do. I wish it was that simple. That I could just tell myself that it’s that
and nothing else. But another part of me, the one that has been betrayed on
multiple occasions, the one who suffered at school and during the brief times
where he had a dad. It was the fuck up who was holding me back. As much as I’d
like for this guy to be gone, he is part of me and in a way, he is my safety
net. In this case, though, I am starting to wonder if he isn’t a spiderweb that
I am tangling around myself until I suffocate.
I put down the gift and head to my laptop. Knowing him, he must still check his
tumblr every day so I might as well type in a few words. An hour later, he
still hasn’t replied and I type another one, an angrier one, demanding
attention, demanding explanations. Although I’m not in much of a position to
demand anything. I’m the one who walked away when I promised I would never. Is
he doubting my words? My sincerity? Is this why? The thought makes me gag and
even angrier. How could he? How could he make me feel this way when it’s him
who acted behind my back?
I slam the laptop shut and head in the bathroom. I need to get ready for school
now and also for the two tests I have today.
***
LEVI POV
No matter how many times I’ve been turning this upside down in my head, I do
not understand why he is reacting this way. The only thing that keeps harassing
my thoughts, is that he is looking for a way out now that he knows how fucked
up I am. I should’ve known. It’s ironic that once again, I digged my own grave.
Something is different this time though, because I feel like a piece of me has
shattered and I have no idea how to survive this. It’d be wrong to say I’m even
more crushed than when Petra died, but it would be the truth.
I roll to my side and decide against going to work today. I should probably
just sleep in since I haven’t slept in the past couple of days. Who am I
kidding though? I barely ever sleep in first place. Either way, I cannot deal
with people today. I need to recharge my batteries and it seems like I lost the
charger. My brain’s in a fog, probably from overthinking and trying to find
what was so wrong about what I’ve done. Now I do understand that the kid is
angry because I hid it from him, but it was with good intentions only. He
should know that I never meant it in a hurtful way. I wanted to protect him, I
wanted him to be safe, because I could not handle seeing him hurt again. How
can such a tiny lie destroy my entire life. Would I be lying if I admitted that
Eren has become the most important thing in it? I wouldn’t. I didn’t even get a
chance to tell him how I feel. How I truly feel. If there is one thing I
realized in the past couple of drunken nights I’ve had, it’s that I am insanely
crazy about him. In a way I never was with anyone before. Which is why I’m
crushed to see that he wants to talk to me, but still needs time away, still
needs to make sure that the guilt is engraved inside of me once more. And I
know, that neither of us is wrong, but I am hurt, deeply hurt and I do not know
what else I could tell him. Especially because I am now convinced that he wants
out of this.
He got the gift...surely he did. That’s why he wants to talk to me so bad. He
wants to give it back. He doesn’t want it. I worked so hard to get this for
him. I risked it all. I wanted him to be happy and free and just know that I
would never leave so long as he wanted to stay by my side every day. I wanted
him to know how much he meant to me, that I would make sure his life would turn
out the way he wanted it to and that every single day would look like a
blessing to him. If he really loved me, this gift would’ve pleased him and I
know, by his messages, that he doesn’t seem excited or even touched by it. I
was giving him one of the two biggest pieces of me and if that seemed like a
good enough gift, the second part would’ve followed in a year or so. Why?
Because I knew that I no longer needed a heart so long as I had his. I
discarded the broken parts of me because I found someone to complete the cracks
that were left unhealed inside of my soul. Sadly I was wrong, I was so wrong.
***
EREN POV
My science test turned out to shit but I guess I can probably get away with it.
I’m a bit more nervous about math though. I hate math. Math isn’t for me. Maths
are the devil. Especially now that my thoughts fly back to Levi every few
seconds I have. He still hasn’t answered me. I am growing angrier by the
minute. How is he allowed to be pissed off at me? It’s him, who chose to lie.
It’s him, who doesn’t want to reply. What the fuck is his deal? I shrug to
myself as I hide my face in my hoodie, waiting for the bell to ring and for
this shitty exam to start.
Right on queue, the bell rings. The teacher walks in and gives us all a neatly
stapled pile of papers. I am nervous before even turning it around. This is
promising. I sigh and wait for her to grant us permission to start. When she
does, I flip the page and sign my name in a cursive, yet very unreadable
signature. I always wrote like a 5 year old, that’s just how my fingers work.
Fifteen minutes later, I am about to throw the sheets across the room. Or even
better...make airplanes with them and disturb everyone. I feel the tears
threatening to fall on my cheeks as I clearly have no idea what this question
is. It’s a fucking hieroglyph. Fuck it. I’m skipping it.
 
***
Thank god for the multiple choice answers. Those last few ones probably saved
my ass. I walk in the cafeteria and pass by Jean. He nods at me and I nod back.
It was an unspoken agreement that we wouldn’t try to tear each other to shreds
before the end of the school year, which was very VERY soon. We wouldn’t have
to see each other again. Weirdly enough, after his silent apology, I felt like
I would miss him in a strange way. I feel like he made me stronger and this I
am grateful for. Although this doesn’t excuse the fact that he almost killed me
multiple times and broke a few bones of mine. Thank god I heal fast, fucking
horse face.
 
I step in line, right behind Connie and wait for my turn.
“How have you been Jaeger?” He says.
“Final exams are actually killing the little sanity I have left.” I snort. “How
about you?”
“I’m great. I decided to ask Sasha to go to Prom with me. Think she’ll accept?”
He asks nervously.
“If she’ll accept?” I laugh, earning a questioning glare. “Of course she’ll
accept. You guys came from the same fucking mold. I wouldn’t see either of you
with anyone else.”
“Wow, thanks but...it’s just for prom, calm down.” He stutters.
I wink at him as I shrug, shoving down the pain and thoughts of my own idea of
bringing Levi to prom, which was probably no longer happening. Connie pushes my
shoulder roughly and smirks as his cheeks cloud with a pink tone.
“Don’t be afraid to tell her it’s more than just prom, idiot.” I say.
He hides his face in his palms before picking up his tray again.
“Fuck you Eren for being right. Fuck you very much.”
“My pleasure, baldy.”
“I’M NOT BALD!”
“Yeah, yeah!” I laugh.
With a smile and a wave he walks away, taking his spot beside Sasha while I
find my way back to the loner table. I usually don’t eat or just eat elsewhere,
but today, I feel like I have no place to be so I am not going to go outside
and freeze my ass in the rain, especially that the threat of Jean following me
is gone now.
***
I crush the paper in my hands as tears glide freely down my cheeks. Sasha’s
reassuring hand finds my shoulder and I’m grateful to be sitting at the back in
French class.
“That bad?” She whispers.
I simply nod, not wanting to show her the actual number. It’s not my fault if I
couldn’t get Levi out of my head while we had this test a few days ago. I kept
dozing off and dreaming with eyes wide open, leaving me with approximately 20
minutes to finish the 10 pages. I had screwed up, I just didn’t think it was
THIS bad. Now if I failed another class, I wouldn’t graduate this year. I found
myself thinking of my math test and even worse, the science one. I was fucked.
Once again, the shit hit the fan. Everything was going to hell and it was no
one else’s fault but mine. Hope you’re happy fuck up. That’s what you get for
trying to get away from this shit life. Yep, now it’s plummeting into a space
that isn’t filled with planets, but with thoughts of failure and hopelessness.
I wasn’t one to give up easily. I never was, but right now it was pretty
fucking hard to think positively. My entire life was crumbling apart and I
didn’t even know if my only anchor remained safe.
I guess I would have to talk to him eventually, but the thought of telling him
I failed my French class is something I dreaded. Also, I’m a stubborn idiot who
refuses to apologize while I did nothing to him. He’s the one who lied and
refuses to talk to me. He can take his gift, whatever it is, and shove it up
his ass.
Still, my curiosity was reaching a peak. I guess I really wanted to know what
it was. By the size of it, all I was imagining was a book, but it wasn’t heavy
enough. Maybe clothes, since he likes to buy me clothes. The weight would be
accurate I guess. I really have no idea, but I will remain strong and I will
not open it until he talks to me again.
***
“This is Armin Arlert, I am unable to take your call, please leave a message.”
It was the third time today. I couldn’t keep bothering him. I wanted to ask if
he could grab a coffee with me after school and maybe enlighten me on what to
do. Armin always knew what to do. Armin was the only person I’d ever fully
trust, but since he got with Annie, everything went out the window. He was
distant and always busy. I guess I understand, if I compare with my own
relationship, if I still have one. Perhaps he could’ve given me tips. Although
I knew his first advice would be, calm down and breathe, you’re over-reacting.
To which I would’ve replied with a lovely finger. He knows that I have these
intense mood swings and a very short temper, both worthy of a girl in her PMS,
but I can’t help it, it’s just how I am. I usually manage to get around and
apologize when I am wrong, but this time I really doubt that I am in the wrong,
all I said is that I need space, I never said I needed a fucking breakup or
getting ignored. As far as I know, I’ve become even more pissed off at Levi
because of his attitude. The point was to calm down and reach back to him in a
few days. The days are slowly turning into more than a week and I just don’t
know where we stand and what to do. I wish he would fucking answer me and tell
me what’s wrong. Then again, maybe his work is bothering him, but that’s no
reason not to answer me. Especially when he has time to stop by fucking
Starbucks.
“This is Armin Arlert, I am unable to take your call, please leave a message.”
God dammit! Why can’t I talk to anyone. I need help. I need someone! I stare
blankly at my phone and send Levi a quick text.
“Listen, I do not know what you think I have done that deserves for me to be
ignored in such a way, but right now I’m angrier than I was a few days ago so I
suggest you man the fuck up and tell me what’s going on.”
 
***
LEVI POV
I stare at my phone and re-read the message a few times. Trying to find a
hidden meaning. Apparently there aren’t any, which leaves me confused. I start
typing a reply...
“Nothing is wrong. I am giving you space, like you asked for. The reason I
can’t talk to you, is I know I crossed a line I shouldn’t have and that my
affection for you has grown so strong that I feel like when I hurt you, I hurt
myself. I am sorry. I’d understand if you’d rather this be over. I cannot be
angry at you if you break your promise. Do as your mind dictates you. Do what
you think is right. I never knew what choices were the right ones. We can never
know until we make those choices. Just try and not regret the choice you make.
What I know is I have no regrets concerning what we have/had. Also, I am sorry
if you didn’t like the gift. I assumed that’s what you would like. Sorry.
Just...please know you mean the world to me. Have a good evening, Eren.”
But then I erase it.
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): I hope you aren't too sad. Like I said, it's only
     misunderstandings and Eren feels alone. Levi feels on the verge of
     breaking down again and basically all of this will be fixed with the
     gift. Just wait. Armin, you ass, pick up your phone.
     Comments are always read/replied to/MUCH APPRECIATED ^_^
     The comments I've had in the past couple of weeks made me confident
     about my writing and I am just so grateful to you all for that. It
     makes me think I'll be able to write another one. I have a few plots
     in mind but I will most probably write a few one shots before jumping
     into another long term fic. I guess I'll take one shots prompts and
     requests on tumblr also if there are any. Either way, a BIG thanks to
     those who take the time to comment and leave me such kind words about
     my writing, about this story and also about your thoughts about
     what's next. It's so great to know that what I write is perceived how
     I want it to be. If I want you to cry, you cry or are sad. If I want
     you to squeal like a fangirl you squeal. It's just fun to know I can
     render their thoughts close enough that it makes you FEEL like them
     and this is the thing that makes me the happiest. I love you all!
     See you next week for the next pizza slice!
***** Pepperoni fuck up *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Hello everyone! As some of you may know the past week was
     pretty much hell and I ended up being VERY sick this weekend but I
     couldn't not write this chapter. I was inspired by this and really I
     honestly had been waiting so long to write this so I hope you aren't
     disappointed by this. I received a cute art for Eren sucking a banana
     (you can look at my tumblr to see that). Also, I'm at 8k...I cannot
     even believe so many people hit this fic. Either way thanks to you
     and thanks to those who shared it. Only two chapters left, I'm
     already sad but I will be writing one shots after that for a while
     before a start a new long term fic. Hopefully you guys will answer my
     tumblr prompts asks. Also Levi and Eren's tumblr will remain active
     after the fic, i'll keep them alive for a while until I get bored so
     you can ask them things and all. As for next week, maybe the next
     chapter will be posted tuesday or wednesday but I will try to make it
     monday ^_^
     Mood song:
     One Republic - Feel again
See the end of the chapter for more notes
LEVI POV
Here’s another day, another torture that I got through. Every morning I was
hoping he’d show up at my door but he never did. Today was no different.
Actually, my evening thoughts were no better and they kept drifting to the
door, wondering what would happen if he suddenly walked in.
As I sit in front of my TV with an Extra Pepperoni pizza, all I can think about
is him. Perhaps I like to make myself suffer in such a way. He hasn’t texted me
since the other day and I found myself regretting not sending that text
message. Maybe it would’ve made the difference. Then again, the gift would have
surely earned me some sort of reaction from him, so I guess he didn’t like it.
He was offended or disappointed. He might have thought it was too much. He
might hate me and think that I do not believe in him enough to let him live his
life the way he wants to. I wanted to help. I wanted him to be happy. Aren’t my
good intentions always what brings me to the darkest of places? It’s hard...in
this life, to think that you have to be right and live by the rules, but to
realize that when you do, you always get screwed.
“You naively thought that you found an happy ending. How pathetic?” I tell
myself. “Who are you kidding? You may be a clean freak but you’re not god damn
Cinderella. You’re no Prince who finally found his long lost love, you’re just
a lonely soul who keeps losing pieces of himself as life goes on.”
***
EREN POV
“About fucking time!” I yell.
“Wow, Eren. What’s going on?” Armin asks.
“Well nothing, just that my entire life is crumbling apart again and I have no
one to talk to besides my god damn sister.”
“I’m sorry.” He says with a guilty tone. “When I’m studying I turn off my
phone, you know that.”
“Studying...yeah sure.” I scoff.
There’s a brief pause and I’m sure Armin’s face would be red if he was in front
of me.
“Eren. First, you’re going to calm down because you know I’m not letting you
talk to me like that.” He sighs. “Second, I was studying, yes. If you are
trying to say that I was with Annie and chose not to answer you, I’ll have you
know that I’m not that type of friend.”
I sigh and take a deep audible breath. Perhaps he’s right. Then again, Levi not
replying to me is driving me insane. He also hasn’t been posting anything on
tumblr or facebook. That’s strange.
“So what is going on?” Armin asks.
“Are you up for a coffee tomorrow after school? I really need to talk.”
“Sure. I’ll pick you up around 7, is that okay?”
“Yes...and Armin...”
“What?”
“Thank you.”
“It’s what friends are for, Eren.”
With the trace of a smile, I hang up and head back to the living room where
Mikasa is watching a show about terrible drivers. I sit beside her without a
word. I can see that she glances at me.
“What is it?” I ask.
She turns her attention back to the tv, sliding her feet under my blanket and
ignoring my question.
“Mikasa...” I add.
She sighs.
“How’s the midget going?”
I chuckle at the word.
“You know...if he heard you say that, he’d probably kill you.
“He would try and fail, you mean.” She laughs. “So...?”
I raise a hand to the back of my neck and grasp the long strands of hair that
remind me I’m definitely due for a haircut. I do not know what to tell her to
be honest.
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “He doesn’t reply to me or call back...he’s ignoring me
and I don’t know why.”
“Do you... Nevermind.” She says.
“No, say it.” I say, turning to face her.
“Don’t you think it’s you who should fix this? Since...you’re the one who
walked away?”
“As if I’m not trying.” I scoff. “He doesn’t want to talk to me, what else can
I say or do?”
“I meant...moving back with him.” She adds.
I stare at her for a moment. Wondering if I’m the crazy one for thinking this
is a stupid idea.
“Why the hell would I move back in if he doesn’t even want to talk to me? What
makes you think he still wants this? As far as I’m concerned, I’m not even sure
we have a relationship anymore.”
“Then you’re even dumber than I thought.” She says, slapping the back of my
head. “He loves you. Everyone within a mile radius of you two can see how much
light you both radiate. It’s disgusting to see but if you’re doubting his
feelings about this, I am telling you that you’re the biggest idiot on this
planet.”
“I’m not...I don’t...GAHHHHHHH” I grab a fist of my hair and pull hard on it.
“Why is this so fucking complicated?”
“Open the gift.” Mikasa says, handing me the box as she gets up and walks away.
I look at the box for the 20th time today and try to guess again. Nothing more
comes to my mind, obviously. I am tempted to unwrap it for a brief instant, but
then I stop myself. Unwrapping it would mean giving in but also it might mean
the end of us if it’s not something that would fix things. Even then... putting
a temporary solution on problems isn’t the right thing to do. The reality
is...we need to talk and I really wish he would answer me because this is
turning into something much bigger than I meant for it to be. I’m sad and lost
and completely powerless.
***
Shadis spent about half an hour talking me into College and I tried to tell him
that I was going to go eventually but maybe not right now since I wasn’t sure
what to do with my life anymore. He seemed worried and the newfound affection I
had for him made me want to reassure the old man he was. Sure, he appeared to
hate me most of the time, but now I knew it was because he cared and didn’t
like to see me screw things up. Sometimes people just don’t know how to
approach certain conversations, it seems. Either way, I was thankful for
understanding him now.
The day was long and everyone was hyped with prom coming up. It was at the end
of the week and all I could hear was people talking about who was going with
who and which exams there were left before that. The truth was, mostly all
tests had been passed already and surprisingly, the only class I failed was
French, which wasn’t a requirement for my diploma. It appears like I would
graduate after all. Although it meant literally nothing to me anymore, since I
had nothing to lose. In reality, I couldn’t hear one more word about Prom or
this new fucking game everyone was talking about with the flying soldiers and I
was looking forward to this evening with Armin. I needed to talk to someone
desperately and if there was someone level-headed, it was him. He knew what to
say, when to say it and mainly he knew how to keep calm and think quick. He was
the perfect therapist in a way, which had me wondering why he chose to study
archeology instead. Who finds a job as an archeologist anyways? Then again,
he’s a top student so if anyone finds a job, it’s always going to be him. As
for Annie, she was going to the same College as him, studying Philosophy.
Booooring. I still had no idea what I wanted to do. The only things I liked
were history and video games. Those jobs aren’t exactly easy to get either. Oh
well... I sigh when I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around and
see Jean. I get nervous for a minute, until he serves me one of those smirks
that he gives to everyone.
“Good luck with the future Jaeger. Stand up to everything the same way you have
with me. I’ll miss you dumbass.”
I try to copy his smirk and fail miserably, earning a chuckle from him.
“I’ll miss you too asshole. Try not to bully too much innocent people.”
“No promises.”
“Idiot.”
He nods and waves at me as he walks over to Ymir, trying to bother her again on
her tomboy style.
“I’m sure I can beat the titan’s ass better than you.” He says.
“Perhaps we’ll have to have a match. Give me your gamertag you moron.”
It was no secret they hated each other but also liked each other in a weirdly
friendly way.
I push the door of my last history class and smile to myself as I realize this
is finally the end and although my life sucked and high school sucked, I did
earn some happiness and managed to actually do something right: I’m graduating.
***
Armin pushes a new steaming cup towards me.
“And so you don’t know why he stopped replying?” He asks.
“No.” I sigh. “And I’m worried.”
“Did you try going there?”
“Well I wouldn’t know what to say...” I add. “I wouldn’t want to push my luck
and annoy him even more. I tried being nice, I tried being rude, I tried
ignoring him. It’s him who’s giving me the silent treatment now and this entire
thing was because I was pissed, how is this fair?”
Armin laughs as he picks up the whipped cream with a spoon and eats it.
“Calm down.” He says. “You’ll get angry for no reason. Plus, you mentioned a
gift. Did you open it?”
“No. I do not want to open it until we talk again.”
“Why?”
“Because it might influence my decisions?”
“Come on, I’m sure he didn’t buy you a diamond ring.” He chuckles.
I stare at him half frustrated and half concerned. Armin gapes at me.
“You think he...?” He starts.
“No!” I say. “Maybe.... I don’t know. He is so extremely out of this world when
it comes to emotions, I can never know what he thinks and how he feels.
Perhaps? And what if it is that? What am I going to say or do?”
He hands me one of his cookies before letting out a loud sigh.
“Well... if it was that... What would you do?”
“I...don’t know. We... I love him. But with how things are right now... I...
just don’t know. That’s why I’m not opening it. Anyways it’s way too big for
that.”
“The size of the outer box doesn’t mean anything.” He adds.
“Shut up!” I shout, making some head turns. “Plus, why do you look like you’ve
been hit by a fucking train? Have you even slept for the past few days?”
“I haven’t had a lot of sleep, indeed. Studying but also this god damn
addictive game.”
“Game?”
“Yeah, you should come over to play. It’s really cool, you’re like soldiers
and...”
“Not this again.” I say, face palming myself.
“You played?”
“No but everyone is talking about it...”
“Well it’s worth a shot. You’re soldiers fighting for humanity’s freedom
against the titans. Like you have these cool blades and these hooks that can
basically make you fly around in the city to fight these big giants who eat
people alive.”
I stare at him blankly as everything falls into place. Levi has been really
tired lately, getting shit at work and trying to make things work and... could
this?
“What company is this?” I ask. “Who made this game?”
“Raven undergrounds I think, why?” Armin says.
I get up and struggle to get my backpack on my shoulder.
“See you later Armin!” I shout from the door.
I hear a faint “Eren!” from behind me but don’t stop as I run back to Mikasa’s
apartment.
 
***
I climb the set of stairs two by two and fumble with my keys to open the god
damn door. When I finally manage, I barge in and throw my backpack in the
entrance, rushing to the living room. The gift isn’t there. What? The gift
isn’t there?
I rush to Mikasa’s bedroom and see that she’s not there.
“Mikasa?” I shout. “Mikasa, where are you? I need the gift!”
No answer. I walk to the bathroom, in the living room and the kitchen... The
gift is nowhere to be seen. When I turn around to get my phone from my
backpack, my gaze finds a sparkling gift on the table. She must have moved it
when she cleaned the apartment, leaving it in plain sight for me to be even
more tempted to open it. Relief fills me as I walk up to the box. I pick it up
carefully and notice that Mikasa re-did the bow on it. I smile and then walk
back to the couch.
The silky ribbon feels weird and wet against my fingers, like it was made out
of tears. Or perhaps it was my own tears falling on it, who knows? I pull and
let the bow fall on my knees as I carefully slide a finger into one of the
corners of the wrapping paper. I start pulling gently and then pause.
“If...this is what I think it is... I’ll have to make it up to him for an
entire lifetime. I was such an ass to you Levi.”
I sigh as tears stream down my face and pull a bit more roughly on the paper.
It falls to the floor between my feet. All that remains is a box. All I have to
do is take off the lid and I will see. I take a deep breath and slowly take off
the top.
White...everything is white. It’s wrapped in silk paper. I am tempted to curse
loudly at Levi’s attention to details but instead, I place the box beside me
and unwrap what seems to be a DVD.
I drop it to the floor as soon as I see it. My eyes fill with tears and I
cannot process what’s going on. I let out a loud whine as I pick it up again
with shaking hands. A post-it is resting on top of the cover with a neat and
clean writing on it.
“I’ll always find my way back to you, whether we’re Eren and Levi or Humanity’s
last hope and Humanity’s strongest. Because we are destined to be together no
matter when and where. – Levi”
With a lump in my throat that I desperately try to shove down, I pull off the
post it and see the beautiful cover art of the game. A huge wall with a titan
staring over it, the fine letters that spell “Attack on titan” but most of all,
the two soldiers in the front, back to back, holding swords with the most
badass of all expressions. Clearly they look like us, not enough to be
considered us, but a few of the details are quite unmistakable, especially our
hair. My gaze glides down and my fingers slide over the golden words underneath
both of the characters. “Humanity’s strongest” is the black haired man.
“Humanity’s last hope” is the brown mop of hair that looks just like me. I pull
the game closer to me and hold it near my heart as I cry my eyeballs out.
“I have to talk to him.” I say.
I pick up the box, ready to throw it away when I realize it’s still heavy. I
frown as I pick up what’s inside. It’s an envelope, which has another post-it
on it.
“Perhaps you should play the entire game and be careful to look at the credits
before you open this enveloppe. – Levi”
Curiosity was killing me, but right away, I pulled the PS4 controller out of
the drawer and inserted the disc in. Did I have any tests in the next two days?
No. Good.
As the starting credits rolled in, clearly stating it was made by Raven
Undergrounds and the intro to the game started, I couldn’t help but wonder if
Levi bought Mikasa a PS4 especially for this reason. Then again, he couldn’t
know I would move back here. Perhaps he thought it would be safer to be sure I
would be able to open this wherever I was. God I love this man. I wanna call
him. I want to hug him. I wanna run to him. But first, I want to know what is
in this envelope, knowing that my apologies, whatever they may be, will never
be good enough to make up for this already.
***
It’s two days later after dinner, when I finally manage to open that basement
and earn humanity’s freedom, that I am waiting for the little talk between
soldiers to be over so that the credits will start playing. I’m still excited
and completely baffled by how fucking amazing this game is. It seems like it’s
taking forever for the conversations to stop but in reality it only takes about
two minutes. I’m glad that Mikasa hasn’t been here much because she would be
angry at me skipping school over a game.
“Raven Undergrounds.” I read out loud as it appears and the credits follow
along with characters.
A series of names flash on screen, which I have no idea who they are. I read
them anyways, not wanting to miss anything when suddenly this shows up:
Project Manager: Levi Ackerman
I squeal, now knowing that he is the one responsible for the game and didn’t
simply throw the idea around until someone deemed it worthy, he pushed it
forward, he took care of it. He made it real, for me.
I’m about to get up when another name flashes. I fall from the couch.
Lead Designer: Eren Jaeger
What? There must have been a mistake. Yes I gave the idea, so perhaps I
expected a thank you or something cute along those lines, but not this. I
didn’t do anything, it’s unfair to those who worked on it. It’s... it’s way too
much.
I sit back on the couch and pick the envelope from the table. I open it quickly
and pull out a bunch of papers. The cover page is Raven Undergrounds’ logo. I
turn the page and my heart stops.
“N-New... New... New employee guide.”
I glance back at the TV and then look back at the sheet, sure that my eyes are
playing tricks on me.
“Job description: Lead designer. T-Tasks... S-Salary.”
I dig a bit further down and find an online college inscription that has my
name on it and is...already paid for.
I place the envelope and all the papers back on the table and take a deep
breath. In fact I can’t breathe. I fall to the floor as I feel my chest
tighten. It’s... it’s too much. I breathe quickly and cannot stop myself until
finally, whines escape my mouth and I am crying all the tears that my body
contain. I can’t believe I was such an idiot. How could I be so selfish, so
stupid, so careless? My... My Levi. What have I done?
I sit up straight and crawl to my back pack, searching for my phone. I consider
calling Levi but then realize that he must think I hate him and simply calling
him won’t change the fact that he’s not going to answer me. My finger slides up
the contacts names until it finds a familiar A. I click and wait.
Three calls later I manage to get a hold of him.
“Armin! You still on student council? Can you get me two tickets to prom? I
didn’t think I was going.”
“You are?” He asks.
“Yes. And I need help for my date.”
“Sure, I’ll help. What do I have to do?”
“Meet you at Starbucks in 10.”
“Alright.”
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): I need comments. I need to know what u thought. Please. ♥
***** Cherry on top *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): Ok that's it... I'm crying. Yes we do have one chapter left
     which will be the epilogue (some time later) that'll be posted next
     week But this is officially the end of the current timeline and I so
     do not want this to end. Alas, all good things must come to an end,
     doesn't it? My heart hurts from the good feels but also from how I am
     going to miss this story. I will get more into details with my thanks
     in the next chapter but if you choose to leave me here. I wanna thank
     you! Also if you like this fic, please share it! If you do, let me
     know so I can thank you and send you virtual hugs! I will keep both
     tumblr blogs alive and I will reblog every fanart there is, if there
     are ever any made of this. Just tag : extrapepperonifanfic. Also my
     tumblr: hikarimitsuko.tumblr.com I will soon take one shots requests
     and might do a few. I love you all, see you next week. I hope this'll
     be what you hoped for.
     Mood songs:
     Alesso ft. One republic - If I loose myself
     (also reminder of a song from a previous chapter... The saint-John's.
     You'll see)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
LEVI POV
Sleep has been my main concern recently. I called in sick several times and had
to start considering seeing a doctor to prove I’m unable to work. Then again, I
no longer care about this job. My only goal, was to keep this company afloat
while trying to build a life of my own, making sure to prove myself to the
bright eyes that dared to look at me as if I was some sort of precious
masterpiece. I tried and perhaps I tried too hard. I knew I would smother him,
I knew I wasn’t able to control myself when it came to those feelings that I
took so long to admit to myself. Now that I actually lost him, I knew how much
more real they were. The hole in my chest was proof enough.
Another day and I stare at the blinking numbers from the nightstand. I have
given up checking my phone, knowing no messages would be waiting for me in the
morning except several ones from my assistant, wondering where the fuck I am.
The curtains have been closed for I don’t even remember how long and I feel
like the next time I’ll see any sort of bright light, my pale lifeless eyes
will burn and melt from the view. Might as well stay in and fall asleep. I’ve
never been much of a sleeper. I was actually the opposite; a very skilled
insomniac. Eren had helped me to catch up with a regular routine and now that
he wasn’t there, my body decided that falling in a coma would be the greatest
idea. Vengeance perhaps? He fell in a coma, why can I not? Childish reasoning?
Indeed. Who cares? I have always been selfish so why change now? Selfish enough
that I acted without asking him for his opinion, selfish enough that I thought
he couldn’t handle the truth or be man enough to accept that he needed help. In
fact, I was the one who needed to see that although he was a kid, he would
always be stronger than I would ever be. Maybe not physically, but nothing
could even compare to his level of determination and faith, not even me. I
failed.
I roll to my side and bury my face in the pillow, growling once more as I try
to fall back into the numbness of my dreams. But of course, life hates me and
decides that it’s a good plan to send someone at my fucking door. I ignore the
bell, hoping that whatever it is will go away. It’s not Eren, I know it’s not,
so nothing else requires any attention from me, whatever it may be. Another
ring of the bell and I place my pillow over my head, grunting. There’s a slight
pause, giving me false hope before the bell starts ringing nonstop.
“YOU FUCKING LITTLE SHIT!” I shout as I quickly stand up to my feet.
I rush down the stairs, not caring that I look like a homeless and unshaved old
man. I slam the door open, ready to throw a punch straight at the god damn
vacuum seller or whatever he was but thankfully, I stop myself just in time
when I see the blond coconut bowl cut in front of me.
“Armin?” I ask, surprised. “What are you doing here?”
He stares up and down at me as he tries not to let it show on his face how
crappy I look. Perhaps he didn’t expect me to look the same way I feel.
“You... you have to come with me, it’s urgent but you need to shower and shave
first.” He says, still staring at the trace of a beard on my face.
I slide my palm on my cheek, realizing just how long it’s gotten since last
week.
“I... What’s going on Armin?” I ask.
“I can’t tell you but it’s really bad, you need to come with me right now. Go
shower and shave.”
“Did something happen to Eren?” I ask with redness in the eye and an unsteady
heartbeat.
“Yes.”
“We’re leaving now.” I say, grabbing the first coat I see.
“NO!” Armin shouts, placing himself between the door and me.
“Fuck off, Armin. If something happened to Eren, we are leaving right fucking
now!”
“Not until you shower and shave.” He says with what he thinks is a menacing
look.
I glare at him and grab his arm, twisting it in a way anyone would probably
fall to the floor. But not Armin. Armin is a calculative little shit who knows
how to fight but doesn’t want to. My twisting of his arm only results in his
entire body pivoting into kicking position, suddenly making my legs give up
under me as a strong force hits the back of my knees. I fall and instantly try
to get back up, but his other arm is now twisting my own.
“Is this supposed to be some sort of sick lesson?” I growl. “You came to tell
me he’s hurt and you are not letting me go see him? To hurt me? As in a
vengeance for hurting your friend?”
Armin shakes his head and let’s go of me. I get back up and cross my arms,
trying to look taller, stronger and more mature than him. Although right now,
the mature grown up adult certainly isn’t me.
“Listen to me.” Armin says. “I will not take you to him until you shower and
shave. He wouldn’t want to see you this way and it’s a sight I will never
forget. Now should you go and do as I say or should I call Hanji? I am pretty
sure she won’t take your shit and will be annoyed to be called in the middle of
the afternoon for such a lame thing as you being a cry baby.”
I gape at him, wondering when he became so persuasive and trying to avoid the
anger rising in me. Eren. I remind myself that Eren is what matters.
“Cursing doesn’t sound good for you.” I say, debating if I should listen or
just go and try calling Eren or Mikasa. “So you’ll take me to him if I do
this?”
“Yes.” Armin says. “If you do it properly, I will.”
“What, are you going to look if my ass is wiped correctly or something?” I
scoff.
“Just look presentable and stop being an asshole to me.” Armin says, rolling
his eyes and looking at his watch, clearly annoyed at this waste of time.
“Fine.” I sigh. “Wait here.”
***
As I climb in Armin’s car, I can only appreciate how clean and perfectly
organized everything is compared to Eren’s. I guess we have more in common than
I imagined. Armin climbs in and I would be lying if I’m not nervous about where
we are going. He still refuses to tell me until we actually get there.
As he drives, I try and distract myself by looking at what types of cars we’re
passing by but it gets boring so I instead try to analyze Armin. He is dressed
casually but his hair seems particularly well placed. He even...he smells like
cologne. He also has a much nicer watch than what should be worn casually and I
can’t shake the thought that something is off. I look at the back seat and see
a pizzeria hat, just like the one Eren had worn when I first met him.
“You’re doing the deliveries now?” I ask.
It takes him a second to understand that I’m referring to the hat and then a
grin spreads wide on his face as if he was hoping I’d ask.
“No... That’s Eren’s hat. He must have left it there a while ago.”
Once again, I try to read his mind but he has a thick skull. I turn around and
look at the hat again.
“May I?” I ask.
“Sure.”
I pick it up and stare at it. Eren’s name is written on the inside with a black
marker pen. The hat is, indeed, worn out and in normal times I would be
disgusted by the fact that it’s clearly never been washed... but because it’s
Eren, it’s different. I’m different. I clutch it tight against me, trying not
to let it show that I want to hold on to it as if it was Eren himself.
Eventually, Armin turns on a familiar street and my heart starts racing as I
realize where we’re heading.
“You said he wasn’t hurt!” I shout, staring at the Hospital doors opening and
closing as people make their way in and out.
He barely has time to stop and drop me off that I am already climbing out,
clutching the hat even tighter.
“Sorry, Levi.” Armin says as I run inside.
My heart feels like it’s running on something even more powerful than
adrenaline. Please, I hope it’s not too late. It better not be too late. I find
the information desk and meet the same lady I met a while back. She, again,
stares at me as if I was lost and unworthy of her attention.
“Eren Jaeger. I need to see Eren Jaeger.”
She goes through a pile of papers and finally finds one, a smirk tugging at the
corner of her lips and I want to smack her head on the desk. She scribbles a
number on a piece of paper and I quickly rush in the elevator. I’m bouncing
from one feet to the other as I wait for the doors to open. When they do, I
come out of it at the speed of lightning, my heart racing as I think of
everything that could’ve happened to him, of everything I never told him, of
everything I can’t live without. A single tear falls from my eye and briefly
glides down my cheek before the wind of my fast pace catches it and carries it
away. No. He will be fine. He is fine. He has to be fine. I can’t lose him. I
need to fight for him.
I locate the number and halt immediately. The...room seems familiar. The whole
floor seems familiar. I curse at myself for even talking about coma earlier
today. I curse at myself for not being careful enough with Eren, for not caring
enough, for not being brave enough to tell him everything I should have. Who
knows if he’ll ever wake up from a second coma? I cannot... How did this
happen? It better not be Erwin or Jean or I will kill them. Whatever it is that
keeps taking the single important thing I have away from me deserves to be
buried alive.
I nervously push the door as I hold my breath, unprepared for the sight
unraveling before my eyes. I stop walking as soon as the door closes behind me.
Of all the things I was expecting, this wasn’t one of it. The bed is empty,
except for a tiny box. The gift box I gave to Eren. He’s giving it back. He’s
ending us. I grab the bed sheets and let out a whine that I can no longer keep
in as the lump down my throat suddenly makes its way out of me in an agonizing
sound. I slide to my knees when suddenly something startles me. Sound. Melody.
Music. I stand up, quickly looking around when I notice the radio started
playing on its own at a VERY very particular part of a piece.
And I haven't heard your voice yet
But I want to so bad
And I'm not ready for this
But I won't let you give it up just yet
Yet
Maybe your head is not where your heart is
I'll sleep alone tonight
And if our bones can stand to be apart
Then I'll leave it your head and your heart
I blink a few times, wondering what this means but clearly remembering where
this comes from. I turn around and look at the box once more. It has a post-it
on it.
“Open me.”
I do as it says and am surprised to find something else than the gift I gave to
Eren. In fact, it seems to be a gift for me and during a brief instant, I feel
entirely lost as to what is going on. I pull out the first thing, which is a
white piece of material that I can’t find a good use for. Then I pull the
second thing; a necklace on which a worn out golden key hangs loosely. I stare
at it for a moment and try to find what these two things mean or have in
common, but I really can’t think of anything. That’s when I see another post-it
at the bottom of the box. I pick it up and instantly realize it’s Eren’s
writing. Eren’s SHITTY writing. I press it on my heart before actually reading
the words.
“This is the key of all my nightmares from the past and if I have to live in a
golden cage for the rest of my life, I will gladly agree to it so long as
you’re the holder of that key. I want you to be my freedom and my home. – E.”
I get to my feet as I lift up the key to my eye level, walking backwards as my
breathing accelerates. My back hits the wall as I can’t seem to get enough air
in my lungs anymore. My legs are weak and I slide to the floor, still staring
at the key that is a symbol of what was the worst part of Eren’s life and he is
asking me to make sure it’ll never happen again. He is asking me to be the one
who cares enough to know what is right or wrong. He is asking me to care for
him. He is...trusting me. He’s given me his past the same way I have given him
mine. He’s giving himself to me entirely.
I cry. I don’t even know for how long... All I know is the lyrics of the song
and the words of that particular post it, which I intend to frame and put on my
god damn wall, where it belongs, are the only things in my mind until a click
echoes in the room.
I lift my gaze and find Hanji coming out of the bathroom with a huge grin on
her face.
“Shit glasses! How long have you been here?” I ask, quickly standing up and
wiping my face.
Her hands stop me as her eyes scream that this is beautiful, that this is okay,
that I am allowed to feel. And I do the single thing I never do, I let myself
fall in her arms and bury my face in her shoulder as I let it all out. She rubs
my back and holds me tight, knowing I’ve needed such a hug for a long time and
was never ready to accept one, but I have changed. I am still me, but I am a
better me. I am a better man and I want this life. I want to live and breathe
freely. I want to lose myself in those words and mainly in those green eyes
that I’ve been missing too long. I refuse to spend one more minute without this
man by my side.
I pull away from Hanji and she grabs my shoulders to rub them again. I smirk.
“Are you wearing a fucking dress?” I ask.
“Shut up. I am allowed to wear dresses when there is something to celebrate.”
“And what would that be?” I ask, a bit worried.
She goes in the bathroom and comes back a moment later with a tall bag on a
hanger. I see the shape on the inside and know that I am probably going to be
asked to get changed again. Then, she walks to the gift box and grabs the white
material before turning to me.
“Come on, lovesick old man, put on a cravat, we’re going to Prom.”
***
I, of course, never expected a limousine. I also never expected a truck
limousine, which apparently was Hanji’s only condition for helping them pulling
this off. She told me how Eren rolled his eyes at her because he knew I would
hate the gesture. In fact, I do, but I am quite pleased by the interior of the
atrocious thing. It’s leathery, comfortable, filled with club lights that I
like more than I’m willing to admit, but mainly, it has alcohol, which I’m
gladly taking advantage of as Hanji keeps talking the entire ride there.
Once the vehicle is brought to a halt, I get very nervous all of a sudden,
knowing Eren is probably waiting for me outside the door. I straighten myself
up and glance in the mirror one last time before the driver opens the door for
us. I climb out and glance around. Eren is nowhere in sight and my heart sinks
in my chest. I turn back to Hanji.
“So I guess you’re dumping me like Arlert?”
“Me?” She laughs. “What kind of date would I be, leaving you alone at your
Prom?”
“But....” I start but she cuts me off.
“Shhh.”
Without another word, I let her tug my sleeve towards the inside of the
building. We walk past several couples of horny teens visibly anticipating
their first time or trying to make it pass for their first time. Either way, I
wish I would see more dance and less tongue. Also, what happened to long classy
dresses? I did not want to see a butt cheek just now.
I shake my head and Hanji laughs at me, knowing I’m not so good with people in
general and that I am probably very uncomfortable right now. I pause, shoving
her hand away and crossing my arms.
“Hanji, where is Eren?” I ask, tired of this game.
“He’ll come later.” She says.
Although the response is not one that pleases me, I know they all have
something in mind and I’m the only one in the dark about it, which makes my
aura a bit darker and my frown a bit deeper. I follow my so called friend to
our table and notice that Annie is sitting there already. I nod at her and she
nods back. While we sit, Armin arrives with two drinks, one for Annie and one
for him. I do hope someone spiked the punch because I am needing some mental
support from alcohol right now. I stare angrily at Armin but he smiles and
shrugs.
“You’re an ass.” I say with the most serious face I have.
“Well...” He laughs. “It’s Eren’s idea, so technically he’s the ass. I’ve only
been helping him out and had to go grab my beautiful date afterwards.”
The look he gives Annie is sickening. It makes me jealous in all kinds of ways
because I want to look at Eren like this and he isn’t here. Why do all of this
and then disappear? I sigh and wait, watching the kids dance as the very lame
DJ puts too many 80s songs. My stomach growls and I know it’s getting late. I
haven’t eaten all day and the stress makes me even dizzier. A guy named Connie
eventually arrives with his date Sasha and they sit with us, barely having time
to greet us that Sasha is already eating each of our bread pieces. I don’t
care, quite frankly. All I’m wondering is, why is this taking so long? I look
at Hanji, searching her eyes for a clue or reassurement, but all I get is a
lousy smile, anticipating something. Fuck you. Fuck all of you. Fuck you shit
glasses, fuck you Ass-lert, fuck you bread-eating monster, fuck you Eren and
your need for grand gestures.
And of course I don’t mean it, but it passes the time to be angry. Although a
slight smirk appears on my face until suddenly everything become white. I grab
my chair and blink a few times, realizing a spotlight is shining right over my
head. I glance around and notice that I’m the only one facing such a cruel
fate. They couldn’t install it elsewhere? I sigh and turn to look at Hanji. She
smiles. My gaze slides to Armin and he mirrors Hanji’s expression.
What...the...fu-
“Hum hum.” Someone says at the microphone, making all heads turn as the music
stops playing.
I blink frantically and sit a bit straighter when I realize Eren is standing
there on stage, holding something, looking directly at me.
“I...I am Eren Jaeger.” He says a bit shyly, hoping the little whispers will
finally shut up.
If they won’t shut up, I fucking will make them. I stare at Eren, hoping my
expression is unreadable, that it doesn’t show how much my heart is ready to
bounce out of my chest, how much I have to concentrate not to get up and run to
bruise his lips with mine in a crushing embrace. I stare and wait, hoping this
won’t last too long but curious enough to keep calm.
“I haven’t talked to many of you in high school. I haven’t been popular. I
haven’t been the nicest of guys, neither have I been the easiest person to
approach. I always thought that dealing on my own would be the best way not to
get those around me hurt. I always thought that having something to care for
would mean you’d have something to lose, would mean that someone else might
have leverage over you. I always thought I didn’t want to be weak, I didn’t
want help nor did I need it because I was determined to fight this bitch of a
life. High school is now over and we’re all moving on to our new lives. We all
are going to aim for what we want, what we think we deserve but mainly, what we
would like our future to look like. We are starting to build our future selves
today and I know most of you have already taken the first step, like College or
Traveling or even other things, I know most of you will also succeed. Like I
said, I never believed in myself, but I believed in my will. I never thought
I’d be a good person, a good student, a good employee, a good lover, a good me.
I only knew I’d keep fighting and try not to regret my choices although life
was harder on me than on some other people. I fought. I fought until one day I
couldn’t. I had been reduced to the sole thought that life wasn’t worth
fighting for. I was nearing that point for a while, I just didn’t know.”
The lump in my throat is so painful that I can barely look at Eren as he climbs
off the stage and carries the microphone with him, slowly walking through the
dancefloor and towards our table that is right beside it. I stare at him, not
knowing if I’m sitting or standing up and quite frankly not caring as our gazes
meet.
“Then, one particularly shitty night, faith, destiny or whatever you call it,
placed another fighter on my path. At first I wanted to fight him, to hate him.
I didn’t know why I had to deal with someone as bad, as stubborn as I was. And
then I started getting to know him. Maybe even liking his company. Until
finally life decided that it was being too good with me. It tried to shut me
out, to kill me, to make me suffer, but I woke up. And I didn’t wake up alone.
I woke up to this other fighter waiting for me. This other fighter who was
slowly and unconsciously bringing me the strength I no longer had. That’s when
I started realizing that maybe we had to fight together. That’s when I started
to realize I wanted to fight with him too because he clearly had unresolved
battles of his own. I fought. I even fought him, but I succeeded.”
Eren’s smile is wide and genuine, as genuine as the tears falling freely from
my face. Eren is now near enough for people to notice the spotlight above my
head. The fact that I am on display, the fact that Eren is talking about
someone and walking towards someone at the same time, the fact that those two
are probably the same. Suddenly, all I see is him and everyone else disappears
as he continues.
“We saved each other in ways no one could ever understand. I made a choice back
then, to never leave his side. But then, life threw more things at me and as we
were fighting together, the other fighter decided to fight my battles on his
own, trying to spare me from what awful things this world has to offer. The
fighter did what he thought was right, and he was. I know that now. I also know
that below the surface, the fighter has more thoughts and emotions than anyone
will ever know. I know because he changed my life without me even knowing about
it. He offered me a freedom I’ve been dreaming of on a golden platter and so I
decided to give him the key of my freedom in return, because I trust him. I
trust our hearts, beating in unison as we fight whatever this world will throw
at us. I want us to fight together for as long as we shall. I want to save him
every day the same way he has saved me every day since I met him. Every day
since I had to deliver...”
He hands me out a box, a box from the Pizzeria.
“An Extra Pepperoni pizza to a soul that was as lost and broken as mine that I
never thought I would fall so deeply in love with.”
Eren puts the microphone on the table. The entire ballroom is silent looking at
the both of us. I place the box on the table and take a step forward. Eren is
still towering over me and I decide to do something I never would’ve done
before. I slide one arm around his waist as I climb on Eren’s toes to raise
myself up and pull his head forward. Our eyes never close as I kiss not only
the man I love, but the soul of the kindest person I’ve known, the soul of my
little fighter, my little savior.
It’s when I pull away from him that the bubble bursts and I suddenly hear all
the cheers and notice how everyone is standing up applauding us, even this
horse faced guy. I hide my face in Eren’s shoulder before I pull back and stare
into his eyes. The wide grin on his face and the light that shines just for me
are enough to make me brave. I pull away and grab the microphone, staring deep
into the green orbs in front of me.
“I love you, Eren Jaeger and am willing to fight every battle there is to fight
at your side because this life isn’t worth living without you in it. I LOVE
YOU.”
I drop the microphone on the floor and throw myself in his arms again as our
lips join once more... until someone tugs on my sleeve. I shoot an angry glare
at Hanji when I realize everyone is screaming at us to go dance. I turn my gaze
back to Eren and he smiles with this cocky smile that I’ve grown more than fond
of.
“Mr Pepperoni, May I have this dance?” He chuckles.
“Yes, my one and only fuck up, you may.”
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): See you next week for the last slice of Pizza!
     *cries forever*
     Comments are always read/replied to/much appreciated ♥
***** Extra Cheese *****
Chapter Notes
     (A/N): YO!!!! So I added a little post-prom scene at the start just
     for fun and then follows the epilogue. I will wait until the notes at
     the end of the chapter to cry my eyeballs out. Let’s share the last
     pizza slice, shall we?
     Mood song:
     The Fray – Never say never
     (this song is extremely important to me and i’ll explain why at the
     end)
See the end of the chapter for more notes
EREN POV
Knowing Levi, I sort of assumed he’d ask for explanations or at least be angry
about the Hospital bit, but what better place than the first one where he
showed some sort of feelings towards me? That’s what I would’ve replied if he
had asked. He didn’t though. Instead, I find myself pinned to the wall by a
much smaller man. I could be ashamed about the noises coming out of my mouth
but I don’t give a crap. I paid for this hotel room and I was happy, as we
waved to our friends earlier, that Levi leaned closer to whisper me one simple
thing.
“This better lead to a hotel room.”
And I didn’t disappoint, obviously. I guess I know by how he’s groping my butt
while sucking the soft skin of my neck so hard that it’ll probably bruise in a
few seconds. He can mark me, bite me, I really don’t care because we have
gotten through a lot of shit and it feels like he finally got it; I am not
leaving, I’m his.
“I love you.” I pant.
He pauses and pulls his head away from my neck. I meet a scowl that is simply a
natural look for him that I’ve grown to love more every day. Then, slowly, his
cheeks brighten with a pink tone and he smiles.
“And I love you more than I’ve ever loved and it’s fucking scary.”
My heart skips a beat and I wonder what to even reply but then the answer comes
to me as if I wasn’t even searching for one.
“We’re fighters, remember? Whatever you’re afraid of; we’ll fight it and get
through it together.”
“I mean that I can’t lose you.” He says, pressing his thumb on my bottom lip.
“And I can’t lose you either.” I say and then smile. “Plus, a pizza without
pepperoni tastes like shit, so I won’t let my pepperoni get away, even if I
have to pay extra.”
“Are you going to get over the pepperoni thing some day?” He laughs.
“Probably not.” I shrug.
“Idiot.” He smirks.
“Your idiot though.”
He nods before slowly leaning in and resuming our previous activities.
Fifteen minutes later, my legs are spread open under Levi’s carnal gaze. He
licks his lips and I’m as nervous as I was the first time I let him see me.
Maybe because it’s the first time we actually have nothing hanging over our
heads. Maybe also because of the three little words that we both said without
an ounce of hesitation. Maybe because I feel like I finally broke his shell
open. Maybe it’s because he’s finally, entirely, deeply, forever, mine. Then
again, forever remains a strong word, but perhaps we’ll fix that some day.
***
TWO YEARS LATER
“Eren fucking Jaeger!” Someone screams from the corridor.
“W-What?” I say, quickly standing up from behind my desk as my gaze follows
Levi on the other side of the glass wall.
“What the fuck is this?” He says, throwing me a pile of paper as he walks in.
My fists clench and I glare at him, as offended as I can be.
“Could you be more rude?” I say a little louder than needed.
The people in their cubicles from outside my office are pretending to work as
they glance at us.
“I’ll be rude if I fucking want to. This is my company. What is this phone app?
WHY.THE.HELL.WOULD.YOU.MAKE.A.PIZZA.APP?
“Have you ever played burger shop?” I ask, deciding to ignore his asshole mood.
“No.”
“Then perhaps you should give my app a chance.”
“It’s plain stupid.”
“Maybe, but addictive and it has already made a lot of profit. Have you looked
at the numbers before coming to scream at me?”
He folds his arms and I know right away that I won this argument. I also know,
by the light in his eyes that his only thought right now is to bend me over my
desk and make me pay for it. It’s not like we did that before...when everyone
was gone...and almost got caught by a janitor. We definitely didn’t do that. I
smirk and bite my bottom lip, knowing the effect it has on him.
“I didn’t make you study so hard to create such lame apps.” He tries to argue.
“Did you say something? I didn’t hear you over the sounds of the 3 million
download.”
“Fuck you Eren.” He sighs as he walks out of the room.
I’ll definitely pay for this later. I smile as I sit back at my desk and notice
a pop up on my computer screen.
Levi: I am not angry about the app. I’m angry because Pizza is our thing.
I sigh. Knowing it had something to do with that, but also knowing that what I
have in mind will make up for this.
Eren: I know, that’s why I called it Extra Pepperoni. I made it so it meant
something to you. Clearly I was wrong. Have you played the game? Because I’ve
put something special on level 20. You should be able to reach it by the end of
today right?
Levi: I’m not playing this game.
Eren: Then you won’t know what it means.
Levi: I hate your guts.
Eren: I have videos at home that proves you don’t.
Levi: Fine...I’ll play your shitty game, but you’ll still pay for going behind
my back and putting my company’s name on such a shit app.
Eren: *shit and with 3 million downloads.
Levi left the conversation.
I smile and pick up my stuff before clocking out. As I climb in the elevator, I
see Jean and can’t help but snort.
“What is it, Eren?” He asks with a shit eating grin.
“Nothing. Just can’t believe you’d work for him. Just can’t believe he’d hire
you of all people.”
“And you think I don’t know you asked him to hire me, saying I was a great
lawyer and all, when you knew strictly nothing about my academic path?”
I shrug and smirk as I walk out of the elevator to meet Hanji and Armin who are
already waiting for me. I hug them and then notice Mikasa slowly coming along
with Annie.
“Thank you guys for coming.” I say.
“I’m still not sure about this.” Mikasa mumbles while hugging me.
“But I am.” I reply sternly.
We walk out the doors and cover ourselves with our winter hats and gloves. My
coat seems a bit too thin suddenly. I’m shivering but I suspect it’s not only
because of the cold. We walk in silence until Hanji puts her hand on my
shoulder.
“You know, there’s no need to be nervous.”
“Easy to say.” I scoff.
“He loves you.”
And somehow these words are enough to bring a smile back on my lips. Whatever
happens, whatever he says, i’ll go with it. I’ll never leave. I’ll fight.
***
LEVI POV
After 30 times of repeating level 19, I finally reach level 20. I’m excited but
scared that it’ll take more tries this time. I hate this game and love it at
the same time. Incredibly addictive, just like he said, but to be honest it’s
late and the only reason keeping me running is coffee and the shitty curiosity
he forced upon me. What the hell did he do to level 20. I swear to god if he
put my face on a fucking pizza I will dismember him.
The level starts and it’s filled with angry customers and a very low level and
shitty cashier trying to make the fries and pizza at the same time as serving
salad to the weird vegans who decided to go to a fucking pizza shop. I’m
stressed and I can feel my balls shrinking in my pants by how constipated I
must look right now. I definitely hate this game and my thumbs have never hurt
this much in my entire life and believe me... I have played many many games. I
sigh as I see the red light flash, assuming I failed. But then, the scoreboard
shows that I passed with one little point that made the difference. I throw my
hands in the air and shout a loud “Yes.”, earning a weird look from the
janitor. The janitor? Fuck it’s already this late? I look back at my phone and
wait. It looks like it’s capped at level 20 and I shake it just because of how
annoyed I am. That’s when a new Level appears. Bonus is what’s written over it.
I click and wait for the message.
“Christmas is a special day, but Christmas eve is even better for a very
specific reason that lies somewhere in town, under the biggest Christmas tree.”
“What the fuck?” I say to myself.
I sigh and slowly put my coat on, knowing it couldn’t have been this easy and
wondering if everyone who reached level 20 went to search for something under a
fucking Christmas tree. That’s the stupidest thing Eren ever did. Then again,
he knows how curious I am even if I will never admit it.
Once I cross the door, I zip my coat and instantly regret that I didn’t wear a
hat today. It’s snowing and I can already feel my ears burning. Great.
Fantastic. Fucking moron.
I pause and look at my phone. Sadly it has no further indications. So...the two
biggest Christmas trees are from a walking distance of here... hum... One of
them is at the mall I’m pretty sure and the other one is... besides the outdoor
skating rink, where the Christmas market is. If anything, Eren doesn’t like to
make things easy so I immediately opt for the skating rink tree.
I curse as I make my way there, filling my boots with snow but also turning my
hair to a big wet mess on my way. When I start seeing the tree and all the
lights hanging over the Christmas market as a few people decide to take home
some last minute presents, I realize just how beautiful it is under the snow.
The shimmering lights that seem to reflect everywhere around. The skating rink
filled with giggles from children falling and getting up again as they chase
each other around. The faint Christmas music coming from the tiny speakers
already covered in snow. The smell of coffee, cinnamon and cookies coming from
the Christmas market. It’s as magical as Christmas will ever get.
The bigass tree towers over a pile of fake huge present boxes as a snowman
watches with a huge smile and a half eaten carrot nose. Damn kids and their
stupid ideas.
I reach the tree and glance around. On my left there’s a corridor of little
kiosk selling crafty things and on my right there’s a huge pile of fake gift
boxes. I’m standing in the middle of the tiny spot where a Santa Claus probably
sat all days for the past month. The circle of tree, gift boxes, and huge
Victorian chair makes me feel on display and I kind of realize that the lights
hanging over my head accentuates the idea.
People pass by and stare at me, making me wonder if I’m even allowed to step
foot inside the tiny circle. I ignore them and quickly start looking under the
tree, searching for whatever this idiot might have left there. I pick up a box
and realize right away that it’s another fake one.
After a little while, I stand up straight and growl, rubbing my hands together
as the cold seems to be getting the best of me. I’m about to walk away when I
see a familiar brown mop of hair at the opposite side of the Christmas market.
He’s walking towards me with a very weird expression on his face. I look back
at the tree, and gaze up and down at it, quickly trying to find what the fuck
he meant but still seeing nothing particularly out of place. I stare back at
him. He’s much closer and I see his perfectly aligned teeth. Why the fuck is he
grinning this way?
I look around, suddenly nervous and feeling my heart hammer against my chest.
What the hell is going on?
“Eren?” I ask when he finally arrives in front of me.
He smiles and takes my hands in his. He blows hot air on them to try and keep
me warm. I smirk and am about to say something when suddenly, he starts to
kneel down. I blink a few times, stare at his shoes, even at his pants,
wondering why he’s kneeling down. It’s when he let’s go of my hands and
searches his coat pocket that I realize I might be very wrong about why I’m
here. I gasp and almost choke as he pulls out a little black box.
“Fuck.” I blurt out and immediately cover my mouth.
Eren laughs and shakes his head before opening the little box and looking up to
me. A silver band rests on the inside, shining with the reflection of the white
string lights above our heads. But I quickly move my gaze back to the only
thing that matters; Eren’s eyes and the words on his lips.
“We’ve been through hell and back, haven’t we? Our lives were hard and unfair
but I will never regret any part of it because I wouldn’t be on one knee right
now if I haven’t lived this exact life and walked this exact path.”
He pauses, letting the words sink in but also probably not wanting to make this
too quick, knowing I’m more than overwhelmed right now and probably on the
verge of passing out. I’m pretty sure red was never a skin tone I’ve had on me,
but today, not because of the cold, but because of what lies underneath this
bigass tree, I’m crimson red and there couldn’t be a better Christmas eve,
indeed.
“I have hated the fact that you knew me better than I knew myself, but I will
forever be grateful that you are a stubborn little man.”
He smirks and I try to glare at him but just end up chuckling instead.
“I had a long speech written and I have to admit I forgot half of it... but
what I mean to say is... I have loved you since the start even when I wasn’t
ready to admit it to myself. I love you more today than I have ever had before.
I will love you for the rest of my life and even in any other life if that’s a
possibility. I choose you forever and ever.... that is if...”
He takes a deep breath and smiles as I stop breathing entirely.
“Levi Ackerman... Will you marry me?”
I gasp. I knew the words were coming but hearing them and hearing them this
way... knowing that I am clearly as important to someone as they are to me.
Knowing that I love and am loved in return. Knowing just how much deeper our
bond is than it ever was. Knowing that all my fears suddenly disappeared and
ran away. All this is too much for my poor heart. For the first time ever,
there is absolutely nothing weighting on my shoulders except for the pressure
of the one little word I need to let out. I mean to scream it but can’t quite
get over the fact of how flustered I am.
“Y-Yes.” I stutter. “Yes Eren, my bright-eyed brat, I will marry you.”
Eren raises himself to his feet and grabs my waist to lift me up and make me
twirl. I’m about to protest until I feel his warm breath in my neck and see the
string of lights spinning in slow motion over my head as if everything had
suddenly slowed down, as if time itself had stopped to watch the scene. I smile
as I grip Eren’s back tightly and let a few tears fall down on his shoulder.
Eventually, as his strength runs out, he puts me back on the ground and smiles
with the widest grin I’ve ever seen him have. He pulls the ring out of the box
and slides it on my finger. My heart jumps when all there is left is the both
of us staring into each other’s eyes. I’m about to lean in when I’m startled by
people clapping. I glance around quickly and see Hanji walking up to us with a
camera and I blush. I blush even more when I see Armin, Jean, Annie, Mikasa and
even god damn Pixis walking up to us. They all have these huge grins plastered
on their faces, as if the world finally had granted someone a miracle and the
miracle was Eren and I. Although the miracle will always be Eren to me. He
saved my soul, my heart and my life. And there he was again, making everything
perfect, steadying my hand like the guardian angel he always was to me.
I smile, not hearing what is being said but seeing, in a slower patch of time,
the smiles of the people I care about, the people I love, being happy for Eren
and I, being genuinely good people that I never believed actually existed. I
smile as Hanji closes up her camera angles on everyone including us. I smile as
Armin pulls out a pair of ice skates with a questioning eyebrow. I smile as
everyone agrees but Pixis who congratulates us and walks away with a small wave
of the hand. I smile as I look down in Eren’s hand and see the pizza box that
most probably contains what started it all. I smile and lean in to my
boyfriend... I mean fiance’s arms before pressing my lips softly against his,
while his sweet sweet hands are placing his beanie on my head so I don’t catch
a cold. I smile when the pizza box is suddenly gone and his hands find mine in
my coat pockets. I smile because for once, I feel like saying that life isn’t
too bad would be a huge understatement. I smile because tonight, I’m engaged to
the single bravest little fighter that ever walked this earth. I’m engaged to
what seems to be humanity’s last hope.
Chapter End Notes
     (A/N): *Cries forever* Alright I hope you liked the epilogue. About
     the song... It’s my actual wedding song, the one I walked down the
     isle on.... So it means a lot to me and it fitted them so well in
     this fic that I just had to have this be the last song of the fic.
     I am extremely sad to let this fic go because it was by far the most
     fun thing I ever wrote. I am entirely in love with the characters I
     wrote in this and I’m sure they’ll keep interacting inside my head
     for a while before I move on to another ereri fanfic. I will be
     writing a few one shots before starting another long term fic.
     Suggestions can be sent in my tumblr askbox. Hikarimitsuko.tumblr.com
     ... also I track ‘extrapepperonifanfic’ and will keep the two blogs
     of our lovely little pizza guys active for as long as they’ll have
     followers and people interacting with em. (Although they didn't post
     this week, sorry)
     I am nearing 10k hits and I cannot even believe this. I never ever
     expected it to get so many views and am freaking out a bit. Thanks to
     everyone who deemed it worth of sharing, of loving, of reading, of
     losing sleep over. If you do share it to your friends or on groups,
     make sure to tag me on any social network I’m there. If you do art,
     add my tag and I’ll reblog it at the speed of light.
     Thanks for being there week after week and I hope we can see each
     other again in another one of my fics.
     I am good to make characters talk but I suck when it comes to saying
     goodbyes and yeah I’m crying. Fuck. WELL thanks to the regular
     readers that commented every single chapters week after week. Thanks
     to the regular readers who didn’t comment but were there update after
     update. Thanks for not pointing out my sucky English since I speak
     French. Thanks to those who said I’m an incredible writer, because of
     you I will keep writing fics. Because of you I never gave up.
     I hope you guys have an amazing day or year and know that your
     miracle, your hope is waiting somewhere, whatever or whoever it is,
     never give up and keep fighting even when life is a bitch. You’re a
     little fighter and when you’re feeling down, have a slice of pizza
     and watch Magic Mike. I hope this fic will stay in your hearts
     because it sure as hell will stay in mine.
     I LOVE YOU ALL. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
     Comments will always be read, replied to and much appreciated ;_; ♥
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